On the surface there is nothing wrong with it .but I for one might not be against it but think its a very bad idea.

Remember until some years ago the mere notion of doing this was frowned upon.

so as you can see there is probably a 50/50 split on keeping ex as friends.

Chances are you will most likely date/marry  a person who does not believe in keeping ex as friends and this can cause tension.Often they will not even say a word until one day a big arguement will happen and it will come out as ammo against you.

If you can avoid trouble why bring it ? There are so many people in Nigeria to make your friend.Why should your woman have to see or hear you with a woman who don see your rod?

Also as someone pointed out we are all human and you can easily fall into temptation in a single moment of weakness.And if caught or even suspected you cannot even defend yourself.

Also I would be weary if someone says they are comfortable with it and don't keep ex as friends.It often means they are just been silent about it.It might be a different case if both have ex as friends.

also even if your intentions are good ,what stops the girl coming to your wife and lying against you?

Imagine if your wife accuses you of cheating and she tells her family that your ex is regularly phoning or texting you.Do you think even if innocent your own family will support you?

120 million Nigerians .Find some friends who are not your ex.Why risk your lovely new relation or marriage?

I am not saying if you see her make you take cutlass chase am! That na police matter.

Just simple hello and goodbye if you see each other on the road is fine.

[size=20pt] HELL NO, There is a reason, and a damn good one if I may add, why he or she is your EX[/size]

Why so big?

Islander:

[size=20pt] HELL NO, There is a reason, and a damn good one if I may add, why he or she is your EX[/size]

what is that damn good reason. . .if I may ask?

@post
it depends on the reason for the breakup. . . you guys might realized you were better as friends and broken up, and might end up as close friends afterwards

My first ever girlfriend is one of my best female friends today. There's nothing under the sun i cant discuss with her . . . and oh she has had a bf for more than a yr now.

Not for me to keep all ex-lovers include ex-husband as friends- - - no thanks!

tRoOE:


Hell no why is he/she an ex for , when I call someone my ex I expect him never to contact me in this lifetime or any one, and I will surely do the same

Ex = garbage, and they bring too much drama into your life (acting all jealous in shit) especially when he/she realize you've moved on with your life with someone else

:PI have heard o.Miss Teacher, BTW.see the liars? LOL, ex ma ass wish their tongues will blaze of fire, knowing they never screwed a fly back in the days, LOL,

Islander:

:PI have heard o.Miss Teacher, BTW.see the liars? LOL, ex ma ass wish their tongues will blaze of fire, knowing they never screwed a fly back in the days, LOL,

Islander Islander Islander how many times did i call you

Btw, how do know the bobo no got ex

Dnt mind her, she is just jelous

@Topic.

Confidently yes! They are ALL married! No temptations, no threats!

This is quite a nice topic, because Im glad to see am not the only one who thinks having exes around you is a bad idea.
Most of the pple saying yes, its ok seem to be ladies. Look, stop deceiving urselves. If u guys used to be intimate,and the other party knws all your vulnerabilities you would simply just fall, its just abt waiting for the right moment. Me, once I leave an intimate relationship, thats it, if we meet on the road, its hello and hi, not me calling u and finding out about your issues, n getting close and all that. Im only friends with 2 exes and thats cus nuthin went down, so Its ok, for the others, no!!
And like people have rightly said, if ure in a relationship, and its realli based on love, cmon, the other party wont be comfortable with u still being friends
with ur ex. We men like to hide our feelings under "maturity", but it just festers inside till it blows up. Is it worth it? Is it worth holding on to something in the past?
Sometimes u gotta depart to arrive, u cannot run foward n look backwards at the same time.
Oh @octopus, nothing personal, but I dont think ur hubby would be happy if he found out u kept things from him,
Leave the past, "just friends" wont work, esp if u want a good relationship in ur present , forget saying "Dont u trust me", things can happen u didnt plan, so fashie that.
Cheers!

To each his own.  Sorry it works for me!

I don't even remember what having sex was like with them.  So how can that be an issue?

I guess the guilty, without self control, are afraid!

wavemasta:

This is quite a nice topic, because I'm glad to see am not the only one who thinks having exes around you is a bad idea.
Most of the people saying yes, its ok seem to be ladies. Look, stop deceiving urselves. If u guys used to be intimate,and the other party knws all your vulnerabilities you would simply just fall, its just about waiting for the right moment. Me, once I leave an intimate relationship, thats it, if we meet on the road, its hello and hi, not me calling u and finding out about your issues, n getting close and all that. I'm only friends with 2 exes and thats cus nuthin went down, so Its ok, for the others, no!!
And like people have rightly said, if ure in a relationship, and its realli based on love, cmon, the other party wont be comfortable with u still being friends
with your ex. We men like to hide our feelings under "maturity", but it just festers inside till it blows up. Is it worth it? Is it worth holding on to something in the past?
Sometimes u gotta depart to arrive, u cannot run foward n look backwards at the same time.
Oh @octopus, nothing personal, but I don't think your hubby would be happy if he found out u kept things from him,
Leave the past, "just friends" wont work, esp if u want a good relationship in your present , forget saying "Dont u trust me", things can happen u didnt plan, so fashie that.
Cheers!

You have a good point.Indeed most saying its ok are women and also mostly women do this .Maybe its a way to prove their current boyfriend how desirable they are.

The men I know who do it call it "back up"and I will be frank with you I don't know a single guy who in his mind wants to be just "friends"

So really how would women feel if a girl keeps calling their manw ith a hidden agenda of having sex or stealing him?

So many people in the world why on earth will you want to cause friction with your current man.If he says its ok can you not at least read his feelings and see it is not?

tRoOE:


Hell no why is he/she an ex for , when I call someone my ex I expect him never to contact me in this lifetime or any one, and I will surely do the same

Ex = garbage, and they bring too much drama into your life (acting all jealous in shit) especially when he/she realize you've moved on with your life with someone else

Abi o, na which one be all this -ex this, -ex that? Why can't exes keep their distance from each other? 

banni:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the surface there is nothing wrong with it .but I for one might not be against it but think its a very bad idea.

Remember until some years ago the mere notion of doing this was frowned upon.

so as you can see there is probably a 50/50 split on keeping ex as friends.

Chances are you will most likely date/marry  a person who does not believe in keeping ex as friends and this can cause tension.Often they will not even say a word until one day a big arguement will happen and it will come out as ammo against you.

If you can avoid trouble why bring it ? There are so many people in Nigeria to make your friend.Why should your woman have to see or hear you with a woman who don see your rod?

Also as someone pointed out we are all human and you can easily fall into temptation in a single moment of weakness.And if caught or even suspected you cannot even defend yourself.

Also I would be weary if someone says they are comfortable with it and don't keep ex as friends.It often means they are just been silent about it.It might be a different case if both have ex as friends.

also even if your intentions are good ,what stops the girl coming to your wife and lying against you?

Imagine if your wife accuses you of cheating and she tells her family that your ex is regularly phoning or texting you.Do you think even if innocent your own family will support you?

120 million Nigerians .Find some friends who are not your ex.Why risk your lovely new relation or marriage?

I am not saying if you see her make you take cutlass chase am! That na police matter.

Just simple hello and goodbye if you see each other on the road is fine.

Na you talk am well well, pass.

Too much stress in the world, why complicate things by having an '-ex ' as a friend? Keep them as aquaintances, passersby or even strangers from the past. Why keep them as friends? What kind of yeye friendship be that?

Another problem is that very often, -exes don't respect the boundaries of friendship drawn for them.

There is usually this easy familiarity especially with the ladies (maybe because they feel they have seen all there is to see, about you or they know all there is to know concerning you), so sometimes they just forget themselves and say things they shouldn't even say, or even act too familiar towards you in a way that is likely to cause friction between you and your current girlfriend or boyfriend. And you know what they say about familiarity breeding contempt. Unfortunately, most guys often interprete such actions as their -ex being friendly or nice, while their girlfriends see such -exes as babes with a hidden agenda. By the time the truth comes out, it is often too late to remedy the situation, and the guy is left pants down trying to do damage control.

I know a case where a girl told an ex-boyfriend of hers', that his current chic was 'unfashionable' and shouldn't be seen wearing jeans. The guy too laid down the law for his new babe, and said she should henceforth desist from wearing jeans. Meanwhile, only this ex-girlfriend has ever said that jeans look bad on the current babe o! 

To cut the long story short, I always wondered why the guy would take his ex-girlfriend's words as the gospel truth without seeking a second opinion, and even go as far as insisting that his current chic should dance to the ex-girlfriend's fashion rules.

Needless to say, their relationship is now over, and word on the street from the guy's office mates is that he is now back in a steamy relationship with his ex-girlfriend after breaking up with the other chic that was tagged 'unfashionable'. 

Shey una see the harm wey some -exes dey cause?? She don take mouth spoil di other babe, and then she come take style move back into the bobo's arms. . . . .God dey!

@ Halle B & Octopus

"Your ex is d only one dat understands you", "I share DEEP secrets with my ex"

Your present relationships (and marriage) will never reach its fullness because a part of your mind still reaches out to your ex's. It's like trying to drive a car to two destinations at once. You cant. If I were to ever find out that my (future) wife shares deep secrets with her ex and not with me, then the relationship is not worth it.

One of the things that I think most sensible guys dislike in any lady is one that flirts, not just flirting with new guys but with their excapades. If she wants to keep her ex as a friend, no problem, I will show her the door, her property and her transport money to her excapade and the relationship is over.

Kekenapep:

@ Halle B & Octopus

"Your ex is d only one that understands you", "I share DEEP secrets with my ex"

Your present relationships (and marriage) will never reach its fullness because a part of your mind still reaches out to your ex's. It's like trying to drive a car to two destinations at once. You can't. If I were to ever find out that my (future) wife shares deep secrets with her ex and not with me, then the relationship is not worth it.

GBAM!! GBAM!! GBAMM!! If this was a term paper, omo na A-plus you go get for this answer!

Why can't people just see the truth for what it is? If you are in a relationship, you should be confiding in your better half, and getting him or her to understand you thoroughly, not saving up the gist about your spouse, lover, girlfriend, partner or boyfriend for your -ex! _{(*Shaking my head mode. . .*)} Some folks just don't get it!

outlaws:


If she wants to keep her ex as a friend, no problem, I will show her the door, her property and her transport money to her excapade and the relationship is over.

Wa'sere my guy! This is why some folks cannot move on with their lives, and subsequently have newer, fulfilling relationships. They are still swapping silly stories with their -exes, and running stupid errands on his or her behalf. What a shame!

U if u both are happy with ur new partners and happier bein JUST friends, y not?

are you a male or female? your profile says female but your post makes you sound like a man. i think you should fix this error. makes it easier to know what to say.

If u both are happy with your new partners and happier bein JUST friends, y not?
hey, am a female, wats so in ma post that makes me sound like a male? I believe a relationship is based on love and how happy both partners are, watever caused the breakup btw him and his ex its up to them but as long as they are happy with who they are with rite now, its ok.
Albridge, sh*t happens and to move on we have to get over it!

one of my ex is a gud friend, we talk about everything except my relationship&boyfriend ^{no go area}. when u're sure of urself and u're happy with ur boyfriend, every other person becomes just a friend/gud friend.

Move on without that side distraction.

Well it depends on what leed to the break up.

Well its not advisable if it lets for me. I have date different class of girl and we break up maybe because she have a man asking thier hands in marriage.
But recently i have a lady i loved so much to the estent we intend getting maried but she played a game against me which she was caught and i on my own decided to quit the relationship, but she insisted that we should still be freind and that ones a friend is always a friend but to me it is trash to still caryone wt her. So guy its not proper

Just because a relationship with someone didn't work out doesn't mean he/she becomes an enemy automatically. . .I've come to realize some exs make really good friends. . .you just have to work out which one is worth keeping as a friend and which one needs to be discarded. . .

some exs though didn't work out. . .but contributed something meaningful to your life. . .and when I mean meaningful. . .they helped you grow as an individual. . .Yes you can keep these ones as friends. . .


some exs did nothing but contribute trouble and take from it. . . . .you discard these ones. . .because they just bad news with a capital B.

No it is not right to keep as friend especially if it was a sexual based one.

Keep as acquaintance , think about it - do you want your partner to keep his/her ex-lovers as friends?

ThoniaSlim:

Just because a relationship with someone didn't work out doesn't mean he/she becomes an enemy automatically. . .I've come to realize some exs make really good friends. . .you just have to work out which one is worth keeping as a friend and which one needs to be discarded. . .

some exs though didn't work out. . .but contributed something meaningful to your life. . .and when I mean meaningful. . .they helped you grow as an individual. . .Yes you can keep these ones as friends. . .


some exs did nothing but contribute trouble and take from it. . . . .you discard these ones. . .because they just bad news with a capital B.

really

1st n 4most, who is a friend? Exes by definition cant mk gud friends cept u wr d 1 dt broke wt dem in d 1st place(in dt case dy r hopn 2 hv u back if possible by posing as a "friend".Old flames die hard.hvn said dt:4 a gal/man u r walkn down d aisle wt, a total disentanglement from exes is very necessary.also after walkn down d isle,u limit extremely d tym u spend wt ur singl friends.better 2 use wt a long fork when dining wt devil,