You know, there are some stickers you see and you can’t help thinking – whoever made that sticker should be shot. Well, I occasionally feel that way sometimes as well when I see certain stickers on certain surfaces. Okay fine, maybe not shot, but given a sound beating by a tout high on Oshogbo weed (I mean the touts that can actually fight, not those ones that spend three hours making noise before getting knocked out by one well-placed punch). Here are stickers I don’t like seeing:

Religious Stickers:

Hold your horses and read through before picking your torches and pitchforks to come attempt burning down my father’s house. I don’t mean ALL religious stickers. There are some stickers though that you see (especially on people’s cars) that make you roll your eyes and think – “really?”. For instance, have you seen one of those stickers that says “This Car Is A Holy Ghost Zone. Keep Off”. I can just imagine the driver of the car doing 240 on Lagos-Ibadan express way and some evil spirit approaches to cause an accident. Then on getting close to the car, it spots the sticker, puts on its reading glasses and goes “wow, this car under legit protection even though the occupants are hardcore kidnappers. I best wait for the next one”. Statements of faith are things of the mind. Pasting it all over your car is going a bit overboard. But well, your car, your rules. It’s just tacky though. I don’t mind those ones that tell what church you attend though. They always seem to be better designed than all those “My Enemies Will Die This Year” stickers. Like the COZA sticker. I don’t attend that church but their yellow and black sticker is really cool.


Club Stickers:

Have you ever been to a club and, after a night of hard partying, grooving and gyrating, you emerge from the club to find a sticker proclaiming you’re a patron of Club 697 and you party hard every Friday with sexy, sexy ladies? No? Well, pray you don’t have to find one of those on your car, especially if you go clubbing on Saturday night, fail to notice the sticker and drive the car to church on Sunday morning. Then have the judgemental eyes of other parishioners UnCloth you while they shake their heads slowly at this hypocritical sinner. I mean, sure, it’s fun to club, but I don’t exactly want the whole world knowing I was dancing shoki by 2 am last Friday. Feel free to give me the sticker so it’s my choice if I want it on my car or not. Instead of forcing me to advertise your club.

Or at least, I should get a bottle of sweet red on the house if you’re putting your sticker on my rear windscreen. Just saying.

https://greysweaterdude./2016/03/30/four-types-of-stickers-i-hate/

Indomitables Stickers:

Make no mistake about it, I have nothing against the Indomitables. In case you don’t know who the Indomitables are, they’re a bunch of Nigerian super hero kids created for the sole purpose of making Indomie more attractive to children. While the idea of Nigerian superhero kids is pretty rad (though if that happened in real life, their parents would probably have taken them all for joint deliverance at MFM), there are no instructions on the Indomie packs or the stickers that they shouldn't be PASTED ON PEOPLE’S CARS! And the fridge! And the floor, right in the middle of the parlour. And those things are difficult to get off once they've got a little water on them. A friend came to visit me one day and, on seeing him off, we spotted what appeared to be a scratch on the door of his car. On closer inspection, it turned out not to be a scratch, but a sticker of “Big Boy” (one of the super hero kids. Trust me, whoever named them won’t win any awards for having an amazing imagination). And the culprit kid was still there, with another sticker, ready to “beautify” the car further. My friend just stared at him in exasperation.

Please, Indomie, next time, put something else kids won’t use to deface walls and doors. Throw in a small toy or recharge card (I don’t know – I'm not the best at coming up with gifts for kids). Just no more stickers.

“Honour Roll” Stickers:

Back when I was in primary school, winning a prize for being the best at a subject or sport or activity meant getting a copy of “Without A Silver Spoon” or “Ade, Our Naughty Little brother” and a handshake with the school headmistress. Without pictures. These days, schools also hand out stickers to parents whose kids have won prizes proclaiming how awesome their kids are for being “on Honour Roll” and indirectly proclaiming how stupid other parents’ kids are. I mean, imagine you come to pick up your child from school and you find yourself parked beside one of your kid’s classmates’ dad’s car with an honour roll sticker on it and your windscreen conspicuously sticker free. It would be incredibly difficult not to think the honour roll parents are looking at your kid and thinking – “what a poor, incredibly dense child. He should drop out of school already and go learn a trade”. I'm sorry, I think those stickers are unnecessary. It could make some parents feel bad about their kids and make them hire annoying lesson teachers that seem to only show up because they know they’ll get free lunch at your house. Quit giving out those stickers. It’s the right thing to do.


https://greysweaterdude./2016/03/30/four-types-of-stickers-i-hate/

OP, you have aired your mind.
Now, let people react.

Lol... Holy Ghost zone.. Keep off

Very funny. I so agree with you on the honour roll thing.

A good submission written so well in a witty way