BUILDING AN AFFAIR-PROOF MARRIAGE

Like we always say, marriage does not work by itself; couples have to make it work. Everywhere you turn, there is mostly an all-too-familiar story about how this marriage or that marriage had started to drift on autopilot, and whatever passion, whatever communication and even the friendship that existed within those marriages had somehow faltered. While this shift persists through a period of relational drift, the husband might have started a “friendship” with a woman client, and because of the cracks at home, the relationship quickly progressed and crossed undesirable lines.

The brokenhearted wife had discovered the evidence when she read some text messages on her husband’s phone and now they are faced with rude shock trying to figure out how this had happened and what they were supposed to do next.

While healing is possible after adultery, affairs usually cause unimaginable pain and relational wreckage and couples should do everything inconveniently possible to proactively avoid infidelity. Prevention they say is better than cure.

Below are a few guidelines that have the power to safeguard your marriage from the pain of infidelity by building an “Affair-Proof” marriage.

Each of the principles below starts with showing continued respect, honesty and love towards your spouse. Don’t keep secrets from each other. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. Make a commitment to be faithful at all times and in all ways out of love and respect for your husband or wife!

PRINCIPLE 1.
Make communication with our spouse a priority.

Communication is the status gauge of any marriage. What communication does for a marriage is directly comparable to what oxygen does for your lungs! A marriage devoid of communication is going into cardiac arrest. Stay connected with daily, uninterrupted conversation. Talk about everything including your sex life. Tell yourselves what you like in the bedroom and how your spouse can help you achieve it. Talk about your future dreams to enable robust discussion and fine-tuning. Whatever you do, keep your communication life active.

PRINCIPLE 2.
Keep all your flirting focused on your spouse.

If you’re always trying to get attention of the opposite sex, you’re eventually going to get the kind of attention that can wreck your marriage. This is not to say you should be unfriendly with or intolerant toward the opposite sex. However, if your marriage was important to you and it is your desire to avoid damaging cracks, after normal greetings and pleasantries, there should be nothing more. Anything else should be directed towards your spouse. Flirt with your spouse often, but never flirt with anyone else!

PRINCIPLE 3.
Stay away from conversation your spouse must not hear or see.

The moment you’re talking with someone and you think, “I hope my husband/wife doesn’t find out about this,” you are WAY out of line already. Whether or not your spouse is physically present, show him/her respect. When you engage in intimate discussion with anyone else other than your spouse, it becomes suggestive to that other person and he/she can misread your contributions. Even if you plan to counsel someone in that line, do it in the company of your spouse.

PRINCIPLE 4.
Make sex a priority in your marriage.

This cannot be over emphasized. Sex is the emotional food of marriage to be consumed only with your spouse. When your spouse is not satisfied with your cooking, he visits restaurants. It is worse when you deliberately starve him/her because he/she is going to get hungry and find food to eat somewhere else. If the deal outside is better, you may lose him/her for life. Certainly, there is more to an affair than just sex, but having a healthy sex life within marriage is still one of the best ways to build a strong marriage while simultaneously safeguarding against the temptations of infidelity. Unsatisfactory sex-life brings cracks into a marriage faster than any other factor.

PRINCIPLE 5.
Talk openly and positively about your spouse.

Be proud of your spouse and your “married status”. Don’t be an “Undercover Married Person.” Your co-workers and associates should know that you’re married and that you love your spouse. Keep his or her picture on your desk. Always wear your wedding ring. Enjoy saying “am going home to my husband/wife” at the close of work every day. Let people see your spouse as the center of your universe.

PRINCIPLE 6.
Socialize together.

Attend social events together always. Let your wife always be your “plus one” at any occasion. Work towards being inseparable. Before you RSVP any social invitation, tell whoever is inviting you to allow you check with your spouse. Whenever your spouse comes with a social invitation, except you are unavoidably indisposed, always go together. If a spouse is genuinely indisposed and the event cannot take any toll on your career, don’t go.

PRINCIPLE 7.
Visit your children in school together.

Young children have “open day”. Older ones may be in the boarding house (visiting day) or on a campus. Whatever their level, visit them together. There is nothing like making new discoveries about your children together. No matter how busy one spouse is, it is not an excuse to make it the duty of the less busy spouse to do the visitations alone. Doing such breeds cracks.

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