Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,193,556 members, 7,951,325 topics. Date: Tuesday, 17 September 2024 at 02:12 PM |
Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / For The Real James Hadley Chase Fans Only (663 Views)
James Hadley Chase: Facts You Probably Didn't Know About Him / James Hadley Chase: Facts You Probably Didn't Know About Him / James Hadley Chase Books - Wanna Buy. (2) (3) (4)
For The Real James Hadley Chase Fans Only by PigMeat: 11:23pm On Jun 19, 2016 |
GET A LOAD OF THIS: My marriage to EVE which turned out to be a HIT AND RUN affair had really HIT ME WHERE IT HURTS when she ran off with a million dollars of my money one sultry afternoon. It was a SHOCK TREATMENT as I had always believed that she loved me. WHY PICK ON ME, I wondered in bewilderment. Though I know that sooner or later, I would catch up with her, as GOLDFISH HAVE NO HIDING PLACE and I always have AN EAR TO THE GROUND. Her friends say she could not have done it but BELIEVE THIS, YOU WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING. Though I am not BELIEVED VIOLENT, I reckon that she is SAFER DEAD because she will have BUT A SHORT TIME TO LIVE when I get my claws on her. CHAPTER TWO After my recent troubles, I wish to HAVE A CHANGE OF SCENE and this time I am off to Nigeria, where they say anything goes! For starters, I need to conceal my stock of dollars in a COFFIN FROM HONG KONG, to escape detection by customs as THIS IS FOR REAL. CHAPTER THREE At the Lagos airport, MALLORY picked me and we drove to a hotel in some place called Ikoyi which he said is the best place for enjoying the FLESH OF THE ORCHID. Later that night, we attended a P-Square concert and there I saw MISS SHUMWAY WAVE A HAND. I also chanced upon a beautiful blonde with eyes like ice on fire and looks that could MAKE A CORPSE WALK. She was shaking her body to the wild rhythms of the rock music. I couldn't resist her charm, so I went over and said, “WELL NOW MY PRETTY, what's your name?” She sized me up and said, “YOU MUST BE KIDDING,” but I wasn’t to be easily discouraged. I tried another line but she coldly said DO ME A FAVOUR, DROP DEAD. I guessed her frosty response was because she didn’t know I was dollar stuffed. As MALLORY and I drove back to the hotel around 1 a.m. in low spirits, two dicks accosted us and flashed their badges, “Oga, wey una particulars?” one asked. Before I could answer, the other also asked, don’t you know that at this late hour its NOT SAFE TO BE FREE? I had no papers so I decided to ‘settle’ them and as I had THE WORLD IN MY POCKET, I knew it wouldn’t be a problem. Yours sincerely brought out a roll of crisp dollar bills and THE WHIFF OF MONEY brought them to attention. When I gave them $100 each, they chorused “HAVE A NICE NIGHT, sir", and saluted. Well, “I HOLD THE FOUR ACES now” I thought to myself just as one of the cops remarked “this one na COME EASY, GO EASY" and the other answered “YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN". CHAPTER FOUR The next night, I saw the dame again at the club and she was the centre of attention. Mustering up all my courage I went up to her and said "HAVE THIS ONE ON ME" as I gave her a glass of scotch on the rocks. She snatched it and instantly emptied the contents on me as she shouted - "TELL IT TO THE BIRDS!" I wished the ground would swallow me as I felt like a goddamn sucker. “Well, Chet, YOU NEVER KNOW WITH WOMEN; its JUST A MATTER OF TIME, she will be yours someday”, I consoled myself. “THERE'S ALWAYS A PRICE TAG and if it comes to buying her love, I can use my dollars: after all, WHATS BETTER THAN MONEY”, I thought further. That was when Bagoma came up to me and said “I am sorry about my friend’s act, but some bloke once gave her the DOUBLE SHUFFLE and since then, men to her are TRUSTED LIKE THE FOX. But you strike me as nice fella, so don't worry, I'll put in a good word for you”. "YOU MUST BE KIDDING”, I retorted. "Not at all", Bogoma replied. Then seeing that my dinner jacket had been ruined by the scotched poured on it, she gave me a fresh one and said “TRY THIS ONE FOR SIZE.” At that point, Vito, the owner of the club (who obviously knew Bogoma) joined us at the table. It then occurred to me that I could buy the night club and turn it to a big money spinner as I had ideas that will greatly increase the patronage. So I offered to purchase it in STRICTLY FOR CASH deal but Vito said “instead of selling this club, I WOULD RATHER STAY POOR”. I felt let down but I told him YOU HAVE YOURSELF A DEAL if you change your mind and decide to sell. CHAPTER FIVE ONE BRIGHT SUMMER MORNING six months later and after many follow ups, I heard KNOCK KNOCK on my door. “WHO'S THERE?” I queried. “YOU’VE GOT IT COMING” answered a sweet voice from outside. Well, THE VULTURE IS A PATIENT BIRD and my pals say I am like the vulture so I waited patiently for the dame to say her name before I went to open the door. When I opened, there stood my beautiful dame from the club in all her radiant sexiness. As she walked in, I noticed her long slim legs, curves in all the right places and… The rest is x-rated, so FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOURSELF though you might want to know that I am about to LAY HER AMONG THE LILIES of my bed and MY LAUGH COMES LAST. I have decided to love her till the day of our death and even when we die, WE'LL SHARE A DOUBLE FUNERAL. |
Re: For The Real James Hadley Chase Fans Only by 48noble(m): 11:49pm On Jun 19, 2016 |
Just The Way It Is my nightful smiles fall just the way the Cookie Crumble. |
Re: For The Real James Hadley Chase Fans Only by ayindejimmy(m): 11:56pm On Jun 19, 2016 |
Wow! THIS WAY FOR A SHROUD It's late you guys. So, HAVE A NICE NIGHT someone told me James didn't write that one |
Re: For The Real James Hadley Chase Fans Only by paix(m): 2:11am On Jun 20, 2016 |
SUCKER PUNCH VIOLENT BLONDE'S REQUIEM ACE UP MY SLEEVE AN EAR TO THE GROUND BUT A SHORT TIME TO LIVE CADE CAN OF WORMS MISSION TO VENICE MORE DEADLY THAN THE MALE |
(1) (Reply)
My Mistake 1 / Order Your Ebooks At A Cheap Price Of 50 Naira / Pls,i Need To Download These Books
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 17 |