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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles (22831 Views)
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Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by PipSurgeon(m): 2:32pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
here we go.. here we go.. its really tough. maybe tougher than i presume.. but the center of all this rest on how u do or will choose to perceive life. psychology is like a paradox of who we turn up to be or who we choose to be.. i will always prefer the later, as its the only aspect i believe i can alter especially when the developmental harm has been done. how u proceed from here and who you turn out to be will depend on the spectacle with which u will choose to see your past, present and future.. you have to find that peace within yourself. cause you wont get that anywhere. i know u may be the big bro.. but you need to cut yourself some slack from family issues and responsibility say for some month and try meeting new people. then after start a relationship built sole of communication. it will amaze you the magic love can do. you must learn to communicate well in whatever relationship you may choose to go into. its your only lifeline considering you already have too much stored charges forgive your parents and tell them plainly your dissatisfactions anytime you feel it, you are a man already and stop worrying over some seemingly trivial issues. maintain peace with yourself make sure you try piling up some financial savings no matter how hard it may seem. savings give some sense of security. on the other side economic turmoil is a strong trigger of stress, which wont go down well some of the risk factors you already posses. always remember this that the they are people out there with bigger issues, fending maybe better.. and that you are always better than a dead man. wishing you the best. i hope this benefits you and others in similar shoes. 1 Like |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by ybalogs(m): 2:34pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
Marriage is sweet when you're with the right person. The fact that your father didn't get it right doesn't mean you won't make a good husband and a perfect father. Just be careful in choosing your life partner by praying for God's guidance and I'm sure you'll be happy for it. Please don't let your families's case define you permanently. You need to get married. 1 Like |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by slightlyMad(f): 2:34pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
I am going to put sentiments and bible aside, lets face it Life wasn't fair to you, you already know this am sure These guys, though your parent never cared that much whether you sleep under the bridge or not. Yes they are your parent but i am sure, along the line, so strangers were even more of a parent than they were. Here is my piece, DONT go out of your way for these selfish guys, because if you had turned to Anini or Shina rambo as a result of their gross negligence, They will change their phone numbers the moment they realize you have it and even change their surnames if possible. But look at you, Life is beginning to smile at you, and then they are beginning to mark territories and competing with each other over who gets the larger "ounje omo" I will say, any extra you have, invest it and ensure your kids dont suffer like you did. if you see their situation getting bad, assist, but dont put them first, put your children's future first. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by Joyce28(f): 2:40pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
Sorry my dear, I had desame experience. Be strong and hold onto God 1 Like |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by Wowzer(m): 2:42pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
@Keepingmum. Special Advisers on Nairaland without Empathy. Even people with worst case scenario than that of Op are still giving advice, when they can't figure out their own life. 4 Likes |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by danbrowndmf(m): 2:43pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
lollmaolol:First of all.. You have to reborn yourself,i mean remove their thought from your head,If not u will lose everything you have laboured for. Same thing happened to me,i kept their thought in my head,i lost a job i built the connection within 4months in just 2weeks, now i'm suffering from putting their problems in my head. I was duely advice by an uncle not to put their issues in my head but i turn deaf ears,now I lost a beautiful job just because i couldn't concetrate. Please move on with your life,make new friends,get married,carefully select your partner,Remove their thought from you,call them whenever u felt like, they shouldn't impose anything on you,when to call or why u didn't call. Bro Reborn youself,leave a new life,you are even lucky,u'v graduated already,i'm yet to graduate,had to pause school for a year. ThankGod i'm moving on bit by bit. Bro Move On. Hold on to God! God bless You! 1 Like |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by mizlovette(f): 2:50pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
My dear I feel ur pain, but don't let them define u, they lived their lives made their decisions, but here u are, strong bold and fearless. U choose ur part and made it. If not for anytin God is proud of you. I'd say u should forgive them, take care of dem d way u can whatever happened in d past should be left there. As for no wanting to get married u can't let their experience or mistakes make or mare u. Ur strong and with God by ur side ur life will be different from theirs. Change d mentality go out find love and experience it. It's well my prayers are with you all day long. 1 Like |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by Glomoni: 2:51pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
Ur from a broken home and can't make a good home either, must u comment when u already know ur brain is deposited in ur ass. Mtsheeeeww keepingmum: 1 Like |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by Nobody: 2:53pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
its normal to be angry, but first you have to get over the anger,it's even beginning to affect you outlook on marriage, I mean it when I say people have been through a lot as a result of broken or polygamous homes,wait till you hear another version, the only way to get past hurt is to be better, there is no way you can have that close relationship with your parents like it should be,I won't lie about that,but first get past that hurt,else it could have adverse effect on your love life,it's all about being better,it's not easy to let go,but it's possible,it's for your own good,it's not easy especially when the parties involved do not see they have hurt you, so they do not see a need to apologize, that why you need to let go for your own peace of mind 1 Like |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by Nobody: 3:03pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
Many people will say, 'Forgive your parents', my advice is dont forgive them. Your parents lived their lives so dont let their heartless actions define you. You must become everything that your Dad wasnt. Your mum be-friended someone else while in the marriage and divorced, then got married to someone else. She was selfish, yes, for her, it was all about herself. My advise; A tree that spreads branches at tender age can not grow tall. Move on with your life at this stage, and learn from your Dad's weakness, build a house first before marriage, but do not allow their stupidity to define who you are. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by Truckpusher(m): 3:03pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
Flexherbal:Should one die over a bad marriage for kids that will grow up and live their lives ? If a woman or a man isn't giving you what you deserve in any marriage just walk away - life is too short to be spent in bitterness and agony. |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by tete7000(m): 3:06pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
lollmaolol: The danger in life is not to repeat the lifestyle of our parents. Many times in life things they did hurt us that we may be tempted to forsake them. However we usually need to be careful how we allow our experience defined us. We grew up with our parents and often we have been unconsciously conditioned to follow their life pattern. We usually must not forget that no one grew up planning to fail, so even the parents are victims of what they call social conditioning. Remedy is that we need to empathise rather than condemn our parents. We must forget whatever ill we think they have done us. Grudges often time set us too on the path of irresponsible and damaging vengeance. We become so bitter it affects us and spill into other aspect of our lives. We need to take stock, look at their lives, consider their history and use that to evaluate our own lives to ensure we are not already towing that same pattern that will lead us to the same bustop we met our parents. It is often easier to condemn but the truth is if we live the lives our parents live, we will get the results they get. My brother hold no grudge against your parents, do all within your power to help and see what you can without any iota of bitterness learn from their lives to make you a better and more successful version of them. Resentment will only take you on the same path as theirs. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by pinkpearl17(f): 3:10pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
keepingmum:I really dont think a girl from a loving home becomes a baby mama. There is this feeling of inadequacy, low self worth, the longing to belong that push them into it. How many homes cater to the emotional needs of their children? From your reply, I can deduce how you train your kids. With brutality and harshness. 3 Likes |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by nkemdi89(f): 3:22pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
nasha1 tvpost=44632129:She is more correct than you abusing her,she sees it from the phycological aspects and she is a realist, most people tend to transfer their bad or traumatic experiences into marriages, most people who had deficient upbringing tends to exhibit some type of delinquent behaviours as they grow up,victims of domestic,sexual and other types of abuse always suffer from PTSD. Studies have shown most happy homes is as a result of good childhood experience, you can't give what you don't have. People don't ask questions of their partners past and childhood anymore which had lead to most broken home of recent. 2 Likes |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by pweetybhy(f): 3:24pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
Be strong, forgive your parents, my story is similar, but I thank God today for who I am. 1 Like |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by Nobody: 3:28pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
Truckpusher:good question |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by Nobody: 3:30pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
So sad, I feel ur pains 1 Like |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by MrEdimulo82(m): 3:30pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
edwife: You ultimately spoke well on this issue..as a matter of fact, @op story is an inch close to mine, and it's such a terrible one at that...his couraage to seek advise thru ds medium had inspired me. I will like to share mine and how well am doing on the path to healing which had started for quite a while, having listen to pro advice just like urs. Another salient point u made - A wife won't bring nothing to you no matter how good she is,do not marry until you sort yourself out.Leave women alone for now. See, i was going to get married early enough and put all behind me just so I can focus on my life...I felt a deep inside that this hurt may affect my marriage as a matter of fact, it affected the relationship - going - to marriage I had then. I used to say to a childhood friend that making the mistake of my parents will be my worst misery in life and can actually take my life. am not married but I passionately do not wish my wife and kids to go thru what i am going thru. Let's put it to a stop here. Thanks for ur advice. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by MrEdimulo82(m): 3:31pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
edwife: You ultimately spoke well on this issue..as a matter of fact, @op story is an inch close to mine, and it's such a terrible one at that...his courage to seek advise thru ds medium had inspired me. I will like to share mine and how well am doing on the path to healing which had started for quite a while, having listen to pro advice just like urs. Another salient point u made - A wife won't bring nothing to you no matter how good she is,do not marry until you sort yourself out.Leave women alone for now. See, i was going to get married early enough and put all behind me just so I can focus on my life...I felt a deep inside that this hurt may affect my marriage as a matter of fact, it affected the relationship - going - to marriage I had then. I used to say to a childhood friend that making the mistake of my parents will be my worst misery in life and can actually take my life. am not married but I passionately do not wish my wife and kids to go thru what i am going thru. Let's put it to a stop here. Thanks for ur advice. |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by kunle75(m): 3:34pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
lollmaolol: My brother shey be because God has help you thats why you are alive to tell us this story abi? Just be happy and move onbcos if i decide to share my own story here you willbe happy of your own...........my father sent my mother packing when i was 3yrs and i was raised by practically everyone in the street while my mum made several effort to reach but my dad rebuffed but today my story is different and am happily married too. God will help you to heal your wound 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by Nobody: 3:47pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
nasha1:haba where you guys quarelling before? 2 Likes |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by yetseyi(f): 3:50pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
pinkpearl17: Really? How about those that become baby mamas by mistake? What I can infer from your statement is that it is most likely a baby mama is from an unloving home, correct me if I assumed wrongly. If I am right then your statement is quite wrong. |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by Nobody: 3:52pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
nkemdi89:PTSD kwa? Did the guy fight a war? 1 Like |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by 9jatatafo(m): 3:57pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
OP put the past behind and move on. Try to heal yourself and get married and raise your own family in a better way. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by bitingcool: 3:57pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
Sorry ops for the ordeal you experienced. Is there any known psychological center where people with pain can receive counseling? Can anyone assist the ops with details of such? 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by awa(m): 4:06pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
Bros, As much touching as your true life story is, I still want you to know that for everything in life there is a reason. While I may not know the reason why your situation turns out this way during childhood yet, I believe in all these God has seen you through for a purpose. As a Graduate now working and perhaps living the life you dreamt of, it is now time to ask yourself these questions: 1. Was it through your strength that God saw you and your other Sis through in the University? 2. What if all these happened in your family for a purpose which can only be fillfulled through you? 3. What if God positioned you in that family for a purpose like bringing the family members together? 4. What if you have been chosen by God to make your family great in life? I am sorry I could continue with many more questions but for space sake, I want you not to take revenge in any way. God has been so faithful to you perhaps despite your unfaithfulness and here you are... Accept them as your parents and continue keeping in touch with them. If you have money, take good care of them. Please let me share this personal story with you: I lost my Daddy when I was just 6 Years and my Mum was there for me and today I am relatively comfortable. I built my first house in the village to ensure my Mum was comfortable and from time to time she was always in the City to enjoy with me. Just this January I finished my Duplex and Bungalow in PH expecting my Mum to come over and stay pernamently in the City with me but JUST 3 days to her coming she passed away without any serious sickness except for Malaria. She will be burried next month and I just wish I could have given out these houses just to save her life. There is nothing life family despite how they wrong us before. Her death have devastated me in a lot of ways.... Accept your family... No family is perfect....Neither is yours. DON"T TELL ME I WON'T UNDERSTAND 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by adewaleadeyemi(m): 4:11pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
bros, you have to forgive your parent and be happy with because of you. bible says honor your father and your mother that it mat be well with you. it didnt say when they are good no condition to it. you can love them from distance but dont say something bad about them. extend your kind gesture to them.send them gifts. all these things is because of yourself, because no matter what you do it will be hard. i know its hard to do but please do forgive and reconciled with them. also make up your mind not to go that way they went. you have to get married to show them marriage works otherwise they will tell you reasons why they did that. what we do today is not because of us but of those coming after us. some one needs this story one day to be better. God bless you as you do. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by Nobody: 4:11pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
Wat a story,its a bold tin u cud even speak out, every family has stories no family is perfect, I will say u shud be greatfull u cud decipher the happenings. Now my advice goes thUs 1) pls don't call ur sis disapoinments,dey nid jus as the rest,call dem encourage dem, hlp dem in every way u can, even u hav done some tins thank God for his mercies ova ur life. Dey nid u 2) forgive ur past don't blame anybody, not all road to succes is wide nd clean,urs is rough u ve acpt it den liv wit it.there is lite at d end of the tunnel. 3) ur parent forget dere jeaoulsy, call dem support dem pray for dem nd preach GOD in there life,the bible say honour thy parent so u may liv long, no matter. Wat ur parent hav done or are still doin or will still do forgive dem nd honour dem, surely u shall receive blessings u neva imagine dere life can be a blessing to u try and grab d rhema around this circumstance. B wise Bro nd the lord will shoot u forward in life. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by YNWALailai(m): 4:16pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
My friend (permit me to refer to you as such), thanks to God for your courage and survival energy. Its unfortunate that you went through those horrors and inmaginable pasts..but like it was, learn to make them stored in your past. As for forgiving your parents, its a needful action to cleanse your soul of bitterness and unnecessary burden of hatred. Forgiving them might be a tall order, but they are your parents and they cant be replaced...FORGIVE THEM. As for the aspect of their whinning about how often you should call, let them understand your position. You are a man and an angry one at that, express your anger (not volatile or abusive) respectfully. Let it be done in a way that will make them remorsed and ashamed of their past actions to you and your siblings (without being rude). This is necessary and essential for your own sake. As for their expectation from you, if you forgive and made them realize their selfish mistakes, your relationship with them would be born out of love and not struggle; thus it would be easy to stretch your hand to them. God has saved you and He is taking you somewhere great, dont clog yourself with these anger. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by Fkforyou(m): 4:18pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
slightlyMad: GBAM....!!!! Bae, your moniker is wrong, you head correct. The truth is, your parent don't care to know how their actions affected you. Some parents are just wierd and selfish, they only care about their rights on their children and not their children rights on them. OP the truth is, they didnt fufill their end of the bargain so dont bother yourself worrying wether you are beign good to them enough. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by MRBrownJ: 4:19pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
LOVE your parents, regardless of their struggles in the past, and stop ASSUMING that their greed is what s keeping them around. |
Re: My Parents Divorce Left My Life In Shambles by Guyman02: 4:46pm On Apr 12, 2016 |
MARKone:Muslim home, thats why Sokoto and Kano organise weddings with State funds regularly. @OP, reach out to your sisters whom you call disappointments, give them hope and it may turn their lives around. They also suffered from the same situation as you. This is the reason you will have to stay away from polygamy, be open minded and look for a nice lady that will love and stand by you to marry. Dont begrudge your parents 1 Like |
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