Stats: 3,190,913 members, 7,942,282 topics. Date: Saturday, 07 September 2024 at 06:06 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Is This What Makes A Marriage? (24137 Views)
A Marriage List Given To A Man In Akwa Ibom (Screenshot) / Reasons Why Women Walk Out Of A Marriage / 8 Signs A Marriage Won’t Last, According To Divorce Lawyers (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (Reply) (Go Down)
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by thelish(f): 1:42pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
kaffyfolly: She suppose bone abi? why d man with his people nor con sabi bone? boning na for women alone? women don suffer oo 3 Likes |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Twinkleme: 3:57pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
Kachisbarbie: I appreciate your input-thank you. |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Twinkleme: 4:01pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
herzern1: Thank you-kindly expatiate on how to find favour with people who are ALWAYS right even when they are wrong. 1 Like |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Twinkleme: 4:04pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
[quote author=Clone2020 post=48875997]There's always two sides to every story. OP i'm sure if your husband narrated his story, we will all sympathize with him. There has to be more to this story but of course you will portray yourself as the angel and your husband as the devil... You may not like this, but the most active demographic of nairaland users these days are 13 -19yrs old, what kind of advice do you really expect them to give you? Some of them will soon use your story as a meme; don't be surprised if one of them post something like "Your inlaws & satan are like 5 and 6" with the picture of president zuma joining both fingers and smiling sheepishly. I would advice you sit with your husband and tell him how you feel about his family's behavior towards your family. Communication is key in every relationship. If that doesn't work, then seek the services of a professional marriage counselor. I wish you luck in your Thank you sir-please advise on the processional marriage counselors. |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Twinkleme: 4:48pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
[quote author=Clone2020 post=48875997]There's always two sides to every story. OP i'm sure if your husband narrated his story, we will all sympathize with him. There has to be more to this story but of course you will portray yourself as the angel and your husband as the devil... You may not like this, but the most active demographic of nairaland users these days are 13 -19yrs old, what kind of advice do you really expect them to give you? Some of them will soon use your story as a meme; don't be surprised if one of them post something like "Your inlaws & satan are like 5 and 6" with the picture of president zuma joining both fingers and smiling sheepishly. I would advice you sit with your husband and tell him how you feel about his family's behavior towards your family. Communication is key in every relationship. If that doesn't work, then seek the services of a professional marriage counselor. I wish you luck in your Thank you sir-please advise on the professional marriage counselors |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Twinkleme: 5:06pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
thorpido: Thank you-I use to think i had a good relationship with the family because I call most of them and I visit from time to time. Please advise how you convince a woman who lost her husband to communicate with her daughters family members who do not even greet her when they visit and did not even commiserate with her at her husband's death? 1 Like |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Twinkleme: 5:17pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
freshvine: Thank you-my mum was working before we encouraged her to come and assist us and leave every weekend. This was after trying three maids unsuccessfully. Please advise on how to convince a mourning woman to call a family that does not care about her and family to ask about the welfare of her daughter's husband family. 1 Like |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Twinkleme: 5:19pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
Horsesmouth: Thank you horsesmouth-I am not yoruba. I put this here because I needed to hear other people's input. |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by freshvine(f): 5:21pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
Twinkleme: If you win your husband love, leave him with his family. He knows what to do. As it stands now he's with his family on this and you're the interloper. You can keep going on and on looking for cheerleaders to demonize your husband and his family. Keep looking for sympathy instead of begging your husband until his entire family boycott your father funeral. Inlaws in some customs pay condolence homage to their other bereaved Inlaws except it ain't obtainable in your tradition. |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by thorpido(m): 5:21pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
Twinkleme:For now,I'll say you should concentrate your energy on burial plans for your dad.Send them an invite when the date is fixed and don't worry yourself about them coming or not. If they come,good.If they don't,just live your life and concentrate on your nuclear family.Let the shame be theirs. 4 Likes |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by thorpido(m): 5:25pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
Hi Evina,how's it going? |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Evina(f): 5:28pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
1 Like |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by freshvine(f): 5:35pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
Twinkleme: You husband hold the ACE. Talk to him and promise him that henceforth you'll love and respect his decision as the head of the home. Massage a man ego and he'll let you control his life. After winning his assurance, plead with him to Wade into the family issues of both Inlaw. Tell him it is weighing you down as you cannot stay in a loveless environment. Remember, consistently remind him that you are married into his family (forget whichever house you occupy right now in the city) and by extension his parents are now your parent. Tell him you love and respect them very much and would want peace to reign between families. Your husband will talk to his mother. If he wins over his mother I tell you this war is over. Your people don't even need to reach out to them, your husband people will do that. You see this fight.... It is a cold war between your mum and his mum. Men no get time to count error but can easily be manipulated by their wives to be on their side during disputes like this. |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Twinkleme: 5:47pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
Mindfulness: Thank you. 1 Like |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Ishilove: 6:48pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
tearoses:I understand, but this is a matter of death. Someone has died. Do you bear grudges with a dead person? 1 Like |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by freshvine(f): 6:56pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
Ishilove: How old are you sef? Both families are not in talking terms and that's make them ENEMIES. DO you expect your enemies to commiserate with you over a loss or they're expected to mock you? Without genuine reconciliation, enmity continues. Ok by your standard, they should call in to apologize, attend the burial and continue the enmity? |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Ishilove: 7:40pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
freshvine:How old am I? Definitely older than you. Who made them enemies? Abi you're the one who brought about the enmity? There's a faulty foundation like people have pointed out, but all you and your school of thought are screaming is "beg them!!". I bet you even want the grieving widow to call them for a peace meeting. 4 Likes |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Ishilove: 7:41pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
thelish:E taya me. They are dishing out advice they themselves can't follow |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by freshvine(f): 7:45pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
Ishilove: With this attitude, you'll be a regular visitor on this board seeking for advice when you've done the needful |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Ishilove: 7:47pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
freshvine:Yep, advice on what kind of school to enroll my children. 1 Like |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by freshvine(f): 7:52pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
Ishilove: Lol. Ishi nsogbu. Stop fighting the men, you can't win this fight. Read through my submissions, I've profer solution. Look at the problem from unbiased perspective not from feminist angle |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Ishilove: 8:16pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
freshvine:Ishi nsogbu... a new one ![]() I'm no feminist. Heck, I don't even know what that means ![]() I'm not married so I can't really proffer a solution. I can only look at the problem 1 Like |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by thelish(f): 10:28pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by larrybee2017(f): 11:18pm On Aug 29, 2016 |
thorpido: How old are you thorpido? Are you married or have you ever been married? What exactly do you know about marriage? How often do you watch Hollywood movies and lastly what your home experience? If you give me the answer to this then I be able to analyze ' Don't you think it's a poor choice to marry a baby? |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Seahawk: 5:49am On Aug 30, 2016 |
thorpido:only stupid women make such statements. If I wanted to marry a baby, I'll give birth to one and then marry it right away. 4 Likes |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Seahawk: 5:51am On Aug 30, 2016 |
Ishilove:you should know stupid comments when you see them and ignore such. 4 Likes |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by thorpido(m): 7:30am On Aug 30, 2016 |
larrybee2017:-Over 40yrs -Yes,i'm married. -What do i know about marriage?Much,i'm in one. -Hollywood movies......used to watch them.I don't have that much time for movies now. -my home experience is beautiful,lovely wife and kids. 3 Likes |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Jahblessme: 10:42am On Aug 30, 2016 |
@twinkleme This is nairaland,people will tell your mother (a grieving widow) to carry goat and cow and go and beg your husband's people.There will also be war room mentions. Anyway it all depends on you,your character and what matters to you.I would say focus on burying your father and press ignore button on anyother thing. I've done the love in-laws as your parents and siblings thing, I have flown the flag and finally burnt it. 1. Your in-laws are different people,they are not your parents neither are they your siblings you cannot love them overnight.Most will NEVER ever treat you with the same love and care they shower on their own son or sibling simply because we are humans and will always have a bias.I do not know what gives people the expectation that love suddenly blooms out from nowhere for someone who you've just known from a spouse whether they treat you nicely or not.Infact on NL you are told to love harder especially when you are Ill treated. I believe relationships like this can be well managed,some people are naturally predisposed to loving and pursuing relationships while some others cannot be bothered. How many husbands are required to love their wives parents and siblings with the same force that keeps on being pushed on to the females?? I find it ridiculous. I advocate for having an open mind when meeting in-law and then adjusting emotionally based on treatment. There should be a chance to get to know and then form an opinion on how to move forward not suddenly force love and castigate you if you are not dying on the altar of inlaw.Now if you are accepted openly ,no horrid treatment won't you love back? Incase of Ill treatment,its logical that you micromanage,press ignore button and be cordial.If you are a horrible person then you also should be ignored. It's the bending backward to the extend of pretending to be who you are not that is sad.You find that when you spend time and things gel,you have things in common,the fondness comes naturally. For your case id say no one is chained to another,if your husband is disrespectful to your people a discussion is needed on a way forward.You lay bare your point and he says his and you find a way round it.Your energy should be focused on your family,your unit not people who largely are not feeding or clothing you.If you have a great relationship with hubby,establish your boundaries with in-laws and that's it. I'm not a person who needs to be loved or liked,i don't even have to like people to be able to be cordial or kind.I just try to be fair and polite but it's 100% clear we are not close.Respect me ,I don't need your love.There can be a good cordial relationship,there's nothing wrong with that.You don't have to be falling over each other if you know you are just do not gel.Polite,cordial and kind is the way. My sister in law goes out of her way to be petty but I just don't bother cos she's inconsequential in the larger picture.I also give room for the fact that probably in some way unknowingly i have offended her but she never even gave me a chance,she just saw me and probably didn't like my big nose.Then a whole host of other things complicated issues. When we enter naija I still buy stuff for her and her family and say my hellos but I don't discuss anything.Im very fine with it especially cos I'm so far away. That's one reason why I am against blind apologies,cos you may be apologising for crimes you don't know of which will now be held against you.It happened to me when I was still doing love.I have done a total 360 in the past couple of years in the sense that I have removed myself totally from any unnecessary interaction.M y parents in-law come to mine for months and are always happy but we know we are not close.I have managed to gain respect mainly because i am sensible,an asset to my family,because their son loves me and our home is obviously happy. So mourn and bury your father and file away others in a cabinet labeled don't bother.You can always have a cordial bi-respectful relationship without all the unnecessary adjuncts. 11 Likes |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by thelish(f): 11:00am On Aug 30, 2016 |
Jahblessme: This is it. God bless u for this blunt n truthful post. |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by Twinkleme: 2:49pm On Aug 30, 2016 |
[quote author=Jahblessme post=48921393]@twinkleme This is nairaland,people will tell your mother (a grieving widow) to carry goat and cow and go and beg your husband's people.There will also be war room mentions. Anyway it all depends on you,your character and what matters to you.I would say focus on burying your father and press ignore button on anyother thing. I've done the love in-laws as your parents and siblings thing, I have flown the flag and finally burnt it. 1. Your in-laws are different people,they are not your parents neither are they your siblings you cannot love them overnight.Most will NEVER ever treat you with the same love and care they shower on their own son or sibling simply because we are humans and will always have a bias.I do not know what gives people the expectation that love suddenly blooms out from nowhere for someone who you've just known from a spouse whether they treat you nicely or not.Infact on NL you are told to love harder especially when you are Ill treated. I believe relationships like this can be well managed,some people are naturally predisposed to loving and pursuing relationships while some others cannot be bothered. How many husbands are required to love their wives parents and siblings with the same force that keeps on being pushed on to the females?? I find it ridiculous. I advocate for having an open mind when meeting in-law and then adjusting emotionally based on treatment. There should be a chance to get to know and then form an opinion on how to move forward not suddenly force love and castigate you if you are not dying on the altar of inlaw.Now if you are accepted openly ,no horrid treatment won't you love back? Incase of Ill treatment,its logical that you micromanage,press ignore button and be cordial.If you are a horrible person then you also should be ignored. It's the bending backward to the extend of pretending to be who you are not that is sad.You find that when you spend time and things gel,you have things in common,the fondness comes naturally. For your case id say no one is chained to another,if your husband is disrespectful to your people a discussion is needed on a way forward.You lay bare your point and he says his and you find a way round it.Your energy should be focused on your family,your unit not people who largely are not feeding or clothing you.If you have a great relationship with hubby,establish your boundaries with in-laws and that's it. I'm not a person who needs to be loved or liked,i don't even have to like people to be able to be cordial or kind.I just try to be fair and polite but it's 100% clear we are not close.Respect me ,I don't need your love.There can be a good cordial relationship,there's nothing wrong with that.You don't have to be falling over each other if you know you are just do not gel.Polite,cordial and kind is the way. My sister in law goes out of her way to be petty but I just don't bother cos she's inconsequential in the larger picture.I also give room for the fact that probably in some way unknowingly i have offended her but she never even gave me a chance,she just saw me and probably didn't like my big nose.Then a whole host of other things complicated issues. When we enter naija I still buy stuff for her and her family and say my hellos but I don't discuss anything.Im very fine with it especially cos I'm so far away. That's one reason why I am against blind apologies,cos you may be apologising for crimes you don't know of which will now be held against you.It happened to me when I was still doing love.I have done a total 360 in the past couple of years in the sense that I have removed myself totally from any unnecessary interaction.M y parents in-law come to mine for months and are always happy but we know we are not close.I have managed to gain respect mainly because i am sensible,an asset to my family,because their son loves me and our home is obviously happy. So mourn and bury your father and file away others in a cabinet labeled don't bother.You can always have a cordial bi-respectful relationship without all the unnecessary adjuncts. Thank you so much. I appreciate your advise. |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by eyinjuege: 3:25pm On Aug 30, 2016 |
Twinkleme: Pls, give your mother some time to grieve. The loss is still very fresh, and she can not be objective right now. Even your brothers will want to land slaps to anyone that says 'nonsense' now including you. Emotions are still high. There is a time for everything under the surface of the earth. If your in laws refuse to come for your dad's burial even after you personally invite them, that's their prerogative. Some weeks after the burial, you can talk to your mum and your hubby his people on the need to pay condolence visit to your mum. Your brothers should also be there with her when they come to her house |
Re: Is This What Makes A Marriage? by giftygirl1(f): 4:06pm On Aug 31, 2016 |
I'll start by saying sorry for your loss. It's reli a pity. My advice is dis: Try and submit to ur man.no man wants to be challenged openly,dia re more subtle way of making your point n having ur own way.u know d tyms ur hubby is in a good mood, dts d tym to point out d right or wrong. If u want peace in ur hubby's family and yours, den u have to be nice to ur mum in law no matter how hard it seems. Start by simple calls. Make it a weekly thing. Encourage ur husband to visit or buy stuffs for his mum and pls appear very genuine. Once he sees dt u have truly started accepting his family for who de re , good or bad, believe me, he'll do everything to please ur family including changing his mind about how he wants ur dad is to be buried. I was ur shoes till I decided to do things differently. My mum always had something to complain to my husband but things re different NW. I also see my husband doing things I suggest cos he's d type dt feels he can't be controlled by any woman. Believe me, men re d easiest beings to control, it all depends on your approach. Be a fool n save ur marriage. At d end u'll see dt u did a wise thing . Good luck 1 Like |
Can A Husband Forgive Wife Caught In Adultery? / Big Joe Motor Killed My Dad In Ekpoma / A Man Shares His Encounter With A Hungry Stranger
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 133 |