Hi guys, here is another post about breakups and relationships… this time I’m going to talk about why breakups happen, and I’ll explain four of the most common things that cause relationships to fail. For most people reading this post, there is a very good chance that one of these four things I’m about to discuss was the main reason behind your breakup.
Now, there is one very important thing you need to be aware of before I go any further. And that’s that your ex almost certainly lied to you after your breakup. 90% of the time, person who initiated the breakup will lie about why they want to end things. Sometimes it’s more of a “partial truth” than a blatant lie…. sometimes it’s a subconscious lie… but, if your ex told you why he or she wanted to break up, I can almost guarantee you that it was a lie, or at the very least only partially true.
This is something I have learned after years of coaching, having worked with thousands of people who are recovering from a breakup. So trust me on this…. unless it was something totally obvious that led to your breakup, like your ex walking in on your while you were naked in bed with the office intern, then you probably don’t really know why your ex wanted to break up.
Granted, the same underlying cause is behind every relationship…. and that is a loss of attraction. Your ex lost his or her attraction for you. However, the real question, and what your ex almost certainly lied about, is WHY that attraction faded.
Sometimes your ex may not actually know why - often times it happens slowly, as a result of several things. Other times, your ex may tell you something was the reason behind his or her decision, but that was only one of several issues. Or sometimes, to avoid hurting you further, your ex will just pick something generic and tell you that was the reason. You know the saying, “it’s not you, it’s me”? It’s cheesy and cliche, sure, but it’s also a great example of something your ex might say to avoid discussing the real reasons behind the breakup.
So, what are the real reasons that led to your breakup? I can’t say for sure, but I’m guessing it was one of these four common “attraction-killing traits”....
Attraction Killer #1: Being “needy” or “clingy”.
This is a very common trait that many people exhibit in a relationship. Why your partner may seem to think it’s “cute”, it’s actually one of the biggest relationship killers. Yes, as weird as it sounds, studies have shown that being that “clingy” girlfriend or boyfriend is actually a massive, massive turn off. Human beings need a challenge. When something becomes “too easy” it’s human nature to just pickup and get going, and this sort of survival mechanism is our way of saying, “find a new challenge, I’m bored!” People also hate feeling “tied down” and get easily frustrated when someone is constantly pestering them or requiring their attention. This toxic trait doesn’t just happen to women…. men are almost as likely to be guilty of excessive “neediness” too. If you’re not sure what I mean when I say “needy” or “cling,” watch the movie Wedding Crashers”.... it’s a very funny movie, but there’s also a red-headed girl who chases Vince Vaughn around for most of the movie. She’s a perfect example of what it means to be “clingy”.
Attraction Killer #2: Being too controlling or jealous.
Yes, this is another big reason why relationships do not work out. Being way too controlling over your partner will actually give you less control in the end. That is right. Typically, the more controlling one partner gets, the more the other partner will try and break free… and eventually when that happens, there’s almost no turning back. If you were guilty of this, learn to manage your jealousy. It’s a huge sign of insecurity, and it’s never going to actually have any benefit or positive outcome. Jealousy is a natural emotion all humans will feel (unless they’re a sociopath)... the key is controlling that jealousy rather than controlling your partner.
Attraction Killer #3: Boredom and complacency.
Both men and women have an equal desire for fun and excitement. The need for adventure and excitement varies from person to person, but no-one wants to be stuck in the same boring routine forever. Every relationship needs to have some element of fun and excitement… you don’t have to go skydiving every week or wear a different ridiculous costume every time you have sex, but you do need to keep things interesting and avoid being too complacent. Often, when the “spark” fades and a relationship stops being “new and exciting,” neither partner will make any real effort to keep things interesting. That’s a huge mistake. You need to make sure that your partner is having fun and maintains their interest in you and your relationship.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but even the best relationships require some maintenance and work, so if you want to live happily ever after then both you and your better half need to put in the work to keep the spark alive and avoid falling into a boring, passion-less routine.
Attraction Killer #4: Infidelity.
This one is pretty simple… if you cheat, you’re basically ruining your relationship. But, not only is infidelity a surefire ticket to being single, it also causes fundamental trust problems. To enjoy a real, mature, and long-lasting relationship you need to trust your partner, and vice versa. Any kind of infidelity will have a negative impact on trust, and lack of trust causes insecurity and jealousy, and I’ve already explained how those can kill a relationship, too. Different people define “cheating” differently, so if you want to avoid any trust issues, make sure you both agree on what constitutes cheating…. and then stay faithful!
So, those are the four major “attraction killers”.... I’m sure by now you’ve identified which of these things was most responsible for your breakup. It may have been a combination of several, or it may just have been that you did something that really rubbed your ex the wrong way.
Thanks for reading this post, and all the best with your future relationships!

To:
Royalblak007 ....

Why u think ur last relationship never last the way u expect it?

TrapQueen77:


To:
Royalblak007 ....

Why u think ur last relationship never last the way u expect it?

She tot I wasn't doing enough....and she wanted more
So she had to fly

RoyalBlak007:


She tot I wasn't doing enough....and she wanted more
So she had to fly

What "more" she wanted?

Or maybe u really didn't do anything to make her happy and secured ur relationship the way u both expect it

TrapQueen77:



What "more" she wanted?

Or maybe u really didn't do anything to make her happy and secured ur relationship the way u both expect it

She taught I wasn't really doing anything to make her happy...
She didn't see ....
So she went to meet her jolly good friend

Good thing she's happy now

RoyalBlak007:


She taught I wasn't really doing anything to make her happy...
She didn't see ....
So she went to meet her jolly good friend

Good thing she's happy now

A jolly good friend?


And so, what abt u? After ur break up, did u start dating as well?

TrapQueen77:




A jolly good friend?


And so, what abt u? After ur break up, did u start dating as well?

Like I said...I got a job after that

TrapQueen77:


To:
Royalblak007 ....

Why u think ur last relationship never last the way u expect it?

relationship on nairaland? Girl u get mind

RoyalBlak007:


Like I said...I got a job after that

Oohhh.... Wat job? do u mean ur dating then?

TrapQueen77:





Oohhh.... Wat job? do u mean ur dating then?

This job-----"hibernation...isolation_


How about you?

RoyalBlak007:


This job-----"hibernation...isolation_


How about you?

Na lie ooo... Ur nose like Pinocchio now.. u won't admit it. Are u worried she'll be disappointed if she knows tat ur dating?
For sure she'll be very happy to know tat u already move on sha


Me? Wat abt me? I'm juz here interviewing one of the Best Men on NL

Btw, I'm Single.. Juz to let u know hahahahhaah

TrapQueen77:




Na lie ooo... Ur nose like Pinocchio now.. u won't admit it. Are u worried she'll be disappointed if she knows tat ur dating?
For sure she'll be very happy to know tat u already move on sha


Me? Wat abt me? I'm juz here interviewing one of the Best Men on NL

Btw, I'm Single.. Juz to let u know hahahahhaah

We are all single...everybody is single..

RoyalBlak007:


We are all single...everybody is single..

So u mean ur single but dating?

RoyalBlak007:



youve been teasing me since creation

but you are too cool to be single na

TrapQueen77:

See am right

RoyalBlak007:


See am right

hahahhaah...

Last kweshun

Wud there be a chance tat u and ur ex are getting back or u prefer to stay in ur lane?

TrapQueen77:



hahahhaah...

Last kweshun

Wud there be a chance tat u and ur ex are getting back or u prefer to stay in ur lane?

Very small microscopic chance...
Cos she shot me off...blocked me off ...slam..
So I wonder why she coming back ??...
Its rare for her to come back..

RoyalBlak007:


Very small microscopic chance...
Cos she shot me off...blocked me off ...slam..
So I wonder why she coming back ??...
Its rare for her to come back..

I see..