It seems that the Republic of nigeria, under pressure, decided to hold free and fair elections, U.S.-style.
They decided to go all out: voter registration drives, canvasses, polls, high quality voting machines from the american Voting Machine Company, the whole bit.

Anyhow, the campaigns were mounted, the elections held, the results tallied, and sure enough, the new President-elect of the Republic of NIGERIA was GEORGE W BUSH.

Very cute.

vvery funny

A lady bought a new 1.5 million naira Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. She immediately turned around and headed back to the dealer.

Once at the dealer, she found her salesman and began to excitedly explain that her radio was not working, and they must replace it since she only had one radio station. The salesman calmed her down and told her that her car radio was voice-activated, and that she would only need to state aloud the type of music that she wanted and the car would find it.

She got into the car and started the engine and then said the word "highlife," and the radio changed to a station playing a shina peter song. She was satisfied and started home. After a while she decided to try out the radio and said "gospel songs;" the radio station changed and a song by the gospel bands of aba came from the speakers. Quite pleased, the woman continued driving.

A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision. The woman angrily exclaimed, "thief!"

, The radio cut over to OBASANJO's press conference.

A life long supporter of the AD party was lying on his death bed when he suddenly decided to join the PDP party.

"But why?" asked his puzzled friend, "You're AD through and through… Why change now?"

The man learned forward and explained, "Well, I'd rather it was one of them that died and not one of us."

A few blocks from her house, another driver ran a light causing her to slam on her brakes to avoid a collision. The woman angrily exclaimed, "thief!"

Problems with your joke:
- Nigerians don't know what it means to "run a light"
- If a driver misbehaves on a road, the naturl response is to shout "idiot" and not "thief"!

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An official Gallup survey polled over 1000 NIGERIAN ACTRESSES with the question: Would you sleep with RAMSEY NOAH?

1% said, "No"

2% said, "Yes"

97% said, "Never Again"

DAD - Son, come in here, we need to talk.

SON - What's up, Dad?

DAD - There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?

SON - I don't believe; if I understand the definition of "scratch the car"; that I can say, truthfully,that I scratched the car.

DAD - Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch?

SON - Well, as I've said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.

DAD - But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I'll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?

SON - Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did "I" scratch the car. I stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.

DAD - Are you trying to tell me you didn't drive the car into the mailbox?

SON - Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.

DAD - So you are then saying that you did hit the mailbox?

SON - No sir, that's not my statement. I'll refer you back to my original statement that I did not scratch the car.

DAD - But the car did hit the mailbox, and the car did get scratched as a result of this contact?

SON - Well, yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.

DAD - So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch the car?

SON - No. No, that's not correct. Your question was "Did I scratch the car?" From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of that sentence, I did not scratch the car, the mailbox did, I was merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of "No" when you asked "Did I scratch the car" was legally correct, although I did not volunteer information.

DAD - Where in the heck did you learn to be such a liar?

SON - From The GOVERNOR OF BAYELSA STATE

Two farmers were discussing politics and the first one says: "I believe in a share and share alike policy. One where we are all equal."

"Well" replied the other farmer "I'm not sure about that. What you mean is that if you have two horses you'd give me one?"

"Of course" says the first.

The second farmer continued: "and of you had two cars, you'd give me one of them too?"

"absolutely"

"So" says the second farmer, "if you had two pigs then you'd give me one of them?"

"ah, now hang on a minute" says the first, "you know I've got two pigs!"

An aging man lived alone in lagos. His only son was in maximum security Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would dig up his potato garden.

The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the MONEY!"
The prison police guards read the letter.

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen NIGERIAN soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any MONEY.

Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes."

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A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.

She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"

The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"

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A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money.

The gang was very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got 10,000NAIRA between us."

The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers, we had 50,000 NAIRA when we broke in!"

some of these are funny an some are not

@candylips. U r right. Its jus dat av allowd d funny ones 2 cova 4 d odawise. Kip it up sam milla.