40-ish, , 49
Adventurous, , Slept with all your friends
Athletic, , No boobs
Average looking, , Ugly
Beautiful, , Pathological liar
Contagious Smile, , Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure, , On medication
Feminist, , Fat
Free spirit, , Junkie
Friendship first, , Former slut
Fun, , Annoying
Gentle, , Dull
New Age, , Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded, , Desperate
Outgoing, , Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate, , Sloppy drunk
Poet,, Depressive
Professional,, Bitch
Romantic, , Frigid
Voluptuous, , Very Fat
Large frame, , Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate, , Stalker
Widow, , Murderer

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you slowpoke!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay