JustHere2Observ:


I wonder ooo, making a mountain out of a mole's hill. To buy ponmo that you will eat is now an issue.

I really can't see the issue here too.
We don't know how it happened so can't say why she also reacted that way too. And him comparing her sister's probably irresponsible husband?

Na dem sabi

OP, providing money for provisions should not stop you from helping with chores. You both should work as a team. More hands make the work lighter. You made it seem like it's either your way or the highway. Although I dont understand why your fiancée made such a big deal about grinding the pepper, I think you made it a bigger deal by comparing yourself to her brother-in-law.The mistake a lot of African men make is they think that as long as they provide the finances they shouldn't lift a finger. You and your fiancée should sit down and talk about how you would love to run the house so that you both are on the same page before you get married.

Also it is 'peel', 'audacity' not 'pill' and 'ordercity'.

mhisbliss:
ok but five years is too long for a relationship dat is obviously not leading to marriage soon

yeah, i agree with you. He even mentioned that she's 30 years old.

......Ha! Op, you really sure you wanna marry that girl?

mhisbliss:

shes at fault because she should do all the chores as a lady without compelling you to help you should willingly offer to help...

So if she's tired or feeling overwhelmed she shouldn't ask her husband for help?

HaneefahRN:


I really can't see the issue here too.
We don't know how it happened so can't say why she also reacted that way too. And him comparing her sister's probably irresponsible husband.

Na dem sabi

i said i was even telling her that i will choose Pilling the yam & cooking it, but she insisted is either i go buy ponmo or i grind pepper, that she wont accept anything aside that two options, its obvious she is taking me for granted because of my gentleness & that was why i was forced to use her sisters husband as example for her to reason, must i do tinz in her way to satisfy her always, i can see clearly she is taking me for a ride for normally helping her in house chores

Nancy2016:



So if she's tired or feeling overwhelmed she shouldn't ask her husband for help?

to ask for help is different from to give command, this is not situation of asking for help, its a case of giving command to her husband & that was the reason i reacted that way

omochelsea004:
i said i was even telling her that i will choose Pilling the yam & cooking it, but she insisted is either i go buy ponmo or i grind pepper, that she wont accept anything aside that two options, its obvious she is taking me for granted because of my gentleness & that was why i was forced to use her sisters husband as example for her to reason, must i do tinz in her way to satisfy her always, i can see clearly she is taking me for a ride for normally helping her in house chores

Eeyah, I just saw that part. She no try at all. You guys should discuss it and sort things out, let her know your stand about such behaviour, and see her wrong doings. Break the silence.
I don't think her sister's husband was a good example to bring up or maybe it's just cos I hate comparisons.


But this issue is still funny to me sha, thanks for slightly making my mood better. All the best.

omochelsea004:
to ask for help is different from to give command, this is not situation of asking for help, its a case of giving command to her husband & that was the reason i reacted that way

You could have drawn her attention to it by maybe making fun of the situation by saying something like "okay boss" or "okay madam". This will make her realize that she was being bossy. If she's a sensible lady she will apologize. Communication is key and you need to tell her that you don't like the silent treatment.

Nancy2016:


You could have drawn her attention to it by maybe making fun of the situation by saying something like "okay boss" or "okay madam". This will make her realize that she was being bossy. If she's a sensible lady she will apologize. Communication is key and you need to tell her that you don't like the silent treatment.

what i decided to do is to make her know say me self good pass her for silent treatment, maybe if she see say me i sabi give silent treatment pass her she go they rethink before result to it all d time she is angry, because i don talk am tire & still no changes

omochelsea004:
what i decided to do is to make her know say me self good pass her for silent treatment, maybe if she see say me i sabi give silent treatment pass her she go they rethink before result to it all d time she is angry, because i don talk am tire & still no changes

Silent treatment has destroyed a lot of relationships. It's certainly not a good way to maintain a healthy relationship.

Chairman,

ignore her.. Her brain go reset to default..

If e come be say she clear enta sku nd neva get her sense back.. NO CALL HER.. Ignore her totally.. Show her say u sef dey vex..

Ah swear, she go apologize wen d tin don reach breaking point.. Nd she no fit hold hersef again..

P.S: resist any temptation of striking a convo with her.. Kill d konji for d main time..

Mind you, this will make her drop that silly attitude totally..

Nancy2016:



So if she's tired or feeling overwhelmed she shouldn't ask her husband for help?

read my comment again this time slowly maybe you'll understand what i meant and maybe not

Gofwane:
yeah, i agree with you. He even mentioned that she's 30 years old.

......Ha! Op, you really sure you wanna marry that girl?

i wonder o how long till menopause

Go for marriage counseling, I beg u ... cos u never see anything na em u dey rant already.

My bro u never ready for marriage.

mhisbliss:
read my comment again this time slowly maybe you'll understand what i meant and maybe not

Actually I loved everything else you wrote. I only had an issue with the part I quoted.

Abeg make all those who say the OP ain't ready for marriage keep quiet, that's what my wife has been doing and I have been trying to manage her just for peace to reign and now is out of hand,Op please you have to be firm,very firm coz if you beg for nothing, you will continue begging ooh ignore her silent treatment
#talking from experience#

Dondave11:
Chairman,

ignore her.. Her brain go reset to default..

If e come be say she clear enta sku nd neva get her sense back.. NO CALL HER.. Ignore her totally.. Show her say u sef dey vex..

Ah swear, she go apologize wen d tin don reach breaking point.. Nd she no fit hold hersef again..

P.S: resist any temptation of striking a convo with her.. Kill d konji for d main time..

Mind you, this will make her drop that silly attitude totally..

omochelsea004:
Good evening my people, there was a disagreement between me & my fiancee (5 yrs relationship) over a particular issue this morning in which i know quite all right she was the one at fault & since then she is not taking to me, even if i talk to her or ask her something she will just answer coldly.

what really happened...

Yesterday 9t we didn't eat anything solid before sleeping due to somethings, so i told her that yesterday that she should have it in mind that she must wake up early to prepare food for us to eat because am very certain its hunger that will wake us d following morning, fast forward to this morning... when we woke up she decided to prepare pounded yam, & we have all the ingredients for soup readily at home except meat, so we decided to use ponmo, so i gave her money to go & buy the ponmo that i will help her pill d yam & put it on fire before she returns but to my surprise she told me to go and buy it myself that how will she go & buy it & still come back again to grind pepper, she said is either i go and buy the ponmo or i grind pepper that its either of the two, i was very surprised because i could see she was very serious with what she was saying, she even went ahead in telling me that she knew i won't like to grind pepper so in that case that she will advice I go & buy ponmo, on hearing that i was very angry so i asked her what she meant with what she was saying, that how will i provide what both of us will eat & she is still asking me to go & buy it after dropping money, that even if she was the one that drop money for it, that that doesn't give her the ordercity to tell me to go & buy it, dat was how she started saying all sort of things, that if I dont go and buy it she won't cook any food, so i let her know that she is taking me for granted & that i won't take that from her, when she continue arguing with me & i need to let her know she is totally wrong, i now told her that i don't know her problem that there are many men around that won't even dim it fit to give there wife money to cook, & even if they do, who is their wife to ask them to go & buy it themselves using her sister's husband as an example, i now told her i am not a fool & that it is because av been doing it before on my own to help ease her that makes her feels she can send me such errands, & that i don't know why people abuse whatever they have, luckily we heard sombody hawking that very ponmo immediately after d argument, and since then she has not been talking to me up till now, i tried talking to her after but she was just ignoring me, even if i ask her question she will just answer coldly, i was now thinking am i at fault in any way from the whole scene, or why is she angry to the extent that she isn't talking to me, i think i suppose to be the one to be angry about the whole scene not her..... So romancelanders what do you think causes her reactions, because when i noticed her plan was to keep ignoring me, i also ignored her 4 her to realise she was wrong but she is not getting it, so i decided not to talk to her again till she return to her school on Monday,

first and most importantly, work on your grammar; your written English is painful to the sight and ears. Just here imagining how the spoken English will be...*sigh. And secondly, what in God's name is wrong in going to buy what both of you will eat while she is busy doing other things related to the food you will both eat? Why are boys of this generation so entitled,petty, wicked and selfish?? My goodness! While you do NOTHING, u can't assist someone u're not even married to (even if you are married to her, it doesn't give you the largesse to be cruel) to ease her burden. If they ask you now, you will reference daddy Adeboye et al. You are a wicked person! But if your friend or female colleague or boss tells you same, you'll run to do it without questioning. You are supposed to compliment each other sogbo, help her get things done especially when you can. This your case is typical.

ikombe:
Can you leave this thread

u well? Abi na ur papa get nl? U wey woman dey control and will soon start beating like daddy freeze get mind to dey mend me! U nor dey fear?

Nancy2016:


Actually I loved everything else you wrote. I only had an issue with the part I quoted.

you misunderstood the part you quoted

Dondave11:
see who is talking.. U dt is 40, stl single nd fucking around nko..

gerara here jor.. Busy body..

smiles, its not only 40 am older than your mum.

How can I wake up to pound yam, grind pepper, cook and still go out to buy ponmo?? Not happening!!!!
Even in my father's house, they don't work me like that talk more of a guy I haven't married.

There should be division of labour!!

Medunah:
How can I wake up to pound yam, grind pepper, cook and still go out to buy ponmo?? Not happening!!!!
Even in my father's house, they don't work me like that talk more of a guy I haven't married.

There should be division of labour!!

Maybe, u would have to reread his message so that u can see where he said he decided to pound and cook the yam while the girl goes to buy the meat.

omochelsea004:
to ask for help is different from to give command, this is not situation of asking for help, its a case of giving command to her husband & that was the reason i reacted that way

Guy, I really pity u because u haven't found wife yet.
A woman:
1. Who would always want to rub shoulders with u even in small issues like going to buy meat;
2. Who doesn't accept that she is wrong even when it's clear that she is wrong;
3. Who would prefer that peace doesn't reign in ur home by giving u silence treatment instead of apologising to u when she is wrong;
4. Who has such a loving and caring man yet takes him for granted. Whose fiance provides money for food and still assists her in doing the cooking yet she doesn't value it.
Such a woman can never be a wife material. U have talked to her severally yet she doesn't want to change. Go to family section and see the advice of some more mature married men so that u will see for urself why I tell u that u haven't found a wife yet. If u continuously beg her now when she is wrong then be sure that u will be an everlasting beggar in that ur marriage. Don't mind some hypocritical ladies here advising u to go beg her. Just ignore her, if she comes back to her senses then good for her, if she doesn't, then u march on because the handwriting is too clear on the wall that she isn't a wife material. Love isn't all that matters in marriage.

omochelsea004:
she is close to 30 year of age, & must you abuse her before making ur point?

That's what you get when you bring a small issue you had with your babe to the public forum.if you like go and be reporting her to people,your friends n family..they will abuse her...Keep your relationship matters away from 3rd party and settle whatever differences you may have btw the 2 of u

AyamConfidence:
from what I was able to understand from your epistle...she's your fiancée and y'all are already living together... now I'll advice you to go and marry her first then you can come and hear what I have to tell you...peace

Seconded!

Babe is giving you ultimatums and you are explaining yourself to her ,your situation is just sad. She is now ignoring you to add to it . Even though you were not wrong in the slightest you stupidly tried to initiate talks first and even throwing away your supposed evil male ego she still ignored you , and you want to marry her , and you think you will live long and happy. better don't listen to 90% of the people above , they are either feminazis or male pants . Cooking is majorly the duty of the female,the male can help if he wants to but not to the point she doesn't feel its her duty. buying of foodstuffs is even moreso .You better wake up , there is nothing hard about buying ponmo and grinding pepper ,if she went out she could probably do all this at the same spot. If she was living alone she would do all these things plus more . Her problem isn't doing the acts themselves but doing the acts for you(funny enough she is gonna eat too so she can't do this for you at all) . She is just exerting power over you , she obviously can't tell you to do everything alone since that's too blatant and its your money so she does the next best thing ... completely disregards what you said you were going to do (pound yam) whilst choosing. your options for you to make it seem like you have a choice she then later acknowledges that you wouldn't want to grind pepper and tells you buying ponmo would be better ... in essence she just took the long winded indirect way of telling you ... No you will not pound the yam , you will go and buy ponmo , its either that or we are not eating anything. imagine responding positively to this. like okay then you go and buy it, who is wearing the pants. When someone attempts to bully or brow beat you into doing something do you start explaining yourself or how what the person is doing is not good , general answer is no unless the person has power over you like a soldier lol.

Medunah:
How can I wake up to pound yam, grind pepper, cook and still go out to buy ponmo?? Not happening!!!!
Even in my father's house, they don't work me like that talk more of a guy I haven't married.

There should be division of labour!!

Were the bills divided?