Hello all,

I am a 22 year old male, a computer guru but not a nerd, very talented and probably the shyest guy on earth I don't have a girl friend since I was born and I can't make one, I have never spoken to a girl on such, I can not even talk to a girl about it, Can not hold a direct eye contact for more than 5 seconds well I am not a virgin , I know this to be one of my biggest problem and I really don't know how to overcome it,

I have seen so many girls I really like and want to have as friends but I just can't face up to it and talk to a girl, I don't even know the basics, what a guy says first to a girl, how a guy gets a girl's attention to start off the first talkings,

I have just seen this girl and for the past 22 years they have come and gone by, I do not want to miss this girl, I need help from everyone, please help me!!!! how do I walk up tp this girl? how do I overcome my shyness? what first does a guy says to a girl in the process? I will provide additional information if needed, I am online now if you all can help me out here, or here is my email address: rm123luck@hotmail.co.uk

Thanks All

man,the first step u have to take is try build up self confidence,tell yourself this(what will she do if i woo her?will she slap me?she cant beat me)so then u try to free yourself,at first u may like a fool,try to be bold,being bold starts from the mind.look straight into her eyes,u have to overcome this now cos this fear of talking to a lady always lead guys to the gay world and i know u would not want to be a gay.so just shake that phobia off and tell yourself what will she do when i tell her i like her and want her to be my GF.it starts like that and gradually u start to build up with more wooing words.then u become a guru.u really have to start now or else u make seek solace in being gay.

@harvey - lol is that how people become gay! ROFLMAO

Anywayz, Star_gates, I am not sure if I am the best person to advise you because I am not sure of girls in Lagos, but I guess Naija women in UK can react similar anyway. Harvey, is right you do have to build up confidence, afterall you have some things going for you, not everyone can be your type so don't expect to be everyone's type. As long as you are not to cocky but display confidence you should be fine u will get rejections but just figure it is there loss, or that u used the wrong approach and learn from your mistakes (trial and error). Maybe you can start off with someone you have never met so u never have to see them again if they reject u.

Try looking straight in their eyes (no chest or booty oh!): "Excuse me, I saw you standing there and I was drawn to you, you have a certain air about you that stands out in the crowd and your really pretty, do you know that?"

She may at this point laugh, smile, kiss her teeth or ignore you. None of these is actually a rejection yet (even a kiss of the teeth or silent treatment can soon turn around) continue . . .

"Well, I don't really want to bug you but I could not let you slip by without taking a c hance and asking you if you could give me the honour of getting to know you, I am an honest, open, and caring person and just think you seem like someone worth caring about, I'd like to treat you to an evening out, atleast we can be friends if nothing else, so how's about it?"

If she agrees ask her for her number then give her yours also, make sure you get her number oh, persist and if possible arrange a time to call (gets rid of awkward waiting period for 'when to call a girl back' issue).

If unfortunately she says no, and so what? Anyway just for future reference ask her 'do you have a man? is it something I said?' If the answer is no don't ask for more explanation, there is no point. Simply say, "well thanks for giving me your time anyway, I am sorry if I embarassed or disturbed you, just saw you standing there alone and felt this was an opportunity not to be missed, so even friendship is a no?"

At this point she may even turn around hey. But if not move on. Your love may be around the corner! Hope this helps, I am a female anyway so this is what is endearing to me though admittedly I am not up to date with all the chat up lines but honesty always gets me - well whne it is positive anyway. For the record telling a girl she is sexy to some is insulting, telling a girl she is the most beautiful girl you have ever seen often sounds far-fetched but telling her she stands out, pretty, attractive etc (moderate praise) is generically more excepted.

ell 77.u see man when ppl begin to get scared of females they just get close to males cos there will be no rejection with them and before u know it they start liking the male.but trust me its the fact.

@ell77
Thanks for this advice, I think its going to work out for me, I am not very social which is also part of my problems, I am thinking if I could get drunk a bit before embarking on this, What do you think please?

@harvey
Thanks man!, I think what you have said is somehow true, but I will rather remain lonely in life than to become gay, its a personal decision, this may sound foolish, I completely don't know how to go about beulding this self confidence for me to be able to approach a girl. CAN I GET DRUNK? might help in away,

star gate,this confidence is in u.just the way u ask for something for someone.thats the way it goes.u can start by just going straight to the point.tell a girl u like that u like her and want to go out with her,no long talk.at first it may sound stupid,but as it keeps looking stupid ur inner mind is forming and before u know it u begin to woo a lady with the right lyrics.

harvey:

ell 77.u see man when people begin to get scared of females they just get close to males because there will be no rejection with them and before u know it they start liking the male.but trust me its the fact.

If this is all it takes for a red-blooded male to turn gay - God help humanity! Don't think it is that simple but I believe it may be true for a couple of peeps I guess.

star_gates:

@ell77
Thanks for this advice, I think its going to work out for me, I am not very social which is also part of my problems, I am thinking if I could get drunk a bit before embarking on this, What do you think please?

@harvey
Thanks man!, I think what you have said is somehow true, but I will rather remain lonely in life than to become gay, its a personal decision, this may sound foolish, I completely don't know how to go about beulding this self confidence for me to be able to approach a girl. CAN I GET DRUNK? might help in away,

HELL NO Star_Gates, I am glad if my advice is helpful but drink doe snot give confidence it only releases you inhibitions the two may sound similar but they are not even close. Confidence is loving yourself and having faith in yourself knowing that you are a good catch and that if someone does not like you it is their loss, it is knowing that yes you do have faults and are not perfect and knowing that everyone has faults and yours are no worse than the next guy, get this into your head first. Being drunk only releases your inhibitons and clouds your mind, it makes you think no one will turn you down which is obviously not true for anyone so when you approach a girl when you are drunk you will be more likely to get more emotional when she says no (i.e. violent, cry). Also you may approach a girl who is not on your level cos your judgement is clouded (as in you may approach a prostitute! - you said you were looking for a girlfriend not a one night stand!). Another thing is for me, and alot of girls I know alchohol is a big turn off, if I even smell alcohol on a guy I immediately move away or else I turn up my nose in disgust (I actually can't help it - but I am not alone). SO DON'T USE ALCOHOL TO BRING CONFIDENCE IT WON'T WORK!

Just suck it up and move to a girl with a friendly smile - not a cocky inyour face attitude think of the person as a long lost friend, or act like you are in an interview situation. Body language is important in interviews the same might apply in real life i.e. don't stand too close or to far (lets say an arms length away you may get closer if her eyes or behaviour tells you she is interested or flirting), don't fold your arms or raise your hands up in the air, (don't put your hands on your waist - bit gay to me), stand up straight, maybe one hand in your pocket, one hand at waist level for gestures. If you need to touvh her to get her attention, don't tap or thwack her and don't grab her just gently rest the tips of your fingers on her shoulder or forearm, whilst saying 'excuse me'. This way you look really confident, but not aggressive or disrespectful (as soon as she turns around remove your hand).

I can tell you how to look confident without looking cocky but not 100% sure how to make you feel confident. Try not to stutter or stammer when you speak but if you do, don't despair, because although some girls may not like that others may find it helplessly adorable ok?! The way you dress may help with your confidence. I know you are in Nigeria so 'apparently' girls like it when guys look like they have 'tasted' abroad i.e. Jeans, timberlands, T-shirt. However, to me, the best thing a man can do to make himself look on point is this:

- Wear a fitted black suit with a tie (if you don't wan't to wear a jacket, a crisp fitted white shirt will do no tie needed)
- Have a clean very low faded hair cut i.e. look at Pharrell, Usher, Jay-Z.
- Wear one watch on one hand (analogue not digital) and/or wear one silver thick chain bracelet (two different hands if wear both)
- Black polished closed-toe shoes (no sandals please) - with black socks

To me most men look good in this. It may bring you some confidence because automatically you will see girls start looking at you - probably wondering which bank or oil company you OWN. There is a saying 'Clothes don't make the man' - it is true but clothes represent the man to me! Good luck.

Oh yeah if you have a beard shave it off unless it is a clean crisp cut. Hope this helps with you - about the confidence thing, not really sure, maybe have a theme tune in your head like Sean Paul 'Like Glue' lol - seriously it may help! Also go to more clubs and socialise.

walk up to her and say 'hi', if she smiles, thats a start, from there on, u r on ur own

didnt u guys miss sumtin? star gate said he's not a virgin yet he cant ask a girl out. . hw d hell did dat happen? or u lost ur virginity thru a boy? or sports or sumtin?

I didn't miss that, it made me laugh, I just assumed it was an ugly/loose/drunk girl who chased him and led him (willingly of course) to the bed room. Then left him the next day or vice versa.

@ELL77
You are a GodSent, I have been reading your advice over and over and really getting it into my head now, though I have not made the move, but I am beginning to feel I will do good when I venture into it, Thanks alot but please keep the advice coming if there are more,

kkutecolo:

didnt u guys miss sumtin? star gate said he's not a virgin yet he can't ask a girl out. . hw d hell did that happen? or u lost your virginity through a boy? or sports or sumtin?

Yeah I am not a virgin, I was not de virgin by accident or by fellow male,

Please keep the comments and advice coming, it will all help me I know, you are all true Nigerians,

I'm guessing you're around 42 years old now sir. So what's the update, have to do finally found someone you're interested in and how's it going?

stargates:
Hello all,

I am a 22 year old male, a computer guru but

Thanks All

ell77:
@harvey - lol is that how people become gay! ROFLMAO

Anywayz, Star_gates, I am not sure if I am the best person to advise you because I am not sure of girls in Lagos, but I guess Naija women in UK can react similar anyway. Harvey, is right you do have to build up confidence, afterall you have some things going for you, not everyone can be your type so don't expect to be everyone's type. As long as you are not to cocky but display confidence you should be fine u will get rejections but just figure it is there loss, or that u used the wrong approach and learn from your mistakes (trial and error). Maybe you can start off with someone you have never met so u never have to see them again if they reject u.

Try looking straight in their eyes (no chest or booty oh!): "Excuse me, I saw you standing there and I was drawn to you, you have a certain air about you that stands out in the crowd and your really pretty, do you know that?"

She may at this point laugh, smile, kiss her teeth or ignore you. None of these is actually a rejection yet (even a kiss of the teeth or silent treatment can soon turn around) continue . . .

"Well, I don't really want to bug you but I could not let you slip by without taking a c hance and asking you if you could give me the honour of getting to know you, I am an honest, open, and caring person and just think you seem like someone worth caring about, I'd like to treat you to an evening out, atleast we can be friends if nothing else, so how's about it?"

If she agrees ask her for her number then give her yours also, make sure you get her number oh, persist and if possible arrange a time to call (gets rid of awkward waiting period for 'when to call a girl back' issue).

If unfortunately she says no, and so what? Anyway just for future reference ask her 'do you have a man? is it something I said?' If the answer is no don't ask for more explanation, there is no point. Simply say, "well thanks for giving me your time anyway, I am sorry if I embarassed or disturbed you, just saw you standing there alone and felt this was an opportunity not to be missed, so even friendship is a no?"

At this point she may even turn around hey. But if not move on. Your love may be around the corner! Hope this helps, I am a female anyway so this is what is endearing to me though admittedly I am not up to date with all the chat up lines but honesty always gets me - well whne it is positive anyway. For the record telling a girl she is sexy to some is insulting, telling a girl she is the most beautiful girl you have ever seen often sounds far-fetched but telling her she stands out, pretty, attractive etc (moderate praise) is generically more excepted.

Wotoporiously speaking

Abeg anything you do @Stargates, commot that bolded word and sentence from your speech....cuz along the line if you eventually get the bannie she no go forget that statement and if na bannie wey sharp pass you along the line in the relationship she go use that statement against you...

You ain't gotta say too much or speak too much English, just introduce yourself, drop a few pick up lines, get the number and walk off like it ain't shit...

Coming from an elder in the business

ell77:


If this is all it takes for a red-blooded male to turn gay - God help humanity! Don't think it is that simple but I believe it may be true for a couple of peeps I guess.



HELL NO Star_Gates, I am glad if my advice is helpful but drink doe snot give confidence it only releases you inhibitions the two may sound similar but they are not even close. Confidence is loving yourself and having faith in yourself knowing that you are a good catch and that if someone does not like you it is their loss, it is knowing that yes you do have faults and are not perfect and knowing that everyone has faults and yours are no worse than the next guy, get this into your head first. Being drunk only releases your inhibitons and clouds your mind, it makes you think no one will turn you down which is obviously not true for anyone so when you approach a girl when you are drunk you will be more likely to get more emotional when she says no (i.e. violent, cry). Also you may approach a girl who is not on your level cos your judgement is clouded (as in you may approach a prostitute! - you said you were looking for a girlfriend not a one night stand!). Another thing is for me, and alot of girls I know alchohol is a big turn off, if I even smell alcohol on a guy I immediately move away or else I turn up my nose in disgust (I actually can't help it - but I am not alone). SO DON'T USE ALCOHOL TO BRING CONFIDENCE IT WON'T WORK!

Just suck it up and move to a girl with a friendly smile - not a cocky inyour face attitude think of the person as a long lost friend, or act like you are in an interview situation. Body language is important in interviews the same might apply in real life i.e. don't stand too close or to far (lets say an arms length away you may get closer if her eyes or behaviour tells you she is interested or flirting), don't fold your arms or raise your hands up in the air, (don't put your hands on your waist - bit gay to me), stand up straight, maybe one hand in your pocket, one hand at waist level for gestures. If you need to touvh her to get her attention, don't tap or thwack her and don't grab her just gently rest the tips of your fingers on her shoulder or forearm, whilst saying 'excuse me'. This way you look really confident, but not aggressive or disrespectful (as soon as she turns around remove your hand).

I can tell you how to look confident without looking cocky but not 100% sure how to make you feel confident. Try not to stutter or stammer when you speak but if you do, don't despair, because although some girls may not like that others may find it helplessly adorable ok?! The way you dress may help with your confidence. I know you are in Nigeria so 'apparently' girls like it when guys look like they have 'tasted' abroad i.e. Jeans, timberlands, T-shirt. However, to me, the best thing a man can do to make himself look on point is this:

- Wear a fitted black suit with a tie (if you don't wan't to wear a jacket, a crisp fitted white shirt will do no tie needed)
- Have a clean very low faded hair cut i.e. look at Pharrell, Usher, Jay-Z.
- Wear one watch on one hand (analogue not digital) and/or wear one silver thick chain bracelet (two different hands if wear both)
- Black polished closed-toe shoes (no sandals please) - with black socks

To me most men look good in this. It may bring you some confidence because automatically you will see girls start looking at you - probably wondering which bank or oil company you OWN. There is a saying 'Clothes don't make the man' - it is true but clothes represent the man to me! Good luck.

Oh yeah if you have a beard shave it off unless it is a clean crisp cut. Hope this helps with you - about the confidence thing, not really sure, maybe have a theme tune in your head like Sean Paul 'Like Glue' lol - seriously it may help! Also go to more clubs and socialise.

I doff my hat to you ma'am. I'm definitely learning a lot from you. Thanks for the tips

don't be distracted, focus on your career.

1. to your post, calm down, spend time with female friends around you, relatives, discuss actively with them and their friends.
2. Learn to compliment people, both gender but the opposite gender more. sincere compliment please. You're looking good, 'nice scent' etc, you do this while still going your way, stand briefly and then walk, Make eye contact from time to time and try to be more sociable
All this will build your confidence to stop any girl and woo.
Them no dey kill person, E no pass 'my name is .... I like you sincerely, can we be friend? 10 seconds Its either a yes or a no. don't stress further and no one go kill u.
enjoy, I don tire to write.