Cheating is never OK ... But needing this is
entirely normal.

We all "know" that men (and likely women, too)
cheat because the sex with you isn't that good
anymore and they've found something better
elsewhere, right?
Well, it turns out — that's not true at all.
There's something else quite remarkable going on
behind all of that cheating . For the most part,
men don't cheat because they want to trade up
for a younger, hotter, thinner, blonder babe than
you. And even if craving better sex is a motivating
factor for him, it's still further down on the list
than you'd ever imagine.
The number one reason why men cheat is ... a
lack of emotional appreciation.

Yep. That's right. Call the guy a sex-obsessed,
superficial, cheating jerk all you want. He mostly
just wanted to feel appreciated ... by YOU!
To appreciate him means recognizing the full
worth he brings to the table
and openly expressing gratitude to him for his
efforts and contributions.
Think for a moment when you've feel
unappreciated. You probably also felt resentful,
overwhelmed, angry, rejected, or even sad. In this
state, imagine someone coming to you and
saying, "We need to talk," pointing out a way you
could do something better, or a way you're
messing up.

How would that make you feel? How would you
likely respond?
Now, think of a time when you felt truly
appreciated. You probably also felt confident and
proud, like your tail is wagging. Perhaps you
felt like you're doing your thang really well; that
what you contribute makes a difference, and that
you uniquely matter. In this state, imagine
someone coming to you and saying, "We need to
talk," pointing out a way you could do something
better, or a way you're messing up.

Now how would you feel and respond now? It's a
big difference, right?
The truth is — If we, men and women alike, each
had a bank account that contained appreciation
from others (instead of money), most of us
would have to file for bankruptcy!
That's the sad state of things. Most of our bank
accounts are empty, or even in serious overdraft.
And, few of us show up as our best self for others
when we feel that depleted.

So, is this what's going on for someone right
before they cheat? Their emotional appreciation
bank account is in overdraft?
As a broad generality, yes! Men want and need to
know they're doing well by the people they care
about. They feel like they're winning, not losing.
How do they know they're doing well and
winning? Well, their partner is happy in general,
happy with them and expresses it openly. Men
with partners like that feel deeply, truly, and
consistently appreciated.
When men don't feel appreciated — when they
feel their efforts make no difference, that they're
unable to make you happy and provide what you
need, they begin to shut down, tune out, and
leave — or, cheat .
Appreciation is a vital emotional nutrient for
men. If they don't get that nutrient regularly from
you, they find a place (or person) that will supply
it. Whether that's long hours spent at work,
hanging out with their buddies, or ...
finding another woman.

So, does showing appreciation mean painting on
a saccharine smile, endlessly stroking his ego and
pretending to like something you actually don't?
No. That's not sincere appreciation at all.
The power of genuine appreciation is deceptively
simple. Perhaps you've heard the saying, "What
you celebrate, you get more of."
Pour your attention into pointing out what sucks
— about him, life, the relationship, you — and
you'll get more suckiness. Pour your attention
into pointing out what you appreciate, enjoy, find
satisfying and fun for you, and that's
exactly what he'll give more of.
You probably don't set out to make your man feel
like a loser.
I'm sure when you mention things he does that
displeases you, you're really trying to help
things change for the better. Most of us think and
do the same. We focus on it! Make sure he
knows! Unfortunately, this backfires big time,
every time .

So, what's the remedy? Start making regular
deposits in his "emotional appreciation" bank
account:
Make a point of noticing and commenting on
what your man does that's good, right, delicious,
fun, satisfying, pleasurable, moving, humorous, or
inspiring, etc.
Try doing this at least once a day. Or, if that's
easy for you, 5 to 10 times per day. And make
sure his appreciation bank account is full before
bringing up something hard. A good guideline is
around five appreciations for every request you
make.

(Hint: this works not only with partners and
lovers , but with colleague, brothers, fathers, sons
and friends).
But it has to be real for you. If you're faking it ,
he'll know and your words will bounce off
him like a bounced check!
Of course, I know there are real impasses and
conflicts you need to address and deal with. Not
now. Dealing with them and getting anywhere
with them (rather than driving you both deeper
into "stupid" fights) is not possible without his
appreciation bank account feeling full.

Maybe you feel like he hasn't appreciated you
very much lately either, so why should you
appreciate him ? Maybe your emotional bank
account is empty and you're not sure where
you'll find the appreciation bone in your body.
Appreciation isn't the whole picture in building
extraordinary relationships , but it is the
foundation. Without it, the relationship crumbles.
Good will erodes. Tempers easily flare, like a
match on a dry forest floor. Resentment builds
up. You feel like opponents, rather than allies.
So, no. You can't get the big, hard stuff that's
not working to change with appreciation alone.
However, appreciation changes the feeling
between the two of you. It helps you soften,
reconnect, and lower your defenses so that it's
actually possible to work on and shift the big,
hard stuff that's not working.

Need some signs you're appreciation is filling
him up in a good way? Look for these signs of
change in him:

His mood improves

You notice a little light come on in him

His chest puffs up a little

He smiles or grunts approvingly

You two have more sex (and higher quality sex)

He starts to appreciate you, acts more thoughtful,
and starts doing "little things" (that matter so
much somehow!) for you

Alternately, you may not get any feedback for a
while. Keep doing it anyway.

If his bank account is really low, he'll likely
wonder if you're for real or trying to get one over
on him. Keep showing appreciation anyway. It will
pay off! When you practice appreciation
authentically, those you're showing appreciation
to will rise in value and worth in your eyes. And a
secret plus is that you'll also feel better.
Simply put, appreciation makes everyone feel their
best — men and women alike. When we feeling at
our best, our most highly-prized values come
tumbling out. We can't help but lavish our best
selves on those around us.

You have a serious point.

...

Nicely written...

It's mainly because he doesn't find her appealing when his libido rises at that moment.

Just this?