did he told you that he is one of those people that has to cheat before you got married or?

jay bee:

we aren't talking abt tokunboh here
she is clearly suffering and probably tried all she could so why bother?

Baba, EjekuJe ni yen sir!  

tara85:

faakay

Please don't judge me because I am not Nigerian. I am still a decent person and have a very good heart. I always loved my husband and I gave him so many chances again and again. He told me that he is one of those men that has to cheat. I was always serious about the marriage for the sake of our child. I gave myself and faithfulness to this marriage 100 percent. But I am getting tired of doing it and he seems to be getting worse. What would you do if you were married to such a person?
Please life is hard enough and I am not a robot. My heart is broken.

Oh i see,  Sorry about that. I understand you. I'm not trying to condemn you. Just try to be patient for a while.

I hope  he changes soon because its too late to loose something valuable and if he doesn't. Then go with your heart.

Take care!

angel72:

did he told you that he is one of those people that has to cheat before you got married or?

Why should he tell? Do people that cheat tell? hehehehe u got me laughing

TARA TARA TARA

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I CALLED YOU AGAIN?

He just told me that he told his mother already. Then he told me I should pack out of the house and go and find another lover.

Am sorry to hear that He wants to throw you and your child out just like that? Or does he want only you to go? Time to take action girl, this is your life your talking about here,

this is really getting patetic   look woman, you need to start loving/appreciating yourself. you def deserve way better than you are getting so i suggest you go for some serious counselling. Pick yourself up and do the right things. Stop being a softie and think with both your head and heart. synchronise them together. jeeez

na waooo!!

Tara i'm sorry to ask but what do u do 4 a living ?

Tara u knw wat 2ma own beta undastandin u jus feel like sufferin dat y ur stil wit him.evry woman wans a loving n respectful hubby,a child is nt a disease in ma place,if u dnt feel secure wit him pls leave b4 he snds u 6ft undagrnd.abeg i no u bt i stil lk u as a fellow woman.open ur eyes n wise up pls

This situation is sad but not out of hand.
If u realy love him like u claim, this is the tym to show him more love.
Tell him u love him and also tell him u r sorry even if he's the one offendin u.
Smile always at him and find some money to buy him gifts.
Thank him for wat ever he does wether wrong or right.
Tell him u married him to build a life, family and home together and that u r happi for a wonderful husband like him.
Above all, pray fervently (u may even fast) tellin God to torch him.
Believ in ur prayers and in God and see wat God 'll do.
I wish u d bst.

Why should she do that after the way he is treating her? He is the one that should be doing that? Bad advice,

category:

This situation is sad but not out of hand.
If u realy love him like u claim, this is the tym to show him more love.
Tell him u love him and also tell him u r sorry even if he's the one offendin u.
Smile always at him and find some money to buy him gifts.
Thank him for wat ever he does wether wrong or right.
Tell him u married him to build a life, family and home together and that u r happi for a wonderful husband like him.
Above all, pray fervently (u may even fast) tellin God to torch him.
Believ in your prayers and in God and see wat God 'll do.
I wish u d bst.

Why why? are women suppose to just take our shits? they are also human and def have feelings if u ask me

@Poster

I am saddened by your predicament, but I will try to give you markers that hopefully will guide you in your next decision.

First and foremost, he had no right to cheat on you and you seem to have come back together agreeing that he was wrong and that he would not do that again, (although you should have used a counsellor and stood your ground.)

You come across as someone who is really in love (to a fault and as a result weak) and your husband knows this and he is taking full adavantage. You probably need a boost of self esteem, i would recommend you go out often to visit your female friends. The key to boosting your esteem is to make your husband want you, so take your time to dress up, make up and look your best everytime you step out. This will put your man on his toes (if he is still into you that is).

By the way you were dead wrong and you know it for talking to that man. The bottomline is that whatever the problem is, you need to communicate it with your husband. Sometimes, it is the way we communicate that is the flaw.

My wife once told me, I want to take time out to go stay with my sister for a couple of months. It made me wake up and ask all the right questions, Of course this got me cause I am in love with her, i  listened to what her issues were and we resolved it, that drastic communication worked.        

Now, if your husband is truly in love with you, he would only be telling you lies that he has told all these people what you did, including his family, however if he is not, then he would really not care who he tells, because deep down he would not like his woman to be looked at like that.

Nigerian men can brag and by the way (a lot of them) see cheating as nothing more than a contact sport, they do it for the fun of it, it does not equate to ; I want to leave my partner or I dont love my wife, it takes the grace of God to change that orientation. Basically he is only bragging that he is now allowed to see other girls and that you can do likewise. He wants to be appeased with apology, so please acknowledge your wrong doing and give him his ego back, make him think no one else can hit that cookie like he can and you would not trade him for anything in the world.

If however you find that he is dead serious and telling anybody that cares to listen about your little indiscretion, then sweety, its time to take the hint.

Above all, I wish you all the best and it is a must that you both do see a counsellor to resolve your issues, if you are staying that is.

cry baby--ur marriage is over. . .say next and move on.

well said gamechange

@ boy1, if you have nothing serious to say to help Tara,then don't say anything at all, this remark of you is just stupid,

Re: Help
« #31 on: Today at 05:12:12 PM »

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faakay

Please don't judge me because I am not Nigerian. I am still a decent person and have a very good heart. I always loved my husband and I gave him so many chances again and again. He told me that he is one of those men that has to cheat. I was always serious about the marriage for the sake of our child. I gave myself and faithfulness to this marriage 100 percent. But I am getting tired of doing it and he seems to be getting worse. What would you do if you were married to such a person?
Please life is hard enough and I am not a robot. My heart is broken.



I think your hubby is possesed by myriads of demon. you need to pray for him. He has sadistic tendencies. I pray for you. I am a man, but when i see people seeking pleasure to the extreme like this, I marvel.

angel72:

well said gamechange

@ boy1, if you have nothing serious to say to help Tara,then don't say anything at all, this remark of you is just stupid,

Don't be stupid!she's in hell. . .she must wake up and face reality.
what do u know about men. . .u r just being emotional.

I called his mother in law earlier and she did not know by the way she was speaking to me. He told me that he told her but when I was speaking to her she seemed to talk to me as usual so I suppose he didn't tell her.

HI TARA,
DO U HAVE A PASTOR,TALK TO HIS WIFE.
ENSURE U USE PROTECTIVE WEAR INCASE HE WANTS TO HAVE FUN WITH U,
WHAT KIND OF LIFE WHAT HE LIVING B4 U MET HIM,
DO U HAVE ANY IDEA WHY HE MARRIED U.
UR PASTOR WIFE SHLD BE IN THE BEST POSTION TO HELP U.

tara85:

I called his mother in law earlier and she did not know by the way she was speaking to me. He told me that he told her but when I was speaking to her she seemed to talk to me as usual so I suppose he didn't tell her.

I think you meant your mother in-law. Please dont fall for that. If he's been like that for 5 yrs, then I'm guessing its part of his character and his mom may not exactly be surprised, and stay at his side if she's pushed to take one. Is he a  last born kid?

You cant let others make your decisions at this time. Or you're a last born too? Now you need to talk to those who love you, and plan a strategic way out of this and forward. I'm sorry your in this situation. . . really am. Count your losses and move, see it as a stepping to stone anyhow you can.

I know its hard sha but you need to keep trying. Most essentially, try to develop your personal relationship with God cos he's the greatest healer ever known.

Wish you the best!

@akpangbon,
TRUE TALK

You make me feel like u r ugly,not homely or sth.Did your family warn you against this man b4 marrying him?Is he your only source of finance?Is it impossible for u to get over d 'love' u feel for him?Truth is as long as you keep taking rubish, more would come your way.Dont you have a career or skill that keeps you busy?

He isnt joking about leaving you
If you follow him down here,you would probably get a worse treatment.
Cant you find your real man or mum to talk to?
I have a lot to tell you,but cant here.I will email everythg to you or call you._{See my profile 4details}.take care.Everythg will be fine,dont worry.

u need to ;eave his sorry ass
while ur at it, sue his ass for everything he has and will have,

But lets hope ur tellin the truth n not tryin 2 get sympathy because most women r fond of that.

All d same place ur son first den ur happiness next. Screw d marriage or in ur case d wedding

Dear Tara,

I understand ur plight and to U all advice helps alot to you and it goes as far for U planning ur next step and to me here are my advice base with the experience I have noticed from my Aunt marriage life with the hubby.

1. Since U bought the hse with ur money and the hse under ur name, I advice U don't pack ur thing nor move out. Stay in the roof with the monster and ur kids.
2. Since u also work for ur money, careless abt ur hubby. Wen u come back from work, cook for ur kid and ursef and go to sleep. Worry less abt ur hubby.
3. Don't stay with him wen he is free, go out with ur kids and wen u come back home, make sure they r feed and go to bed.

Let him cheat n flight cos 1 day he would realise his deeds and if find some1 U love and feel different from ur hubby and wanna make U HIS, go on with him and go to court and make sure u have ur hse back and kick his ass outside. Men r might to cheat but it by the grace of God to be faithful. Take my advice but if U chose to move on, pls do. Maybe U r always in his site tats why U r meaningless to him, and MOST, try to be far from him and He would notice he has some1 and he would get his senses.

This has been my life for the last 5 years, believe it or not. I do not know whats wrong with him. He told me a year and a half ago that when he was 6 yrs old that he was sexually abused by his Aunt, thats when i had to leave because he refused to seek counselling (as well as the fact that he was engaged to someone else).  I feel really sorry for what he went throughout his childhood but  at the same time I am not responsible and I should deserve better.
I love him and will support him because he seems like a broken man.
He has a real hate towards women. Everytime we have a conversation he refers to women as bitches and it makes me very uncomfortable.
I just pray that someday he will realise how much I love him and want to help him.
But he is really bitter towards women in particular.

No he is a first born. I am a last born.

@Tara
Keep telling stories here okay.Dont make a move you hear?U r waisting ur time by telling stories if u dont know.Are you close to God at all?Read peoples suggestion with caution.The final decision lies with you.You better realise what I told you. For your good read with caution.You are the one in soup not the members of this forum.Once again think.Checkout my last post n get back to me.

The situation u are in is one nobody wants to experience. However, you need to understand that at every point in life we need to make decisions; even very hard ones.

I know its difficult, but I do not want you to consider divorce at the moment eventhough some have suggested that and neither do I buy the either of cheating because ur hubby is cheating.

My idea abt life is dat when thing go wrong, which sometimes they will, u dont have to go wrong with it. Just keep moving right.

You need to take time out and find out what it is abt these other girls that ur husband keeps wanting them? Look inwards (at urself): the way u dress, ur manners - just try and become the woman he fell in love with and coupled with this, pray. Pray, pray and keep praying. It avails much. It can change the worst situation. Spend time with ur girlfriends - not those who will discourage u but those who will encourage u and pray with u. Dress to kill when going out with your girlfriends. No man, even the worst of cheater want other men to brush their wives. If he truly loves u, you will get his attention by doing this.

May God help u as u take the right steps towards restoring ur home.

The devil is desperately trying to undermine the very fabric of society- the family. May God help us, this is a very sad story, but I believe you people need a matured pastor to counsel you people.

THAT IS MORE REASON WHY YOU SHOULD LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP.

But in this case you are married already, so you have to learn how to love him, show him love and care even if he dosen't care because marriage is for better or worse. Though is true christians that practice this.

My sister going out of the marriage is not the best option, don't mind the bad advisers. Be wise.

A word is enough for the wise.