op from you wife's other post she said you are not romantic( which i understand as either not spending enough time or nont making her feel valued) and that you are too close to your mum and sisters. Your mom is old and if she gets sick tomoro, you can take her to ur home and look after her. How often does your mom visit? and i think your wife is threatened by her presence. Dunno why though. And i read some weird things like greet when u see me which u shouldnt force her to do. She said she doesnt feel loved by you, i think you should have a hrt to to hrt talk. Divorce is not an option bro. Dont do it. And mrs temmy, u must love ur mother in law if u want 100% of ur husbands love.

natasha:


Is his wife Babztemmy?

Seems so.

What in my coment did you find insultive?

You want to tell a mother not to visit her son whenever she wants?

Where do you want a 70yrs old widow to be after sacrificing are youth to make her son suitable for her as a husband that she‘ll now come from nowhere to call her a jobless whos visits needs to be checked?

Isnt she supposed to be the one taking care of he MIL if at all shes got some sense?

And how on earth is her visits an invasion on her privacy?

This is a woman that has brought nothing to the table, contributes to nothing, got set up in buisness by her husband, got a ride from him....whose life would have been almost useless without him.....would now turn around to tell him how to treat his mum?

I‘m sure if the MIL were to be some highly placed/wealthy woman whose got alot to offer....who always come around with goodies...that ungrateful wife will be the one bombing her with visits

I know you‘ll know a male nairalander who has ever complained abt his MILs visits.....Shebi sha no be FIL?

Its always you women

Thats why i said you lots need some growing up & sense & stop making non-issue an issue

Parent fall back on their children when they grow old and feeble cos they spent their youth on them when they were young and weak

Its an investment

Thats how it works

Bro I feel your pain,she is trying to black mail you emotionally, first advice I will give to you,i see you as an open minded person you tell her virtually everything, start putting her in the dark when it comes to your mom and other expenses you want to incur for your mom! You sound like you are not of the same tribe! One thing that's as worked for me more than once is apologies all the time or ignore irrelevant talks just pretent like you no hear at all,she knows what she is doing...

natasha:


[right][/right]


You say you bought your wife 2 cars whilst you use one car? i find that hard to believe that your wife has 2 cars at her disposal yet you relegate her to the use of a taxi.

r.

We should try to read before sounding foolish..
His wife was traveling far with the kids and was concerned, thereby getting an uber cab to do the job..

sanelynutz:
Dear Nairalanders,

I am so frustrated now that the wife I married is not what I expect her to be, we share totally different values and reasoning. As regards this terrible differences, I resorted to creating this thread, because am not even sure if I am to be blamed to this, or maybe am trying my best to make things work and my wife is not just listening and trying to succumb and submit according to what I believe is the right way to do things and handle life. I am the t

My marriage is 4yrs old now with 2 kids, I have at a point in my life decided to file for divorce for irreconcilable differences,but because of the kids, I couldnt make that move. We have so much differences which is making the life of the both of us miserable, but I will make an exemplary fact just for you guys to get a scope of what the problem is. Her mother is late, even before I met her, only a dad and 4 siblings. I for one is without a dad, and also having a mum. Now the problem here is that when we first got married, I was really surprised about the fact that she never wanted my mother to come around even once in a while to visit her grand-daughter;s, there was at a time when she made a clear and fearless remark that " Cant your mum stay in one place and go and look for a job? I felt so bad and even disrespected to see my wife make such remark against my mother that has done no harm but to come and visit and leave in peace. This life ehn, its a pot of hot beans like falz said, I am 100% sure that even with the sightliest of flaws that a mother would have, I see no reason why a wife would despise the mother of her husband. My wife I would say does not really like her, and I cannot find a factual reason to see the reason why. Its sad that I wished she had a terrible MIL then maybe she would realize that my mum is a saint.

To cut the long story shot, I was born into a family of 4, and to be sincere I am the only one that is really taking of my mother @70 yrs old already. The other's apart from the first who still would do more if she has dont do nada. Infact mum is trying to move into a new place, and money to set up the room to taste has only been funded by me the last and the first born, yet my wife is secretly not happy about it. She keeps making comparison about how my mother is my number 1 over her which is really hearth-wrecking to hear. When it is 100% obvious that my family is my number 1 priority in every aspect. I have used a Toyota car for 9 years, still using, I have in 4 years of marriage bought two modern Toyota for my wife.Whereas I have not presented even a 1999 camry to my mother who has never owned a car for 70 years of her life. I even Set up a business for her that literally brings only 15% of her income to support the family which is once in a while. My brother and sisters, I swear on my life that I am very responsible, I do almost everything that has to do with the family, and I am proud of it, even friends and family applaud me just to let you guys be sure that it aint like am being irresponsible at home while impacting friends and families life.


On a sad note for what happened today which finally led me here. Her father informed us a week ahead about marking his bday, and that he was going to mark @ his residence. We all planned, got aso ebi and stuff. The birthday held today, so I had instructed them to leave yesterday beforehand so she can at least be present to help with chores and preparation while I had stay back to monitor some workers at where my mother was moving to. Plan was to leave early this morning so I can make it up before program of the bday starts. I was able to make it up, and everything went splendid and it was a great bday. On getting home, my wife brought up the issue of feeling bad that I had to arrange for an uber cab to pick them up when we had two cars at home bla bla bla, and that if I respected his father that I would have scarified leaving with them that Sunday. I replied saying, I explained everything to you before I executed my plans. #1, I will never allow you drive long distance alone, and never will I since the children would be with her. #2, if you go with one car, and am coming over with the second car the next day, it would be senseless to be coming back home with 2 the two card. So I was gonna higher uber to drop them off, take 1 of the car down there, and then we come back home with that same car, and she concurred. Only to surprise me that her father is not being taken seriously thats why I didnt sleep over from Sunday. I am a man for heavens sake, even if I didnt have anything to do and I decide I just want to be in my house and attend the occasion promptly the next day, crime has not been committed. But she so took that has an offense and made a serious mess out of that irrelevant ranting.


I am sorry for the long story, though am fed up with these differences, and its also obvious that she is playing my family, your family game, which to me is unfair. The father have never visited us official ever since we got married, maybe only once. I never had issues with that.She claims because the man is far away, so what? I nor dey complain oo, but she complains and make remark on things that are obviously not to be questioned. Now my resolution is dissolving the marriage because I can see that she isnt really change, and I also cannot live with a woman that shares a different value and ideology as I do, which always lead to disagreement and bitter and hard words. Nairalanders, but is it worth it? Marriage to me oo, in my own definition based on my situation is a BIG TRAP. Singles, please court your wife well, use your six sense to decipher who she really in order to match compatibility, that even when there is issue, its always easy to resolve because you guys understand and reason accordingly and not otherwise. God bless us all.

You want to divorce your wife because she has a different ideology from yours?You think when you divorce her because of your expectations you will meet another woman that meets your expectations and shares the same ideology and will love and care for you?The grass is not always greener on the other side my friend.From your writing ,you see like an authoritarian ,its your way or the high way.Things don't work that way my friend and if you had wisdom you would have realised that.She is your wife and it takes years of working at something before she takes part of you and you absorb part of her.It is what creates balance.It is not a one way street my friend.Sometimes we let happiness elude us because of simple issues.Communication is key,she is your wife communicate to her like she is an individual and not a material.You need to understand her to live in harmony.You see you will not get a better deal outside to be honest.Speak to your wife and work towards understanding each other.Marriage is not overrated my friend ,your expectations are unrealistic and immature.

Good day
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eyinjuege:
Mr Babztemmy aka mouthcuffed, your wife was here earlier.

You guys should try and resolve your marital issues offline. Let peace reign. Call a truce. Tell her what you want, and also try and compromise on what she needs. She wants you to be more affectionate towards her, do that. She wants to be able to put her hands in your pocket without you getting angry, she wants you to be her gisting partner, and to tell her things you are going to do like buying a car for your mother without even hinting her isn't such a good idea. She wants you to be less rigid.

At the same time, let her know you can be all these and more if she could only place your mother on the same pedestal you hold her, let her know you can be there for her emotionally if only she takes your mother as hers, and cares for her as she would her father.
Let her know you don't like to be called 'ode' but honey, sweetheart, love of my life.
Let her know you want to be woken up every morning with a good morning darling.

Its a give and take situation.
You need to LISTEN to her concerns and not just be dismissive. They may not make sense to you, or may sound stupid, or even not real, but to her they seem legitimate enough.
Call a truce in your home, not by arguing but discussing calmly like adults telling each other your expectations, and the disappointments you've both faced with each other.
Stop saying hurtful words that she wasn't your choice of a partner if not that you wanted to do right by your children (when you guys argue).
Words are like eggs, once spoken or broken they can't be taken back or put back together. They will forever ring the the ears of your wife.
I'm not trying to remove your wife from all this, because I know she's equally a troublemaker looking for trouble where there's none. She needs to take a deep breath, and be more accommodating towards her MIL. Life isn't so difficult unless we make it so.

+6.1

hasyak:

+6.1

in addition to this op you need to do the ultimate. prayers I said pray. invite God he will settle it. reading post like this leaves me speechless n scared of marriage, setting my brain that I have not started sef or I m not even ready. we need God. best wishes