I need help, i have been married for almost 2 years and its been a bittersweet experience, most of the times i regret getting married and when things are good i enjoy being married until lately, in the past couple of weeks, we hadn't spoken alot, and i found out i was pregnant, i told him and the next thing he said was "u've gotten what u wanted" and it was a shocker, since i found out i was pregnant my husband hasn't for one day asked me if i was okay, i wake up every morning very sick (morning sickness) but i have to get enough rest because i have to go to work inorder to pay the bills. and after about 5 days of not speaking to me and me minding my business and weighing my options, if i want to be in a loveless marriage, my husband came up to me and started accusing me of disrespecting him, and i am like, u haven't spoken to me in 5 days so where did all the disrespecting come from, and he says its my attitude, and i asked him if he understand what i am going through, my body is changing, i wake up every morning sick, which last through out the day, i do not have the time to disrespect him (because he is not currently working). but imagine this few days after i said i was pregnant, he told me i need to lose weight and that was like a blow to my self, (apparently all he care about is how much i weigh- since i got married to him its been lose weight lose weight and i have lost over 40lbs- but b4 we got married he never asked me to lose weight), my doctor said i should not lose weight but try not to gain as much weight.
well it all blew up with him calling me names, saying i am a witch, i am a bad person, i am hindering his progress and that the baby is not even his, and it just came to me that this man does not love me at all, so i went on my knees and begged him in the name of God, to please leave me, if i am a witch and a bad person and i am not carrying his baby then he should go, cuz i have tried being in a marriage where he doesn't love me at all, and calling me names that my parents have never called me s unacceptable, i regretted not listening to my dad when he told me not to marry him, now how do i tell my dad i no longer want to be married to my husband (my parents call and ask me if my husband is treating me fine, i lie and say yes), i don't know how to tell them and how they will react.

calibabe:

I need help, i have been married for almost 2 years and its been a bittersweet experience, most of the times i regret getting married and when things are good i enjoy being married until lately, in the past couple of weeks, we hadn't spoken alot, and i found out i was pregnant, i told him and the next thing he said was "u've gotten what u wanted" and it was a shocker, since i found out i was pregnant my husband hasn't for one day asked me if i was okay, i wake up every morning very sick (morning sickness) but i have to get enough rest because i have to go to work inorder to pay the bills. and after about 5 days of not speaking to me and me minding my business and weighing my options, if i want to be in a loveless marriage, my husband came up to me and started accusing me of disrespecting him, and i am like, u haven't spoken to me in 5 days so where did all the disrespecting come from, and he says its my attitude, and i asked him if he understand what i am going through, my body is changing, i wake up every morning sick, which last through out the day, i do not have the time to disrespect him (because he is not currently working). but imagine this few days after i said i was pregnant, he told me i need to lose weight and that was like a blow to my self, (apparently all he care about is how much i weigh- since i got married to him its been lose weight lose weight and i have lost over 40lbs- but b4 we got married he never asked me to lose weight), my doctor said i should not lose weight but try not to gain as much weight.
well it all blew up with him calling me names, saying i am a witch, i am a bad person, i am hindering his progress and that the baby is not even his, and it just came to me that this man does not love me at all, so i went on my knees and begged him in the name of God, to please leave me, if i am a witch and a bad person and i am not carrying his baby then he should go, cuz i have tried being in a marriage where he doesn't love me at all, and calling me names that my parents have never called me s unacceptable, i regretted not listening to my dad when he told me not to marry him, now how do i tell my dad i no longer want to be married to my husband (my parents call and ask me if my husband is treating me fine, i lie and say yes), i don't know how to tell them and how they will react.

Don't worry about the possible I told you sos you might get from your parents. Leave that stupid jobless idiot. He has the nerves to tell you to lose weight while he is jobless. You are supposedly hindering his progress, yet the money you earn is keeping him under a roof and providing him shelter. If he doesn't think he is man enough (which is not) to impregnate you then you need to leave with "immidiate alacrity" as Nigerians call it. What the heck is the point of putting yourself in undue stress with that fool when you are pregnant. It is time to fend for yourself and your child rather than a grown dullard. If you live close to some friends move out.

u've spoken well chaircover

Pls. don’t dare entertain the idea of abandoning ur marriage . I believe u are a Christian? so why cant u report the matter to the Almighty One, after all hes given us the authority to ask and it will be given to us,

Chaircover has cover the chair again oh.
take it easy, make sure you are ok and that the baby is well, i am sure he will come around, especially if you have a baby boy, he will come begging.
Good luck, and remember to name the child Femi.

i found out i was pregnant, i told him and the next thing he said was "u've gotten what u wanted

someone can be this heartless?

Make I no type wetin dey my mind for here.

anyway, see if there's anything you can do to make things work out.

and pray.

well thank you all for ur reply, i really appreciate it. i hate the idea of going to my parents cuz i have tried to keep them as far as possible from my relationship (cuz once you involve family, they will feel free to come in anytime they like) i do not want that. i am thinking let everything go, i have prayed about it and i could not sleep, thinking of how i was gonna explain it to my parents. part of me feels like i should walk away from it all, and a little part says stay bcoz of the baby, but why put myself through this hell, and stay with a man who doesn't even care about me, there is no reason to put up with all that shit. but one thing i do know, whether this works out or not I am never getting married again, its hell and really not a bed of roses, especially married to a nigerian man. (no offense)

when things are good i enjoy being married until lately, in the past couple of weeks, we hadn't spoken alot,

btw, try to retrace what happened to get him to this point.

I sometimes ask myself why do we need to get married? why tie two people together? when one will be beating the other and all those domestic abuse.

Na Wa O.

calibabe:

. but one thing i do know, whether this works out or not I am never getting married again, its hell and really not a bed of roses, especially married to a nigerian man. (no offense)

Hey sis,jor dont trivialise this issue.
Nigerian men are not the worst.
Ur husband only did what he did,thank God he did nt kill u like some guy did his wife OJ (American).

Marriage is the best institution when its working and the most challenging when its not.
But life must go on.
For a jobless man in a marriage institution,everyday is another challenge in aluta term.

Be a little tolerate and patient.
Someday,u ll realize this 2 virtues saved ur marriage if u apply them.

There is no excuse for a man to maltreat his wife, a pregnant one at that. It is a SIN.

I feel for you babes. Again i must blame the ladies, don't you study whom you're going to marry? I'm sure they were signs of his attitude during dating. You probably ignored it.

Anyways, just tell your folks, you can't cope with the marriage anymore. Manwhile, try counselling. An unhappy marriage ain't worth the stress.

First and foremost the man does not love you based on what you have said here ,i didnt hear his own story.i havent seen a man that his wife tells am pregnant and he says such a WORD.It was uncalled for.What chaircover said its true but if that he really appreciates u,he would have asked for a forgiveness all this while knowing that u are preggy and hormones running weird,all the help he could render is LOOSE WEIGHT .There are many ups and downs in marriage but you have to weigh it to know what is going on.we dont live in the house with u guys.you know how he treated you b4 being jobless.Me i dont believe in divorce but cannot live in abusive relationship.The only advice i can give you is to avoid him ,if it would be possible go and stay with friends /family for a week/two ,he will miss you and appreciate u more when you come back.But please tell him where you are going to and find another reason.

chy4luv:

First and foremost the man does not love you based on what you have said here ,i didnt hear his own story.i havent seen a man that his wife tells am pregnant and he says such a WORD.It was uncalled for.What chaircover said its true but if that he really appreciates u,he would have asked for a forgiveness all this while knowing that u are preggy and hormones running weird,all the help he could render is LOOSE WEIGHT .There are many ups and downs in marriage but you have to weigh it to know what is going on.we dont live in the house with u guys.you know how he treated you b4 being jobless.Me i dont believe in divorce but cannot live in abusive relationship.The only advice i can give you is to avoid him ,if it would be possible go and stay with friends /family for a week/two ,he will miss you and appreciate u more when you come back.But please tell him where you are going to and find another reason.

I dont think it is about love.
i think the guy is just going thru the lowest point of his life.
The man has no job and now the wife is expecting, a man that cant provide for the wife alone will now have to provide for the child and all that.
It is more of an ego thing.
However, the man could have sat the wife down and talk to her mind to mind and let her understand his predicament, that has been knwn already, cos the wife knows he has no job already, instead of using using strong head and making himself looking stupid.

Do you have anybody to help you? I do not subscribe to hold on to him. I have seen what stress can do to pregnant women. He might be insecure and upset over things but it does not excuse his behavior. If you have someone to live with you while you're pregnant then the man needs to leave if he continues to be a cause for stress. You need to understand that this is not a time to deal with a bad husband's attitude. You really need to focus on you and your child. I cannot stress enough that emotional stress can lead to serious consequences for a pregnant woman. If you were not pregnant I'd say try working it out but for now you do not need this.
The man is simply an ass. I don't care how bad his ego has been bruised. His wife is carrying his child and there is no room for that kind of emotional and mental torture right now. Married people are faced with issues all through the marriage and your husband has shown that your parents were on to something. If he comes on his own and says he wants to change then fine but do not let him play mind games with you and emotionally and mentally abuse you. High blood pressure and pregnancy should not be mentioned together and this man seems to be working you already.

Outstrip:

Do you have anybody to help you? I do not subscribe to hold on to him. I have seen what stress can do to pregnant women. He might be insecure and upset over things but it does not excuse his behavior. If you have someone to live with you while you're pregnant then the man needs to leave if he continues to be a cause for stress. You need to understand that this is not a time to deal with a bad husband's attitude. You really need to focus on you and your child. I cannot stress enough that emotional stress can lead to serious consequences for a pregnant woman. If you were not pregnant I'd say try working it out but for now you do not need this.
The man is simply an ass. I don't care how bad his ego has been bruised. His wife is carrying his child and there is no room for that kind of emotional and mental torture right now. Married people are faced with issues all through the marriage and your husband has shown that your parents were on to something. If he comes on his own and says he wants to change then fine but do not let him play mind games with you and emotionally and mentally abuse you. High blood pressure and pregnancy should not be mentioned together and this man seems to be working you already.

easy oh

@ Poster, ur situation is indeed unfortunate, but it's not the end of the world. You alone are in a position to say if your husband is a frustrated individual (becos of no job) and thats his reason for putting you down. Lets face it, why worry abt your weight now when he didn't before, and then reject his kid? You have to take responsibility and ask yourself why you married this man when your dad advised against. I also suggest that if it's love that led you here, then sit him down and discuss this with him. You can't go running back to your parents, you're going to be a mother soon. Even though you'll have their support, no matter your decision, you still have to make that decision on your own. God bless.

Gaggi:

There is no excuse for a man to maltreat his wife, a pregnant one at that. It is a SIN.

I feel for you babes. Again i must blame the ladies, don't you study whom you're going to marry? I'm sure they were signs of his attitude during dating. You probably ignored it.

Anyways, just tell your folks, you can't cope with the marriage anymore. Manwhile, try counselling. An unhappy marriage ain't worth the stress.

Outstrip:

Do you have anybody to help you? I do not subscribe to hold on to him. I have seen what stress can do to pregnant women. He might be insecure and upset over things but it does not excuse his behavior. If you have someone to live with you while you're pregnant then the man needs to leave if he continues to be a cause for stress. You need to understand that this is not a time to deal with a bad husband's attitude. You really need to focus on you and your child. I cannot stress enough that emotional stress can lead to serious consequences for a pregnant woman. If you were not pregnant I'd say try working it out but for now you do not need this.
The man is simply an ass. I don't care how bad his ego has been bruised. His wife is carrying his child and there is no room for that kind of emotional and mental torture right now. Married people are faced with issues all through the marriage and your husband has shown that your parents were on to something. If he comes on his own and says he wants to change then fine but do not let him play mind games with you and emotionally and mentally abuse you. High blood pressure and pregnancy should not be mentioned together and this man seems to be working you already.

Both of you couldn't have said it better.


And some people here are trying to excuse his act as due to stress of unemployment Was he unemployed from day one? Is he that jobless to the extent that he could not look for work but rather make snide comment telling her to go lose weight despite her already loosing 40lbs to please him?And why couldn't he keep his JT in his pant if he didn't want a baby yet, rather than taunt her that she had gotten what she wanted


@Calibabe

Inform your parent if you have to, and no matter how many I told you so that comes your way, always remember a problem halved is a problem solved.

plz plz n plz leave dat house cos yr life is in danger, dat man can do anything abeg sis take love aside n thk of yr life. some nigerian men are horrible. can u imagine other couples are going frm one hosp to another or even churches inoder to get solution to thier infertility n GOD gave u a baby on a plater of gold n hes not happy .
pls i take GOD beg u dat man is frustrated in life n looking fr who to vent the fruatration to. he can beat u, kick yr tommy or even strangle u cos of frstn. HEcan do anything now.leave dat house .

take to mummy n daddy ,tell dem uve realise yr mistake, cry to dem i belv they a yr parents n they will undsd even if there heart is made of stone.NO parents will see where there chldn will go n got killed n encourage the child to go.

WHAT AM SAYING IS Saparate frm him sty with relative or parent until u deliver yr baby cos thats the most important thing fr now. i believe u ve a gd job dat will take care of u n yr baby.BUT dont serve him divorce paper yet just wacth n see whether he will have a change of character.

francesoly:

plz plz n plz leave dat house cos yr life is in danger, dat man can do anything abeg sis take love aside n thk of yr life. some nigerian men are horrible. can u imagine other couples are going frm one hosp to another or even churches inoder to get solution to thier infertility n GOD gave u a baby on a plater of gold n hes not happy .
pls i take GOD beg u dat man is frustrated in life n looking fr who to vent the fruatration to. he can beat u, kick yr tommy or even strangle u cos of frstn. HEcan do anything now.leave dat house .

take to mummy n daddy ,tell dem uve realise yr mistake, cry to dem i belv they a yr parents n they will undsd even if there heart is made of stone.NO parents will see where there chldn will go n got killed n encourage the child to go.

WHAT AM SAYING IS Saparate frm him sty with relative or parent until u deliver yr baby cos thats the most important thing fr now. i believe u ve a gd job dat will take care of u n yr baby.BUT dont serve him divorce paper yet just wacth n see whether he will have a change of character.

wld that really be necessary?
Can't they work things out?

the most important person in this situation is your child you are carrying! I think you should go back to your family/relative for now to secure peace of mind and to take proper care of yourself and your pregnancy. is there someone in his family that you could talk to?perhaps his parents? someone else really need to wake his ass up so he could take care of his responsibility job or no job! there are different ways a man can take care of his household even in a financial crisis.

Slimfine it depends on the type of family he comes from. Men like this will typically learn this ugly behavior from people around them. Chances are it will come back to bite her in the butt. I think she should be careful. I have seen cases where in laws could have helped but they sat back and watched like it was a movie

There are instances where yes you do not involve third parties in your rship but this situation calls for it just knowing your parents are praying for you can be a big relieve.

Pls let someone knw what is happening someone you can have physical contact with,whom u"ll talk to if possible cry to,someone responsible and mature i guess it need not be your parents and if need be let it be your parents.some pips here have mentioned if you have a calming environment you can go stay i think this is a good idea,yes marriage is hardwork but you dont need that now.

his unemployment is not an excuse for the way he is treating you but may be the reason he is treating you badly.You need to be very patient and prayeful.

Chaircover,

Maybe God continue to bless you and increase your wisdom.

You truly inspire others to be strong, black women.  Unfortunately, a lot do not know what that phrase truly means.

Thank you.

I guess your homones must be acting up otherwise you would not be thinking of leaving the marriage. This problem can be solved with discretion and patience.
Your man is very frustrated.
I need to tell you the way you wrote I can read behind the lines.
Poor woman, pregnant and having to work to foot the bill. This arouses the sympathy of almost every reader.
However it is very possible that you are rubbing it in and your husband does not have any esteem left, because you make it so obvious that he cannot foot the bills.
It is in the nature of man to be the provider, supporter . Now in the modern day world this role can be taken away from him through this word called unemployment.
This is the time a wife shows her husband even more respect and even more acknowledgement.
Well if you were not talking to him and kept rubbing it in how busy and tired you are.
So maybe you need to work on yourself too. Sadly most women find it almost impossible to give the man his respect, when he is out of a job. If this is the case I can imagine the man even going so far as to think you are hindering his progress, so that you can ride on him.
And another thing you need to bear in mind - pregnancy is not a sickness.
Just the other angle, may not apply in your case.

[b]I guess your homones must be acting up otherwise you would not be thinking of leaving the marriage. This problem can be solved with discretion and patience.
Your man is very frustrated.
I need to tell you the way you wrote I can read behind the lines.
Poor woman, pregnant and having to work to foot the bill. This arouses the sympathy of almost every reader.
However it is very possible that you are rubbing it in and your husband does not have any esteem left, because you make it so obvious that he cannot foot the bills.
It is in the nature of man to be the provider, supporter . Now in the modern day world this role can be taken away from him through this word called unemployment.
This is the time a wife shows her husband even more respect and even more acknowledgement.
Well if you were not talking to him and kept rubbing it in how busy and tired you are.
So maybe you need to work on yourself too. Sadly most women find it almost impossible to give the man his respect, when he is out of a job. If this is the case I can imagine the man even going so far as to think you are hindering his progress, so that you can ride on him.
And another thing you need to bear in mind - pregnancy is not a sickness.
Just the other angle, may not apply in your case.[/b]

Poster, there lies ur way out. Best of married life

Rubbish, you women are all so silly and childish, he does not care indeed, why will he care when you dont care about yourself.i will tell you many single mother out there who gave birth with out any man assistance, even a 17 years old gave birth and the 19 years old booyfriend was far away in Italy, so dont make it look getiing pregnant is a big deal.

MOBO444:

Rubbish, you women are all so silly and childish, he does not care indeed, why will he care when you dont care about yourself.i will tell you many single mother out there who gave birth with out any man assistance, even a 17 years old gave birth and the 19 years old booyfriend was far away in Italy, so dont make it look getiing pregnant is a big deal.

Shut up you rabid, AIDS infested, cancer stricken dog! You speak like it was not a woman who carried your hateful self 9 months and brought you to this world when she could have easily flushed your down the drain. I am tired of reading your hateful rants. If a woman upset you in the past, go and settle things with her and stop coming here to abuse every female poster! Be civil for once if you even know what that means. Nairaland is just filled with alot of immature pests, its sickening!

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by saying, Moma, i dont wanna get married.

all wil be well