Hello everyone, this issue has been bothering me for a while now, so I decided to speak up here because I know I would get good 'advises' from people here.

I come from a family of 3 girls (our only brother died when he was less than one), I'm the Eldest (22), the next is 19 and the last is 16. We stay with our parents in Lagos.
I was very close with my immediate younger sister, I still remember many fun times we had together. But our relationship started drifting apart during our secondary school period, we started talking less. I remember I reacted harshly towards her when she used a little of my N100 I was storing for midnight call and things even got worse from that moment.
She joined me in UNIPORT, and we were staying together off-campus. Some times, we barely say more than 50 words to each other in a day, she prefers to gist with our neighbors.

Whenever I see other siblings in my compound, I know something is not just right! We don't even gist normal girly stuffs like boyfriends, makeup, dresses & co, and it really bothers me. We barely even quarrel, I think for the past 3-4 years, we've only quarreled 2 or 3 times.
Though we are both close to our youngest sister.

So please advise me on what to do. Thanks.

Hi Dear,

Sorry about the situation.

I'm happy you're the elder one...I'm sure it would make things a tad bit easier. You may need to force her out of her shell by bringing up things that would increase the contact between you guys. One way you can do this is asking her to help you do things once in a while. For eg, is she a make-up freak like my sister? If she is, you can present yourself and your kit for trial sessions. You can always ask her to shave your brows if you shave them. You can tease her about being an in-house professional, and have her do your make-up when you have outings every now and then. Those are just examples. Just think...does she know how to tie scarfs? You can have her tie yours every now and then. Is she a fashionista? You can start up a conversation with her when picking clothes to wear or buy. Even if she isn't a 'professional' in any of these, you can always form 'I need another hand to do this'. The options are endless actually. Ask about her opinion on weaves and hairstyles whenever you're going to make your hair. Another way of getting you guys to talk.

You can also tell her about your day. Forget you guys aren't so close for now, just make the gist exciting. No one keeps quite for hot gist. lol. And then, ask about hers too. When she's going out, tell her jokingly not to fight or knock down anyone's tray. Comment on her dressing. etc.

And then, you can ask her out of nowhere one day ''if she feels like flexing". If her answer is positive, you both can stroll to a fast food joint nearby to buy whatever you can afford. Only both of you should go for this walk. I say so because if your youngest sister comes along for now, she will gravitate towards her, since they are closer for now, as such, the purpose will be defeated.

There're many things you can do actually, the idea is 'forcing' you girls to communicate/interract. The more you do that, the more barriers are broken, and the more you bond.

I must add though, that if she rebuffs all the subtle attempts at getting close to her, you may need to sit with her and bring up a direct conversation about it. Ask what's wrong? What happened? Is she hurt about something you did? Is she angry with you? Is there anything going on with her she would want to discuss with you? How can things be changed?...etc.

Don't worry, all iz well. She will come around.

Cheers.

Start conversation from a situation that both affects you guys, example, reflect on the past. Find a situation that you feel may have hurt her. Surprisingly it may not be. Explain why you took certain decisions. You may have grown wiser now and realise you made some mistakes...apologise for those. If your decisions are putting her in the right place, let her realise. She'd come around.

Lots of family have this issue and to me... It isn't a big deal... If you want to have such relationship with your sister... You have to learn to be frank and open... Seniority will be set aside...

Call her out and tell her "point-blank" that you want such relationship with her...

Or, you start it up with frequent gist till you find yourselves gettin use to it...

Or you start by tickling her and playing with her...

Just study how you'd play with your female best friend and use it on her...

There is no two ways about it... Just be the first to confront her...

Poster I also have the same experience with my sister

I only have one sister, we are 16 years apart, when she was born I was almost finishing school, then I went abroad,

I never grew with her, never really got to know her, so anytime I try to get close, she pushes me away, am very supportive to her even though she keeps a distance, she is in college making so much mistakes and my parents ask me to talk to her,

What I can think of is you and your sister might not have same personalities, some siblings are different characterwise like day and night

I had two friends that were sisters, one would gossip to me so much about her sister, it wasn't funny.

Just continue being there and loving your sister, she might change her attitudes towards you and maybe not.

Show her love and she will enjoy your company. It is that simple.

everything the 1st poster said is actually right,, but with my own experience with my younger brother I think the best way is to call her one evening and politely ask her, is there anything i'm doing that u don't like? if she says no just say ok and tell her but u don't believe her, she will then ask u why,, and u can tell her how things has changed between the booth of you... trust me therez always one thing u don't that makes her uncomfortable talking to u on sum issues like my younger brother said to me that I talk too much n I didn't even notice until he told me... my dear it's not a wonderful feeling to have ur younger one not relate with you @all

Since you are the eldest you should talk with her and extend a hand of friendship....some time ago i was jealous of my younger sister because when she gained admission into OAU mumsy had to borrow money so she can meet up her needs but when i gained admission i had to struggle to survive till i graduated.
one day my younger sister sent me a message on whatsapp thanking me for all the sacrifice i had made to make her and my other siblings happy,then i realise my sister was not my enemy that the enemy was out there. so you can start by sharing your childhood memories (how u stole meats from mum's soup together,lol) i pray your love for each other be rekindled.

Wow! Is this some sort of general issue, I have the same issue!
lalasticlala frontpage please.

Op I can very well relate with what you are going through now....

I'm the eldest girl too and my younger sister simply see me as her rival. Growing up was not too fun cos of this ish... I tried calling her out and what she told me was i am always acting like am the holiest person.... It was a painful era for me...

I'm now a woman and married, and my relationship with her is still not too sisterly... I've decided to let her be and live my life in peace....


In your own case i think you should sit her down and ask her what her problem is with u... She might be feeling intimidated by your lifestyle, you never can know..


Compliments of the season.

@OP, I believe your sister didn't see u as a friend,rather as big sister,if u really want to get along with her,u wil let go of ur ego as big sis,and talk more to her as sister,if u are married or engaged,share some of ur fears or problems in ur relationship with her,ask of her opinion,do some aproko wit her, 1st time may not be productive though but subsequently u guys will be more pals than before@ dsame time ur story wil be life experience for her#myopinion

breadandtea:


We don't even gist normal girly stuffs like boyfriends, makeup, dresses & co, and

is this the only problem?

I

She sees u as an obstacle in having a close time with her BF while in high skul and instead of her to enjoy that in her university days u were still there.
The beef continues until both of u separate.

She is shy to tell u of her bf and also u.

May be u get pissed off when she uses ur personal belongings.

Examine ur life gurl.

?

Seriously, wat shld we do abt it or hw it tk concern us

Maybe you're a stingy old miser.

Endtime sisters

Females with their enmity..

U re the senior nd the eldest, u have the key of bounding the family..

Thank God for my Senior brother he has being the bounding factor else guns Would be shot in my home..

Uwa Mmebi Sisters..

Normal amongst sisters . . . .always some sort of jealousy or squabbling.

okoko

and you are the eldest... the house is suppose to be build by U... no matter all..
For the two of U to keep going U have a lot to do

Pls let's talk. I'm the oldest too and I had a similar case with my last brother. I just sent you a mail. Talk then.

hmmn.. try to talk to her about it.. a good conversation will save you all this stress and everything will be fine.

btw,listen to my songs @ http://my.notjustok.com/p/oracle/

Nairaland.complain....hmmmmmm. Jst come to nairaland and complain.....u will nvr remain d same...

Women get wahala sha!

OP firstly it's a woman issue,females tend to be problematic and see everything and everyone as competition,except for the few who think like men. Secondly,u guys need to stay apart cos familiarity will always breed contempt. In my 2nd yr I refused to move in with my elder bro and though he was angry at first,it made our rship in school much sweeter and stronger. Thirdly and sadly thrs nothing you can do to change it now ur both all very grown up except she begins to think more like a man...

breadandtea:
Hello everyone, this issue has been bothering me for a while now, so I decided to speak up here because I know I would get good 'advises' from people here.

I come from a family of 3 girls (our only brother died when he was less than one), I'm the Eldest (22), the next is 19 and the last is 16. We stay with our parents in Lagos.
I was very close with my immediate younger sister, I still remember many fun times we had together. But our relationship started drifting apart during our secondary school period, we started talking less. I remember I reacted harshly towards her when she used a little of my N100 I was storing for midnight call and things even got worse from that moment.
She joined me in UNIPORT, and we were staying together off-campus. Some times, we barely say more than 50 words to each other in a day, she prefers to gist with our neighbors.

Whenever I see other siblings in my compound, I know something is not just right! We don't even gist normal girly stuffs like boyfriends, makeup, dresses & co, and it really bothers me. We barely even quarrel, I think for the past 3-4 years, we've only quarreled 2 or 3 times.
Though we are both close to our youngest sister.

So please advise me on what to do. Thanks.

I think it is normal. sometimes siblings feel awkward towards one another, especially in discussing certain things. It doesn't mean she won't stand up for you even to death if the need be, neither should it stop you from stepping up for her as the big sister that you are.

Personally, the regards I have for my elder brother is such that wouldn't allow me discuss some things with him.

Don't you have parents again?

can I bring butter to add to your breadandtea


well you are the elder here, just try and talk to her, ask her what is going through her mind and use your mature mind to reconcile and talk better.

How I wish I have a sister. Ayam d only girl of d family. Relate with her as u relate with ur friends. U guys shld hang out 2geda nd gist with her about everything, don't keep anytin 4rm her nd let her see friendship in u not big sis

Stop all the seniority thingy.

I'm not trying to pick fault here but you caused the vacuum between you and your sister. Trust me if you've proven to be there for her she'll have no choice than to depend/rely on you.

You should see how I treat my siblings on a normal day, na so so beating and quarreling and whenever we're having fun you'll think we're the best siblings ever. Na lie!

So see your sister as your kid, invest in her and she'll forever be grateful to you.