#Reminiscingthosedays#

*I will slap ur tongue out of ur mouth if u dare say another word (few lashes after) Answer me!
* If that food drops from your mouth again, all u will remember is story of how we ate the food.
*I brought you into this world, I can take u out of it and nobody can do anything about it (As if you don't have a dad)
*If I meet u there, you will surprise death
*There is nothing you hold that won't fall down
*If u come back without my change you will know what orthopaedic ward looks like
*it's like u don't like your jaw again
*If I hear any noise again I will beat u into the future
*If i meet u still standing there people will think u struggled with a lion
*(In the dark) Who is kicking my table like that, are you blind!?
*(After listing your errands) Mum what did you say? Mum:when I com back u will hear what I said more clearly
*Don't finish that work till I com back then I will show u that hot water can kill a tortoise/that khaki is not leather (as if I don't know)
*If that money is not enough for u, If u reach the main road throw it away.
*I will break your head and I will take u to the hospital
*Tell your teacher that your mother said she won't kill herself
*What are you hiding that av not seen.
*Eh, it's your birthday, should I kill myself?
*Your soup is not enough go and buy from the market/com and use me and do soup
*Why would you spend all that money on one cloth, give it to me and I will buy you a Ghana must go full of cloths
*Go and plait your hair lemme see road in this house (How is my hair blocking her road
*You can never find anything ur asked to get
*Who cooked this river Niger? (I got that a lot)
*Where are your siblings? Child:I don't know. Mum:How will you know
*Me:Mum is this dress fine? Mum: It's so transparent that I can see your intestines from here
*I did not kill my mother so u will not kill me.
* Who left their sandals on this corridor to kill me.
*No one should change that channel, this is my house!
*Can't u see what someone is eating and look away?
*If u beat any of your kids for longer throat, I will break your head cos they got it from you (Spoiling your future unborn kids in advance)
*Returns to meet TV on : Switch off this TV let it rest!/Returns nd Meets it off: U people will not switch on this TV let's know what is happening in the world
* (Saturday 7 am : Why are you still sleeping by this time, did you break rocks at night (Iwara coal n'abani?)
*Me: Mum I just made this dress. Mum:Where is the other half?
*Me:Mum Gimme the money you borrowed. Mum:Eheeen? And u have been eating my food, Oya com and beat it out of me na
*Mum have u seen my bag? Reply:As per your watchman now (Our strongly believe answering questions straight was was a crime in their days)
*Mum you haven't paid me for the errand u pleaded I should use my money to run for u o. Mum: Did you pay me for giving birth to u
*Qst:Mum did you mess? Reply: This is my house!
*Qst: Mum where is dad? Ans: He is inside my handbag, bring him out for me (Answering questions straight seems to be a crime when they were born)
*Child:Mum am hungry. Reply: Come and eat me (Very popular)
*Of course, breaking jaws, slapping into the future, kicking one back to last year and list of others were normal daily litany.

All these I remembered as I celebrated her yesterday and wondered what I would have become if not for those restraining words during my childhood. Hurt then though....... I even hear some, few, up till now but it is milder and amuses unlike earlier. I HAIL AFRICAN/NIGERIAN MUMS represented by my Eternal Madame Tonia Chinenye