“Hello, Hello, this is Sokoto calling. Is that Katsina?” “Yes, Katsina here , barka da. Can I help you?” “It’s about my son. You know him, the one you are holding...” “Me? Holding your son? I can’t understand. I hope you are not saying I’m a kidnapper? Or that I am dandaodu? That is not my lot. “No. Hemm...I’m talking about the one in your trouble... “Abeg leave me alone o, Alhaji. I’m not holding anyone. Walahi I am just doing my own job my own way. See my hands...” “Ah, Alhaji. How can you say you are not holding anyone even when the whole world knows he is in your cell. And we are even supposed to be in-laws. If you are treating your own in-law like this I wonder what outsiders would get...” “Listen. We are in-laws, yes. But you have not told me this your matter is a matrimonial matter. Or is it? I can’t understand why you are mixing Tuwo masara with Tuwo shinkafa. If you wan maize, eat maize, if na rice, abeg, go for rice. I can’t see any nexus between being my in law and the issue at stake...” “Alhaji, I’m not saying you are a difficult man. What I’m saying is that the reason we have you there is to do us favours. We all danced the day you were elected. But don’t you think it is unthinkable that our own son is the one doing this to his own brother? If the singlet boys so loved and gave this boy so much powers why should it be you - of all people - to put him down? Why? ... “I’m I really holding your son or your son is holding himself? Ask him if he is not guilty of the sins killing him now? Ask him. You are asked to look after a hundred heads of cattle by the village and one by one the whole lot disappeared into the dark backyard of powerful chiefs. Who do we hold, you or who? Answer me? “Hmmmmm...you know he was just a messenger.” “Hmmmmm is not the answer to my question. Now, if the village gets enraged and now takes you to the market square, does it lie in your mouth to say the village head asked you to donate village cows to the big men? The person caught with the head is the one who cut it. That is the logic here...” “If that is the logic, then holding my boy is illogic. You didn’t catch him with the head. You trailed the blood to the big men’s bedrooms where the head was found kept in their deep freezer. I don’t even know whether those cannibals used juju for that boy. How can you distribute free meat without putting at least one in your own mouth? All the noise we’ve been hearing does not say he kept even one cow for himself. They all went to the witches and wizards ...” “I thought witches were females?” “Yes. You wan marry one...? “Are they looking for me? Your boy didn’t give anything to anyone in skirt or wrapper. Na men’s man or maybe he is even a wizard sef.” “If he was one he would take care of himself. None of these succulent pieces of meat is in his mouth. That should convince you that he is not a thief...” “Wait. Wait. What did you just say? Is it every man that chews meat before swallowing? For some, you won’t even see their fingers there. It will just land in their stomachs gbammm. You need a very powerful telescope to detect it...” “Ah haa! You don come o. How do you eat meat without using your fingers. Even if you use fork ‘n’ knife you will still hold them with your fingers...” “Alhajiii, but you can use other people’s fingers na” “Allah Sarki! Gaskiya. Is that what my boy did?” “Noo. I haven’t said so. It will be too early to say that. We are still investigating.” “Still investigating after convicting him in the market square. There is God and he will judge every one of us.” “You are angry, Alhaji.” “Angry? No. I’m just surprised you are this difficult. Don’t you know that this village is not as good as you are taking it. Even if you sacrifice your mother for them, they will still betray you. That is why you must never kill your brother to please the rabble. They are not your people. They are no one’s. They belong to everyone in power. Think!” “Meanwhile, how is Hajia?” “Which Hajia? The one you are denying the warmth of her husband or the one you are holding her son.” “Whichever. I expect you to understand. If it is what I could help, I would. But this one is ...” “Is what? You are just wicked. We thought you had changed...very sad.” “Now, listen Alhaji. Put yourself in my situation. You are the driver of a vehicle and the passengers say their lives are in your hand. Won’t you do things that would make them safe?” “And is looking forever at the rear view mirror a safety measure? Any driver that is glued to the mirror will kill his passengers, walahi. Stop looking at the past, face the future. That is where the passengers paid you to take them to.” “Really? But looking at the past is looking forward, you don’t think so? If you don’t take care of the past, the future is doomed.” “Henhennn! For you, looking at the side view mirrors (whether concave or convex) is the same as looking at the windscreen? Toor. Allah ki ya ye. God will grant you safe journey. “Concave or convex? Meaning?” “Sorry, I forgot Katsina didn’t have a physics teacher during your time. Sorry.” “Are you sure you are not wasting your airtime too much...this conversation is getting rather too long. Can we call it a day? It is even time for salat.” “Toor. Remember to say astagfrullah as you say your prayers because as a believer, you are supposed to listen to your elder, but see how you have treated me today.” “Well...goodnight Alhaji.” Source: www.tribuneonlineng.com/telephone-conversation-sokoto-calls-katsina |