Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,173,928 members, 7,890,057 topics. Date: Monday, 15 July 2024 at 08:36 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn (1252 Views)
My Twin Brother Is Addicted To Pornography And Masturbation. Help! / My Boyfriend Is Mad At Me / My Wife To Be Is Addicted To Her Phone (2) (3) (4)
Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by Kitnaija: 6:24pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
My boyfriend has been addicted to pornography since 1999, about 14 years before he met me. We have dated for about 2 years now and unfortunately he is still hooked to pornography. Yes, he tells me the frequency has drastically reduced from a daily basis to a once a month affair. I do not keep count or care about frequency, but all I know is that I feel inadequate any time I hear the word ‘porn.’ He is upfront with me and actually lets me know whenever he has viewed porn and masturbated to it. He is not letting me know to spite me but letting me know in agony, so I could help him. I was OK with being his accountability partner but recently it got too much for me to handle. Trust me hearing about your spouse, who you want to spend the rest of your life with, ogling other women is painful. I don’t understand how I can trust him. He uses porn to fill a void in his life. For example when he is depressed, the next thing is porn. He is a charming guy and super intelligent. He is the most intelligent man I’ve ever met which baffles me as to why he can’t see the devastating effect porn will have on our family if he continues. He can’t see it. It’s almost like he is blind to it. He is also spiritual but I think his spirituality is hypocrisy, because I don’t get how you can be spiritual and still be checking porn. I am hoping he will get out of it because he is one of those men with every other thing right apart from this. He tells me he loves me but can someone love you and still check pornography. He feels entitled to have me understand him. He is someone who tries to form principles everywhere and when we started dating he really grilled me because of my former hopeless relationships with useless exes. We’ve moved past all that, but when he looks at porn, he imagines me in it and my exes and that takes him in depression mood which leads him back to porn again. A destructive cycle. He is a smart man but this is getting beyond me because I don’t understand. I hope he could just understand what it feels like on my side. I hope he could have more empathy. I hope he could know that if this does not stop I will leave. We have a full disclosure understanding in our relationship. There is no hiding anything past, present, future. Tell it as it is. Whenever he checks porn, he tells me about it. I try to be strong and he professes his love for me, we pray and we are back together. He does it again and the same thing happens, again, again, again. After about 150 (I’m not keeping count) times, is it possible for me to be able to still be strong for him? Is it possible for me to respect or trust him? Is it possible for me to kiss him? How do I tell that when he is kissing me he is not imagining some random porn actress? I really want this to work but any time he tells me about porn it feels like a stab in the back and it feels like cheating or practicing to cheat. I can’t ever imagine looking at porn while in a relationship. This is something that if I did, he will make a tantrum out of. I have even thought of doing it so he can know what it feels like. It hurts when someone you love is checking out thousands of naked photoshopped bodies on the internet. HOW AM I TO COMPETE WITH THAT? I don’t get it but sincerely I can’t stay with him if this porn does not go away. I’m sorry I can’t. If that happens, this will be the worst heartbreak because this guy is what any woman will dream about (it’s just the porn aspect that is messing it whole up and unfortunately porn cascades into everything else messing and crushing everything else up). We have spoken countless times on how to be free from pornography. We have read books on porn freedom together. We have prayed together about freedom. The only improvement I see is that the frequency has reduced but it still hurts badly. It’s about 2 years in our relationship but I can’t commit if porn is still an issue. I can’t say ‘yes’. I can’t say ‘I do’ if porn is still there. I know the world is not helping with all this pornified music videos and advertisements but I believe he should be able to overcome the temptations. 2016 is coming in a few days. I can’t deal with this in 2016. If anyone here has dealt with this before, can you tell me how you both resolved it. More From The Source At KITNAIJA.COM |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by benedictnsi(m): 6:26pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
Submit his problem to God |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by Nobody: 6:27pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
space booked be bk lara |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by Cutehector(m): 6:31pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
Because you arent givin him the style dat he likes... |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by Medunah: 6:36pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
Since he his willing to stop, he should meet a therapist nd find other things that interest him which can take his mind away from porn..... Praying about it alone can't solve it, he should also take actions 1 Like |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by Nobody: 6:40pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
Sorry OP. bt wen did watching porn became a sin? |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by Tocheagle(m): 6:41pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
Pray 4 him, pray with him and replace all his porn flicks with comedy or action movie stuff . 1 Like |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by Nobody: 6:45pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
Hmmm, it does sound disgusting & pervy, but to let a good man, as you say he is, go because of this issue just seems a little over the top to me. But if this is a deal breaker for you, then by all means, move on. One thing you must know though is that nobody is perfect. This guy is honest with you, doesn't cheat, "is all any woman would want" & has cut down significantly since meeting you- can't you give him more time to totally overcome this addiction? It sounds like he is trying & that's commendable imo 1 Like |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by Pheals(f): 6:46pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
Stay with him always..... and advice him to keep himself busy.... pray for him and let him pray also... he can only help himself 1 Like |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by Nobody: 6:48pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
Therapy... Therapy.. And pray hard. Good mean aren't easy to come by.. Esp the ones that are compatible with u. |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by Melahou(m): 7:18pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
All i can say is that you should take him for prayer as he has been possess with a bad spirit Nothing wrong watching porn but not like his case. 1 Like |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by hayorzzyzx(m): 7:40pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
That means you're not digging him well |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by favourmic(m): 7:56pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
this thing has happen to me several time, i think your boy friend and I were the same thing cos i can't do without this masturbation things but big thanks to my queen that really help me out now i'm not into it any more but some times when she is not around forget o nah masturbation sure pass i prefer it than I cheating on her. |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by favourmic(m): 7:57pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
Pheals: good ideal |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by DharmyYinks: 8:04pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
He needs Deliverance ASAP =======> MFM. U can as well mak sure u check his videos on daily basis n delete d porns on his phone/PC. D porn websites on his bookmark...delete em too. He can only overcome it with ur help. |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by Nobody: 8:07pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
See the way you are insulting him. "Hypocrisy, blah blah, gbo gbo". When it comes to certain addictions, there is no thought. Only do. And that is how porn is to men because it latches into the man's very high sexual aspect that comes from sight. This is not an aspect women have like that, so quit judging him. Your petty judgement is the last thing he needs, because I'm sure if we were to analyse your own life on a forum too, we would find things there where everyone will be like "Is she stupid? does she not know that doing that will make XYZ happen in the future?" etc etc News flash, he IS spiritual. That is why he made you his accountability partner. But it seems you can't even do that properly judging by the tone you have taken to speak about your boyfriend (+brother in the faith). He wants to stop...as he should. That is the spirit at work in him. Encourage him to not be shy and to go see a therapist. MFM won't help. It's a psychological thing (i.e. His synapses have merged to crave satisfaction through that medium) kind of like smoking and it should be treated as such. That's all. From almost daily to once a month is a massive improvement that should be celebrated. I think the real problem is that you are letting it get to your ego. As in, "Am I not enough for him"? But that's the worst place to allow your wild emotional feminine thoughts carry you to. It's not about you. You and that battle he is fighting are two rather different compartments of life. Men are not like women. We don't tie everything into one big ball. Life for us is in compartments. Anyway that's a topic for another thread. For now. Therapy works. 1 Like |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by Cybertext(m): 9:26pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
The most important thing is that your guy is loyal... trust me most men watch porn but they do it secretly, |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by ERONX(m): 9:54pm On Dec 19, 2015 |
. |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by Adonis3: 4:18am On Dec 20, 2015 |
Cybertext: Please help me explain to her oo... Babe you've got one loyal dude there, hold onto him and don't leave him because of porn. What if he doesn't tell you, how would you know? See ehn, that he watches porn doesn't mean he doesn't love you, nahhh it doesn't. My girl knows I do, we even watch it together at times, I mean, porn could be educating na. What's even the guarantee that the guy you leave him for won't be worse? if he hears what made you leave your ex (ur guy now), he'll just keep it from your knowledge. look before you leap OP. It's [size=14pt]ADONIS3[/size] baby... 1 Like |
Re: Help…..my Boyfriend Is Addicted To Porn by Kitnaija: 12:13pm On Dec 20, 2015 |
Thanks You al you can further by dropping the comments at [url=kitnaija.com]KitNaija. Com[/url] |
(1) (Reply)
After An Abortion, We Should Have Split Up, But... / Difference Between Someone You love, And Someone You Like / Who Else Noticed This??
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 46 |