Tritri:
@OP In as much as i dont want to give my advice publicly , i will want a private conversation , I've been in ur position and let me guess d girl is from Ogun state ?

Now that's another issue. I can't give details of either parties involved. But I can give an hint. I am yoruba the girl in question is from another tribe.

Sorry for asking this foolish question despite claiming to have been on nairaland since 2007.

How do we chat privately on nairaland

EfemenaXY:


My reaction was: "Mtcheeeeeeeeeeewwwww"

Because a real man won't go all jelly on us. Na from this point I dey suspect the @op na minor himself...

You don't understand. I'm trying to reduce the possibility of me ridiculing my self in the future since there's a possibility I sired the child, that's y I couldn't discuss this issue with friends. I told just one. And please pardon me for saying everything here.

I'm trying to seek candid opinion out here on this forum.

Right now all I feel is regret for keeping my family in the dark on the possibility that I might not responsible for the child.

You need to know how deeply bothered I am

x240:



Ante natal at how many months?

Enjoy the ride.

Her family found out late because they didn't consider the possibility of she being pregnant when she was showing early symptoms. (please note:- I tried every possible ways to hint her mum)

They only carried out the test when the signs were more visible.

That's y an abortion is not an option.

I tot trading care for my freedom would be easy. My thoughts are killing me faster than I could have imagined.

When I take her for antenatal or when we are alone probably visiting her as part of the care agreement and the thoughts of me possibly not being the father crosses my mind, how do I handle it? (note the possibility that I'll still have this conversation with her is very high. I can't seem to get my mind off it)

Trust me I am not good at masking my feelings and I do not want to do anything I'll regret in the future.

Trust me the only thing making me keep things this way is the media circus and my freedom

@Deafndumb

First this happened to me.. The families Rushed me to introduce my parent ...But one day i mistakenly went into the girls FB and what i saw Gave me sleepness night for 3 weeks before i could tell anyone....Here is my ADVICE I will delet dis after u read it.

CALL THE GIRL IN YOUR PRESENCE ...ASK HER QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT YOU FOUND ABOUT HER.see dealing with girls sometimes u need to be hard on them to confess .

tell her if she didnt confess u will call ur parent now and tell them everything. If she still refused..Pick your phone call ur parent and start begging them that something has happened.Explained everything to your mom.Tell ur mom how many people has refused the pregnany before they give u.Tell ur parent the truth about everything..

ur mom will tell u the next step to do..i still av more to say but am scared nairaland people will bash on me.

@tritri

Thanks for the advice. Even asking gently she's scared. I'm 50% sure she's not sure who is responsible

@Deafndumb

You think U're smart...But I advice explaine everything to your mom and let your mom handles it . Ur mom knows about this game..It a woman's thing..

as for me.I told my parent the day i had sex with her and they all calculated it with her parent and dey knew it never possible with the result of the scan.

She finally gave birth and d baby looks 95% like her ex boyfriend who was a married man.Do you know it takes me 3-4mth to recover during the pregnancy case ,I lost millions because i coudnt concentrate in my business.Dis girl would abuse..swear then i reported to my parent..Guess what..she stop talking to me..

Early this year all she could say is SHE IS SORRY FOR ALL WHAT SHE CAUSED ME ...even the ex BF has never seen d child up till now..Dis people r looking for who to put the load.

Dere r so many things i might say more...But wount .

Have u heard someone trainning his child only to find out after 12 years d child is not his? It all started dis way.

OP, I had been in your shoes before but not a case of minor. She was looking for where her bread will be buttered.

Believe me, you will never be able to concentrate. Just play along and everything will work out fine.

@Deafndumb Even if u will play along,dont involve ur family.This will affect you in ur education or business...U might end up with alcohol or weed..just be careful.

@tritri

Thanks a lot for the advice. I'll inform my parents so they don't get too involved

@debetrx

Thanks. This stuff has been have it toil on my health. I can't seem to forgive myself for my actions.

Handling this issue is trickish as it has begun to affect my lifestyle.

Her family want me to support her with my physical care.

I have expended close to 7k on calls in 2wks. She keeps killing me with worrisome texts.

@Deafndumb I know what am saying..Explaine it all to ur parent and follow ur parent advice.Dont hide anything to them..it better than keeping it inside u and coming on nairaland to cry.
why do u think d rest people avoided the preg?
Why r dey all rushing u ? Is it because u sound responsible among the rest guyz? ask urself dis questions and ask her too.

Thanks a lot I'll inform then later

Thanks a lot I'll inform then layer

Keep looking for attention. Yimu . ADHD is worrying you. You and your "friends". Na today?

baby124:
Keep looking for attention. Yimu . ADHD is worrying you. You and your "friends". Na today?

If u have nothing to offer me don't.......

Deafndumb:


If u have nothing to offer me don't.......

Smh

Deafndumb:


The mum is already pushing that I play the role of the hubby if u grab.
Outrightly Refusing it would arouse suspicions which may result to confrontation. How do I go about that?

Play daddy on the side lines.Feign busy for 3 days,drop in on the fourth day looking very concerned,apologise and do busy for four days,show on the fifth and wail busy terribly,do busy bee again for five days and go sapped of all blood and water on the 6th.
You feel me brada?
Yo! That way,they will be analysing you,pitying you and confused cos you showing up atleast but busy.
But bro,truth be told,why you doing sheathes off in this era of zika and lassa and them relatives?
Lessons learnt huh?
You will get through this...
Trust me!
Don't forget to buy fruits and beverages when you show up acting busy bee!
Those are the ingridents for "daddy on the side lines delicacy".
(I play alot,pardon me,but I mean everyword)

Goodluck brother...
Act 1;Scene 3...
Again...I play too much...

Deafie,on a serious note,your parents needs to be aware of this issue.
This is beyond you now.
Your solution lies in this.
Her parents will dehumanise you until an elderly person from your side shows up.
They know you are scared and probably a good guy,so they are using it against you.
Whatever won't take your life is a phase that is meant to gear you forward.
Call you folks into this...This situation is one why we have parents.
Do not defend your self,let the blames fall like pebbles,take them all in.
If that child is yours,take it in good faith but do not be cajoled into marrying the girl except you have such intentions.
Am with you in prayers.
May the odds forever be in your favour.

@GodnGold Nice advice !!!

GodnGold:
Play daddy on the side lines.Feign busy for 3 days,drop in on the fourth day looking very concerned,apologise and do busy for four days,show on the fifth and wail busy terribly,do busy bee again for five days and go sapped of all blood and water on the 6th.
You feel me brada?
Yo! That way,they will be analysing you,pitying you and confused cos you showing up atleast but busy.
But bro,truth be told,why you doing sheathes off in this era of zika and lassa and them relatives?
Lessons learnt huh?
You will get through this...
Trust me!
Don't forget to buy fruits and beverages when you show up acting busy bee!
Those are the ingridents for "daddy on the side lines delicacy".
(I play alot,pardon me,but I mean everyword)

Goodluck brother...
Act 1;Scene 3...
Again...I play too much...

Thanks for ur concern. I'm really in a messed up situation.

My fiancée is suspicious

GodnGold:
Deafie,on a serious note,your parents needs to be aware of this issue.
This is beyond you now.
Your solution lies in this.
Her parents will dehumanise you until an elderly person from your side shows up.
They know you are scared and probably a good guy,so they are using it against you.
Whatever won't take your life is a phase that is meant to gear you forward.
Call you folks into this...This situation is one why we have parents.
Do not defend your self,let the blames fall like pebbles,take them all in.
If that child is yours,take it in good faith but do not be cajoled into marrying the girl except you have such intentions.
Am with you in prayers.
May the odds forever be in your favour.

Thanks a lot. Its like u know exactly what her family is doing to me right now. They know I'm scared and r using it against me.
I guess my mistake is me trying to defend myself. I won't say anything again as from today. I'll just play deaf n dumb and show up once a while

The girl in question has been moved to another location. When her family invites me, if I show up trouble, if I don't they'll threaten to unleash hell. I'm really fed up of this situation.

Her family wants me to break up with my fiancée cos they know I have one.

I have started working on it. But to my surprise yesterday the girl sent me an epistle of regrets bundled with curses for questioning her on the possibility of her other bf being responsible.

Since the message, she won't respond to my msgs nor answer my calls. I called over 40times (for real. Cos I didn't want her to feel I was trying to boycotting my possible responsibilty), all to no avail. I, later decided to reach her mom, same stuff. After about 20trys I gave up the asked a friend who was in the loop to place a call across to her. She later picked my call only to tell me to call some other family members of hers because that's where the girl is.

I placed the call just to show concern. They started giving excuses like she's sleeping, not near by etc. I finally gave up cos I was done worrying because I felt relieved that I had done everything I could have done.
After some hours, her mom called me herself, told me to visit a place if I wanted to c d gal.

To be sincere with you. I think I do not feel like playing along i just want to reset the whole inequality. I felt ridiculed the last time I went to her place and I sincerely have no further intentions of going there

CONDOM

Lol.

It is the responsibility of a wayward child's parents to bear the cross of their failures.
Don't let any crazy parents pressurise you unnecessarily. You have to be bold, Hard and firm now.

No marriage except you want to marry their daughter. Make she born for her papa house, then you do DNA, that is just so you can be responsible to the child if it is yours.

If their wahala is too much, change you number and location for like a month. Confide in your parents, they should not take in the girl in your absence.

You've been very silly for sleeping with an underage girl. Infact very very foo.lish agbaya behaviour.

Time for her parents to step to the plate.
If they take legal action against you, you deserve it. Agbaya.

BUT PLEASE, don't get married just because you gave a girl belle. She won't be the first and she won't be the last. The punishment for sleeping with underage is for a while, that of marrying with a burdened heart? Is forever. Make you no go strangle the girl in future come serve jail term for murder.

Be calm, this will surely pass.

Deafndumb:
Her family wants me to break up with my fiancée cos they know I have one.

I have started working on it. But to my surprise yesterday the girl sent me an epistle of regrets bundled with curses for questioning her on the possibility of her other bf being responsible.

Since the message, she won't respond to my msgs nor answer my calls. I called over 40times (for real. Cos I didn't want her to feel I was trying to boycotting my possible responsibilty), all to no avail. I, later decided to reach her mom, same stuff. After about 20trys I gave up the asked a friend who was in the loop to place a call across to her. She later picked my call only to tell me to call some other family members of hers because that's where the girl is.

So they want you to break up so you can marry their daughter tell them no you arent marrying their daughter even if its your child most you would do is to take responsibility for the child

even if you break up with your fiancees, its not to marry their daughter

get your parents involved your mom first. Dont let them toss you around

Thanks a lot for ur concern and advice

Don't be anybody's mugu, allow her to give birth, then take the baby to micure and do a test, if you can't Afford DNAThen do a Blood test. If the baby is not yours, take the result to her parents and thank them and make your leave without the baby.

dapsonlou:
Don't be anybody's mugu, allow her to give birth, then take the baby to micure and do a test, if you can't Afford DNAThen do a Blood test. If the baby is not yours, take the result to her parents and thank them and make your leave without the baby.

Thanks

,

When people ask for advice on a very clear issue then I wonder what kind advice they are seeking for
So what problem did you say you have ?
The girl is not good enough for you to marry or you are too young to marry?

Bros what kind of advice do you want exactly?

You admitted you slept with the girl
You admitted the girl is a minor
You already accepted the pregnancy
You admitted you know sleeping with a minor is a crime
You aditted you know the girls parents can ruin your life if they report to the police
You admitted you slept with a wayward girl
You told your parents are already arranging a meeting
You admitted you made some promises to her parents


So what advice do you want? You want us to tell you what exactly?
Leave the girl?
Break your promise ?
Run away ?
That you may not be the father ?
That if reported it may ruin your life?

You know all the answers to these questions cos you answered them already ..so bros face the music. .also if you do not want insults, don't come to a public forum with an issue that people suppose beat you up for.

Goldenboy007:
When people ask for advice on a very clear issue then I wonder what kind advice they are seeking for
So what problem did you say you have ?
The girl is not good enough for you to marry or you are too young to marry?

Bros what kind of advice do you want exactly?

You admitted you slept with the girl
You admitted the girl is a minor
You already accepted the pregnancy
You admitted you know sleeping with a minor is a crime
You aditted you know the girls parents can ruin your life if they report to the police
You admitted you slept with a wayward girl
You told your parents are already arranging a meeting
You admitted you made some promises to her parents


So what advice do you want? You want us to tell you what exactly?
Leave the girl?
Break your promise ?
Run away ?
That you may not be the father ?
That if reported it may ruin your life?

You know all the answers to these questions cos you answered them already ..so bros face the music. .also if you do not want insults, don't come to a public forum with an issue that people suppose beat you up for.

Just like u typed urself, there are tons of options. Just trying to view the issue from other people's perspective.

Their contributions had a lot of impact on my decisions.

Do u know I would have kept my discoveries away from my family if not for nairaland.

What I'm saying is a times one can have series of option just trying to pick which is best. So seeking opinions of others may be useful