The very first time a guy went down on me, you know, ate me out…took my garden of Eden in his mouth, and worked his tongue in the areas below my waist but above my knees, i was amazed and was so convinced that that one act was an act of true love.

You have to understand this was a couple of years ago when most African men still acted as though performing cunnilingus was a war crime and MouthAction was only meant to be given by a woman, on her knees, submissive and breathless while her gleeful partner received a joyful favour he would never return. So anyways, against this perspective, when i was treated to this sensuous gift by my then partner, i was overwhelmed and needless to say, when it became a regular fixture in our sex life, i knew then that this man truly loved me. Hmmm little did i know.

My then partner- He was a beautiful man; a breed of European and Arab descent. Very handsome with green eyes, thick dark wavy hair, lean and fit with such an exotic accent. I was head over heels in love with him and i was convinced he loved me too especially because he had no problems whatsoever eating me out. I mean, when a man is willing to put his mouth down there in a place that could easily go wrong with discharge, vaginal fluids, traces of menstrual blood, etc, you start thinking that ‘Wow this is true love because most men wouldn’t do this.’ Of course now in 2016 this isn’t such a big deal anymore. These days men are eating out any woman with even half a hole faster than they can say, ‘ Hi my name is…’. Anyways, back then it was a big deal. So i looked at his actions, his sex, the way he even said my name and i concluded that i had a boyfriend though he had made it clear on numerous occasions that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Still i said to myself, ‘Actions speak louder than words. If he is doing all this stuff to me and with me, then surely he loves me but he is just too scared to admit it.’

Fast forward, about a year later of living in my fool’s paradise, i found out that he had started dating another girl. The discovery crushed me of course. I threw a tantrum of course and cursed him to hell and back, of course. But upon sober reflection, i had to admit painfully that i had no one to blame but myself. He never told me i was his girlfriend. Whenever we discussed us, he would tell me that he is not ready for a relationship and that we are just friends. I however went ahead to draw that one-sided conclusion that we were in a relationship based on our situation. Truth is, we were in a situationship, not a relationship.

That brings me to what today’s post is actually about. NEVER EVER CONFUSE A SITUATIONSHIP WITH A RELATIONSHIP! I learnt the hard way but i hope telling you my story will open your eyes to the truth of your own realities.

I define a situationship as a situation,LOL, that looks like a relationship, feels like a relationship but it’s not a relationship. Usually in situationships, you can’t for sure stand anywhere and say boldly that this is my man or this is my girl because you are just not sure. Both of you might act cozy, spend weekends together, make love, make love raw, do the craziest things but just because there has never been that conversation and confirmation, deep down in your gut, you know you can’t really lay claim on him or her and say, ‘Yes we are dating’. Now my blog is aimed at both males and females but i feel like this post is more for the ladies because it appears like we make that mistake more often than men.

You see, men never get it twisted when it comes to sex. They can bang you for years and will never end up catching feelings for you. Sure they will like you, maybe even care for you but sex won’t make him fall in love with you. See, the thing about guys is, when they are sleeping with you, they have already categorized you as main chick/wifey material or just sex for fun girl. So if a man puts you in that ‘sex for fun girl’ category, he can do you for years and you won’t get promoted to main chick or wife. And that is why a lot of you girls will sleep with a man for years and before you know it, he has gone to marry someone else. Well the truth is, you was never in the competition to begin with, honey. He was just using you to pass time…and sperm, until he found the woman he really wants. Ouch! Truth hurts!

And that is why today’s post is for ladies especially to help y’all differentiate between a situationship and a relationship.

If a situationship were a gadget, this would be its specs:

The guy has told you he isn’t ready for a relationship. – If a man opens his mouth to tell you that he isn’t ready for a relationship, he means it. Even if the two of you are acting like Romeo and Juliet and having sex raw, if he says you two are not dating, you are not dating. Don’t even kid yourself. It simply means that you are not what he wants. And sleeping with him or hanging around him won’t change his mind. If you still stay, he will just use you until what he wants comes along and you will be left alone.
He says he is too busy right now for a relationship. This isn’t a good time. – Whaaat! Na lie o! When has time or work ever stopped a man from trying to get what he wants I have had car wash boys try to hit on me because that’s what men do. They get vim. lots of it even when the odds are against them. If a man truly wants to be with you, he will not let work or any other obstacle keep you apart. Men have married women even when their families and parents were against it. So if he really wants to be with you, he will find a way to make a relationship with you work. Work might indeed keep him from spending loads of time with him but he will surely put the girlfriend tag on you because he doesn’t want to lose you to another man.

No one knows about your so-called relationship. – If no one knows that the two of you are romantically involved, hmm not a good sign. When you are alone together in a room, he acts like you are bae. He calls you bae, he takes care of you, treats you good but as soon as other people are around, you become Akua Serwa Yeboah or Valentina Johnson not Val or baby. Don’t get me wrong. If a man is cheating with you, he will drop the romantic act as soon as other people are around but usually you know that you are the side chick cheating with him on his official girlfriend. If however to the best of your knowledge he is not in a relationship and yet he isn’t introducing you to people as his girl, darling you are not his girl. You are not even the side chick. You are not on record. You are the WC where he deposits his semen. Ouch! Truth hurts!

Some girl broke my heart. I’m not ready to date now. – If his heart is broken, then give him time and space to heal. When he is ready, he will come to you himself. You can also be there for him but just a friend. Remember however that as a friend your duties do not include being his nurse, babysitter, cook, housekeeper, Bleep mate, or feeding bottle.

You can’t really confront him if you find out that he is sleeping with someone else. – The thing about being in a situationship is that you always know deep down that something is off. When you are in a real relationship, and you hear or even smell another woman near your man, you would usually react very possessively because you feel there is a threat on your property. But when you are in a situationship, even as you are asking about the other girl, your heart is beating because you kinda feel that you don’t have the right to ask. You don’t have that 100% feeling of ownership.

I started this post by telling you my own story because i wanted to highlight that fact when it comes to relationships, both actions and words are very very very important. I would even say that words speak loudest in relationships than actions. You are in a relationship when the both of you have opened your mouths to vocalize and confirm that you belong to each other. Otherwise what are wedding vows for? No matter how good your partner is to you and you and the whole world know it, during the marriage ceremony, you still have to open your buccal cavity and say, ‘I DO!’. Saying this is my man and this is my woman is the crown that says my heart is taken by this or that person. I’m not talking about a PR campaign to tell the whole world who you are dating but surely, your friends and family should know who you are in a relationship with. So no matter what that guy does for you or how much money he spends on you, if he isn’t telling you the words that you are my girlfriend, then sorry, you are not his girlfriend. No matter how kind or caring he is to you, if he says the two of you are not in a relationship, please believe him. Do not say actions speak louder than words. You will be hurt. Trust me.

Of course if you realise all this but you still want to continue the situationship, the choice is yours. Lots of women these days are choosing to be friends with benefits with their male ‘friends’ though that arrangement always ends up in fiasco. Will tell you why next time. Just don’t act surprised when you see him with his real girlfriend one day.

Now to the men, if you know that the girl is not your type, just be honest with her. Tell her you can’t date her and after telling her, please do not continue having sex with her. The more you sleep with her and keep her around, the more you give her hope that you will change your mind one day and make her bae Number 1. But we both know that won’t happen. So please do not lead the girls on. Women easily fall for men they are having regular sex with. So once you tell her that you are not ready for a relationship, pull that dick out of her, zip it up and keep her far away from you. Let her go so that she will have the chance of meeting the man who is not afraid to make her his Number 1 and official and only Queen of his heart.

Have you had a situationship experience? How did you deal with it? Do you think you might be in a situationship right now? Write me, comment, let’s get talking. Also please share, share share the word.

Sincerely yours,

BwB Diary

https://bwbdiary./2016/07/27/even-your-boo-has-a-boo-are-you-in-a-relationship-or-a-situationship/

The poster below should read and summarize for me.

Any summary??

Since there is ship inside no problem

Op u nailed it! Really you 've said my mind fully, exactly what i was telling my friend yesterday."if a man tell u that he's nt ready for a serious relationship then he has not found the woman he want"

Op thanks for this wonderful piece,every lady have to read this and always define their relationships

I am in both

prettythicksme:
I am in both

....Really?

Abeg who don read am finish? Make in summarize for me mbok.. this one don pass me

Every relationship should be defined, that way if you're heart broken you will know why.

i won't read this oooo, wetin na assignment

Thanks for opening our eyes

[color=#006600][/color]This is why it's important to define what both parties are up. Trust me, guys mean every word they utter when it comes to relationships.