PASTOR BANKIE: QESTIONS AND ANSWERS ON YOUR MARRIAGE AND RELATIONSHIP ISSUES (Part 1)

Question: Sir, my parents want me to marry a man I do not
like. What should I do?
Answer: Simple; refuse! If even God will not make you marry someone you
do not like, why do you think parents can? God brought Eve to
Adam, and Adam made a decision. Your parents can bring up a
suggestion; that is alright. They must however allow you decide if it
is okay with you. Please refer to the chapter (No 16) on arranged
marriages in this book and get understanding.

Question: Sir, what is a Christian to do when the parents
do not accept one's choice of a mate?
Answer: In this one you have to be careful. If the parents are believers who
know the word of God, then you must go and pray. Parents, when
they perform their roles properly, are actually a layer of protection in
the life of young people. That is something about authority figures
generally.
Now, sometimes the parents give their reasons, and those
reasons are totally against the word of God. For example, they may
object because the man or woman is from a 'wrong' ethnic group or
he is not rich yet. It is very common for parents to refuse a suitor
for their daughter because his father is a nobody. Some even go to
diviners and the oracle (or prophet) tells them it is not to be a
good marriage. This is idolatry which a Christian must never subscribe
to. When they start giving such ungodly reasons, they are pitching
themselves against the word of God in your life and you must take
a stand. Authority figures are not permitted to directly oppose the
written8 word of God (Acts 4:19).
* Please note that it is the written word of God that we are talking about, not the
'witness in your spirit' which can mean anything and which changes with the
weather.

When parents directly oppose God's word in their opposition,
then it is time to be the light. Explain to them in polite but clear
terms that the principles they are operating by are against the word
of God, and you have no choice but to be against them here.
One thing I must say here is that it is good that this is not
the first time they are discovering you respect the word of God. Many
people make the mistake of compromising with their parents on
everything else but then take a stand for the word of God now
because it supports their love life. If that is your case, you will smell
pepper before God defends His word in your life. These cases differ
widely from one another, so all I can give are some general guides.
It will take patience and prayer.
Please bear in mind that women, as a rule, are to be given
in marriage. Usually this is done by the father. As a woman, you
can't just flaunt that rule and be guiltless; so pray and wait until you
persuade your parents. Your pastor or friend cannot give you out in
marriage unless your natural father first disowns you, and this because
of your faith (not because of marriage). Many pastors have committed
this error and given Christianity a bad name and encouraged rebellion.
It is different for a man who has more liberty once he has
leaved his parents. Even in this, it is better to use patience and
prayers to win them over, even if they remain in a grumbling state,
rather than to just ignore them entirely. It is still your duty to be a
light to them in many more things that will come forth in life.

Question: Sir, is dating before marriage among
Christians godly?
Answer: First, let us get our definitions aligned. What do we mean when we
say dating? The Bible does not use that word so we just have to
see what is meant contemporarily.
If by dating we mean just to go out with someone, eat, watch
a movie and just get acquainted, I think it sounds harmless enough
and it is not forbidden for Christians. Of course we understand that
you are not likely to propose marriage to a person who you have
given no signals ahead of time; so unless this so-called dating is
for the direct purpose of working up to the point of marriage proposals
I do not think it has a useful purpose. If it is the idea of pairing
off in a Pentecostal form of girlfriend-boyfriend romantic relationships,
whether it involves sex or not, it is not appropriate. It is a needless
and deceptive way by which young Christian people get themselves
into unnecessary romantic entanglements.
Everything in life has a purpose. So what is the purpose of
those romantic relationships? It is not true that you need a long time
to know someone who you want to marry. Even if you need the
time, you do not have to be in a private romantic relationship with
the person. You can know someone very well without being emotionally
involved. By the time romantic emotions set in, you should have
marriage proposals ready or close at hand.
When these things are used carelessly they lead to unnecessary
temptations and falling into sexual sins. Paul said 'flee temptations.'
Avoid all things that fire up your hormones and lead you into
temptation.
Just for emphasis, Christian relationships before marriage must
be non-sexual. The idea of fornication is not a 'holiness movement'
thing. These days we preach more faith and prosperity and so we
forget to remind ourselves about the basics of Christianity. Sex before
marriage is against the will of God, even if you are engaged to the
person. Engagement and marriage are two totally different things.

***This is culled from the book," SHOULD I SAY 'YES'? ", by Pastor Bankie. Download your copies now for yourself and your buddies……including the recommended downloads. Feel free to share. Selah… #GoAndLearn #qdGUYS #qdLADIES #qdDOWNLOADS
Other books by the author include:
The Blessing
Beyond Gifts And Talents
Here on Purpose
The Law of Life
Great Faith Can Be Yours
Choices, the Key to Destiny
By Faith Acquire Life
He That Believes
Grace to Prosper
How to Work for God
So, Who Will Pay for This?
Secrets of Increase and Breakthrough
The Righteousness of God
Prophesy!
Your Greatness Has Been Prepared
What is God's Will Here?

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Building The Family God’s Way, by Pastor Bankie
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