Dear Colonel Dasuki,
Good morning sir. I hope you are doing great? I am really sorry as regards the turn of events concerning the money they said you embezzled no sorry sir the money you took. We didn’t expect it would turn out this way. We actually thought it would be business as usual but we were wrong because this new sheriff in town ain’t smiling (though he’s gap-toothed).I remember how you were glad when that money fell into your net (meehn!!! 2.1billion dollars ain’t small gees o). You already strategized on how you would disburse the money to cronies and really what was done in secret has now been blown open for the world to see. However, as they say in local parlance “breeze don blow and fowl yansh don open”, it will be wise of me to say my own angle of the story before you speak up about me because the turn of events ain’t getting funny by the day.
Recently, you indicted Chief Olu Falae and he had to speak a whole lot of grammar while making his explanation public and I learnt he was booed in church last Sunday- Poor old man!!! Just a paltry sum of 10million naira caused him that much embarrassment. Only if he had known, he would have stuck to my advice by collecting much more than that but he claimed to be older and as such wiser but now he knows better. I really donot have cult followership per se but I have a good name that I have built over the years to protect and hence it will be more honourable to earnestly narrate my side of the money “I took” before you speak up(at least Sai Baba fit pardon me small *looking dewy-eyed*).
If you will remember sir that it happened on that fateful day I was gisting with you in your office and suddenly I said I was hungry and I wanted to go grab something to eat but you insisted one of your boys quickly rush down the road to get me gala and malt which totalled to 170naira only. Then there was this other day that I came to your office but I had no lower currency to commute with (I had 500 and 1000 naira wads in my pocket) so you gave me 200naira that I should manage it. My mathematics teacher taught me that the total amount here is 370naira and that’s all you gave me out of the 2.1billion dollars. I will also be making this letter known to the public for future reference.
Lastly sir, how is madam and the children? Hope they are fine? I will find time to come see you soon and I am really sorry I have not done that. That’s because I have been acutely busy. I have lost touch of where they said you are gan. At one point you were under house arrest, at one time you were in the prison and the last I heard was you were denied access abroad for medical check-up despite the court order(don’t mind EFFC sir *mtcheew*). I am certain of one thing, I will locate you in due time when I am ready to see you.
Your gist partner,
Seun.
Email:justthinking54@gmail.com Twitter:@gentletalkaktiv
cc lalasticlala,mynd44,Seun