I will be celebrating my fourth year wedding anniversary in Febuary. I will be entertaining and giving testimoniees when in actual fact im highly dissatisfied and unhappy.
Sex; almost three years im still waiting to have an orgasm. I began pretending to have one because i couldnt bear the pain (married as a virgin, months after losing it, i was still experiencing pain). Ive being giving oral since we got married. Recently i discovered women can also enjoy it. I told him about it and suddenly he remembers all the diseases that can be passed orally.
Chores: i feel like a senior househelp. DH (dear husband) will complain abt untidy state of the house but will not help out (i work in a bank, 7am - 8pm) get home at 9pm. I'll come home from work, do homework for my daughter, serve husband meal (he wont eat except he is served) do outstanding chores. Sleep at 12am - 4.40am
Kids; I feed, bathe, clothe, train. He has never bathed our 2yr old ever, even when i was ill. I had to take the child to work severally as he cant babysit for long. He works from home but goes out thrice a week for project supervision
Criticism; its killing me. Im crticised abt everything. My looks (im pretty im told, my dad is Lebanese\Austrian, mum is igbo) but i dont makeup. Im criticised for that, for not being a good cook (im learning) for not keeping a tidy home (with my job?) For not entertaining his friends with food and drinks (im exhausted), for not liking his particular place of worship (i dont mind another branch, the present head makes the talks boring, for not being a fashionista.
I dont feel loved. I feel like a trophy wife.
The good side is he is generous. I get a car, change of wardobe, a vacation each year. These dont move me. I want to be heard. Ive tried to talk to him severally but he makes me seem ungrateful. Ive talked to his sisters and our head in the place of worship and when he was invited he denied it, didnt talk to me for three days and made me apologise for disrespecting him.
I want to be heard. Am i asking for too much?

You're not asking for too much.The question is how did you lay your foundation?Did you guys have a proper courtship and did you discuss about the future?I want to believe you should be able to know what to expect in marriage while dating.

Did you say you've not been given oral(you said I've been in your post)?Well not all men may do that but you should be able to get your man to try especially if he expects that from you.

You can't overwork yourself with domestic chores so you should get help.If your husband doesn't help out,get a housemaid.If you don't want a housemaid then you can get a cleaner who comes during the day,does the job and leave.

Keep talking to your husband on how you both need to work for each other and make each other happy.
I hope you pray too.

for how long you people were in courtship .... I don't know what to say to this onw

those ladies who wana marry a rich man, nw here is your story.....


let me speak sense into u ladies who r single, dont get married to just any husband buh get married to a human being... a human being has feelings and a conscience.

You mean you give him oral and he doesn't give you one in return? Oh I feel sorry for you.

@ayourbamie. 6 months. I felt love would grow. My parents got married within a month of meeting each other and they have been together ever since

@DonBenedict my dad was an expatriate engineer with SPDC so it wasnt money. And i had been working and taking these vactions before he met me.

I can only say i was in a hurry. I was 31. All my cousins and sisters got married at say 23 max and i guess i was more of a tomboy so.... I own up to my own error.
I am more interested in how to resolve this

He sounds like a very selfish fellow. Let him know you won't give him oral if he can't reciprocate , you too start talking about the diseases . Concerning taking care of your daughter, learn to take time for yourself and drop your daughter with him. He will have no choice but to take care of her and he won't kill her. How can a man call himself a father and has never changed a diaper! Concerning housework and cooking let him know it's either he starts to pull his weight or you get a maid. You can get one that comes and closes in the evening . Plus if he's still not pulling his weight with the child get a nanny.

Shebi he has a lot of money, when you employ people for everything he refuses to help with he will start to feel the pinch.

Many Nigerian men treat their wives like crap because you women take it. You better start putting your foot down

Its for d married

katyamizotta:


I can onl say i was in a hurry. I was 31. All my cousins and sisters got married at say 23 max and i guess i was more of a tomboy so.. ..

Says a lot!Nothing wrong with marrying within a short period of meeting your partner but it has to be for the right reasons.It shouldn't just be because you want to get hooked.

You must.....again i say must marry someone who makes your opinion count,who listens to you and considers you- I speak to single ladies.

Just a quick word before the endurance crew arrive.
Your lack of se xual satisfaction must be adding to your unhappiness,however i have good news for you..peentrative s ex will most likely not give you an or gasm and since he doesn't give oral you are doomed either ways so stalemate.
Go out there and buy yourself a very powerful vibr ator..this is 2016,take charge of your se xual life.A vibr ator will give you an or gasm so strong that you may even lose consciousness . Nicer if you can use with a partner but in the mean time use alone before your brain melts.

You can also stop giving him the oral since he doesn't reciprocate,it's a no brainer.Your choice though.

Discuss your concerns seriously with him and if he still won't budge,you'd best find 2 househelps before you grow old and start looking like his granny.

Car and vacation are useless if you are too wound up to enjoy them.A close relationship where both partners pitch in and feel loved and supported is far sweeter than jetting to the maldives with konji ontop.

Good luck ma & NO you are not asking for too much.

Nawaya o

Op

Hmnn

Also

Jahblessme:
Just a quick word before the endurance crew arrive.
Your lack of se xual satisfaction must be adding to your unhappiness,however i have good news for you..peentrative s ex will most likely not give you an or gasm and since he doesn't give oral you are doomed either ways so stalemate.
Go out there and buy yourself a very powerful vibr ator..this is 2016,take charge of your se xual life.A vibr ator will give you an or gasm so strong that you may even lose consciousness . Nicer if you can use with a partner but in the mean time use alone before your brain melts.

You can also stop giving him the oral since he doesn't reciprocate,it's a no brainer.Your choice though.

Discuss your concerns seriously with him and if he still won't budge,you'd best find 2 househelps before you grow old and start looking like his granny.

Car and vacation are useless if you are too wound up to enjoy them.A close relationship where both partners pitch in and feel loved and supported is far sweeter than jetting to the maldives with konji ontop.

Good luck ma & NO you are not asking for too much.

, guy you badt gan! worst advise ever! good enough to laugh it off though.

I think OP is asking for too much sha, women can never be satisfied. So with ALL the generosity, you still care about felatio! na wa! ALL this complain about household chore is trivial..I think the sexual gratification bit is getting you worked up. Take am easy!

i hate judging just bc i heard one side of the story.


women have a way of painting a horror picture while depicting themselves as saints.






i wonder what the husbands version of the story will be

Ive a help. She closes at six, drops my kid with my cousin who leaves nearby and i pick up my kid from my cousin's house on my way home from work.
The maid, she tries, but hubby cant eat what i didnt cook, and whatever the help couldnt do i have to do. It once got to the point where i serve meals on the dining and go the the kitchenette to eat to avoid dinner discussion of which chores werent done

@Faniran i will definitely add a nanny and maybe another help.

@Jahbless i think i would consider your vibrator.

@thorpido please advice the singles. Ive learnt the hardest way.

The chore bit may seem trivial but when your constantly reminded its disturbing and distracting.

nwaanambra1:
i hate judging just bc i heard one side of the story.


women have a way of painting a horror picture while depicting themselves as saints.






i wonder what the husbands version of the story will be

Im not a saint.
I admitted marrying for the wrong reason. I admitted that i cant cook but im learning.
I admit im a bit laid back.
I have gone to our place of worship to report so u can see im willing to be called out.
Ive also told his sisters (i didnt tell my family) so im willing to be corrected.
Again im not a saint but one thing i am is humble.
I didnt write on nairaland to look for how to leave him but how to make my marriage happy

Ahen jare

katyamizotta:


Im not a saint.
I admitted marrying for the wrong reason. I admitted that i cant cook but im learning.
I admit im a bit laid back.
I have gone to our place of worship to report so u can see im willing to be called out.
Ive also told his sisters (i didnt tell my family) so im willing to be corrected.
Again im not a saint but one thing i am is humble.
I didnt write on nairaland to look for how to leave him but how to make my marriage happy

i just liked ur post - u knw why? cause i see all u want is the best for ur hubby.


pls if u have not heard the story of the wife, the wizard and the lion, then i will advice you to read it or get some one to tell you the story - it will be very helpful to u.

all the best.

Hmn

Henn

Poster you sound sad, you make me appreciate my man for being my best friend and soulmate,

First things first, that man seems self centered, most sane men will make sure their wives are satisfied sexually first

Second, sit him down, express your level of unhappiness and demand change,

Ask him to assist with house chores, my husband will cook clean, change baby and everything in a heartbeat

If he does not want to change seek a another person to talk to him

Your story is a bit touchy and in reality you are not asking for too much. If from what u stated, it obvious u didn't marry an understanding and a compassionate man so to say. Don't no how long u guys courted but that is were u would ave study him at least.

As 4d house chores you can make do with d services of a house help or a cleaner.. dat 4sure will reduce ur work abit.. and

Even though you ave made effort in trying to talk with him both direct and indirectly (dat is talking to his church leader) and there is still no change. It time you go on ur kneels to God and ask him to intervene. Only him has d power to change us.

Keep doing your best and live 4ur kids.. May God be your strenght.

nwaanambra1:


i just liked ur post - u knw why? cause i see all u want is the best for ur hubby.


pls if u have not heard the story of the wife, the wizard and the lion, then i will advice you to read it or get some one to tell you the story - it will be very helpful to u.

all the best.

What kind of yeye advice as you offering? Smh

Jahblessme:
Just a quick word before the endurance crew arrive.
Your lack of se xual satisfaction must be adding to your unhappiness,however i have good news for you..peentrative s ex will most likely not give you an or gasm and since he doesn't give oral you are doomed either ways so stalemate.
Go out there and buy yourself a very powerful vibr ator..this is 2016,take charge of your se xual life.A vibr ator will give you an or gasm so strong that you may even lose consciousness . Nicer if you can use with a partner but in the mean time use alone before your brain melts.

You can also stop giving him the oral since he doesn't reciprocate,it's a no brainer.Your choice though.

Discuss your concerns seriously with him and if he still won't budge,you'd best find 2 househelps before you grow old and start looking like his granny.

Car and vacation are useless if you are too wound up to enjoy them.A close relationship where both partners pitch in and feel loved and supported is far sweeter than jetting to the maldives with konji ontop.

Good luck ma & NO you are not asking for too much.

Sincerely you are a clown. What a realistic and holistic approach to finding lasting solution to Op's problems.

I believe in finding solutions to problems and not dwell on the problems.

OP I consign and thumbprint this.

Jahblessme:
Just a quick word before the endurance crew arrive.
Your lack of se xual satisfaction must be adding to your unhappiness,however i have good news for you..peentrative s ex will most likely not give you an or gasm and since he doesn't give oral you are doomed either ways so stalemate.
Go out there and buy yourself a very powerful vibr ator..this is 2016,take charge of your se xual life.A vibr ator will give you an or gasm so strong that you may even lose consciousness . Nicer if you can use with a partner but in the mean time use alone before your brain melts.

You can also stop giving him the oral since he doesn't reciprocate,it's a no brainer.Your choice though.

Discuss your concerns seriously with him and if he still won't budge,you'd best find 2 househelps before you grow old and start looking like his granny.

Car and vacation are useless if you are too wound up to enjoy them.A close relationship where both partners pitch in and feel loved and supported is far sweeter than jetting to the maldives with konji ontop.

Good luck ma & NO you are not asking for too much.

..twould be nice to hear from the ladies too. ..another perspective.

nwaanambra1:


i just liked ur post - u knw why? cause i see all u want is the best for ur hubby.


pls if u have not heard the story of the wife, the wizard and the lion, then i will advice you to read it or get some one to tell you the story - it will be very helpful to u.

all the best.

Hey, we don't share tales by moonlight stories here..
Wizard and lion ke?
The way people reason amazes me..

@OP... I think enough have been said here. A word is enough.....

Aunt Kimoni,freecocoa, Cococandy, bukaytyne, sambarry,tearoses.......ur attention is needed pls!

My dear, try to get a househelp nah or he doesn't want one? Atleast, she can help you organise what you will cook with to make cooking time faster and get a lesson teacher who can assist ur child in doing her homework. Don't stress yourself too much. Life is short.