House helps are human beings with dignity and even ego. We must be careful how we treat them.

Sometimes you don't want to explain stuff to them because you don't feel obliged but that explanation may go a long way to clear many assumptions. She thought she was no longer allowed to go to school because she did not understand the reason for the impromptu relocation.

Generally, a younger cousin or sister is often preferable to a total stranger when you need someone to mind your children.

OP, you thank your God that your baby was left without any pain you would remain a pain in your heart. They are just not good at all.At even 15 yrs, some of them could try to take your husband away from you and even end up destroying your home.

[quote author=Rukemi291 post=40309260]I work with a very wonderful organization and as my job demands, one of my very crucial academic meetings is always held outside Nigeria.

I am also married with a 1yr 11 month old son and pregnant (few weeks gone).... My husband works and lives in a town that is 4hours away from Lagos where I work.

The need for a house help arose when morning sickness started. So I told a lot of people in the office that I needed a girl. Luckily one of the staff told me she could help me send down her half sister who is 15years old and her mum can no longer carter for because they are poor. She said she's also with the girl's elder sister.

I spoke with the girl's mum, she was so excited and prayed for me and all she requested was for her girl to go to school. I promised her that the girl would go to school. The girl was brought to me on 19th October.

So I went in search of a school and I was lucky she was admited into a Lagos State Government School that is close by. The principal said that it was late actually but she doesn't want the girl to be idle at home, so she could resume immediately but her academic session would be from January. I paid all d fees and got her two sets of uniform. She started school early this month.

My son has also started school, so she drops him in school and picks him up when she's back too.

Fast forward to this time, d official assignment that would take me away from the country was close. I couldn't risk leaving her in Lagos with my super active toddler for almost two weeks that I would be away. I had to take them to my husband.

Early on Thursday, 19th, I received a call that my girl had left home with her belongings and she left a note that she was angry with me that I did not let her go to school and that if not that she loved my son ehn.....

My husband's job is a shift- based job and he was on night duty to be back home by 8am the morning she left.

A neighbour called my husband who was at work that the girl took my son to them very early in d morning that we sent her on an errand and that they should borrow her N500. They took my son from her and told her to wait for my husband to return. They said they did not know when she left.

The girl scattered the whole house took all the pieces of meat in d pot, the juice packs at home. I Knew she wouldn't get money, my husband isn't as careless.

My husband spoke with her mum that didn't sound surprised and all she said was that she would scold her when the girl comes home. Yes, d girl is home now.

I was devastated and destabilized for two days. I never ever maltreated this girl. My conscience is as clear as a gallon of distilled water.

Well, my son is now with my mum.

My mum also spoke with her mum that the girl said neighbors were calling her omo-odo (house girl). She left the 6th day she got there. We stay in a compound of 5 flats where everyone minds his business. So who called her a house-girl.

I think the mistake we made was that we got her a phone and even loaded the phone. My husband said he noticed she was always calling someone and he once heard her telling the receiver the address of where she was.

I really wish to visit her mum when I return and I hope to see her and ask her questions.

I really appreciate my family for staying with me throughout this period and I'm glad I'm not hypertensive maybe I'd have lost this pregnancy. And I thank God most that she didn't hurt my son because I never hurt her.

Well, it's all good. Life goes on.

I am not trying to discourage people from getting house helps....

Ok.

Eketem:
Remi I am sorry about your experience, sadly this is the story of many Nigerian women because of a variety of factors :
Note I am not judging you, just helping you understand so you can avoid the same mistake next time


1. There is a difference between a maid and a nanny. Anybody can cook and clean but it takes special training and patience to care for a child, we need to start understanding that.

2. Avoid cheap labour: I insist we need to get professionals instead of this " let me pay school fees " arrangements

3. Poor training of these helps: even the ones who come from agents are not trained mostly you are left to start training them from scratch and it can get veru frustrating.


I am sorry you went through this bad experience but let me ask you and other women with this problem how much you are willing to pay for a properly trained, security checked Nanny or Maid. I am asking not as Judgement oh I am working on something ni

Well, its not as if we don't want professional nannies but some of us just cannot afford their fee. Some charge as much as N35,000 per month. How much is my salary?

For me, I do most of the house chore, laundry and cook which I'm ok with. All I want her to do is when she gets back from school is to watch the kids when I'm not home and run little errands within the neighborhood.

gabinogem:
House help are always not helpful. They even add more stress to the already stressful life at home... that's why I always advice folks to engage in family planning. If ur home was well planned, such a situation wouldn't have occurred. Good spacing is healthy for breeding.

Her son is already 1yr-11months old. By d time she puts to birth, he should be 2yrs plus. What other form of spacing or planning do u expect her to do? And what does spacing or planning have to do with what her house help did?

@rukemi291, thank God but don't bother them again. That girl is a professional househelp and what she did to you is what she's been doing to others n her mum is game. I guess when you were taking her you gave them money and other things. By next wk she will be in another's house and will do the same thing. That's their stock in trade.
Get a bigger person you can pay n let her know she ought to give you a month's notice before disengaging (as if that works sef). Just find away of managing them b4 you know it your kids will be big n you say goodbye to them.

ITbomb:

No need to go, she said she's pregnant

just to go and place his ticket and wait for his turn.

Rukemi291:
I work with a very wonderful organization and as my job demands, one of my very crucial academic meetings is always held outside Nigeria.

I am also married with a 1yr 11 month old son and pregnant (few weeks gone).... My husband works and lives in a town that is 4hours away from Lagos where I work.

The need for a house help arose when morning sickness started. So I told a lot of people in the office that I needed a girl. Luckily one of the staff told me she could help me send down her half sister who is 15years old and her mum can no longer carter for because they are poor. She said she's also with the girl's elder sister.

I spoke with the girl's mum, she was so excited and prayed for me and all she requested was for her girl to go to school. I promised her that the girl would go to school. The girl was brought to me on 19th October.

So I went in search of a school and I was lucky she was admited into a Lagos State Government School that is close by. The principal said that it was late actually but she doesn't want the girl to be idle at home, so she could resume immediately but her academic session would be from January. I paid all d fees and got her two sets of uniform. She started school early this month.

My son has also started school, so she drops him in school and picks him up when she's back too.

Fast forward to this time, d official assignment that would take me away from the country was close. I couldn't risk leaving her in Lagos with my super active toddler for almost two weeks that I would be away. I had to take them to my husband.

Early on Thursday, 19th, I received a call that my girl had left home with her belongings and she left a note that she was angry with me that I did not let her go to school and that if not that she loved my son ehn.....

My husband's job is a shift- based job and he was on night duty to be back home by 8am the morning she left.

A neighbour called my husband who was at work that the girl took my son to them very early in d morning that we sent her on an errand and that they should borrow her N500. They took my son from her and told her to wait for my husband to return. They said they did not know when she left.

The girl scattered the whole house took all the pieces of meat in d pot, the juice packs at home. I Knew she wouldn't get money, my husband isn't as careless.

My husband spoke with her mum that didn't sound surprised and all she said was that she would scold her when the girl comes home. Yes, d girl is home now.

I was devastated and destabilized for two days. I never ever maltreated this girl. My conscience is as clear as a gallon of distilled water.

Well, my son is now with my mum.

My mum also spoke with her mum that the girl said neighbors were calling her omo-odo (house girl). She left the 6th day she got there. We stay in a compound of 5 flats where everyone minds his business. So who called her a house-girl.

I think the mistake we made was that we got her a phone and even loaded the phone. My husband said he noticed she was always calling someone and he once heard her telling the receiver the address of where she was.

I really wish to visit her mum when I return and I hope to see her and ask her questions.

I really appreciate my family for staying with me throughout this period and I'm glad I'm not hypertensive maybe I'd have lost this pregnancy. And I thank God most that she didn't hurt my son because I never hurt her.

Well, it's all good. Life goes on.

I am not trying to discourage people from getting house helps....

Ehhn, what u trying 2 pass hia?

@op,why don't u opt for nanny elderly woman like that, I have one and she's doing well. My wife can't allow house help ooo

You are not serious. If you cannot take care of your kids then you are better off not having them. There is a reason why 'whites' have fewer if not any, and that is because they are often too busy to raise them and are realistic in that. You want to have your cake and eat it. That is gambling with life. Beware.

you are away for two weeks...and your husband stays 4hrs away from Lagos where the school you enrolled her is located. Now she started school barely a month ago and she is already skipping school for two whole weeks. You should have tot of that.
I guess this is a lesson and i hope u learn from it...ALWAYS PUT URSELF IN PPLE's SHOES WHEN YOU ACT. Not supporting her actions tho she too was wrong.

Asapcymg:
Am 23 in need of. House job

And you are on Nairaland? Anyone who employs u as an omo-odo is a big Maga!

Rukemi291:
I
I really appreciate my family for staying with me throughout this period and I'm glad I'm not hypertensive maybe I'd have lost this pregnancy. And I thank God most that she didn't hurt my son because I never hurt her.

Well, it's all good. Life goes on.

I am not trying to discourage people from getting house helps....

Lol! Madam, u funny die! Na just wetin happen be dat? I even think say na sumtin newsworthy! U come dey thank ur family for staying wit u, wetin happen to u?

chei, all dis butter-children!

brainiac007:


Well, its not as if we don't want professional nannies but some of us just cannot afford their fee. Some charge as much as N35,000 per month. How much is my salary?

For me, I do most of the house chore, laundry and cook which I'm ok with. All I want her to do is when she gets back from school is to watch the kids when I'm not home and run little errands within the neighborhood.

Can you pay between 15-25k?

We need to recognise that this is a job. It should come with job description and good pay. You are trusting them with your home,safety security and kids.

Pidggin:
Sorry for what happened but not all maids are bad, try and get one from Cross river/Akwa Ibom they are the best.

[size=14pt]..........yeah, those ones that will satisfy you, then satisfy ur husband! [/size]

If u know how many so called house help my mother got before she finally got tired of it.. No one is always around with her, she needed a company and she got a house help (boy) preferably for switching on the gen.
The boy doesn't do anything apart from cleaning the surrounding. She attends my Mum's school. They both go to school in the morning. (Driven). Got him a phone, he literally owes the house when no one is at home... He was so comfortable that he struggles DSTV remote with me when I'm at home.
The height of insurbodination came when he went to watch and match and came home. My sister tried scolding her and she brought out a bottle to stab my sis.... Imagine!!!!

Some of this help doesn't know some people are helping shape their future.

He who will sleep hungry, if u like put the food on the table, the food will fall down..
Some of them have curses following them sha... I now that's harshi.

op I totally understand where you're coming from. Reading your story scared me, can't imagine how I would feel if I were in your shoes.
Have you considered taking your kids wherever you go, and situating their learning centers and crèches as close to your office as possible.
It may not be easy at first but it just requires serious planning of your routine and Thiers........once you have that worked out, you'll see its not so difficult. Alero Onosode of Seplat petroleum and some other women I know took this route and it worked for them.
Safest option in my opinion.
For house chores , you can contract any janitory company for home services, same with laundry, etc...... You'll be fine.

Jst try n locate her wen u comes back n find out d real motive behind her action cos ur husband hands might nt clean who knws he must ve seduced d poor girl n try 2 cover it up by lying on her

Rukemi291:

Shollypopz.... I doubt you read well/understood the post.

You speak of chores..... I have a washing machine... so washing plates is a chore? Picking up my boy from school with transportation fully paid for... is a chore? They are things I do myself before she came.

mind you, she hawks for her mum where they stay.

From ur post I can see you don't have a child yet if at all you are working... When you have all combined like it is for me, I will task you to come back and read your post and judge yourself.

Did you even read the part that her academic year would start counting from January? She was in JS2 with very poor results and her mum said she should repeat JS1 so that she would improve. I assure u, we had both started learning together too.

You speak of tuition fee obviously u didn't read d post. Did u see that I just registered her? U won't pay for registration? uniforms and all? I paid.

You are the type that gets a teacher on one topic for weeks.

I don't have a child and you can bet that if I do, I wouldn't employ a 15 year old to be my nanny. The Nigerian society is a little different, so I'm ignoring the child labor going on here.

"You said she hawks for her mom" like it justifies anything. That is like a Spanish slave master demanding gratitude because he didn't treat his slaves as bad as the Europeans did. It is not her mom that opened this thread, if it was her mom, you can bet my comment will be way worse.

Of course, you paid! You are suppose to! Am I suppose to hand you a cookie for paying someone for the service they are rendering and would continue to render?

I don't know what planet you live in but on planet earth, doing laundry even with washer and dryer is a chore. Washing plates is a chore. Sweeping, vacuuming, mopping, and cleaning the bathroom are all chores. Picking up your child is not a chore but the work of a nanny. That is why I said she is working two jobs. Staying with your kid, playing with him, changing his diapers, feeding him, putting him to bed, are all duties required of a nanny.

The fact that you didn't even bother to check if it was okay with her before transporting her shows the kind of boss you are. I bet you are the kind of boss that never says thank you. It was a lack of communication on your part, not the fault of a mobile phone.

I am not trying to be mean to you or anything, I am just giving my opinion on the thread. You don't have to like it, but I'm not about to castigate a child for acting like a child.

Sh0llypopz:
I'm so confused as to why everybody is feeling sorry for the op; da fvck??!!

How many of you would be fine if your employer tells you that you wouldn't be getting paid for two weeks while you're working because they need to travel?

Her education was the payment for her services. Btw, isn't Lagos State Public schools free?? How much is the op paying for tuition??


Secondly, we are dealing with a 15 yr old child here, not an adult. So, this young girl must be treated as such. Is she allowed to eat in the op's home?? If yes, then how did she steal meat and juice?? As far as I'm concerned, she took food to eat for her journey.


Thirdly, the op clearly dismissed the girls'd feelings and it's obvious that the op hasn't taking the time to get to know this young girl. Nigerians look down on their helps and talk to them disrespectfully, it's not far fetched for the neighbors to refer to her as omo-odo. The op is not the recipient of the insult, so she is not in a position to dismiss the little girl's claims.


Yes, speaking to the the mother would be the right thing to do here. Take time to build genuine relationships with those that work in your home. Especially, if you are going to trust them with your child.

All what you wrote is jargons.
If the school fees is free, is the books and uniform and Sundry items free?

Why didn't she wait for her madam to come back and make a request for her salary for the two months instead of stealing and running away.

If she's being referred to as an omo-odo, is that not what it is? Why is there no dignity in Labour in this country? Everybody wants to be an oga.

If her future matters so much to her, she will endure the omo odo stuff. Afterall, is it not only for two weeks?

Nigerians! Do u know employing d services of an underage maid is a criminal offence? No matter how u look at it.

The Nigerian Economy has forced mothers to work to support the home but i honestly think that we women are getting carried away with career and having our own money.the children come first no matter what.i dont support full time house wife nonsense but lets just look for something more family friend to do. These are perilious times. after praying for our children we need to go the extra Mile.May God continue to preserve our homes and protect our children

bellong:




Thank you jare....

She thinks every man on the street is irresponsible.

Bros I wasnt supporting you.
I think you were rude to her.

Go help us fix this country. In this age,nobody wants to be treated or even called an housegirl. Just imagine if your own child is called an househelp. Some of you will say God forbid.Am nt saying the girl's action was right.

Zuris:


All what you wrote is jargons.
If the school fees is free, is the books and uniform and Sundry items free?

Why didn't she wait for her madam to come back and make a request for her salary for the two months instead of stealing and running away.

If she's being referred to as an omo-odo, is that not what it is? Why is there no dignity in Labour in this country? Everybody wants to be an oga.

If her future matters so much to her, she will endure the omo odo stuff. Afterall, is it not only for two weeks?

How much is minimum wage per hour in Nigeria?? Calculate the number of hours that this girl would work as a maid and a nanny in the home, and figure out her salary for a month. Now deduct expenses for books and sundry, I bet the op is the one getting the better deal here.

The op is not her madam and there is no dignity in child labor. You clearly have a barbaric mentality.

Thank God for your life and family ,never bother to see the mother to ask the girl any question,there are people you can not help in life. Such a type was the house help..staying longer in your house could bring terrible problem. There are things God permits to avert future disaster. .pray earnestly for a better helper. Not a wicked maid like the one that just left you..

gabinogem:
since u feel two years is good enough, then deal with the situation. There will be a time where we will be faced with choosing either our family or our career. Life's all about calculative choices which sums up to effective planning.

Dude leave the 2 years or more gap thing aside, that's not the problem. I have a 5 and half years old son and a 2 years old son still they're both kids. Even if one is 7yrs old and the other 2yrs old, I still can't leave them alone at home. In most cities in the US you must have a 13yrs or older person at home before you can leave the kids by themselves. As a matter of fact I wish my kids are 3 and 2 years old my life would've been easier. They would likely go to the same school, go to the same sports activities instead of me dropping off one at school then start heading to daycare which is another 15 -20 mnts drive apart! Same with sports and after school activities. So my point is even if they give 5yrs apart, a 6yrs old can not babysit, feed, or wash up a 1yr old.
@Op, my only concern is the rate at wich we focus on this so called career lately!! If you live/work 4 hours drive away from your husband who works night shift, that so called career is not that good. No offense to any career person or night worker but if you're so dedicated or passionate to what you call career and the income is not good enough to help your family stay/live together, or flexible enough for your husband to run a business and watch the kids when U're working or flexible to work when kids are in school and home with them when U're not home, sister, you and your husband need to go back to the drawing board and redraw your plan. I don't know about others but the fact that couples live apart in Nigeria (not one abroad one naija) but 4 hours away not do am for me oh! What if body begin heat up for night? Then you go lecture me about self control or come back to NL to seek advise. Anyway, like I said, and this is my own opinion ohh! Whenever family (kids) start coming, you just have to find a way to adjust. You have to make sacrifices, take pay cut, downsize in somethings. I understand that this might be hard in naija or for some career minded people bcox they just Wan dey go up up up! but people do it here in the US and many places. People go from full time job to part time bcox they're raising a family! Ppl go from salary and crazy hours to hourly pay! People go from owing a business to partnering with someone all bcox of family!! So, think about it and make ur adjustment! What's the point of not properly raising ur kids bcox of jobs then turn around to leave that same job/career to handle/deal with their wahala from bad behavior or bad influence from those that are there when mom and dad where not there!

^^ ok, I didn't plan to write all that seriously!!

abeg na who get needle and thread?i wan do my pant

idyexcel:
You don't have to be too hard on yourself. You did what anybody with conscience would have done. Maybe that's why she loved your son. What is meat and juice? My advice is when next you go looking for some helping hands, go for someone younger, someone you can still mould, someone that is still naive. Maybe it's even better you go to the villages.

Hmmmm. I laugh in Latin. last yr Oct, I brought an 11yr old naive girl from the village to help me at home. she bedwets and mop up the mess with the pillows.

I enrolled her in a private school close to my house where she was admitted in Basic 4. I bought textbooks for her & she started schooling immediately. But aside the bedwetting which has stopped after much coaching, she can't wash dishes clean enough even up to now. she sweeps the house using 2 hrs 30 mins on the average. At the end of the sweeping exercise, you will wish she never did.

She tell lies more than any human being living. I have been asking after her homework which she kept on saying she was not given. She will be idling away while my kids sweat it out doing loads of homework. I wasn't ready to confront the proprietress on this since I had confronted her when she was in Basic 4. I don't want to be seen as disliking her teachers. hers was the only school that admitted her in Basic 4, others went as low as basic 2.

About 5wks ago, I brought up the homework issue again and I sent someone to confirm from her classmate if they were not given homework and why?

2wks later the story remained same but she went to school to allege that house chores does not permit her to do homework. that she is being starved (she serves food to herself )......and lots of unprintable lies.

Conclusion: you hardly can find a good one. No matter what you do to them, you are not her biological mum and she can NEVER appreciate you.

Sh0llypopz:


How much is minimum wage per hour in Nigeria?? Calculate the number of hours that this girl would work as a maid and a nanny in the home, and figure out her salary for a month. Now deduct expenses for books and sundry, I bet the op is the one getting the better deal here.

The op is not her madam and there is no dignity in child labor. You clearly have a barbaric mentality.

Before castigating the OP, you must ask yourself what kind of condition would force the parents of that 15 year old girl into sanctioning her move into the househelp industry.


Nigerian environment is different though.
Not saying it's ethical, but the househelp economy is quite often a win-win for both parties.

A kid that isn't in school at the age of 15 is more often than not coming from a poor background. Nigerian brand of poverty is literally hell on earth. The food tastes twice as bad, the mosquitoes are twice as big, and the criminals are twice as mean.

At least, the op sent the girl to school. At least the girl had food to eat and a roof over her head...