SOME WISDOM FOR BLISSFUL AND ENDURING MARRIAGE

"Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: she shall bring thee to honour, when thou dost embrace her. She shall give to thine head an ornament of grace: a crown of glory shall she deliver to thee"……. Proverbs 4:7-9(KJV)


Married people from all around the world are looking for ways to improve their marriages. Marriages are being extensively challenged on a daily basis if we are to be realistic with ourselves. However, there are powerful biblical nuggets which have been widely acclaimed to have continually been of tremendous help in saving many marriages.

Yes, from the Bible! That timeless collection of books is the richest WISDOM BANK for a most fulfilling marriage on earth. In ignorance, many couples look everywhere else but the Bible for wisdom to manage their marriage especially when in deep crisis. You must know that the best mechanic to service your automobile is the manufacturer. God created the marriage institution and so he has everything you need to enjoy your marriage in his kitty.

Fortunately for mankind, the guide to his kitty is the Bible which is readily available to all, irrespective of race, colour, citizenship or location. The Bible is the wisdom of God (Luke 11:49, 1Cor 2:7, Eph 3:10) for mankind and have solutions for every aspect of life and living INCLUDING MARRIAGE. Even if you don’t share the faith being promoted by the Bible, these time tested principles from it can revolutionize your marriage. Just give them a consistent try!

Wisdom1.
Take your mind away from the possibility of divorce.

By God’s standard, once married, you must accept that it’s too late to walk out except your partner dies.

“The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will……….” ---- 1Cor 9:39


As long as your partner is alive, you will be out of God’s will to divorce him or her. God set this standard for our good. No one divorces his spouse and remain the same.

God is full of love and He scarcely uses the word “HATE” but that’s what he feels for divorce and he expressed that in the Bible without mincing words.

“For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”----- Malachi 2:16


So Wives, you cannot leave your husband to marry someone else except he dies and you Husbands, you cannot divorce your wife because God hates divorce.

When you refuse to entertain in your mind, the possibility of leaving your marriage under any pretext, it helps you to be a better person and goes a long way to improve your marriage. You simply want to make it work because there is no way out. Marriage does not work by itself, you make it work.

If you are in a second marriage or you are “single again”, this is not written to judge you. Neither is the contents designed to make you feel ashamed. The Bible is clear about our access to grace, and the examples of all the great patriarchs in the Bible who fell quite short of God’s principles and commandments. God gave them second chances and new beginnings.

All God want now is for you to repent and change your ways because though he frowns at your days of ignorance, He’s willing to let go.

“And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men everywhere to repent” -------Acts 17:30

"Who was before a blasphemer, and a persecutor, and injurious: but I obtained mercy, because I did it ignorantly in unbelief".----- 1Timothy 1:13


Once the grace of God have drawn you to receive salvation and you have repented, mercy is available to you because you did all that was done ignorantly

Wisdom 2.
Treat your wife very nicely always

God operates only in a joyful atmosphere. And because he loves the institution of marriage, he wants to be a part of it all the time. He is aware of all that is going on with you and your spouse as a witness. This one particularly is talking to men who treat their wives with disdain and malicious dispositions and sometimes violence in other to subject them to cower when they appear. God says you are committing treachery by making life difficult for your wife.

“And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant”.------ Malachi 2:15-16


You cannot be violent towards your wife and expect to enjoy your marriage. If your spouse cowers when you appear, you don’t have a spouse but a slave, a servant who will always be afraid of you like her wicked boss and the only thing that will occupy her mind always is how best to get away from you.

Wisdom 3.
Take Sex serious.

God is the inventor of sex and he alone knows all the good reasons why he did so. He said a lot about it and how much, as a married person, you should pay attention to it to enable you enjoy it and by extension enjoy your marriage. Sex should be observed regularly in marriage with both spouses submitting to each other’s needs and desires.

“The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.” --- 1 Corinthians 7:3-4


Another version says:

“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife”------- 1 Corinthians 7:3-4


Benevolence means generosity. Couples must be consistently generous towards each other in the act and matter of sex. Both partners must avoid giving what is called DUTIFUL or CADAVERIC sex but PLEASURABLE sex to the other all the time (a CADAVER is a corpse). Pleasurable sex is what satisfies while dutiful sex is meant to put it on record that a partner did not refuse the sexual advances of the other. However, you might not have refused but at the same time, your partner might have derived little or no pleasure from what you gave in the act of marital sex. When you give dutiful or cadaveric sex, it means you are unwilling or uninterested which your partner can interpret to mean just about anything. Such incidences are quick and probably the fastest to bring deep cracks into marital relationships which fallouts have led to the breakup of many promising marriages. The bible calls it “sexual fraud” but we “call it sexual laxity”.

“Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”----- –1 Corinthians 7:5


God is saying you should have pleasurable sex consistently for your own marital good. What you are unwilling to give to your spouses sexually, people outside are willing to give them for free and consistently too. Be wise

Wisdom 4.

Avoid mental polygamy.

Mostly, we believe as long as we don’t commit a sexual act outside the marriage, then we are “monogamous,” but the Bible’s standard for monogamy covers not only what happens in the bedroom, but what happens in the mind.

“You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:27-28


Polygamy of the mind begins from pornographic addiction, graphic romance novels, “lusting after” other people, etc. This is a high standard, but it’s because marriage is a high priority. God knows the effect of these things ever before they happen. He knows they breed lusts and lusts breed temptation and temptation breads sin:

"But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death"-------- James 1:14-15


Your marriage shall not die in Jesus Christ’s name.

Wisdom 5.
Love is not a picky feeling.

Western and westernized couples, after different timings in marriage, do talk about “falling out of love”. This is because they don’t really have a good understanding of what love actually means. Love, by its core nature, isn’t a fairy tale sensitivity or emotion but a commitment that is absolutely permanent. Love in marriage isn’t a story with a happy ending; but a story with no ending.

“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” 1 Corinthians 13:7


When you fall the first time into something, you cannot fall the second time into same thing or another thing for that matter, except you first rise up from where you have fallen. What these kinds of couples meant was that they rose out of love but that is not possible if truly they were in love. Love is not temporary neither does it change. God is love and he never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Heb 13:8, 1 John 4:8, 16. Therefore, it’s ungodly to “fall out of love”. Despite all that mankind did to offend God, He didn’t give up on us but send Jesus to be the sacrificial lamb for the remission of our sins so we can be reconciled back to Him.

He never gave up on us because he loved us but made compromises instead. Be willing to reach a compromise in your marriage on all reasonable issues and you will have peace like a river.

Wisdom 6.
Every wife needs love and every husband needs respect.

One of the toughest parts of matrimony is loving your spouse even when his/her actions or attitude is far from lovable or giving respect when they’re actually acting disrespectful, but it’s so important to do it. God gives us His best when we’re at our worst, and He calls us to do that for each other in marriage. People usually need love most when they “deserve” love least.

“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us”.----Romans 5:8

God did not wait until we love him. He did not even wait nor ask us to repent first but for the love he has for mankind, he compelled Jesus to die for us. So husbands must love their wives as themselves because no one hates himself even when he knows he had done wrongly. Wives also must respect their husbands unconditionally and dutifully.

“So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

Wisdom 7.
Your spouse’s needs have to come before your own.

In our selfish human nature, we tend to look at every relationship (including marriage) as a way to get our own needs met, but marriage means laying down your own rights for the sake of another. This requires mutual submission and serving your spouse even when they’re not reciprocating. This is modeled by how Jesus served us and even died for us when we were undeserving.

“And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her”..... Ephesians 5:21-25


Wisdom 8.
Be united in everything.

There can’t be “his” and “hers” when it comes to money, hopes, dreams or struggles. Marriage means sharing everything. It means keeping no secrets from each other. This means your disagreements won’t have a “winner” and a “loser” because you’ll either win together or lose together every time. It means remembering that you should never let your spouse walk alone, because you’re unified in everything.

“This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Genesis 2:24

Wisdom 9.
A marriage takes three.

Knowing quite well that no marriage minister will preach in favour of polygamy, people often wonder who the third member will be whenever this sub-topic is introduced. We are not talking about polygamy here.

“……………… Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth,.......”. Malachi 2:14

The third member of a marriage is God Himself. Marriage is so important to God that He Himself chose to be the witness of everything going on in every marriage. He created marriage not just to be a man and a woman, but rather, a man and a woman in a growing relationship with each other and with God. The more you love God, the more capacity you will have to love each other.

Your marriage is blessed today and always.

Jesus is Lord!

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