@bolarge
exactly thank you bros

@feelgood,

Thanks for the compliment. I'm with you on those beautiful posts of yours that expanded mine.

Cheers.

@ gridlock
I don't believe in Dating. I never have. Whenever I looked at a girl and thought of a relationshiop, I ALWAYS asked myself, "Am I ready to get married to this person, to spendthe REST of my life with them?". This idea of "testing relationships" is rubbish. You don't have to be in a relationship to get to know someone well. If you didnt really like them in the first place, you have no business wondering how good the two of you would be for each other.
[quote][/quote]


I dont agree totally with your view on dating though i respect it.
YOU see everyman(myself inclusive) perception or attitude about life is formed by a summation of all of his expriences (either direct or indirect).
Dating a christain doesnt necessarily mean that you take her to bed for sex.The problem is that these days people no longer know what they stand for.Christain values are no longer properly articulated.
you can date in the church and not take yourselves to bed.it depends on the parties involved.
On the whole my major baise against christain courtship is that we expect too much form ourselves.We tend not to be sincere with each other, we are afraid to discuss our fears in the church because of the aura and respect(empire) we have built around ourselves.None of us wants to be seen as a weakling.Yet we are burdened with heavy loads,we are burdened with "issues of the heart"

Christian dating shouldn't be tough especially when you apply the necessary tactics and go for it bearing in mind that you are now a born-again christian and all worldly gestures should be deleted from your tactics. It can be very fun, just give it more try, you never can tell.

53X is why or rather not being able to have sex is why.

You know what? Y'all should just go listen to some Iron Maiden or Systems of A Down or some Papa Roach. That should cool down your spirits.

Hi dear,

Don't worry it all depends on the person you meet
People exhibit different character regardless of their religious status
But I believe not all Christian Dating is difficult

cause the road to eternal happiness and true love isn't smooth ,you have got to be ready to make sacrifices and let go of lots of things.

.

Well,I like the sound of xtain dating but what is the other one called?
i beleive if you must marry somebody then you must have to know the
person real well to make sure she or he is not a pretender after all every one
of us know that 90% of our so called xtains are hypocrites. a friend of mine said
he would rather marry an unbeliever at least he will be sure of what she is.
I have nothing against xtain dating but the reason why it is difficult is cos
the parties involved are not honest to themselve. I am saying this cos i
know that xtain daring can be the most fulfilling if and only if the couple are
true to themselves. But in this Naija that is truely difficult to acchieve.

well i think it depends on what u call xtain dating and u also define as xtain.besides i think what the real problem is here is just about sex.basically there is no diffrnce betwen xtain dating and "wordly dating" if there is a thing like that.4get about the sex and dating any girl would be kool.but then what do i know like someone said

I have a lot to say but i'll release em piece meal. We have all agreed here that there is so much assumption and deception with regards to christian living in the church today. It ought not to be so if we speak the truth in love. You can't tell the character of a person from a distance or in the course of a brief interaction; it will take some time for an opinion not an impression to be formed.

thanks for this post. you know a lot of unhappy marriages have been created becos of xtian dating. this is becos most xtians live a fake life and want to behave like super humans. another angle is a lot of brothers/sisters have used xtian dating as an avenue to deceive other young xtians in the faith with their '[b]God says you are to be my wife or hubby '[/b]prophesies. you see so many unrealistic matches between both sexes that make you wonder. xtian dating is really a difficult task. you have to be in the right church with the right quidance not to really fall prey. but if you happen to just go to any pentescostal where preaching about love/romance is a taboon, you might just as well forget about making your choice and fall into the wrong hands. i as a person is a victim of this prophetic marriage. i am married to a brother i would ordinarily not have granted audience to had it been we met in a natural setting. but he did his home work well and knew the only means he could get me was to say God spoke to him that i was to be his wife and a fool that i was, i believed as i had to be a good xtian who allowed God's will in her life! and could you imagine, i had to put up a pretense to tolerate him and that i was ready for God's will even thou i never liked him. that is the kind of fake lifestyle xtian dating makes you put up.

osegwu:

Well,I like the sound of xtain dating but what is the other one called?
i beleive if you must marry somebody then you must have to know the
person real well to make sure she or he is not a pretender after all every one
of us know that 90% of our so called xtains are hypocrites. a friend of mine said
he would rather marry an unbeliever at least he will be sure of what she is.
I have nothing against xtain dating but the reason why it is difficult is because
the parties involved are not honest to themselve. I am saying this because i
know that xtain daring can be the most fulfilling if and only if the couple are
true to themselves. But in this Naija that is truely difficult to acchieve.

your post says it all. a lot of pretense, that is just the key word!!!

Sorry @ ronkebaby

Are you still married to the fake brother? It must take a huge amount of pretence on your part to go ahead to marry someone you dislike! Sorry just being curious.

I come from stoutly christian home where the "God says you are my wife" stuff is taken seriously. It was a sore point between me and my parents, eventually i left home and pretty much everyone has let me be finally! Less than a yr ago, an uncle of mine told me God showed him my wife!!! A girl i had never met in my entire life!!!

Of course he told my parents and hey presto without even asking me they had gone ahead to find out intimate info about the girl. Trust me, i had spent a few yrs studying some of the "God said, " kind of marriages that either fell apart or both couples were just tolerating each other just to avoid divorce. I would rather marry a girl i can convert where the love is mutual than tolerate a "christian" girl simply based on spurious allegations of "God showed me, "!

David, You can say that!!

I second that all the way!!

christian dating is difficult because the so called born again feels it aint right,i dont see anything wrong in having a relationship when u are a born again

Imagine dating to be like eating yam and oil, yet hoping that the oil wont stain the fingers!



Its not a matter of restrain but abstainance.

I used to be in a relationship that had all the works, then it crashed all cos of a lie.
Initially I was doing all that ant more on the assurance that my love will cleanse my offences but then it still failed.

Next, I started dating in the real born again sense, but it led from kissing to touching and sometimes real close intimacy, yet no sex.
Do u think I felt good about it? NO NO NO!

Now I dont even want to date or kiss cos as it is my abstainance makes me more secure with my God and sure of my state of grace (especially concerning sexual immorality).

Guys dont fool urselves, there is no gain in kissing and touching without DOING it.
-its still SIN
-it leaves you with that trobbing ache there
-it leaves u wanting MORE

Ladies why fool urselves, u know very well that handling feels better than DOING it.
-its still sin
-u will always feel like u should have said NO
-what if the guy wants MORE?

IN CONCLUSION, I SUGGEST THAT WE ALL TAKE A BRAKE AND REALIZE THAT GOD IS NOT PLEASED WITH ALL THE LIP SERVICE AND IS WRATH COMES LIKE THE THIEF IN THE NIGHT.

DONT FOOL URSELF, SIN IS SIN.

justyn3x@yahoo.co.uk

@justyn3x

SIN is really SIN.

There's really nothing wrong in xtain dating. it's really sad that these days, hadly can one find a true xtain courtship we all know what i'm talking about dont we?

so my bro, get straight to the point dont tell us that xtain dating is difficult. tell us u are sexually frustrated because u cant do the things that u used to look.

be true to urself face the proband leave ur beign born again out of it.

that is the trick the the devil use to rob u of ur blessings ( spiritual ). just pray and tell God to strenghten u.

most importantly u sef commot eye, zero ur mind

Its all about mindset. When you have been preprogrammed to move from asking her out to the bed, its a bit of a drag for you to have to learn to just "go steady" and really get to know a person (and of course staying off sex).
Since you have now become a believer, my advice is that you pray about it. That as we xtians believe is the solution to all problems.

davidylan:

Sorry @ ronkebaby

Are you still married to the fake brother? It must take a huge amount of pretence on your part to go ahead to marry someone you dislike! Sorry just being curious.

.

well, what could i have done. i think this born again stuff especially if you go to the wrong pentecostal church always brings out a kind of pretense that is not really you. you are most of the time taught how you have to be submissive to God's will concerning your life and how His thoughts are different from ours in short how you must be dead to your own feelings as you are no longer of this world.  some of us took this kind of preaching hook and sinker then and in the process made very costly mistakes like the one i just told you about. this could be very confusing and misleading especailly to young xtians, you know. hence the reason why you see xtians mostimes portray a trait different to their real selves. i think the pretensious aspect of wanting to conform to most of the doctrines including the ones you don't fully understand causes this mistake, most especially in falling pray for all these prophetic courtships/relationships

ronkebaby:


well, what could i have done. i think this born again stuff especially if you go to the wrong pentecostal church always brings out a kind of pretense that is not really you. you are most of the time taught how you have to be submissive to God's will concerning your life and how His thoughts are different from ours in short how you must be dead to your own feelings as you are no longer of this world.  some of us took this kind of preaching hook and sinker then and in the process made very costly mistakes like the one i just told you about. this could be very confusing and misleading especially to young xtians, you know. hence the reason why you see xtians mostimes portray a trait different to their real selves. i think the pretentious aspect of wanting to conform to most of the doctrines including the ones you don't fully understand causes this mistake, most especially in falling pray for all these prophetic courtships/relationships

I thought the Bible is always there to guide us and certainly not
the words of the Pastor? Look, in the days of ignorance God overlook but these days
that people are educated? Why should we allow  a fellow man to indoctrinate us
simply cos we want to be called spiritual? Born again? Men, this is totally unacceptable
both in my sight and in the sight of God. We should always allow the words of God to
guide us and not that of man. Lets stop this pretense. A pastor once told me that God
revealled to him that i was running after girls and trust me, I told him it was a lie.
He looked shocked but but intention was to let him know that i know he was fake and a few
weeks later was accused by female church member of impregnating her. IMAGINE THAT.
I refused to be deceived and so should you. i could have kept coll and let him robbed it in on me

osegwu:

I thought the Bible is always there to guide us and certainly not
the words of the Pastor? Look, in the days of ignorance God overlook but these days
that people are educated? Why should we allow a fellow man to indoctrinate us
simply because we want to be called spiritual? Born again? Men, this is totally unacceptable
both in my sight and in the sight of God. We should always allow the words of God to
guide us and not that of man. Lets stop this pretense. A pastor once told me that God
revealled to him that i was running after girls and trust me, I told him it was a lie.
He looked shocked but but intention was to let him know that i know he was fake and a few
weeks later was accused by female church member of impregnating her. IMAGINE THAT.
I refused to be deceived and so should you. i could have kept coll and let him robbed it in on me

yeah you are right about what you said, but then you are just one of the lucky ones. my experience was totally different. just pray you never fall prey to these preachings. when i gave my life for instance, i gave it fully accepting to surrender my life to Christ. i was one of those that wanted to make heaven at all costs as preached and as such, had to do everything i was told was the right way to get to heaven eventually, never knowing it is not all that say Lord Lord that actually know this Lord. in short, i guess some pple just have to learn the hard way the act of being true to one's feelings and not try to live a fake life in the name of being born again. afterall it is only God that sees the hearts of men, so why fake your personality before God. i tell you lots of pple have used the name of God to confuse thrillions of pple and commit attrocities of all kinds. it is only God that truely knows those who serve him. so in conclusion, it is this kind of double standard that makes xtian dating more difficult. most of it are just fake/pretence with all these the "Lord sayeth you are mine" stuff.

yeah you are right about what you said, but then you are just one of the lucky ones. my experience was totally different. just pray you never fall prey to these preachings. when i gave my life for instance, i gave it fully accepting to surrender my life to Christ. i was one of those that wanted to make heaven at all costs as preached and as such, had to do everything i was told was the right way to get to heaven eventually, never knowing it is not all that say Lord Lord that actually know this Lord. in short, i guess some people just have to learn the hard way the act of being true to one's feelings and not try to live a fake life in the name of being born again. afterall it is only God that sees the hearts of men, so why fake your personality before God. i tell you lots of people have used the name of God to confuse thrillions of people and commit attrocities of all kinds. it is only God that truely knows those who serve him. so in conclusion, it is this kind of double standard that makes xtian dating more difficult. most of it are just fake/pretence with all these the "Lord sayeth you are mine" stuff.

Ronke,

I can totally relate to you and your christian background. When i was in the university i also attended a fellowship that believed in 'dreaming' about your life partner. If i had gotten married while still in that environment, it may have been a disaster because there was a lot about marriage that i didn't know. Thank God for bringing me in contact with the late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya's teachings. They were eye opening to say the least. The good thing is, as long as both parties fear the Lord, with patence and love, i believe any marriage can be made to work.

On a general note, i don't think christian courtship is any more challenging that any other courtship. As with all courtships, sometimes you will come across insincere people; i think the key for christians is as much as you depend on your senses to determine who is right for you, you also need to depend on God, pray and be spiritually discerning because ultimately God knows more than you do about that person you are considering. Of course, you also need to be the right person. Many of us want to marry Mr and Miss perfect when we are nowhere near perfect ourselves.

A note to those who want to marry non-christians and convert them, no human being can convert another. That is the work of the Holy Spirit. If the person is not everything you want before you get married, don't hold your breath that they will change afterwards.

There are a lot of successful christian marriages out there so definitely it is possible to have a successful christian courtship and marriage. Maybe those who courted and married as christians should drop a note to tell us about their experiences and encourage the many jaded people on this post.

Consultant:


Ronke,

I can totally relate to you and your christian background. When i was in the university i also attended a fellowship that believed in 'dreaming' about your life partner. If i had gotten married while still in that environment, it may have been a disaster because there was a lot about marriage that i didn't know. Thank God for bringing me in contact with the late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya's teachings. They were eye opening to say the least. The good thing is, as long as both parties fear the Lord, with patence and love, i believe any marriage can be made to work.

On a general note, i don't think christian courtship is any more challenging that any other courtship. As with all courtships, sometimes you will come across insincere people; i think the key for christians is as much as you depend on your senses to determine who is right for you, you also need to depend on God, pray and be spiritually discerning because ultimately God knows more than you do about that person you are considering. Of course, you also need to be the right person. Many of us want to marry Mr and Miss perfect when we are nowhere near perfect ourselves.

A note to those who want to marry non-christians and convert them, no human being can convert another. That is the work of the Holy Spirit. If the person is not everything you want before you get married, don't hold your breath that they will change afterwards.

There are a lot of successful christian marriages out there so definitely it is possible to have a successful christian courtship and marriage. Maybe those who courted and married as christians should drop a note to tell us about their experiences and encourage the many jaded people on this post.

i love your post and you really spoke like someone that has eaten from pastor bim's food. that woman really stood to correct so many misconceptions about xtian dating/marriage. i guess a lot of people including me took her for granted. not entirely my fault thou, part of the brain washing some pentescostal churches do is to make you even feel your church is better than the other ones i.e. we are more spiritual than that and that other church and hence you should stop "church prostitution" like they always say!.
marriage has made me seen the deceitfullness in all these teachings even  thou it came to me so late. anybody that has passed throu the SU xtian teachings in the university must understand my background. you know they make you feel like a lesser xtian if you have to do things contrary to the laid down or even those not verbally voiced out norms and you just want to be the perfect xtian in everything you do. it was that desire to be that perfect that made some of us fall for the 'Lord says, ' kind of relationships and yes, xtian dating/marriages could be a lovely experience if you fellowship in the right setting like i earlier said. i mean settings where realities and practical examples are given like that of fountain of life church and some other good pentescostal churches too. but the irony is that very few pentescotal churches actually tell the congregation these truths. everything must be spiri-spiri.

Dear Ronkebaby,

i had that kind of experience while in college in nigeria. I was a member of the christian chapel on campus and a choirboy for 4 yrs! Being a school with less than 8000 students, it was easy to now almost everybody.
You can imagine the kind of deciet going on there with. Everyone was a holy brother or sister, i was almost looked upon for being a "less than holy" simply because i would refuse to go to tuesday bible study, wednesday prayer meeting (sometimes entailing having to forgo classes - a thing i considered stupid!), friday prayer night e.t.c.
thankfully i came from a home of strong christian parents who went to church only on sunday. through them i learnt that being a christian did not mean sleeping in the church and following the pastor like a headless chicken but applying the word to your everyday life. God is interested not only when you are praying but when you sleep, laugh and play with ur friends!!

I met several pple who gave testimonies for scoring a C while "doing the Lord's work" rather than studying!!!!!

I saw "pastors" graduate with 3rd class all the while justifying it with "being God's servant". What happened to "being the light of the world"?

Dear, i had a choirmistress who was so tough i nearly left the choir, she would spend the first 3 hrs into choir practice praying!!! Dear, she got pregnant outside marriage!!

Not of him the willeth but of God who showeth mercy!

Read the word and let God minister to you personally. Dont waste time with those who say "the Lord said. . .", what is the Lord ministering to you personally?

My personal mantra - God will not show YOU my wife to come and tell me! As sure as He is my Father, He will tell me Himself!

hey i don't know

davidylan:

Dear Ronkebaby,

i had that kind of experience while in college in nigeria. I was a member of the christian chapel on campus and a choirboy for 4 years! Being a school with less than 8000 students, it was easy to now almost everybody.
You can imagine the kind of deciet going on there with. Everyone was a holy brother or sister, i was almost looked upon for being a "less than holy" simply because i would refuse to go to tuesday bible study, wednesday prayer meeting (sometimes entailing having to forgo classes - a thing i considered stupid!), friday prayer night e.t.c.
thankfully i came from a home of strong christian parents who went to church only on sunday. through them i learnt that being a christian did not mean sleeping in the church and following the pastor like a headless chicken but applying the word to your everyday life. God is interested not only when you are praying but when you sleep, laugh and play with your friends!!

I met several people who gave testimonies for scoring a C while "doing the Lord's work" rather than studying!!!!!

I saw "pastors" graduate with 3rd class all the while justifying it with "being God's servant". What happened to "being the light of the world"?

Dear, i had a choirmistress who was so tough i nearly left the choir, she would spend the first 3 hrs into choir practice praying!!! Dear, she got pregnant outside marriage!!

Not of him the willeth but of God who showeth mercy!

Read the word and let God minister to you personally. Dont waste time with those who say "the Lord said. . .", what is the Lord ministering to you personally?

My personal mantra - God will not show YOU my wife to come and tell me! As sure as He is my Father, He will tell me Himself!

thanks for your post davidylan. yeah you said everything left unsaid by me and i know you sure had a similar background. i confirm your observation that through out my years in the university too, all our SU presidents  had 1 or more extra years on campus. and the credential of most of the exco was always with a 3rd class. this emanacted from the holier than thou attitude going on in campus fellowships. well like i said, you are lucky as some of us weren't that lucky. i ended up marrying a "brother" and i tell u the experience has been nasty since i have been in this marriage. it's been these experiences that have made me known God is not that wicked as to make someone that would not make you happy receive you has his wifey and hence makes me question this "the Lord says stuff" of relationships. my only regret is that I was stupid to fall prey to the Lord says proposal stuff and did not follow my heart and run when i should have. don't mind the gullible me, was too far gone in the brain watching biz that any attempt to reason straight by me was seen as the flesh trying to make me do things contrary to God's will for my life (funny isn't it?). well, i have had my own share of the deceit hence why i am telling the story that it is better dating in a neutral ground and knowing what you are going into than all these "the lord says stuff" that offers you misery except perhaps if you are lucky to go to the right church like pastor bim's and co who really make people not to fall into the wrong relationship by correcting the believe that xtianity does not allow one a choice of a marriage patner, but has to be the Lord that chooses for one with a prophesy , dreaming, the Holy Spirit revealed you to me or  the Lord sayeth etc. please run from these deceit o youngsters out there!

Ronke,

This thread is getting very emotional for me. When i read your posts i remember something my pastor says : "there, but for the grace of God, go I". When i was in 300 level in school, i got engaged to a Pastor - as in, ordained Pastor because he told me God had informed him i was to be his wife. He was in a different city from me and so we didn't get to see each other often. We talked so little that the first year we were engaged, he didn't even know when it was my birthday.

Even when he was around, we only had "spiritual" conversation. Around the time i was graduating, i started taking stock and finally had the courage to tell myself the truth - this is crap! He knew nothing about me, even after two years of "dating" - he didn't know my middle name, he didn't know the names of my siblings - heck, he didn't even know how many brothers and sisters i had. It was so ridiculous. Anyway, i waited until my last month in school (to reduce the pressure from my fellowship brethren) and told him to forget it. The funny thing is after i called it off, then he started going to the ends of the earth to look for me but by then, like i said earlier, i had encountered Pastor Bimbo's messages and there was no going back to stupidity.

Ronke, i sincerely wish you well. I hope that things work out for you in your marriage. I cannot imagine how hard it is to be married to someone you don't love. All i can say is, stay close to God in prayer because he can bring out the brightest gem from the dirtiest gutter and remember the bible says he makes ALL THINGS work together for our good. I am going to put you on my prayer list. Cheers.

Ronke baby,
I am not going to tell you i sympathize with you cos i know already you have
learned your lessons. but i love what is going on here so that others will not fall prey.
The Devil is let loose but the strategy he is using now is through the church. So the
easiest way to get deceived is no longer in the Hotels, clubs or others but in the church.
You know why? The Devil is ordaining his own Pastors. So know the church you attend
and the pastors that lay hands on your head cos they are ordained to possess the
people. As many as the can get.

EVERY ONE BEWARE FALLS PROPHETS ABOUND

Still me

Consultant:

Ronke,

This thread is getting very emotional for me. When i read your posts i remember something my pastor says : "there, but for the grace of God, go I". When i was in 300 level in school, i got engaged to a Pastor - as in, ordained Pastor because he told me God had informed him i was to be his wife. He was in a different city from me and so we didn't get to see each other often. We talked so little that the first year we were engaged, he didn't even know when it was my birthday.

Even when he was around, we only had "spiritual" conversation. Around the time i was graduating, i started taking stock and finally had the courage to tell myself the truth - this is crap! He knew nothing about me, even after two years of "dating" - he didn't know my middle name, he didn't know the names of my siblings - heck, he didn't even know how many brothers and sisters i had. It was so ridiculous. Anyway, i waited until my last month in school (to reduce the pressure from my fellowship brethren) and told him to forget it. The funny thing is after i called it off, then he started going to the ends of the earth to look for me but by then, like i said earlier, i had encountered Pastor Bimbo's messages and there was no going back to stupidity.

Permit to laugh dear consultant! 2 full yrs of tomfoolnery
You would have been far better off with a "bad" boy who would at least have shown you some love and care (no just kidding but. . . 2 yrs with a guy who did not know your birthday?)

I had a friend in school then, i remember in our second yr i used to be the "unholy" one among the boys - we all stayed in one bloc and we were all either choir boys, assistant pastors or junior church excos. Wow - i remember a friend who eventually became a pastor asking me about a girl he wanted to date. I asked him one simple question -when u are with this girl what do you talk about? His response, we "share" the word! And i'm like, you "share the word with her 24/7? Doesnt she get bored I mean, she's christian but she's also human!!!

Another was engaged to a girl for 3 yrs, she was a higly "spiritual" sister in the drama group! They would sit at least 10m away from each other and spend more than half the time together squabbling over little things!! I cant count the number of times little "unholy" me had to advise "deep in the word" brethren about their fraud of a relationship. Eventually they broke up and dear sister is getting married to a bad boy while my boy is still "waiting on God"!

My dear, God leads. But he also gives us a mind and a heart to lead us too. God would never give you someone you CAN NEVER love, it is not enough for people to assume you will gradually fall in love with someone after you are "engaged" (how i dislike that fraudulent christian version of boyfriend and girlfriend!). It never happens.
"Spiritual" conversation is good, it is also boring and yields no fruit when you are not physically attracted to ur partner. My parents tell me stories of how their friends got married, a "brother" walks to a "sister", declares "the thus saith the Lord. . ." and presto they are getting married in 3 months!
No show of love, no courtship outside the church. Nothing!!!

why then do we complain that the church is lukewarm when it is peopled by unhappy couples unequally yoked together? When many think of unequal yokes, they are quick to talk of unbelievers, they forget believers too can be unequally yoked to themselves, the result is a lifetime of sorrow, regret and what ifs!