It has been a common phenomenon all over the world that most men abuse their women one way or the other. I have been witnesses where a man brutally hits his woman and rendered her hospitalized several times. Some men can be very verbally abusive and talk down their women anywhere, private or public. This has been an ongoing incident everywhere in the world. Sometimes I say to myself, is it a good idea to argue a lot with a woman when we all know it must lead to something else? I can't fathom that. Women have been subjects of abuse than men and it's worrisome that when women want to enter into a relationship with any man, that is the first thing they look out for - not to be hurt. At the same time, I have further understood that some women can be provocative, they push the man to the most unbearable limit and he reacts often very tense and terrifying. Who do we blame in that situation? Not forgetting the fact that women are very fragile in nature and should be treated with utmost care I do believe there are a few occurrences we have to step down for and act matured but some of us haven't. I need your opinions on how abuse can be controlled? Can it be stopped, if yes, how? What are the causes? Is it right for a man to abuse a woman in the most extremely unfavorable conditions? Sorry if I may have sounded incoherent, grammar deserts me as of now.

TheSeeker:

At the same time, I have further understood that some women can be provocative, they push the man to the most unbearable limit and he reacts often very tense and terrifying. Who do we blame in that situation?

Even in this case. . . .He has no right to abuse her.
How much of a man is he, if he can't master his temper?
There are better ways of dealing with people without being an animal.

TheSeeker:

I need your opinions on how abuse can be controlled? Can it be stopped, if yes, how?

Abuse, like every other peccant act of Man cannot totally be wiped out from the world
but it can be reduced if the abused takes proper steps against the abuser. . . . .
I still recommend austere edification. . . .It will go a long way.

TheSeeker:

What are the causes?

Alotta factors are responsible for this . . . . .
Example: A child who watched the father abuse the Mother is likely to grow up becoming an abuser, thinking it's normal because Mama never took any step against it.
Anatha factor could be ones enviroment:In African for example where alotta women are subject to abuse in the name of submission (Not that I'm against it tho it has its limit).

TheSeeker:

Is it right for a man to abuse a woman in the most extremely unfavorable conditions?

Only if he wants to show how much of a lowlife animal he is.

Missy B:

Even in this case. . . .He has no right to abuse her.
How much of a man is he, if he can't master his temper?
There are better ways of dealing with people without being an animal.
Abuse, like every other peccant act of Man cannot totally be wiped out from the world
but it can be reduced if the abused takes proper steps against the abuser. . . . .
I still recommend austere edification. . . .It will go a long way.
Alotta factors are responsible for this . . . . .
Example: A child who watched the father abuse the Mother is likely to grow up becoming an abuser, thinking it's normal because Mama never took any step against it.
Anatha factor could be ones enviroment:In African for example where alotta women are subject to abuse in the name of submission (Not that I'm against it tho it has its limit).
Only if he wants to show how much of a lowlife animal he is.

You are right on point. What kind of actions can be taken against an abusive man?

TheSeeker:

What kind of actions can be taken against an abusive man?

I'D say . . . .RUN!!!
If You love him so much and don't want to let him go. . . .Make him see a therapist.
Some of these men don't even know these acts are abusive. If he
isn't ready to see a therapist or repeats same act after once . . . .It's a Goodbye!!!

Exactly, something many of these poor women seem to be unable to do in such situations, say 'goodbye', some of them believe that 'with time he will change'.

C'mon now, it's good riddance to bad rubbish.

Abuse is not one way. Both men and women abuse, and either way, it's very wrong. For more tips, read this article which I posted earlier and you'll get more insight:

On March 1, 1999 The Oprah Winfrey Show aired a show on wives who beat their husbands, excerpted from Oprah's Web site. Here's some information about that show. You can order a transcript from Oprah's web site.

                                                     

Different Roles, Same Story

When you hear the term "domestic violence" you're likely to picture a woman, battered and abused at the hands of an angry and unreasonable husband or boyfriend. But that's only one side of this ugly picture. According to the latest studies, 835,000 men are attacked each year by their girlfriends or wives, and the true figure may actually be higher. On Monday, Oprah talked to the men and women who occupy these different roles in the drama of domestic violence.

Take it Like a Man

The stories we heard from abused men are no less horrifying than those told by women. They were kicked, hit, stabbed, pushed down stairs and through plate glass doors. Like their female counterparts, the men often covered up for their wives, lying to doctors and authorities about the true cause of their injuries. As one man said, "I'm supposed to take it like a man." That often means not fighting back, not only because all the men on this show said they were raised not to hit women, but also because many police departments automatically consider the man the aggressor in cases of domestic abuse. Even when the woman is at fault.

The Cycle of Abuse

Likewise, abusive women sound very much like husbands who beat their wives. Lisa said the first time she battered her husband, "I beat the hell out of him… he walked away with bruises. I was so ashamed of myself. It's not that I didn't love him, it's that I didn't know how to react any other way… I know he's not going to do anything." Afterward, they apologize, they make up, and eventually, the cycle begins again.

Shut Up… And Listen

Claudia Dias has counseled abusive men and women for over twenty years. She criticizes the different ways domestic violence against men and women is viewed. "When a man hits a woman, it's abuse and felony. When she does it, it's because she has a bad temper." Claudia describes the cycles of domestic abuse as "a dance… it doesn't matter which gender does which part." The major difference, she says, is that men hit women to "make them shut up" whereas women hit men in order to "make them listen."

Walking on Eggshells

Rick kept his wife's abuse secret for 21 years before finally leaving her. At one point he was forced to defend himself with Mace. When the police were finally called, Rick was the one arrested. "I felt betrayed by the system… by the courts… and by my wife." Today, Rick has temporary custody of his children after his wife, angry because he returned them a few minutes late from a visitation, rammed his car with her vehicle while the children were still in it. Stephanie, their 14-year-old daughter, says her mother would often rage at the children as well, and that life at home was like "walking on eggshells"

Changing Your Children

By witnessing their parents' battles, children grow up believing that a normal family life is one defined by a cycle of fear, violence and tearful apologies. In turn, that begins another cycle, one that passes the legacy violence down from parent to child. As Oprah told Lisa, who believed her children were "very well adjusted" despite the violence they'd witnessed from her, "There's no question that when you argue in front of children, you change their self-esteem… in way that you will never know and they can't tell you." Obviously, both parents can be part of the problem in cases of domestic violence. And both can also be part of the solution.

So, I think the topic should be: IS ABUSE JUSTIFIABLE?

Missy B:

I'D say . . . .RUN!!!
If You love him so much and don't want to let him go. . . .Make him see a therapist.
Some of these men don't even know these acts are abusive. If he
isn't ready to see a therapist or repeats same act after once . . . .It's a Goodbye!!!

I understand that men can be very stubborn where seeing a therapist comes into play. I totally agree with that idea only if some men can take that route. I have friends who abuse their women and I must say I have been the mediator in most cases and often I do not know how else to make them understand and see things from a better perspective of being normal. I have asked some of these friends of mine to see therapists and counselors, some have been successful about it while some of them have rightly accused me of taking sides with their wives. I do not want to step on anyone's nerves but then being called upon to be the mediator, I think I have to tell it like it really is.

gen2genius:

So, I think the topic should be: IS ABUSE JUSTIFIABLE?

Straight up comment yours was.

TheSeeker:

I understand that men can be very stubborn where seeing a therapist comes into play. I totally agree with that idea only if some men can take that route. I have friends who abuse their women and I must say I have been the mediator in most cases and often I do not know how else to make them understand and see things from a better perspective of being normal. I have asked some of these friends of mine to see therapists and counselors, some have been successful about it while some of them have rightly accused me of taking sides with their wives. I do not want to step on anyone's nerves but then being called upon to be the mediator, I think

If they aren't ready to see a therapist and their women aren't leaving . . . .
How then would change come? Most times, the abused helps the abuser continue the act
and that's why I recommend severe enlightenment for both parties.
On no account must one accept abuse of any kind; sexual, physical, emotional etcetera.

Missy B:

If they aren't ready to see a therapist and their women aren't leaving . . . .
How then would change come? Most times, the abused helps the abuser continue the act
and that's why I recommend severe enlightenment for both parties.
On no account must one accept abuse of any kind; sexual, physical, emotional etcetera.

Correctly judged

Sadly-and i know this from first hand experience, being in a relationship with a violent man-be it verbally,sexually physically or whatever-it kills your self esteem and more often than not you get to the point where you think-what is the point, i might as well stay-i'm never going to be free of this person.
It f**ks with your head and its SOOOO important you seek counselling to get out of that trap of not feeling worthy of being with a decent,loving man.

If they aren't ready to see a therapist and their women aren't leaving . . . .
How then would change come? Most times, the abused helps the abuser continue the act
and that's why I recommend severe enlightenment for both parties.
On no account must one accept abuse of any kind; sexual, physical, emotional etcetera.


yes i agree-where is the need to change if the person is abusing and abusing and having no consequence for their actions.
if my child does wrong and he has no consequence he will continue to do wrong until he has punishment for that act and a reason to not let it continue.

if he/she is not threatening your life, you have abso-fucking-lutely no right whatsoever to hit the person
i mean, damn fool! its another human being you dip stick!

As a Man, there is absolutely no reason to hit a woman, there might be clashes or quarrels in the home but hitting a female, whether sister/girlfriend/wife/neighbour is not right, period,

we know women can talk and say things, but the true strength of a Man is internal strength and control,

gingeranny:

Sadly-and i know this from first hand experience, being in a relationship with a violent man-be it verbally,sexually physically or whatever-it kills your self esteem and more often than not you get to the point where you think-what is the point, i might as well stay-i'm never going to be free of this person.
It f**ks with your head and its SOOOO important you seek counselling to get out of that trap of not feeling worthy of being with a decent,loving man.

so how did you end up leaving

munky:

As a Man, there is absolutely no reason to hit a woman, there might be clashes or quarrels in the home but hitting a female, whether sister/girlfriend/wife/neighbour is not right, period,

we know women can talk and say things, but the true strength of a Man is internal strength and control,

what if the woman is the abuser

omega25red:

so how did you end up leaving

She sought couselling.

Not sure how to quote-but, in response to Omega25red


so how did you end up leaving



-forgive me if i got the name wrong.
-I did get counselling but that wasnt until several years later-he actually in the end left me for someone else,
and i thank my lucky stars for that because he is now with someone else who sadly seems to be in denial about the abuse he is giving her-and i get on really well with her, she confides in me and is like me talking several years ago which is rather strange.
We have kids together so thats why we are still in contact.
But the self esteem issue is very important and i think as has been said by many people before me, the bruises, they heal but its the emotional scars your left with which are so hard to mend.

never.

is it justafiable for a woman to bat her husband? nope. so why would it be the other wayaround?

In some cases yes it is.

Topic should not even be up for discussion

@FL Gator Really! why do you think so?

Abuse is never an option

Pharoh:

In some cases yes it is.

I bet you are only pulling the poster's legs .

@ POSTER

Abuse On Women: Is It Justifiable? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE

Abuse On Men : Is It Justifiable? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE

chic2pimp:

I bet you are only pulling the poster's legs .

@ POSTER

Abuse On Women: Is It Justifiable? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE

Abuse On Men : Is It Justifiable? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE

Naaaaa i am not pulling legs here neither will i hide behind my PC to present myself as a gentle man or a saint.

If your conclusion is that it is not justifiable under any circumstance then i think you don't want to care about the root cause of these abuses? (Man or Woman). I don't think any man/woman intended to abuse his/her partner in the first place but prevailing realities changed the situation and altered our expectations. This encounter with reality is the root cause of some abuses, some other kind of abuses is lack of understanding between both partners and if this situation is not properly managed then it will lead to abuses. To justify an abuse the majority of the blame has to come from one partner.

It will be good if you don't concentrate so much on the physical result of an abuse to justify it or not and try to look at it from the root source if it is right or wrong. I am not in anyway endorsing it but it is something we never planned for. Saying it is not justifiable does not give us the room or opportunity to solve the problem from the root. Tackling abuses from the angle of the physical result like prescribing jail terms or fines for an abuse is not going to stamp it out. Lets go back and solve it from the source.

Some men can be very verbally abusive and talk down their women anywhere, private or public.

They have seen their fathers do it and think it is the right thing.

Sometimes I say to myself, is it a good idea to argue a lot with a woman when we all know it must lead to something else?

Why argue when you know she is just trying to express herself

I have further understood that some women can be provocative, they push the man to the most unbearable limit and he reacts often very tense and terrifying.

Everyman needs a lot of self control SO see the woman as helping you to achieve that control yourself with her , you can control a lot in your life.

Who do we blame in that situation?

The man should be blamed for not understanding his woman

Pharoh:

Naaaaa i am not pulling legs here neither will i hide behind my PC to present myself as a gentle man or a saint.

From your post, u didn't present yourself as a saint at all.

Pharoh:

I am not in anyway endorsing it but it is something we never planned for. Saying it is not justifiable does not give us the room or opportunity to solve the problem from the root.

Of course, it's not planned for, but can be managed. Solving the problem from the root doesn't necessarily has to go to the extent of abuse dont' you think? It's like saying just because you hate the fact that your wife or gf nags, give the right to abuse.

zuuby:


Everyman needs a lot of self control SO see the woman as helping you to achieve that control yourself with her , you can control a lot in your life.

^
Exactly my point!