Being Engaged Is Wierd. - Romance - Nairaland
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| Being Engaged Is Wierd. by Atreus(f): 12:22pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
ok,so sometime last month,i got engaged to an amazing woman. She's everything to me,she's funny,independent,caring,beautiful. . I could go on and on. She sees past all my shit,my issues,and sees me,the real me,and loves me,just the way i am. So anyway,i got over my commitment issues,bought her a ring and asked her to marry me,and she said yes. So i told her that i wanted her to have the wedding of her dreams. I know the whole wedding stuff is really important to women. So she said she wanted a big wedding(between us we know a lot of ppl nd we both come from big families). I was cool with that. I still am. The problem is,of late i feel she's become too absorbed in the planning. That's the only thing she's ever interested in talking about,y'know,how many cloth material for aso-oke she's bought,the gifts,caterers etc. I thought if we got engaged,we'd just get married and get it over with,but everything is just so complicated,and hard. I feel she's so absorbed in the wedding preparations she's lost sight of the marriage,and why we want to do this. I tried talking to her about it,but she was like it's her day and she wants it to be perfect. I'm just feeling kinda angry that it's like i'm not even there anymore. I want her to be happy. I know this means a lot to her,i mean,you only get married once,but still it pisses me off. Is it selfish of me to feel the way i do? |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by alfchye(m): 3:20pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
You are a crazy idiot.The marriage would be once, so allow her take her time to plan it.You will always have her and if it bothers you join her in the activity.I bet you it will be fun. |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by ThoniaSlim(f): 3:46pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
alfchye: Word. . .I know you feel neglected. . .but you got to understand its her day. . .and every bride wants it to be perfect. . .so please exercise patience with her. . .  |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by Nobody: 3:49pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
@alf you're a more foolish individual.He has a point there.@original poster it's not a big deal actually it's the biggest day of her life.These are things women plan for since they were little unlike we males.Just appreciate that you've gotten your woman and enjoy the day.After all since she yours let her do what makes her happy.Keep my rice and drinks and don't have cold feets.God will bless your union |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by iceman2: 4:01pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
@ alfchye, You dont have to b so hostile towards mr lover-boy. He has every right 2 be bothered. Like he said, its not about the wedding party but about the marriage. That day will come and go. |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by sistawoman: 4:10pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
The building for the marriage was done by the time you put that ring on her finger. Now she has to plan for the wedding and you should allow her this chance. She will not get a do over, she will not get to repeat this day again. Please just allow her to be self absorb in all of this and allow her to plan it out all details down to the steps everyone should make. This too shall pass. Most men here in the states have a saying "she plans i just show when asked" |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by Beaf: 4:21pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
Loosen up a little. Its the male thing thats cropping up. You've got to realise that all her plans are about the day she commits to sharing her life with you. Women have a more socially involved way of doing things than men (e.g. shopping is not a military task; door, buy toothpaste, buy lotion. . . door). You have to get used (and sometimes participate) in her more sensual way of navigating life. Good luck, happy married life!!! ~~~cracks open champagne for una  ~~~ |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by iice(f): 10:14pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
Once the wedding is done. . .i think she'll be back to normal. But seriously. . .i feel you. |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by Nobody: 10:36pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
Whats pissing you off more, the fact that you feel she's to preoccupied with wedding plans or that you feel the focus is away from you? If the latter is the case, then you need to ask yourself if you'll get prissy every time something else becomes the center of her attention. Food for thot, cheers! |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by puskin: 10:45pm On Jul 11, 2009 |
Just call d whole thing off |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by whitelexi(m): 12:10am On Jul 12, 2009 |
Try postponing the wedding. . . or shifting the date further. You are faced with either an innocent attempt to plan a wedding [and then getting very preoccupied in it that she forgets her man almost entirely], or a case of desperation to settle into marriage as soon as possible. I shift that date further down the line if na me cos more investigation into the root of this utter neglect during a period when u really should enjoy your time spent together. . . You are kuku engaged so the marriage will surely happen someday, why the sudden rush? |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by oyinda3(f): 4:13am On Jul 12, 2009 |
Atreus: you agreed to big wedding. but you must know that big weddings come with big planning. even after your wedding -for the next few weeks or months, she will still be talking about how many people she needs to deliver wedding video CDs to, gift issues what iya lagbaja did to the left over food and so on. . . so i can only advice you to wait for the dust to settle. congrats on ur engagement anyways |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by vanitty: 8:42am On Jul 12, 2009 |
Let her be. Most ladies are like that too be honest. I remember during my cousin's she was just simply nuts. Just think off it this way after the whole wedding, everything will be back to normal. |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by sexykelly(m): 9:58am On Jul 12, 2009 |
All the best |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by topup: 1:23pm On Jul 12, 2009 |
I think you can afford to relax on this issue, it can bring up issues which are temporary and can put more strain - in a moment when she needs support and strength to deal with all the crap she probably has to deal with from people disappointing her, late meetings, no shows, increased fees e.t.c. Of course she's become obsessed by the planning, planning a wedding is one of the most stressful things in a woman's life, especially if it's her own, and a big one at that, so many people to please e.t.c. I think maybe you'll be able to understand whether she's become too engrossed if you partake in the decisions and helping out with the planning (if she'll let you), if you're able to not get engrossed then you have every right to ask for the same thing, but I bet you'll understand why she talks about it all the time, once you get into the details. I was a makeup artist in a wedding not so long ago, and boy, even I could feel the strain, the bride made it look effortless, but at times more strain was put on those around her to make decisions in her best interest. I think it's such a good sign that she's putting her all into the wedding right now. It has to be special and even though you might be happy with a simple do, she's already made it clear she wants it to be something big - big expectations. Have you seen the movie; 'Sex and the City.' it came out last year - watch it. Atreus: You never had commitment issues, you just hadn't found a woman who you felt was worth committing to. |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by touchmeder: 3:12pm On Jul 12, 2009 |
post pone the wedding just like that when the bride to be is talking aso ebi and all that stuff is it at that stage you want to back out just because someone is putting her all in preparation of an important day that will cause her to spend the rest of her life with you. she is definitely not going about it in the right way, but postponement or breaking off is not the right thing either, if uve spoken to her about it and she has not changed as such let it go by now you should be cork sure of what you have gotten yourself into.its definitely the pressure on the girl nothing more |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by Atreus(f): 8:50am On Jul 13, 2009 |
@everyone who's wished me well,thanks. @ ezinne,ur question got me thinking. It's not that i'm pissed off because the focus is away from me(that'd be stupid-i mean,what happens when we have kids?),but i just feel she's too absorbed in the planning that she's forgetting the more important things-namely,how much we love each other and why we want to get married. If i try to shift the date,it would seem like i'm stalling,and that's not the impression i wanna give. I dont have cold feet,i'm a 100% sure that this is what i want to do and she's the woman i want to spend the rest of my life with. I cant see myself involved in the planning(beyond paying the bills),but it's worth a try,i guess. |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by Nobody: 9:14am On Jul 13, 2009 |
Happy married life.I envy married people cuz in a world where we have bleeped men and women few manage to get the sane ones and stick it out with. |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by GEW: 9:29am On Jul 13, 2009 |
Atreus:O BOY RELAX YOUR HEAD THAT IS WHAT WOMEN DO BEST YOU HEAR. if you can afford it pay for the services of a planner that is not to say a busy body woman will let them do their work. it is always better to leave it in the hands of people who can do it better so you can relax. naija people know how to wahala and sweat over things sha. any way congrats. when you can get to talk to her tell her you miss her and would like your mrs back. puskin:bad belle. no go find wife dey there. |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by C2H5OH(f): 9:47am On Jul 13, 2009 |
So what if she's supposedly planning the said wedding. Dude you shouldn't be abandoned like that. Talk to her about your concerns dude. You have every right to be concerned about being neglected. You are in a relationship with a woman you think is the love of your life, and at a very crucial time like this when you feel you should be getting showered with even more love from her you're actually feeling like a loner. Sit her down NOW and address this issue. Don't wait until after you are tied to her forever to find out if it's only a temporary occurence. Anyway sha |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by Nobody: 9:49am On Jul 13, 2009 |
Hey Gew.Does it stand for George Eric Wogbe.Knew someone by that acronym in nigerian navy secondary school. |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by tosyne007(m): 10:08am On Jul 13, 2009 |
C2H5OH: C'mon!!! why is ur own answer different form the fold. According to the poster, the lady happens to be the woman of his dreams so, i dont think he should be bothered cos it's a temporary thing. it will definately pass. @poster, put ur mind to rest. she's urs and will always be. u made us understand she has always been a good girl and this whole complaints of urs ia about 'NEGLECT'. Just give her little time and she will get over it. Give her all the support she needs and make the marriage worthwhile. you can only raise dust when the neglect continues after the festivities. hold on to ur wifey bro. conjugal bliss in advance. |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by izeek(m): 10:28am On Jul 13, 2009 |
its normal for her to get caried away by the activities, dont mean she dont care about u. but if it eats u that much, get the services of a wedding planner. that way alot is relieved off her, and she hfinds time for u. |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by C2H5OH(f): 4:24pm On Jul 13, 2009 |
tosyne007:what you need to worry about is leaving your own comments. quit worrying about the difference in mine. you aren't being flogged into agreeing with me, are you? |
| Re: Being Engaged Is Wierd. by Nobody: 3:59am On Jul 14, 2009 |
Atreus: Seems like a good idea, with you involved in whateva way, she sees[b] you [/b]and she'll definitely ease up a bit. Goodluck and Congratulations! |
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