Hi every one, i desperately need the advice of all u good people, particularly the married men and women.
I just got a marriage proposal from an old friend ( have known him for 10yrs), he is a responsible, caring guy and financially stable. Though i dont love him, i dont know if i should accept. I am in my late 20's and very tired of dating and getting dissappointed.SHOULD I SAY YES OR WAIT FOR THE UNKNOWN?

So what would be the basis of saying YES?
Would it be cos he is caring, by the way, how do u define care?
Would it be cos he is a nice person?
Would it be cos he is finacially stable?
Or cos you are in your late 20s?
Cos you said, u dont love him.
So please explain what the yardstick of your concluding on YES

It al depnds on u,lyke u ritely stated hw cn u say yes to a person u said u dnt love.secndly if u say yes to him nw wit time love we dvelop,very strong one at dat,pls dnt doubt me i ave seen.visevisa

Turiano:

It al depnds on u,lyke u ritely stated hw cn u say yes to a person u said u dnt love.secndly if u say yes to him nw wit time love we dvelop,very strong one at dat,pls dnt doubt me i ave seen.visevisa

Someone she has known for 10 years {though, werent in love}, how long would they have to be engaged for love to come and knock at their doors?
What will now happen, if after saying YES, another prince charming shows up and she now eat the love bug, what will now happen to the other "i dont love him" man

Hey princess

I know it aint easy but i think you should take time to know him as a lover. Friendship and romance are two different things, i cant marry some my very old friend coz we aint compatible when it comes to romance. tell him to give you time maybe like six months, its not as if you are getting married immediately.

or are you?

i just think it is time Ladies stop using age as a yardstick to determine when they are ready to get marry

@Poster,are u ready for marriage?
whatever,dont rush to say yes to his proposal,u guys still need to court and get to know more abt urselves.Tell him,it wud be better if u guys take some time to really know yourselves and be very sure b4 saying i do.atleast 6 months courtship shld do.
The big question is "are u ready for marriage"?

@ fhemmy
sincerely i dont have any romantic feelings 4 him now, but i think we understand each other alot , we are also very compatible. by caring i meant he has all d wonderful qualities of a good husband/father.
@ turiano
i hav also heard abt d luv always comes later thing, it could also happen to me . right?
@ ify and sparta
i really like your advice, but something in me tells me if i let the relationship hangs for long, i will dissappoint him (unfortunately i have relationship/marriage phobia), i always let good guys go 4 d most stupid of reasons, im afraid i will do d same with him , again

truly-opal:

@ fhemmy
sincerely i dont have any romantic feelings 4 him now, but i think we understand each other alot , we are also very compatible. by caring i meant he has all d wonderful qualities of a good husband/father.
@ turiano
i hav also heard abt d luv always comes later thing, it could also happen to me . right?
@ ify and sparta
i really like your advice, but something in me tells me if i let the relationship hangs for long, i will dissappoint him (unfortunately i have relationship/marriage phobia), i always let good guys go 4 d most stupid of reasons, im afraid i will do d same with him , again

Then, you can give him a shot, however, let him know your true feeling, let him know you dont have the romantic feelings presently, but with time, you willing to develop it, so that, he will know what he is getting into.
If you have marriagephobia, deal with it, you will be fine.
So good luck and make sure u invite me to the wedding oh

but sincerely how much does chemistry/romance /crazy in luv feeelings makes a marriage work? i hav seen many couples dat were crazy 4 each other pre-marriage and then later become strangers due to non compatibility or other things.
i hav never been the kind of gal dat FALLS in luv, i hardly get tripped by men. attraction(yes) but never crazy in luv. mayb ppl like me jst never get 2 experience dat in life.
i hav had proposals from nyc guys but due to absence of sparks and huge attractions , i had 2 let go. i dont want 2 luk back in d future and regret my actions

Like i said, give a trial since u said, you are compatible.
Also, just be honest with him and let him know how you feel

@ fhemmy
thanx a million 4 d advice. i am already feelin purposeful. but another question abeg. how does some1 deal with marriage phobia?

You only fight a phobia with it.
You need to find what scares you off marriage and then deal with it.
maybe dating this man and preparing your mind towards saying "i do"
Again, pls make sure i am invited to the wedding oh

truly-opal:

@ fhemmy
thanx a million 4 d advice. i am already feelin purposeful. but another question abeg. how does some1 deal with marriage phobia?

Marriage is a sweet union,fill ur mind with positive thoughts abt marriage.Look out for ppl with happy marriages and positive stories and dont get too close or involved with ppl with negative stories and experiences abt marriage.
what actually caused the phobias?Like fhemmy said,deal with it.

@Fhemmy,when are we going to be invited to ur own wedding? 

u never told me you wanna come now.
If you wanna come, go and register at
www.imustattendFhemmmyswedding.igbadun.com

@truly opal,

You stated your belief that no man can love a woman forever.

Would that be the mindset for the present predicament? I'm just wondering.

truly-opal:

but sincerely how much does chemistry/romance /crazy in luv feeelings makes a marriage work? i hav seen many couples dat were crazy 4 each other pre-marriage and then later become strangers due to non compatibility or other things.
i hav never been the kind of gal dat FALLS in luv, i hardly get tripped by men. attraction(yes) but never crazy in luv. mayb ppl like me jst never get 2 experience dat in life.
i hav had proposals from nyc guys but due to absence of sparks and huge attractions , i had 2 let go. i dont want 2 luk back in d future and regret my actions

Just read this now.
Sparks and feeling madly in love dont fall from the skies neither does it happen in a day.
U have to create a postive enviroment b4 that wud happen and dont be suprised,most so-called sparks are mere fairytale.That aside,we all dont have the same reactions towards love or being in love,u dont have to experience sparks b4 u love or marry.

@ifyalways---if u no invite me to your wedding too, i will make sure someone object to your wedding oh

hello lady sorry to bother u but i must confess that i am interested in u.can u please reach me on ogala4great@yahoo.ca and please tell em about urself ok?

sassy14:

hello lady sorry to bother u but i must confess that i am interested in u.can u please reach me on ogala4great@yahoo.ca and please tell em about urself ok?

Interested in someone you dont know at all?
we are trying to make someone relax her mind and fall in love and you wanna scare her off again/
na wa for you oh

Fhemmmy:

@ifyalways---if u no invite me to your wedding too, i will make sure someone object to your wedding oh

rofl
cant even remember the wedding date anymore,going to the 2nd yr now.u surely wud be invited to the golden jubilee anniversary.  

ifyalways:

rofl
cant even remember the wedding date anymore,going to the 2nd yr now.u surely wud be invited to the golden jubilee anniversary.  

Congratulations.
But u can celebrate the 10th year.

Nothing like trial-and-error in marriage ooo.

That's what dating is for.

If you've known someone for 10 years and don't have serious feelings for him despite his admirable qualities, what's the guarantee that you'll eventually fall in love with him? And to think of all the previously unknown character flaws that marriage often exposes.

I don talk ma own ooo

gen2genius:

Nothing like trial-and-error in marriage ooo.

That's what dating is for.

If you've known someone for 10 years and don't have serious feelings for him despite his admirable qualities, what's the guarantee that you'll eventually fall in love with him? And to think of all the previously unknown character flaws that marriage often exposes.

I don talk ma own ooo

They were just friends in that 10 years, so i will advice she start the dating now and close her mind to all others and see how it goes

Don't be too sure, buddy.

What do you want to know in "dating" that you couldn't know in friendship? Well, maybe your favourite underwears

Friendship even makes people more open and sincere than dating

For him to have proposed marriage they must have been very close

ummmmmmmm

Do you trust him?

Romantic feelings do not pay bills and school fees and put food on the table. Romantic love is compulsive and strong. But it is quickly killed by a roving eye or a mean spirit.

In the past thousands of years marriages were made by parents who look the man over to see if he is marriageable. They take place and the love is then flowing. Romantic love is nice , but love must be continuously renewed with compassion trust and kindness.

It is hard to find a man who has the makings of a good husband. The thing is can you commit to him even if some other feelings come past in the future. It is about what sort of person you are. If you are able to genuinely commit and with a strong heart dedicate to being the best wife and mother. Then this can work well for you.

If however you are the sort of person who is always looking for a better offer in all things then leave this good man for a better woman.

It is about your maturity. Pray faithfully for an answer to this.

u don't love him but u r comtemplating on marriage cos of dough
another mad woman.

frecklesnz:

Do you trust him?

Romantic feelings do not pay bills and school fees and put food on the table. Romantic love is compulsive and strong. But it is quickly killed by a roving eye or a mean spirit.

In the past thousands of years marriages were made by parents who look the man over to see if he is marriageable. They take place and the love is then flowing. Romantic love is nice , but love must be continuously renewed with compassion trust and kindness.

It is hard to find a man who has the makings of a good husband. The thing is can you commit to him even if some other feelings come past in the future. It is about what sort of person you are. If you are able to genuinely commit and with a strong heart dedicate to being the best wife and mother. Then this can work well for you.

If however you are the sort of person who is always looking for a better offer in all things then leave this good man for a better woman.

It is about your maturity. Pray faithfully for an answer to this.

This is deep.Thank you for making my contribution short as I will not have to repeat all you have said.


Poster,

Please fix your phobia, do not hurt/pollute this good man for another woman.

I'll still repeat. Marriage is not a gamble.

What if you think you'll fall in love with him by-and-by but it doesn't happen that way?

Many women have men who're nice to them and they appreciate them for that; but their hearts are somewhere else.

Don't go against your heart. Be realistic and consider both sides of the bargain.

@ Fhemmy and ifyalways, I luv ur post. U have encouraged the gal alot. God bless u all.