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I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' - Family (7) - Nairaland

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My Fiance Has A Child Out Of Wedlock. But Kept It A Secret From Me. / I Am Beginning To Despise My Parents... Am I Overreacting? / I Am Beginning To Hate My Mother!!! (2) (3) (4)

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Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by dare2differ: 9:01pm On Jul 21, 2016
If you think these are all of a woman, then you are smart NOT! Rather these are attributes of an abusive personundecided


Your fiancée is emotionally abusive . Don't be surprised if he graduates to his fists after marriage . Keep thinking shogboundecided

iamNotAlone:
He talks like a woman when he's angry. Overtly jealous , reads meaning to every of my moves.
If you see us on the street, you will think we are a perfect couple because of the way he treats me in public.
This is someone I tried so hard to make my family accept and right now my family likes him a lot because he has managed to put up a good image with them.

This guy is frustrating me a lot,suspects every move I make,quarrels like a woman, always going through my phone like I am hiding something in d phone. I am not happy most times and thinking of leaving but I don't know how to go about it..........I don't know what and how to tell my people cos they will start shouting on me and saying all sorts.
Again, he's always around me, wouldn't give me space. People think it's love but he's choking me.
I can't deal no more..... Pls, Fam.....what do I do
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by fexyrich(m): 9:14pm On Jul 21, 2016
ULSHERLAN:
Alot of ladies out there are dying to have their guys all around them but here we have someone who thinks he is choking her. Well he could be choking you and i think you probably gave him reasons not to trust you and that's why he has been checking your phones to connect some dots. To even think that you wanna tell you parents about this means you have a back up plan already. Anyways my dear, Youarealone in this
The op is obviously playing games outside her relationship that's why her guy doesn't trust her...No guy will start becoming overtly jealous and monitoring you up and down I u have not giving him a reason not to trust you...You want some space so as to have time for your other escapades...That's d fact,Cos if u truely luv ur guy and are faithful to your guy you wld appreciate evey moment you spend together.But because you have skeletons in ur cupboard you are complaining that he is choking you.you have other guys ur dating that's why you want to walk out of the relationship.I pray u leave that guy so that he would find a more decent lady he can He trust.We havnt heard his own side of the story..He obviously doesn't trust you.Evry smart person having read your write up would know that she is a cheat and has a back up plan..she is obviously not matured enuf for marriage and wants to enjoy her life some more

3 Likes

Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by estym(f): 9:18pm On Jul 21, 2016
I have been a fan of Nairaland for more than 2yrs now, but I decided to register now so I can comment on this post, that will tell you how important this is to me.
Poster pls, run as fast as ur legs can carry you from this guy cos he is going to make ur life a living hell when you eventually settle down with him.
Forget about family cos he that wears the shoe knows where it pinched. I am talking from experience and I thank God that I took the right decision even when my own family members were against it, but I stood my ground that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, a word is enough for the wise pls
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by fexyrich(m): 9:24pm On Jul 21, 2016
estym:
I have been a fan of Nairaland for more than 2yrs now, but I decided to register now so I can comment on this post, that will tell you how important this is to me.
Poster pls, run as fast as ur legs can carry you from this guy cos he is going to make ur life a living hell when you eventually settle down with him.
Forget about family cos he that wears the shoe knows where it pinched. I am talking from experience and I thank God that I took the right decision even when my own family members were against it, but I stood my ground that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, a word is enough for the wise pls
And you forgot to ask her what she did that made her fiance to be acting that way..D guy obviously doesn't trust her and she must have done somtin to warrant that..if she is trustworthy and is not playing games that d guy is suspecting he won't be monitoring her like that.There is a lot d op is not telling us..pls stop supporting people blindly except u know them personally

2 Likes

Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by smiles12345(m): 9:38pm On Jul 21, 2016
Dear dnt be too hasty to leave him bcuz from what I have read he is some1 who has found a wife for himself. When u find an egg u cherish u will guide it at all cost or maybe u prefer a deceiver, chop clean mouth.

1 Like

Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by CioAngels(f): 9:39pm On Jul 21, 2016
Is your mother pushing to bring husband? Even if age is not on your side don't live on what family and friend will say. If you are sincere of what you have just said, please tell your father first about your observation before mother becos all most mothers wants, bring a man. Tell the guy your feeling about the relationship and you want an end to it. Be sincere with yourself that you are ready for the breakup. Don't play hide and seek game with him so that the two of you will end it on a good note.
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by Smileprince(m): 9:45pm On Jul 21, 2016
So many immature going into a relationship these days. Have been reading comments have not seen a lady advise on trying to make it work.
Hmmm is relationship now all about yourself and how you feel alone.? What about what the other person feels?
It's so painful that only few is saying something about making it workout for you.

Now about his behaviour am totally against it, it's not nice to do all that. But do you now see such problems as not having any solution.?

Talk to him one on one. Ask him how exactly he wants you to behave in this relationship. Allow him to lay down his rules and scrutinise it. What you can do tell him you'll do it. But what you can't do tell him you can't do it. And tell him how you feel comfortable with him. And ask him what's going to make him comfortable with you.

All I see is that most relationship lack intimate communication and it's killing every relationship. You can't pour out your heart as a man. And as a woman you can't also speak what makes you comfortable.

Ladies instead of trashing what they hate about their guy. They'll start losing interest. Which is very bad about ladies of now. None of you think of how to make it work and also learn to do what he likes and adapt. All you people is for a guy to always adapt to your behaviours and make you comfortable all times. How about him? What effort are you making to make him comfortable too.

See leave him today. You'll find out something bad about your next relationship. No guy is 100% learn to adapt and adjust to people.


CioAngels estym greatgod2012 Evacroft iamNotAlone

4 Likes

Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by Hotbishop(m): 9:51pm On Jul 21, 2016
My sister u re just fade up and u just wanna runway. 1st wen u dnt ve any skeleton in ur closet why re u disturbed and hw come u knw he is always checking u up if not cos u ve something to hide. And wen Eva u wanna do something silly he always around dat u dnt ve d chance to do dem and dats hw he is choking. U will Neva gonna find any1 gud like him. If u doubt me try leaving and see cos dat d only way u will find out.

2 Likes

Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by Hotbishop(m): 9:55pm On Jul 21, 2016
Smileprince:
So many immature going into a relationship these days. Have been reading comments have not seen a lady advise on trying to make it work.
Hmmm is relationship now all about yourself and how you feel alone.? What about what the other person feels?
It's so painful that only few is saying something about making it workout for you.

Now about his behaviour am totally against it, it's not nice to do all that. But do you now see such problems as not having any solution.?

Talk to him one on one. Ask him how exactly he wants you to behave in this relationship. Allow him to lay down his rules and scrutinise it. What you can do tell him you'll do it. But what you can't do tell him you can't do it. And tell him how you feel comfortable with him. And ask him what's going to make him comfortable with you.

All I see is that most relationship lack intimate communication and it's killing every relationship. You can't pour out your heart as a man. And as a woman you can't also speak what makes you comfortable.

Ladies instead of trashing what they hate about their guy. They'll start losing interest. Which is very bad about ladies of now. None of you think of how to make it work and also learn to do what he likes and adapt. All you people is for a guy to always adapt to your behaviours and make you comfortable all times. How about him? What effort are you making to make him comfortable too.

See leave him today. You'll find out something bad about your next relationship. No guy is 100% learn to adapt and adjust to people.
U re d man I see here.

CioAngels estym greatgod2012 Evacroft iamNotAlone
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by fexyrich(m): 10:02pm On Jul 21, 2016
veave:




So you now in her mind. Dont just insinuate. Laid a complaint, you should advice her based on what she wrote. Or better still probe further to satisfy your thoughts, Dont just go about assuming. Where did you see her write that someone else is in the picture? Eh?
arnt u intelligent enuf to read between d lines..Does she need to come here and wash her dirty linens b4 u know she has skeleton in her cupboard..pls!!!

1 Like

Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by Nobody: 10:16pm On Jul 21, 2016
mimzy:


He is possessive, doesn't necessarily mean he does not love you.



The fact that he is a jealous and possessive lover does not mean he is not capable of treating you right in public or in private.


Please explain what you mean by the emboldened, is it that you have painted him to be who he is not to the members of your family or what?


All these are signs of insecurity, while i am not in support of his attitudes, have you also taken your time to have a tête-à-tête with him, have you tried to understand your man's love language? Men can be really funny at times and you will be surprised at your findings when you have a heart-to-heart convo with him.



You are the one in the relationship, you know where the shoe pinches, you are the one that will say "I do forever" to the guy in question, so put aside what your family members will think or say. But, trust me my dear, the grass is not always greener on the other side, your relationship with him still has a very good chance of survival.


After all said and done, we can only but proffer advise, the final decision lies in your hands, BE WISE MY SISTER!!!




I spotted an intelligent lady, other ladies that commented before you were biased and short sighted

we have only listened to one side of the story, her man was everything to her hence she convinced her parent to accept him

suddenly, she discovered that he is possessive and all that, including checking of her phone as a sign of insecurity.... hmm ..something is fishy somewhere

my instinct tells me she's secretly dating someone else and needed a space to perfect that

the guy ought to have read the hand writing on the wall order wise he'll be fighting a lost battle
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by SHAIBULIAR: 10:21pm On Jul 21, 2016
Come over to my place and let me tell you what to do to him
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by adaxxy: 10:22pm On Jul 21, 2016
Do not marry him out of pity,
He will make your life miserable after marriage.
So therefore don't.

1 Like

Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by Elaric(m): 10:24pm On Jul 21, 2016
Was he ever like dis from d beginning? If yes,hv u ever discussed it with him? If no,try discuss it nw n lets see what happens from there.
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by streetzdreamz(m): 10:33pm On Jul 21, 2016
Evacroft:

Hey pls open ur eyes well . Read my comment, I said to double check on overly quiet person. And I still stand by that. Some pple and there fish brain,when a lady picks up a man's phone she is definately said to be stupid to do so and actually wants to kill herself if she finds he is doing anytin wrong,but wen a man does it it is cos u re doing someti wrong as a woman. OP,i really will sound it off again run for ur live, why don't u find out how he treated his exes,not from him though, he will continue to claim it's the love he has for u that keeps bringing the insecurities but actually it is who he is. Once all u wrote are what he does pls run. Has he started crying after hurting u?yeah that is wen the manipulation starts, I experienced this and thank God I ran with the help of fam and friends,he threatened me so much that I couldn't go out all alone but thank God today I have a hubby that loves me the way a woman shld be loved. If he doesn't trust u he shld leave instead of feeling insecure.
geez,calm down!! I said ur assumption which is true, overly quiet ones depicts something fishy hence she needs to double check,aint those ur words??and ion see a reason for ur choice of words,cuz mine wasnt insultive in any way,d fellow with d fish brain betwixt us is obvious to d world,why do u people choose to reason alike??i dont support abuse of any kind and i didnt support what the guy did either,just stating the reasons that might be attached to his actions,for u to av a s*lly ex that treated u like shit doesnt mean all guys with the same attributes the op listed are potential bad husbands,they just need that one thing to set em aright,which is a heart to heart talk and if the actions persists u take a walk,you dont own the problem of the world,even if u do take ur frustrations elsewhere,i hate beings who cant converse intelligently, exchange diff views and ideas without driving their point home with insults and foul words,ur kettle of fish anyways.
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by tomdon(m): 10:33pm On Jul 21, 2016
iamNotAlone:
He talks like a woman when he's angry. Overtly jealous , reads meaning to every of my moves.
If you see us on the street, you will think we are a perfect couple because of the way he treats me in public.
This is someone I tried so hard to make my family accept and right now my family likes him a lot because he has managed to put up a good image with them.

This guy is frustrating me a lot,suspects every move I make,quarrels like a woman, always going through my phone like I am hiding something in d phone. I am not happy most times and thinking of leaving but I don't know how to go about it..........I don't know what and how to tell my people cos they will start shouting on me and saying all sorts.
Again, he's always around me, wouldn't give me space. People think it's love but he's choking me.
I can't deal no more..... Pls, Fam.....what do I do


what do you do apart from leave him or stay?
leave him and say yes to the next man, men full everywhere.
when they tell you guys to keep yourselves for your future husband, nay, na to offer yourself cheaply to a small boy and complicate things for yourself. your fidelity or otherwise becomes your word against his.
as for the guy, he needs a virgin but he's not up to d task. if you're engaged to a virgn, you don't worry about anything.
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by tomdon(m): 10:35pm On Jul 21, 2016
iamNotAlone:
He talks like a woman when he's angry. Overtly jealous , reads meaning to every of my moves.
If you see us on the street, you will think we are a perfect couple because of the way he treats me in public.
This is someone I tried so hard to make my family accept and right now my family likes him a lot because he has managed to put up a good image with them.

This guy is frustrating me a lot,suspects every move I make,quarrels like a woman, always going through my phone like I am hiding something in d phone. I am not happy most times and thinking of leaving but I don't know how to go about it..........I don't know what and how to tell my people cos they will start shouting on me and saying all sorts.
Again, he's always around me, wouldn't give me space. People think it's love but he's choking me.
I can't deal no more..... Pls, Fam.....what do I do
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by DrHighchief(m): 10:36pm On Jul 21, 2016
What makes u feel d next relationship u wil go into will be better than d present? If d next relationship is not also favourable, will u also jump out for another one?
infogenius:


My dear these are warning signs of a bad marriage ahead.
I will advice you opt out the relationship. But how you may ask.

I don't want you to mince words about this at all.

Tell your people about him, share your fears and what you
are going through with your mother and tell her your resolution.
Of course to WALK AWAY.

Next, tell him when you are together in clear language
that you want to move on and let him know your reasons
and your fears.

The truth is that you may be entering a death trap if you
do not make moves about the dissolution of this relationship now and end up marrying
him.

A broken relationship is way ahead better than an abusive and
broken marriage.
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured so think twice.

You cannot continue with this relationship i must admit.
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by Brightgem(f): 10:40pm On Jul 21, 2016
U already know za answer. In the light of only what u have said o, cuz we can only judge by that. Pls walk away, let them pipo say all they want. ur life matters, u matter. better now or get stuck in forever never happy...
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by OLAJADON: 11:03pm On Jul 21, 2016
iamNotAlone:
He talks like a woman when he's angry. Overtly jealous , reads meaning to every of my moves.
If you see us on the street, you will think we are a perfect couple because of the way he treats me in public.
This is someone I tried so hard to make my family accept and right now my family likes him a lot because he has managed to put up a good image with them.

This guy is frustrating me a lot,suspects every move I make,quarrels like a woman, always going through my phone like I am hiding something in d phone. I am not happy most times and thinking of leaving but I don't know how to go about it..........I don't know what and how to tell my people cos they will start shouting on me and saying all sorts.
Again, he's always around me, wouldn't give me space. People think it's love but he's choking me.
I can't deal no more..... Pls, Fam.....what do I do
i think he loves you...he is just scared of lossing u....have u ever cheated on him before?....he is feeling insecured....make him understand how you see things between you two but with a mild tone or else he might misinterprete it......HE LOVES YOU,AM SURE OF THAT....i once use to act like that before.

1 Like

Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by infogenius(m): 11:12pm On Jul 21, 2016
DrHighchief:
What makes u feel d next relationship u wil go into will be better than d present? If d next relationship is not also favourable, will u also jump out for another one?
Well you are only speculating for now.
It asks the question "what if"

Because of "what if" should not warrant her to go into a marriage that she knows she won't be happy in.

None shall lack her mate Is34:16.

She will definitely find the man that will make her happier and make marriage worth venturing into.

We all look forward for a better tomorrow so let her look ahead to move ahead in life.
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by laikas: 11:13pm On Jul 21, 2016
ULSHERLAN:
Alot of ladies out there are dying to have their guys all around them but here we have someone who thinks he is choking her. Well he could be choking you and i think you probably gave him reasons not to trust you and that's why he has been checking your phones to connect some dots. To even think that you wanna tell you parents about this means you have a back up plan already. Anyways my dear, Youarealone in this
wetin dis one dey talk, cos u're male. u guys are so annoyin.
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by NigAmbassador: 11:23pm On Jul 21, 2016
laikas:
wetin dis one dey talk, cos u're male. u guys are so annoyin.
& u ladies are helping matters? Spare me that bull-shit.
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by 2loadedguy: 11:40pm On Jul 21, 2016
[sub][/sub]
Kgdavid:


It will not be right to give you advice based on what you have posted here, since you have only spoken about the negatives, but surely there must have been some positives. What drew you to this guy in the first place? The question you have to answer for yourself is does his good outweigh the bad?

I always tell people that there should be one thing in particular that you are holding on to as the reason why you love this person and believe they are right for you. If you don't have that, kindly tell him thanks for his time and jejelly place yourself back in a position where your blessing can locate you.

Just know that everyone will likely have some negatives. It's only a question of what you can deal with.
You dnt have to go too far to know what she likes in him. He gives her money and thats what she likes.
Yeye people, i have one currently that told me she cant date me after 5 months and guess her reason "Im too cool and kind for her liking" idiots in the name of women everywhere.
Ive given up on them already and this guy should do the same for naija gehls.

1 Like

Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by Nobody: 11:43pm On Jul 21, 2016
Nightie:


Dnt knw much abt relationships.


Same here babie, but there's always a starting point. We can learn from each other. grin

Babie, I am not yet in luv with you, but the cosmic spirit in me tells me that you were my wife in the 14th century, and at that time - we both lived in the land of Kemet. grin

Let us stop delaying our destinies; Come, let me inject the seed of heaven into your fertile womb. Yes? grin
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by Nightie(f): 11:49pm On Jul 21, 2016
Zoharariel:


Same here babie, but there's always a starting point. We can learn from each other. grin

Babie, I am not yet in luv with you, but the cosmic spirit in me tells me that you were my wife in the 14th century, and at that time - we both lived in the land of Kemet. grin

Let us stop delaying our destinies; Come, let me inject the seed of heaven into your fertile womb. Yes? grin

U aff come again na. lol

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Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by ststyreal(f): 12:21am On Jul 22, 2016
iamNotAlone:
He talks like a woman when he's angry. Overtly jealous , reads meaning to every of my moves.
If you see us on the street, you will think we are a perfect couple because of the way he treats me in public.
This is someone I tried so hard to make my family accept and right now my family likes him a lot because he has managed to put up a good image with them.

This guy is frustrating me a lot,suspects every move I make,quarrels like a woman, always going through my phone like I am hiding something in d phone. I am not happy most times and thinking of leaving but I don't know how to go about it..........I don't know what and how to tell my people cos they will start shouting on me and saying all sorts.
Again, he's always around me, wouldn't give me space. People think it's love but he's choking me.
I can't deal no more..... Pls, Fam.....what do I do
For your own future peace of mind and happiness, gently quit the relationship now. The guy loves u but the truth is that he is too jealous and over possessive. A time will come after marriage that he will get upset at u mentioning your parents in most of your discussions even to visit your own parents will be another thug of war. Talking from first hand experience, just quit the relationship. Yes, they love with all their heart but the jealousy stuff in them tends to make your love for him minimal.
Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by Olufemiolaolu(m): 5:27am On Jul 22, 2016
iamNotAlone:
He talks like a woman when he's angry. Overtly jealous , reads meaning to every of my moves.
If you see us on the street, you will think we are a perfect couple because of the way he treats me in public.
This is someone I tried so hard to make my family accept and right now my family likes him a lot because he has managed to put up a good image with them.

This guy is frustrating me a lot,suspects every move I make,quarrels like a woman, always going through my phone like I am hiding something in d phone. I am not happy most times and thinking of leaving but I don't know how to go about it..........I don't know what and how to tell my people cos they will start shouting on me and saying all sorts.
Again, he's always around me, wouldn't give me space. People think it's love but he's choking me.
I can't deal no more..... Pls, Fam.....what do I do
Its obvious u arent into dis guy much, u still wanna explore. I pray u wont use ur husband 2 do boyfriend oooo. Nobody is perfect oooo. Explore dear grin

1 Like

Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by einsteino(m): 6:18am On Jul 22, 2016
All these folks shooting the guy have never felt raw untamed love. You all are so used to the act called being mature thats why you cant relate with the guys actions. It is normal when you love beyond your control, especially after you have been serially cheated on. I have done worse before, you would start reading her every move not because you wish to but because you cant help it. You would have a thousand friends, lots of admirers and yet your only care is to be around her. You would be busy as anything but seem jobless with the amount of attention you devote to her.

If you love him, then teach him to trust you. We live in a time when we cant even trust the ATM, so we still count the cash it dispensed. So long as he isnt abusive, i dont see the issue here. Though from your write up it is very clear that you dont love him, i just see you making a case for why you dont. It is okay though, I have had the gal of my dreams and yet preferred waking up. Its been ages since i loved the way he is loving u right now but i can tell u it is a labour to... I much prefer my robotic non chalant present self, it is too much of risk to tow his path again.

2 Likes

Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by marvolio2000(m): 6:27am On Jul 22, 2016
Women complain too much, he is always around you, you complain he isn't around you, you suspect him, let him meet a new girl that gives him the attention you don't and let's see if he is still gonna be choking you as u say, then you would be looking all over for him and saying he is unfaithful.

1 Like

Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by einsteino(m): 6:32am On Jul 22, 2016
ststyreal:

For your own future peace of mind and happiness, gently quit the relationship now. The guy loves u but the truth is that he is too jealous and over possessive. A time will come after marriage that he will get upset at u mentioning your parents in most of your discussions even to visit your own parents will be another thug of war. Talking from first hand experience, just quit the relationship. Yes, they love with all their heart but the jealousy stuff in them tends to make your love for him minimal.

Why isnt anyone advising her to even teach him to trust her. These days is normal to be suspicious. I would take a girl for a fool if she automatically trust me simply because i love her.. That cant guarantee i would be faithful. How much more in this ladys case which is crystal clear that she doesnt love her man and she seems to be giving him reasons not to trust her.. Well she can quit the rship, she seems to have surplus alternatives.

1 Like

Re: I Am Beginning To Despise My Fiance' by ststyreal(f): 7:11am On Jul 22, 2016
[quote author=einsteino post=47772626]

Why isnt anyone advising her to even teach him to trust her. These days is normal to be suspicious. I would take a girl for a fool if she automatically trust me simply because i love her.. That cant guarantee i would be faithful. How much more in this ladys case which is crystal clear that she doesnt love her man and she seems to be giving him reasons not to trust her.. Well she can quit the rship, she seems to have surplus alternatives. [/qu
To the best of my understanding, the situation here isn't about trust because no one can be trusted 100%, but that of an over jealous and over possessive guy. This kind of guys monitors every of your moves not because you have given them a reason to mistrust you but because they are scared of losing u to another guy hence their constant watch and monitoring. Trust me on this, this kind of guys wants your life as a girl revolves simply around them that even a call from your close brothers tends to make them jealous and since the lady has started to complain this early when they aren't married yet, hence my advice of quitting to her because she may not be able to cope in future because of the experience I have had.

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