My husband told me last night that his brother's wife called him and asked him to borrow some money. Its quite a large sum. He thinks she must be desperate to ask him and so has agreed to give her the money. She says its a loan to be paid back but I don't think I have ever seen a loan paid back in Nigeria! If he gives her the money he shouldn't expect to see it again.

I have a few issues with this. I am really close with her (or so I thought) and I feel she is being sneaky going behind my back (and her husbands back) to my husband who already has plenty of expenses from me and our kids.

Things aren't great with her and her husband so I guess she can't ask him right now. HOWEVER, I know he gives her plenty of money for her and the kids so I can only assume she has overstretched herself - knowing her, its on jewellery or something equally as frivolous.

I'm happy that my husband is being a nice guy and helping her out and I'm happy he told me about it as if I'd found out later I would have been more pissed off. My biggest issue is how will his brother ever feel if he finds out about it?! Surely it will be a big drama that will end up being played out between the men.

I don't want to be a heartless bitch but should I advise him not to get involved?

Ask him to ask her why she doesn't want her husband to know about the "deal" I smell fish

yeah, something is fishy

@Poster,
Don't make the mistake of asking her or letting her know you are aware believe me, your husband won't be happy if he finds out.
Personally, I would NEVER lend out money I can't afford to give out so if you feel your husband can afford to give it out then keep mute BUT if he can't then i suggest you make that known to your husband in clear/plain terms.

Thanks Ifeleke. I haven't established if she told him to deliberately keep it from me. If she did, thats bad manners on her part. Especially as she and I attend a wives fellowship each week and know it is wrong to encourage a spouse to keep secrets.

Re him being able to afford it - well I won't suffer if he gives it to her. Its the principle really.

mrsb:

Thanks Ifeleke. I haven't established if she told him to deliberately keep it from me. If she did, thats bad manners on her part. Especially as she and I attend a wives fellowship each week and know it is wrong to encourage a spouse to keep secrets.

Re him being able to afford it - well I won't suffer if he gives it to her. Its the principle really.

wifes fellowship each week that is nice. but why didnt they teach buying " jewellery or something equally as frivolous " on borrowed funds is not too nice for a christian woman?
if your hubby can afford it let him do cos if she is desperate she will get it somewhere. i would rather my bros wife asked me than someone else. plus the small matter of asking your hubby to stop payment now he has already accepted to give.

She says its a loan to be paid back but I don't think I have ever seen a loan paid back in Nigeria! If he gives her the money he shouldn't expect to see it again.

you are so right here. i mentioned this in one of the banking threads we dont like paying back loans/ debts which is a great shame

Thanks JJYOU, I hadn't thought about it from that side before. You're right, I also would much rather she took the money from "us" than a shady ex boyfriend or some other dodgy outlet.

Anyway I am going to try my bestest not to mention it again tonight, if I make wahala out of a molehill then my dear husband will stop telling me things.

I'm meeting up with her tomorrow night and would love to think she'll mention it to me then but something tells me that won't happen.

Plus - more importantly - he knows he can't say NO next time I ask for money!!!! Win win all round.

mrsb:

My husband told me last night that his brother's wife called him and asked him to borrow some money. Its quite a large sum. He thinks she must be desperate to ask him and so has agreed to give her the money. She says its a loan to be paid back but I don't think I have ever seen a loan paid back in Nigeria! If he gives her the money he shouldn't expect to see it again.

I have a few issues with this. I am really close with her (or so I thought) and I feel she is being sneaky going behind my back (and her husbands back) to my husband who already has plenty of expenses from me and our kids.

Things aren't great with her and her husband so I guess she can't ask him right now. HOWEVER, I know he gives her plenty of money for her and the kids so I can only assume she has overstretched herself - knowing her, its on jewellery or something equally as frivolous.

I'm happy that my husband is being a nice guy and helping her out and I'm happy he told me about it as if I'd found out later I would have been more pissed off. My biggest issue is how will his brother ever feel if he finds out about it?! Surely it will be a big drama that will end up being played out between the men.

I don't want to be a heartless bitch but should I advise him not to get involved?

Money loaned to family memebers will never be paid back and they know how to take advantage of the kind hearted ones. If I am you I will feel humiliated for been close to me still you went behind my back and ask my husband b/c he is your brother huge maount of money. If it is pocket

money I understand but huge I have red flag.

Rubi, You're right I think thats the real reason I am pissed off.
She has asked for the equivalent of my monthly salary which is NOT pocket money.

mrsb:

Rubi, You're right I think thats the real reason I am pissed off.
She has asked for the equivalent of my monthly salary which is NOT pocket money.

Let your husband know how pissed off you are so that next time he will get your consent. If that bank a/c sqanders you will be the one to face the consequencies alone

mrsb:

Plus - more importantly - he knows he can't say NO next time I ask for money!!!! Win win all round.

i am texting this to him now so he know you are coming abegging too.  it is nice lets keep a happy home and enjoy being blessed to be a blessing.

if she is not telling dont bring up the matter please it is not worth the wahala. the hubby trust u to cover his back so keep covering it. some men wont tell.

after this  tell your husband asking her to take the money from you will get his money back quicker and probably protect him from any possible blackmail cos the husband would be more comfortable if he knew you waz aware as they say.

rubi:

Money loaned to family memebers will never be paid back and they know how to take advantage of the kind hearted ones. If I am you I will feel humiliated for been close to me still you went behind my back and ask my husband b/c he is your brother huge maount of money. If it is pocket

money I understand but huge I have red flag.

why is that?  it is his bros wife.

@JJYOU she knew she will not pay back that is why she went behind her. My red flag is the wife should know before not after simple

rubi:

Let your husband know how pissed off you are so that next time he will get your consent. If that bank a/c sqanders you will be the one to face the consequencies alone

rubi you dont kill flies with guns.  it is his money.  he can easily do it without telling mrsv.  you must always avoid situations where you get more trouble than you are trying to cure. there is no use being pissed off over this.  it is a business the only thing i find bad is probably the husband dont know.   trust me if this woman is desperate to get this money she will get it by other means that will probably mess up the family than taking the money.

rubi:

@JJYOU she knew she will not pay back that is why she went behind her. My red flag is the wife should know before not after simple

that was why i said she should be the one giving the money to her in the first place. give her the benefit of doubt she may just pay back.

She dey craze. if na me she nor go see one kobo and before we give anything out, I go take to juju master where she go swear. Husband's brother's wife indeed.

What i will advice is that.
Make sure your husband dont loan more than what he can let go.
Money could destroy the relationship btw brodas oh.

Besides, tell your husband to be careful, but it will be hard for you to tell your husband not to give the money.

As I said earlier on, mrsb should let the husband handle the whole drama but can strongly pass her views accross to him on it.
Due care must be taken in handling issues with family entanglements as this so as not send wrong signals out.

michelin89:

She dey craze. if na me she nor go see one kobo and before we give anything out, I go take to juju master where she go swear. Husband's brother's wife indeed.

Easy michelin, am very sure you will do no such thing if it were you.

//

Thanks chaircover you're so right.

He actually just called me to say that she dropped a post-dated cheque for the whole amount to his office today. I'll update the thread in October and let you know if the cheque clears!!

IFELEKE:

Easy michelin, am very sure you will do no such thing if it were you.

I don't even believe in juju sef.

That woman remains a serpent. Why do it behind your husband? It means her intentions are bad. If it were to help the family couldn't she discuss it with her husband first? The poor man would even imagine where she got the money from and would feel even more humiliated that his wife had to beg for money from his brother.

Unacceptable.

chaircover:

@poster, your hubby has already agreed to give your sister in law the money so it's best not to discourage him.

Lets give your sister-in-law the benefit of the doubt; who knows she may need the money for something more important than lace material; jewellery etc and she may want to invest in some business venture and as such will be in a position to return the money. So lets wait and see first.

You are in a no win situation because if you make a big deal about it, your husband will start doing things behind your back but on the other hand there is the likely hood that once he starts "lending" her money, she will continue to come back for more, that's if she is that kind of person.

The only thing to do now is to gently & lovingly remind your husband; I didn't say nag the importance of talking to you fists before committing himself to anything of that importance. The key is to put your point across without your husband suspecting that you are pissed off or he feels thar you are telling him what to do.

If I was in your position, I will be a little annoyed to with hubby for saying yes & with her for not speaking to me about it first especially as we see every week but sometimes some things are not just worth getting hot about & just let it go.

You have said you can afford to give away the money; so thank God for your blessings. its better to be a giver than a borrower.

you are another good cool head here. they say never test the fire with your hair & head. some troubles are not worth starting.

mrsb:

Thanks chaircover you're so right.

He actually just called me to say that she dropped a post-dated cheque for the whole amount to his office today. I'll update the thread in October and let you know if the cheque clears!!

can we charge you 1000naira for the head ache u caused this afternoon? go and sin no more.

I apologise for being so hard of the poor sister in-law.

LOL!! Don't apologise yet o. Lets cash the cheque first!!

I smell Balony

Maybe the sister-in-law is the hard working type which is fine. Never lend money to a lazy man or woman they will always find excuse not to pay back

IFELEKE:

@Poster,
Don't make the mistake of asking her or letting her know you are aware believe me, your husband won't be happy if he finds out.
Personally, I would NEVER lend out money I can't afford to give out so if you feel your husband can afford to give it out then keep mute BUT if he can't then i suggest you make that known to your husband in clear/plain terms.

Why should she not. When she went to ask another woman's husband for money she should have known that the wife will be aware. The only reason that she would assume that the man would not tell the wife is if she has bad intentions or if she feels that the man is an irresponsible husband.

mrsb:

My husband told me last night that his brother's wife called him and asked him to borrow some money. Its quite a large sum. He thinks she must be desperate to ask him and so has agreed to give her the money. She says its a loan to be paid back but I don't think I have ever seen a loan paid back in Nigeria! If he gives her the money he shouldn't expect to see it again.

I have a few issues with this. I am really close with her (or so I thought) and I feel she is being sneaky going behind my back (and her husbands back) to my husband who already has plenty of expenses from me and our kids.

Things aren't great with her and her husband so I guess she can't ask him right now. HOWEVER, I know he gives her plenty of money for her and the kids so I can only assume she has overstretched herself - knowing her, its on jewellery or something equally as frivolous.

I'm happy that my husband is being a nice guy and helping her out and I'm happy he told me about it as if I'd found out later I would have been more pissed off. My biggest issue is how will his brother ever feel if he finds out about it?! Surely it will be a big drama that will end up being played out between the men.

I don't want to be a heartless bitch but should I advise him not to get involved?

there is nothing wrong in asking him for money, only that she missed the rule and procedure and thats where u have to find out why its like that ie not getting her husband invole and not relating the issue with u prio to asking for the money, dont let her know that u are aware of it just keep carlm and watch but make sure that ur hubby cary u along,