Well, from preschool age, little girls learn to play house, care
for baby dolls, and pretend that Barbie and Ken will get
married and live happily ever after. Society feeds this ideal
of finding Mr. Right to girls as being the benchmark of their
success as females and is deeply entrenched in long-
standing cultural myths.

Women then grow up with Utopia-like visions of meeting the
perfect guy, falling head over heels in love, and living
happily ever after themselves, seldom considering the very
real problems and challenges that spring forth in normal,
everyday life.

Women then run every man they date through that love
filter—Is he “the one”?
This approach to dating makes finding fulfilling love
incredibly difficult. Why? Think about it …
First, the truth is—there is far more to you than that shallow
‘happily ever after’ fantasy. It’s a hollow vision of love.

Who in her right mind deliberately chooses to abandon her
own dreams, goals, or gifts in exchange for sacrificing her
mind, body, and soul for others, while being unfulfilled?
That sounds more like indentured servant than real love.

You know (and I know) that you’re here to do more than just
sit up, look cute, make babies, and validate some guy, right?
You were born with gifts and talents that no one possesses
but you. By now, I hope you recognize that. You don’t have
to sacrifice being the fullest, deepest version of yourself to
find some fairytale notion of love.

Second, are you even ready for Mr. Right to enter you life? If
you’re like most human beings, you’re working on yourself a
bit still. That doesn’t mean you can’t cross paths with
someone who’s a “perfect” fit for you while you’re working
on yourself. But there is a season for everything.

So, why make dating needlessly hard on yourself? The
sooner you accept the fact that not every man you date will
become your baby daddy or your husband, your love life
will transform from being a burden to a fulfilling series of
experiences.

Confusing Mr. Right Now with Mr. Right is a costly mistake
that could easily derail your life. So how do can you tell the
difference between the two? Here are 10 crucial signs to
watch for …

1. Are you solid within yourself?
Prematurely obligating yourself to someone before YOU are
truly ready is not only foolish, it’s recipe for disaster. Your
first priority is getting your own life together. You must do
this prior to bringing anyone else into your life in a
significant way. A succesfull relationship requires a solid
foundation. Nothing is worse than building a house on sand,
especially when you’re the sand.
Doing so prematurely is playing Russian roulette with your
hopes and dreams and torpedoes your own future.

2. Do you know what you truly desire in life (as well as in a
mate)?
Often, we confuse needs and wants. But what we want is
often not what we truly need, and vice versa. Different
seasons in our life require different things.

For example, hooking up with a guy who has his life together
while you’re still struggling to finish college, find a job,
rebuild your life, or establish yourself is more of a
hindrance than a catalyst (to both him and you). Ill-timed
relationships can unintentionally deter your focus. This
typically results in you either delaying or abandoning your
own goals altogether.

3. What’s your long-term vision?
People change over time, and so will you. Today, partying
and shopping are high on your to-do list, but 10 years from
now, will hanging out with the girls and shopping really
matter as much?
If you mature properly the answer to that is NO; as you
mature, things you want today won’t matter tomorrow. Think
five and 10 years down the road, and gauge your now vs.
long-term priorities. What’s attractive in a boyfriend won’t be
attractive in a husband.

4. What character traits are most important?
Dating a man now who is great in bed, but ultimately
emotionally unavailable and financially irresponsible may
not significantly affect you now, but if you eventually desire
to create a stable family, you will have hell to pay if you
shackle yourself to this man.
When you’re living in the moment versus thinking long-term,
your choices cost you big time. Just because you’re attracted
to him on the surface doesn’t mean you know them at a
deep, substantial level. Be wise; assess the cost before
starting a life’s journey with a man.

5. Do you both share the same vision for what constitutes a
healthy relationship?
Do you share the same attitudes about friends of the
opposite s*x, spiritual practices, what you disclose to others
(especially family members and friends), and the sharing of
individual resources? Being on the same page about how a
relationship works is crucial to long-term success.

6. What are your fears telling you?
Are your doubts and fears about this man connected to your
past experiences or your present expectations? Projecting
your desire to find love on a potential mate can easily blind
you to the realities of who you both truly are.

Pay attention to what your man says and does (do the two
align?) and do the same thing with yourself. If you notice red
flags or inconsistency in your behavior or feelings pause
going any further in the relationship until you understand
why. You cannot un-strike a match.

7. Do you love your relationship with him exactly as it is?
The truth is—personality type and personality traits remain
stable over time. If you don’t know your mates personality
type, I suggest both of you take the MBTI to determine
compatibility.

As a Credentialed MBTI Master Practitioner, I strongly advise
that couples get the facts about a partner’s personality type
before moving forward in any potentially long-term
relationship. Because, more than likely, your man’s traits
and preferences will NOT change. Would you want to spend
the rest of your life with him exactly as he is right now? If
not, he’s not right for you.

8. Where is this relationship going?
Stable relationships happen because both parties have a
structured plan for personal growth. If you aren’t both
thriving individually, you cannot thrive collectively or as a
couple. The trick here is make sure your individual life plans
complement each other’s if a future together is the goal.
For example, if one of you is planning to spend the next
three years traveling the world, while the other commits to
growing vegetables in an organic greenhouse, you could be
headed toward disaster. Never assume your partner is on
the same page as you.

9. How do you handle conflict?
Conflict is an inherent part of any relationship. The issue
isn’t conflict itself, the issue is always how the two of you
handle conflict. If either you are volatile, melts down, is self-
centered, bears grudges, or avoids confronting issues, this is
a red flag.

You’ll never successfully resolve problems that either of you
won’t admit are present. The fact that you and your mate are
willing to put fires out together is a good indicator that your
relationship can withstand pressure. However, if you’re
constantly feeling bombarded with one issue after another,
that’s a major warning sign.

10. Do the two of you match?
The overused term, “are you equally yoked” applies here.
Put another way, do you have far more in common than you
do differences? In my practice, after seeing hundreds of
couples, and researching tens of thousands of relationships,
I’ve discovered the primary reason that most relationships
fail is because couples don’t share common beliefs, don’t
possess shared values, or have mutual respect (or
reverence) for the same things.

The lack of communal consciousness is often the cause of
much miscommunication, which will ultimately result in one,
or both parties, feeling disrespected and deprecated. Those
things lead to apathy and distrust. Without trust, respect,
and compassion, even the strongest relationships will
inherently fail.
So, how did you do?
If your answers are negative, or even doubtful, to at least 4
of those questions, you’re probably dating Mr. Right Now, as
opposed to Mr. Right.
If your answers were indecisive or negative to more than 6
of those questions, this is a relationship that should NOT
move beyond the casual dating stage.

However, if over 8 of your answers reveal that these things
are NOT an issue in your relationship, congratulations. This
guy is a keeper. More than likely, this could be Mr. Right.
But, don’t assume anything. Get clarity! Just because there’s
a bit of synergy here doesn’t mean this relationship is going
to lead to an engagement or marriage. It’s quite possible
that you’re one of few women who’s met a really decent guy.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

But, if he concurs that this is a significant relationship for
him too, allow things to continue to develop organically.
Pressuring him at this point could easily cause things to
regress, if not fall apart altogether.
Bottom line, people come into your life for a season, a
reason or a lesson.

With that being the case relax and chill. Enjoy the moment
and the dating process. Don’t try to fix what’s not broken.
Mr. Right Now could ultimately be your Mr. Right, just not
right now. Allow time to have a voice in this.

I'll read this tomorrow. Looks interesting.