angiemartinez:
This is what you get when you take over the full responsibility of a man forgetting all that God created us to be is help meet.

My advice, forget emotions for now, cross your mind and focus on yourself.
When he wakes up and says wify no food, jokingly tell him that you just ate the last food cos baby gat to stay healthy. When hunger deal with am 2 times him go enter street hussle by force.

Hmmmm

5minsmadness:


Word.
Time to practice what you preach Buka.

All these pseudo feminsts

On a more serious note. There's nothing much u can do to drastically change things now. I say go to your parents. Let them support you for now. It will also give your husband space to be alone in the house with his thoughts. Hopefully he'll think of something lucrative to do and u can return to your lovely home.

I don't think this is a problem per Se. More like an obstacle. The only issue is that u r pregnant on top. The frustration u r feeling is what we as men feel every once a while as the head of the home. It's part of life.

I thought i was the only one who noticed this.
this nl sweet o.i just read dem and laugh at their hypocrisy.

I can't blv the men on this thread
Even acidosis blaming on govt?
And 5minsmadness exploring his 5 mins madness


It is well for this generation of men
Hianus

Acidosis:
Hmmn


What can a man do when the job is not available?

I don't think I'm in a right position to blame your husband cos I would probably be sleeping if I were in his shoes as well. The current government is frustrating entrepreneurs. I've spent N1000 on T-fare only today searching for fuel to power Generator.

PHCN is currently on strike, and the Minister of Petroleum who also doubles as the GCFR is somewhere gallivanting with South African president. Honestly, the kind of hardship I've undergone today is enough for me to charm Mr. President so he can go and join his ancestors. In this mood, I'd not want any woman to nag about money or getting a useless job somewhere that can hardly feed a family for 3 days.

Sometimes, all we need is words of encouragement, a little positive push without nagging. Nobody loves poverty, but tell me, what can someone like me do in this condition where all I do revolves around electricity. I've gone to over 6 filling stations and no one is ready to sell in Jerry cans, mind you only 6 out of about 50 stations open their doors for vehicles. I don't think I can ever beat or fight a woman but if any one mention Sai Baba or Change around my dwelling place, such a person may not see the next minute. Things like this kills motivation, will and drive to achieve anything. It makes you lose your clients, their trusts and of course money.

May be your husband's project is being hampered by some wicked forces in government.

This is not a period to advise a man whose business worth N200k/month to go out there and search for a N5k/job. Such a man can kill his employer.

Sorry I'm harsh but it is the hard truth. Ever since you've been doing your business, why don't you put him through since you get paid frequently?

The Nigerian situation is no longer funny. Wives, please do not nag your husbands into frustration and depression.

My brother. You just summarised the Nigerian issue. Things r getting real.

Dyt:
I can't blv the men on this thread
Even acidosis blaming on govt?
And 5minsmadness exploring his 5 mins madness


It is well for this generation of men
Hianus

As in ehhh... such lame excuses . The op's case is even pathetic; even to write a proposal na war..

Blaming bad economy for someone's laziness!

I can't imagine what you are going through at this tough time. You made a very big mistake by being 100% financially responsible for the Upkeep of your home... A responsibility that should have been that of your husband's. most married women who do this always end up regretting, it is wrong! A man should be the bread winner unless he has a physical disability that is hindering him from working and providing . Now don't get me wrong, no one is saying that a wife should not contribute sometimes but I find it absolutely absurd to see a woman putting a roof over a man's head and practically feeding and clothing him. A grown man for that matter! Some people ( like your husband) only learn the hard way, he relaxed because he knew he could easily take advantage of your niceness. Sorry to say but your husband is a very lazy man....At the point where you had noticed he was getting too comfy, you should have withdrawn especially after several attempts to encourage him to get a 9-5 job that would pay bills, no matter how small the pay is. People like this don't learn until hunger starts hammering them and they see the serious need to make ends meet. What sort of silly project has he been waiting for ? Project that may not even be guaranteed that it will come through or pay off. How can a sensible man put all his eggs in one basket? Now you have used up all your savings, there is no money and you are expecting a child plus rent go soon expire etc. Not good! It's a tough situation, I advice you look for who to take a loan from. Then face your husbands case, talk to him seriously and let him know that you can no longer bring anything to the table and that he needs to get a job ASAP!!! Manage whatever money you get wisely and just take care until you put to bed and can get back to work.

Hernyolar:
Hmmmm...
Apologising and sober mood won't put food on the table or make money fall from the sky...
For the sake of your sanity, go to your folks house..tell them you came to rest a bit.
A baby is on it's way and I tell you, they are quite expensive to cater for..
Above all...remember your baby is precious, so take each day as it comes...Don't worry about anything.
All the best

I 100 and 1% agree with u. In addition, while in ur parents home, you can even continue attending to your clients without him knowing what u get then start up a secrate savings for u and the baby. But make sure u don't go back into being the head of your home again. Pls allow ur hubby to be a MAN but make sure you pray for him all the time and in all u do becos with God all things are possible and without God, U are no where. It is well !

PresVA:
As in ehhh... such lame excuses . The op's case is even pathetic; even to write a proposal na war..

Blaming bad economy for someone's laziness!

If only women have the eyes to look.away from so many things these men take eyes off from

That's why we are mothers sha

Sorry for the situation, if it gets too difficult don't hesitate to move to your parent's till you put to bed. He is actually the lazy type, you have to wake him from his slumber.

Welcome to marriage.

where everything is not rosy but we keep it 100 by worrying less and praying more.

Source for loan to put to bed first.
It sure is well.

Divorce him. You are nobody's cash cow. Your husband is lazy. Even the bible says your husband is worse than an infidel. Do away with him asap. You're a sexy woman who should know herself and demand your exact value. There are many impotent/fertile men who will accept you and your pregnancy.

Good luck.

Why is it a big deal that your man must be the one financially responsible for the home? If you can pick the bills then do it, life is too short to argue over who should do what. Like you said, he's an amazing man in every other aspect, so cut him some slack please. What if you were not married, will you not pick your own bills?
Plan your finances, cut all extra costs you cant afford.
Get a job for yourself, there are single pregnant mothers out there who are able to making a living for themselves.
Do same for yourself and don't give yourself high blood pressure!

jadelyn007:
Why is it a big deal that your man must be the one financially responsible for the home? If you can pick the bills then do it, life is too short to argue over who should do what. Like you said, he's an amazing man in every other aspect, so cut him some slack please. What if you were not married, will you not pick your own bills?
Plan your finances, cut all extra costs you cant afford.
Get a job for yourself, there are single pregnant mothers out there who are able to making a living for themselves.
Do same for yourself and don't give yourself high blood pressure!

She said in her write-up that due to some complications in pregnancy, she can't work for now.

If she were still unmarried and broke, she would have probably being free loading at her parents by now without batting an eyelid, but she's married and having to explain can be embarrassing.

Oh well, she may have no choice now.

fem29:
Hmmm. My dear stop worrying. He is relaxed because you are doing all the worrying so he believes you will find a way to sort things out. Just tell him, ' Hubby, the money I have left will only last till end of the week' and then sit down and be looking. Don't give any suggestions, don't do anything. When he sees that you have stopped carrying the burden hopefully he will buck up.

Also, do you have any parents or family member you can go to if worst comes to worst? . At least somewhere that you can go to have your baby and then rebuild your life until your hubby gets his head together. Please never pay for everything again, you have seen the kind of person your hubby is. If you even have money do not tell him. He needs that push to get out there. Please stop worrying for the sake of your baby

Now you know why men are strong beings. Almost everytime, they solely care for the need of the house alone and only wished their wives will be caring and loyal. They don't think of saving up that which they have spent. They are just wired to move on! I only said this so that you should acknowledge what men go through. I am however, not in support of the way the husband is leading his life.

He must be really crazy to be comfortable in his skin while he lets the wife spend money on him. He will cart an award for the naughtiest sloth ever! To hell with is projects! He deserve to suffer. If he tried to get a job and found none, that is a different ball game. I feel for this woman!

By your own admission he is a good husband in other areas, I suggest you maximise his competence in those areas and work out a way to keep the cash coming because it's obvious he won't take financial responsibility because he is one of those people who don't want to be financially responsible.


The major issues now are your rent and depleted savings. You are in a very sensitive part of your pregnancy and I suggest you stop worrying to avoid eclampsia.

Does your business require your physical presence? Can you do proposals and send him to follow up?

By your own admission he does all the other duties so it's really not an issue of being lazy but simply not being financially smart. For years women have done this and hidden under biblical injunctions, I believe everyone male or female should be financially responsible as well as domestically smart. I don subscribe to reporting him to people because most people hold thr view that a man must provide and will belittle him and mock him ignoring the fact that everyone and every marriage is unique and different.

I wish you had a business that could run even without you running around maybe a few contract or commissioned staff to do the running around while you work online to send in the bids.

Truth is you have to find a way round this yourself as I don't see your husband " changing " anytime soon

WorriedGal:
I know its not possible to have a perfect husband but if only he can man up to his responsibilities and provide for his home, i'll be satisfied. His friends envy us and think he's the one taking care of me, not knowing i'm the one burning my pockets.
Anytime i talk to him seriously about it(i've never insulted him or used demeaming words on him), he'll bury his head in shame and apologise, as well as make promises to do his best and then refer to his projects. Funny enough the money he's expecting from the projects can barely cover our rent. So what happens after then?

Your husband is a weird case. He is taking advantage of you and subtly controlling! You need to act before you lose it. Peace is not the absence of war, it is the presence of justice and fairness. You have been deal blows of injustice. You are been suppressed emotionally. Speak up woman! In a very harsh tone. Be dramatic! It is even good you are pregnant now. He will believe your hormone is responsible. You need to yell and shout him down and snap him out of Disneyland.

In the end, you would have helped him and helped yourself. Now, you are killing him by your lukewarmness.

eyinjuege:


She said in her write-up that due to some complications in pregnancy, she can't work for now.

If she were still unmarried and broke, she would have probably being free loading at her parents by now without batting an eyelid, but she's married and having to explain can be embarrassing.

Oh well, she may have no choice now.

her pregnancy is already complicated and she is worrying herself over house rentage.
She can move to her parents house or his parents house if she's uncomfortable, hungry or something till she has her baby and can work again.
Fighting him won't solve anything rather it will cause unnecessary rifts between them. What if he died while she was pregnant? Won't she survive?
My point is stop worrying too much. Just live each day as it comes. If she continues like this she might end up aging twice as fast not even because of work stress but due to worrying endlessly about tomorrow.

Acidosis:
Hmmn


What can a man do when the job is not available?

I don't think I'm in a right position to blame your husband cos I would probably be sleeping if I were in his shoes as well. The current government is frustrating entrepreneurs. I've spent N1000 on T-fare only today searching for fuel to power Generator.

PHCN is currently on strike, and the Mcomfort ter of Petroleum who also doubles as the GCFR is somewhere gallivanting with South African president. Honestly, the kind of hardship I've undergone today is enough for me to charm Mr. President so he can go and join his ancestors. In this mood, I'd not want any woman to nag about money or getting a useless job somewhere that can hardly feed a family for 3 days.

Sometimes, all we need is words of encouragement, a little positive push without nagging. Nobody loves poverty, but tell me, what can someone like me do in this condition where all I do revolves around electricity. I've gone to over 6 filling stations and no one is ready to sell in Jerry cans, mind you only 6 out of about 50 stations open their doors for vehicles. I don't think I can ever beat or fight a woman but if any one mention Sai Baba or Change around my dwelling place, such a person may not see the next minute. Things like this kills motivation, will and drive to achieve anything. It makes you lose your clients, their trusts and of course money.

May be your husband's project is being hampered by some wicked forces in government.

This is not a period to advise a man whose business worth N200k/month to go out there and search for a N5k/job. Such a man can kill his employer.

Sorry I'm harsh but it is the hard truth. Ever since you've been doing your business, why don't you put him through since you get paid frequently?

The Nigerian situation is no longer funny. Wives, please do not nag your husbands into frustration and depression.

Sir, to a large extent, I strongly disagree with your opinion here. Its true that the economic situation of Nigeria is at its lowest ebb at the moment, but that does not warrant an able bodied man stop hustling continuously for daily bread for his family. Personally, I have always had this mindset of :..... The husband's money is the family's money while the wife"s money is her money. She has the sole right to help the husband with her money or not.....its good and loving for a wife to always help the husband, but the husband should also not totally depend on it.
The OP's husband should be more creative and think of ways of opening up channels for multiple streams of income. The art of making money in the present day world has made it possible to work smartly and not hardly. The husband should be more creative, think out of the box and brainstorm on how to make money from different sources. He is too comfortable and needs to pushed out from his comfort zone!! His creative mind has not been activated. Aside his projects, nothing stops him from engaging in any other money making ventures. Sound entrepreneurs always seek avenues of creating streams of income.

@OP, please I think its time for drastic measures to be taken, else you better start seeing yourself as the breadwinner of your family.......

PresVa....

As much as i would like to agree to your posts. Calling in 3rd parties is the greatest disservice any marriage can do to itself.

Why would you do that when you have not exhausted all avenues of problem solving?


@op

Talk to him and make this a "we" thing instead of a single person issue. You are his wife and should be able to motivate him to go out there and work harder. I also believe you should lay it bare to him you have nothing on you and is not expecting any favours from whatsoever quaters and you guys as a team need to work more smarter to keep the home running and cater for your needs. Most men would respond to that rather than going gun blazing and tell him to sit up. He might take it wrongly.

Timbuktou:
Divorce him. You are nobody's cash cow. Your husband is lazy. Even the bible says your husband is worse than an infidel. Do away with him asap. You're a sexy woman who should know herself and demand your exact value. There are many impotent/fertile men who will accept you and your pregnancy.

Good luck.

jadelyn007:
Why is it a big deal that your man must be the one financially responsible for the home? If you can pick the bills then do it, life is too short to argue over who should do what. Like you said, he's an amazing man in every other aspect, so cut him some slack please. What if you were not married, will you not pick your own bills?
Plan your finances, cut all extra costs you cant afford.
Get a job for yourself, there are single pregnant mothers out there who are able to making a living for themselves.
Do same for yourself and don't give yourself high blood pressure!

Are you married? With all due respect, do you understand what it means for a wife to be the breadwinner of the family?....Nature has already carved out roles for husbands and wives to maintain a balance.

onegig:
PresVa....

As much as i would like to agree to your posts. Calling in 3rd parties is the greatest disservice any marriage can do to itself.

Why would you do that when you have not exhausted all avenues of problem solving?

.

I agree to no third parties too. . However, almost everyone here has also advised same; she goes to her parent's. .. considering her pregnancy is already complicated, I think it's best she goes there for now or asks them for help from her house. Staying and dying in silence is a no no. Nothing lasts forever, that she's asking for help today is no shame because I know she wouldn't ask tomorrow!

RollingFellas:


Are you married? With all due respect, do you understand what it means for a wife to be the breadwinner of the family?....Nature has already carved out roles for husbands and wives to maintain a balance.

Economy has carved out a different role for everyone. Moreover society has evolved much.

Please lets get something straight.
Signing a page in the marriage registry does not change anyone especially something that someone has done for 8 years of his life.
You don't suddenly wake up the next morning after the wedding as a totally different person. You still are who you are before you went to bed last night.

The man has not changed
The wife wants him to change

He has always been like this
He has put his cards on the table since day one
He has not put down a dime since the day they got married, so how was the wedding paid for?
Leading up to the wedding what were the discussions on their finances and how they will be managed?
I guess the poster paid most of the wedding expenses
Alarm bells have been ringing for years but were ignored maybe due to other positive traits that the man had or "he will change"

He came as a whole package, so one just cant pick the things that one likes about him and discard the others
This sounds like a man who would thrive better as a house husband. There are few men who are like that.
He should have married someone who was comfortable with that kind of set up and that is what I don't like about all of this.

I don't think he will change
Both hubby and wifey are in for a long and bumpy ride because they have different expectations.
Going back to her parents house will even give the man more opportunity to be even more lazy when he knows that his wife is being well looked after at home.
It will even take some of the guilt away from him.

My only advise is to do what you have to do to deliver your baby in good health and go back to work and face your cross.
Pray pray and pray that your husbands projects materialise and when he does get paid, pls find a way of re investing that money so he doesn't squander it all before the next project comes along.

Safe delivery and all the best.

Acidosis people are who they are at the end of the day and regardless of external challenges, many just get on with it and do whatever they need to do to provide for their family.

I agree it can be very frustrating and sometimes you need encouragement or you just feel like giving up, but the fact that you love your family and their total dependence on you propels you on

Just like a mom who comes back from work dead tired but knows that she still has to wash her kids uniform, pack his lunch box and do whatever that needs to be done to make sure her kid is comfortable. They just find the inner strength and do it.

Many many people are in the posters husbands position; hustling and trying to patch things up and looking for non existent jobs, but they do what they have to do. They have a responsibility and they don't take it lightly.
How will watching movies all day provide for his family?

I visit the agriculture section on this board regularly and I am amazed at what young people are doing for themselves.
Graduates are rolling up their sleeves and getting their hands dirty to put food on their tables.
Nigeria has always been Nigeria. We need to flex to fit into the wonderful situation that we find ourselves courtesy of our wicked leaders.

jadelyn007:
Why is it a big deal that your man must be the one financially responsible for the home? If you can pick the bills then do it, life is too short to argue over who should do what. Like you said, he's an amazing man in every other aspect, so cut him some slack please. What if you were not married, will you not pick your own bills?
Plan your finances, cut all extra costs you cant afford.
Get a job for yourself, there are single pregnant mothers out there who are able to making a living for themselves.
Do same for yourself and don't give yourself high blood pressure!

I think you're getting me all wrong. If i was feeding myself alone, my account will still be fat and enough to cater for me. But i've been catering for two mouths. If i was single, i won't lack. So yes, if i wasn't married i will pick MY OWN bills, not bills of two persons. Now its not just me and him, but me, him and the baby
I had my finances all planned out but exhausted everything when complications arose in my pregnancy.
Before i stopped working, my account was filled up. Would you sincerely advise me to still keep working despite my situation and fold my hands and watch my own husband do nothing? Is that honestly fair?
If i don't address the issue now, when will i?
I've never been a lazy person. It took me a lot to stop working. I've never fought with him or quarreled with him over the issue. I only call him and we talk about it seriously, but yet no effort from him.
This is not a case of he's jobless, he doesn't want to work for anyone and is placing all his hopes on his projects. The question should be directed to him. If he was single, won't he go out to hustle and feed? Its just frustrating.
That is why i came here to seek opinions for a solution

Eketem:
By your own admission he is a good husband in other areas, I suggest you maximise his competence in those areas and work out a way to keep the cash coming because it's obvious he won't take financial responsibility because he is one of those people who don't want to be financially responsible.


The major issues now are your rent and depleted savings. You are in a very sensitive part of your pregnancy and I suggest you stop worrying to avoid eclampsia.

Does your business require your physical presence? Can you do proposals and send him to follow up?

By your own admission he does all the other duties so it's really not an issue of being lazy but simply not being financially smart. For years women have done this and hidden under biblical injunctions, I believe everyone male or female should be financially responsible as well as domestically smart. I don subscribe to reporting him to people because most people hold thr view that a man must provide and will belittle him and mock him ignoring the fact that everyone and every marriage is unique and different.

I wish you had a business that could run even without you running around maybe a few contract or commissioned staff to do the running around while you work online to send in the bids.

Truth is you have to find a way round this yourself as I don't see your husband " changing " anytime soon

Thanks for that practical advice. I think i'll discuss this with him and see if he can meet one or two of my clients in my behalf. Tho he has no experience in my line of work but i'll put him through if he is willing. If he is willing to do this, we can work on my jobs together while i'll just supervise to ensure he's doing the right thing. He has never shown interest in my work so i really hope he agrees to this.
My doc has advised i rest completely tho and this might be a bit stressful for me, but it appears to be the last resort

WorriedGal:


If my mum hears of this, she will be devastated. Because its same thing my dad makes her go through sometimes. Tho my dad's case is different because he makes sure she is comfortable but will never drop money for food or bills at home. She does it herself.

I've always read that a wife should support her husband when he's down financially. That is why i did all that, with hopes that soon he'll start making money again. I didn't want to be like those women who vow not to spend their money for a man. Maybe i was wrong

Are u my twin sister?
Almost in d same boat with u.
we dated for years as well. His support n care always melt my heart wheneva am angry n bitter. But love go feed me n kids?

Hernyolar:
Hmmmm...
Apologising and sober mood won't put food on the table or make money fall from the sky...
For the sake of your sanity, go to your folks house..tell them you came to rest a bit.
A baby is on it's way and I tell you, they are quite expensive to cater for..
Above all...remember your baby is precious, so take each day as it comes...Don't worry about anything.
All the best

My parents don't know this is happening and they don't buy the idea of me coming home before delivering. They don't want their people to be aware of my pregnancy until i deliver, because they r well known in my area.
The other option is his family house but it'll also put pressure on his mum who is not okay healthwise. I'm still weighing both options sha if things don't work out

What a sorry excuse for a woman.... at least you have a deeeck to Bleep. Keep phucking and keep having kids.

thelish:


Are u my twin sister?
Almost in d same boat with u.
we dated for years as well. His support n care always melt my heart wheneva am angry n bitter. But love go feed me n kids?

You can take love to the bank and cash it. Be patient, give the lazy man a chance.

You were better off without a man.