goodnewscliff:
if anyone dont get to know 60 percent of his/her in less than 2years, then he is not even investigational...u get to know smone by the way he or she speaks, talks act in some situation..if u the careful type , his or her action will leave a trace of who the person really is....if sum1 is reasonable, HOW CAN U DATE SOMEONE FOR 2,3,4 YEARS AND STILL NOT KNOW THAT PERSON WITH THE EXCUSE OF PEOPLE PRETENDING TO BE GOOD AT FIRST AND BAD AFTER MARRIAGE Such a person ought to go to REHAB....A GOOD OBSERVER CAN KNOW GENIUNE 70PERCENT INFO ON HIS/HER SPOUSE.....TALKING 4RM XPERIENCE

2 years ke abi first 5 mins

SELENAqueensy:
if u asked this question last week i would have said personal brilliance. But there is this page on instagram that shares people relationship stories and a lady shared hers and asked for advice. She said she was very careful of choosing her man, she observed and screened him carefully and after dating for 3years, they got married.. 3month into the marriage she realized the man was gay and in a serious relationship with the man that was the best man at the wedding. So it's not just personal brilliance.
I would have said its luck but it takes God's grace to be that lucky.. So it's the combination of the 3.
Personal brilliance+luck+God's grace= Mr or Mrs Right

Then her vetting skills were poor and sub par.

Even the devil would leave a hint. She had an inkling she just didn't take it seriously to have taken a cusory look. Except when she means those 3 years she was doing the lovey dovey and whatnot vetting and skipped the hard talk. You know when some people are in love, red flags look like red coloured roses.

There are always tell tale signs people just choose to ignore it most times.

There's nothing like being lucky. Luck is hard work, ability to take difficult decisions and opportunity and "prayers" combined.

Basic problem most have is not understanding that marriage is a continual reinventing and adjustment process that you need respect and understanding from both partners for it to succeed. Finding someone who fears God, is able to think logically and understands basic rules of fairness and justice is also a plus.

There's no one rule fit all or criteria that you must begin to search for. Just learn the basic rules of being open and real from the beginning. Don't tolerate what you won't take in the long run and be open to positive change and corrections. No one is perfect but you would be a shitty person to stick to your bad behaviours "all in the name of love me for whom i am". It wont take long before the other person gets royally pissed and starts reacting negatively.

Its pure luck. Pretence is overwhelming in this market.Only when you can read the mind of man or a woman can you be sure

onegig:
There's nothing like being lucky. Luck is hard work, ability to take difficult decisions and opportunity and "prayers" combined.

Basic problem most have is not understanding that marriage is a continual reinventing and adjustment process that you need respect and understanding from both partners for it to succeed. Finding someone who fears God, is able to think logically and understands basic rules of fairness and justice is also a plus.

There's no one rule fit all or criteria that you must begin to search for. Just learn the basic rules of being open and real from the beginning. Don't tolerate what you won't take in the long run and be open to positive change and corrections. No one is perfect but you would be a shitty person to stick to your bad behaviours "all in the name of love me for whom i am". It wont take long before the other person gets royally pissed and starts reacting negatively.

you took it right out of my mouth.

Seleenaqueensy, just like the op said, its not about the number of years you dated.

Tabelachizza:
I think you need both but most importantly ""personal Screening """ cos everything is been on display while dating....

Never forget,,,God over everything....

have you been taken? Because I want to take you.

TV01 - Your attention is needed here sir

Some people marry for money,Guys and Ladies,even when the love is not there,provided the money is there to keep them comfortable and happy,because they are very scared of being poor and not to be laughed by their mates.

God Grace.........

Some prayed,fasted,monitored,observed and still end up with a cheating man or woman later in life.

Yes it takes wisdom of God. A lady who had made up her mind to marry a rich man becos she doesn't wanna suffer will forget to ask where he got his money from or cares if weather he is a woman beater. A man who love a woman becos she is d most beautiful woman in their state will never listen even when u tell him she is a prostitute. Only few will go for that stubborn girl who will refuse to enter any mans room before marriage n value her education more than a relationship n parties.

I believe it all ends up in two things:
- Our discretion
- Gods favour
You see according to marriage counsellors in the christian group, they usually end up saying a man will FIND his wife but it isn't much about how far you findeth, for a woman with great judgement COMES FROM GOD only. This is what non-christians call it FATE.
#pics below to back it up

Talking about personal brilliance or screening, you might never know a person fully well till you have lived under the same roof. We all have different ways we react to things.

It is important you look or screen well before marriage but it may not be all you need to do. We argue and fight with our siblings and parents, who then is your husband or wife that will never get on your nerves.

What keeps most marriages is Patience, Tolerance and understanding.

chachanga:
A little bit of both plus a lot of God's grace, mercy and help!

Men hide a lot behind their gifts and cool convos, ladies hide a lot behind their dimples, blushes and breathtaking beauty but God alone is the Revealer of all Intents and will keep you from anything that will potentially derail your life later on in the future.

Go with God my brova
&hav a gr8 weekend!

I absolutely love your comment and it is so true

The bible says he who finds a wife has found a good thing, and has obtained favour from the LORD..*do u know that for some men, it is when they marry that they begin to xperience breakthroughs in their career and all?
Everything around them just begins to work well




Its because thev found a Wife...most women who are married don't fit the description of a wife. finding a wife is not a joke, its serious business. It can make or mar your future. So finding a wife is a function of Gods divine favour

gsalvatore:
Just prepare your mind for divorce incase you meet a bad spouse... With that in mind you'd meet the good one.

lol

One of the most intelligent topics I have read in nairaland. Now to the topic. I believe it's just pure luck to marry a great spouse. It has nothing to do with intelligence, how careful u scrutinize or how prayerful u have been ( Anita & Chris in mind ). Having a good spouse should be considered one of the greatest blessings a man or a woman can get from Almighty God.

It is not by luck at all.
First, you have to convince yourself the type of wife you want, i.e., the qualities you are looking for in her.
It is with this blueprint that you screen the multitude of potential wives, refusing to fall for anyone that falls short.

In my own case, I met lots of flashy, beautiful ladies but I refused to be entangled because they did not satisfy my yardstick.
I was looking for one at least moderately intelligent, not careless with organising the home, easily adaptable to city and non-city dwelling.
Somebody that was not high maintenance and could manage resources when they are not plentiful.

Some may say women hide their true colour but, unless one does not study his woman very well, it is difficult not to see beyond that camouflage.
Sometimes people will tell you that a particular lady will make a good wife for you.
Over a dozen people said same to me although I had long made up my mind she was the one.

Same goes for the ladies.

chachanga:
A little bit of both plus a lot of God's grace, mercy and help!

Men hide a lot behind their gifts and cool convos, ladies hide a lot behind their dimples, blushes and breathtaking beauty but God alone is the Revealer of all Intents and will keep you from anything that will potentially derail your life later on in the future.

Go with God my brova
&hav a gr8 weekend!

So what about people who do not know or believe in God but still keep good marriage? If that is possible then it means that God is definitely out of the talk. For Christ sake, when will people learn to keep God out of their failures?.

Its actually a bit of both luck and personal brilliance.during courtship or when you guys are dating is a time to see some flaws from each other.it will be wise if some improvements are made character wise or you back out gradually if you not ready to deal with it in the the future.
Some people are really lucky when it comes to marrying the right person without much analysis and scrutinity because it was destined to be or there prayers were answered.

Aqva:
Is choosing the right spouse a thing of luck? Or is it as a result of careful screening, analyzing and being rational in deciding whom to marry? I have a wonderful spouse whom I've married for a couple of years now. I used to think it was as a result of my careful screening of the different girl that came my way. Thinking about it now, wasn't i just lucky? Look at respectable people like some pastors and family members who couldn't keep a marriage. We all know that respectable friend who always got it right and who we strive to be like who couldn't keep a marriage for a few years. We also know of people who are seen as irresponsible yet have great marriages. Some of our parents had partners married for them and it turned out well while it didn't turn out well for others.

When i hear of marriages breaking everyday i wonder, could this guys be foolish and didn't see signs? We could argue that people are blinded by love but in reality how many adults marry for strictly love? How many mature people have butterflies in their tummies and are so in love that they can't reason right? These days people date and even cohabit so we can't say they were completely ignorant of the other persons attitude, behaviour and lifestyle. We could also say people marry for desperation but then, why don't the working class single girl be so desperate that she goes and marries a shoemaker or bike rider? Even when desperate, people still manag to marry suitable partners.

I can't figure it out that's why i'm throwing the question open.

I don't believe in luck. I believe there is a reaction to every action, this isn't luck however. People make good or bad things happen with free will. I don't believe that it is pure luck that someone may, for example, write an award wining novel or say kick the winning goal. This comes from working hard. I don't believe in good or bad luck. I believe people make their own choices and with those choices comes the aftermath.

Choosing the right life partner is not a rocket science. It's absolutely easy if you exactly know what you want in a partner. Nobody was born for anyone. Even if there was one particular person meant for you, the chances of meeting the person is one in 7.4 billion! You won't meet the person in your lifetime.

So in reality, your love is one in a million. But of the 9.999 hundred thousand other loves, statistically, some of them would be equally nice.

SELENAqueensy:
if u asked this question last week i would have said personal brilliance. But there is this page on instagram that shares people relationship stories and a lady shared hers and asked for advice. She said she was very careful of choosing her man, she observed and screened him carefully and after dating for 3years, they got married.. 3month into the marriage she realized the man was gay and in a serious relationship with the man that was the best man at the wedding. So it's not just personal brilliance.
I would have said its luck but it takes God's grace to be that lucky.. So it's the combination of the 3.
Personal brilliance+luck+God's grace= Mr or Mrs Right

reminds me of micheala's fiancee in the series 'how to get away with murder'.

the guy was amazing and more.
they had good sex, she never in a million years would think the guy is gay. until her colleague (a gay guy) who knows her fiancée from years ago made a passing comment when they all met.

she made a smart decision and left him.

It is good to pray about a spouse long before you can plan to settle down .......That said it is first God and personal screening. Why God is important In it is cuz people change . . .so he will make your path cross with someone who wouldn't have intention to hurt you.

goodnewscliff:
if anyone dont get to know 60 percent of his/her in less than 2years, then he is not even investigational.. u get to know smone by the way he or she speaks, talks act in some situation..if u the careful type , his or her action will leave a trace of who the person really is....if sum1 is reasonable, HOW CAN U DATE SOMEONE FOR 2,3,4 YEARS AND STILL NOT KNOW THAT PERSON WITH THE EXCUSE OF PEOPLE PRETENDING TO BE GOOD AT FIRST AND BAD AFTER MARRIAGE Such a person ought to go to REHAB....A GOOD OBSERVER CAN KNOW GENIUNE 70PERCENT INFO ON HIS/HER SPOUSE.....TALKING 4RM XPERIENCE

maybe you're right.

but some people are not sensitive or observant.

in fact, I take into consideration more the things a person does off guard, unconsciously or last minute.

eg, how does your intended spouse treat others when he/she thinks you are not watching.



and I think people overlook compatibility. people with opposite goals and aspirations in life will definitely have problems.

people with different theories about family life, money issues or parenting will have issues.

people from very distinct cultures, ideas, way of life will have issues.

echodrum:

So what about people who do not know or believe in God but still keep good marriage? If that is possible then it means that God is definitely out of the talk. For Christ sake, when will people learn to keep God out of their failures?.

If you don't believe in God that's your business and your cross to carry but trying to tell people to follow your folly of not believing in God is utter madness. God is everything if you don't like hearing it go hang thyself.

Aqva:
Is choosing the right spouse a thing of luck? Or is it as a result of careful screening, analyzing and being rational in deciding whom to marry? I have a wonderful spouse whom I've married for a couple of years now. I used to think it was as a result of my careful screening of the different girl that came my way. Thinking about it now, wasn't i just lucky? Look at respectable people like some pastors and family members who couldn't keep a marriage. We all know that respectable friend who always got it right and who we strive to be like who couldn't keep a marriage for a few years. We also know of people who are seen as irresponsible yet have great marriages. Some of our parents had partners married for them and it turned out well while it didn't turn out well for others.

When i hear of marriages breaking everyday i wonder, could this guys be foolish and didn't see signs? We could argue that people are blinded by love but in reality how many adults marry for strictly love? How many mature people have butterflies in their tummies and are so in love that they can't reason right? These days people date and even cohabit so we can't say they were completely ignorant of the other persons attitude, behaviour and lifestyle. We could also say people marry for desperation but then, why don't the working class single girl be so desperate that she goes and marries a shoemaker or bike rider? Even when desperate, people still manag to marry suitable partners.

I can't figure it out that's why i'm throwing the question open.

i can't say

echodrum:

So what about people who do not know or believe in God but still keep good marriage? If that is possible then it means that God is definitely out of the talk. For Christ sake, when will people learn to keep God out of their failures?.

tell them

zeberebe:
tell them

You said I love God and you support saying there's no God? The joke is on you.

Personal brilliance? I don't think so. But luck, it's part of it. Where brilliance works is ability to test your partner during courtship and know what to cope with and not and he/she understands your position. Luck is having one with manageable bad character.
Above all, prayer helps you when you ask for wisdom to choose the better person who gives you more peace.

I really do not think there is the perfect mate; there is always that thing you wished your spouse had or never had. However marriages succeed when both parties are committed to the project.
You tell your selves this MUST work and there is no alternative. There is also tho more important, the God factor.