jomagibs:


So I got a call from Rex1
"Nah now I call u"

Good write up .
just take note of your Actions and scenes

Do try adding more punctuations and conjunctions to make a sentence longer.

Just my one kobo advice

"Arh! What a million dollar advice which is equivalent to more sentence less action. y u come the find my trouble so"

jomagibs:


So I got a call from Rex1
"Nevetslbot is writing another creative work "

Bro I love the story. But then do research before you push actions.


You are writing this story like oyibo Army.
Naija Army differ in many aspect. Try and visit the barracks or make friends with kids or even a soldiers,
Imagination won't solidify it all.

Note:
1 No president will travel from Abuja to bauchi on road
They is an airport in Bauchi.

2. punch scene ( Shindara n Dan ) not possible for people that just met

3. The dream Episode. you shouldn't have introduced her name there cause earlier you where using pronouns.

Good write up .
just take note of your Actions and scenes

Do try adding more punctuations and conjunctions to make a sentence longer.

Just my one kobo advice

[b] all well and good bro.

1. Didn't know bauch had an airport. I guess I'll rebuild that part when I'm making it into a pdf.

Yeah, I'm writing this like its in an oyinbo military camp, why?

* Firstly, I always like to create my own surrounding in my head. I imagine and write. Following everything to detail just kind of leaves the fun part out. The military setting in this story, simply put, is what I think a military setting should look like. I might be wrong tho but I like to createe my own surroundings. Basically, this story is mostly ficticious.

* secondly, is the pure Nigerian military what people would wanna read? The gore and all. I doubt it.

2. The punch scene. Yeah, true, stuffs like that have happened to me many times. Altho not in that manner but I've recieved hits from girls I just met. So, i strongly believe that scene is possible. When a guy breaks a girls defences like Danladi did with humour, she's be free around him once she believes he's safe to roll with. but... Ion wanna start talking like a guru here so..... NEXT .

3. The dream part eh? why did I introduce her name there even. Oh yeah, to introduce her as one of the main chracters. I used the pronouns to create suspense but later decided to reveal the chracter.... when the story goes on, you'll realize why I decided to inroduce Shindara and left out the other two chracters in the dream.

But man! Very very constructive criticism you brought my way. Wasn't expecting it. Rex1, you go find trouble for me abi? Lol.

But thanks for this Bro. [/b]

[b] Episode 7

Henry was perplexed at the way the gunmen infiltrated the entourage. He still couldn't Phatom how they were able to do this with little or no hinderance. How were they even able to come about overriding the computers in the car.
He could see numerous gun men pour out of the forest by the road engaging all other security agents in a battle. For one reason or the other, the man with the Bazooka didn't shoot at them.

''Get out!'' The driver ordered. Henry unbuckled his seatbelt that was now free slowly and so did the old president. Henry felt pity for the old man. He was shivering so bad and was scared. No one would want to undergo such trauma at an old age.

The president was first to get out of the car and he was quickly held in the neck by the driver who was out too. Henry alighted from the car with his hands in the air since the driver was still pointing the gun straight at his forehead.

Henry could hear the soldiers behind him being pushed back by the gunmen who didn't stop pouring out to replace the dead ones.

A ranger jeep obviously for the gunmen drove straight at them from a pathway in the forest and parked by the driver. Slowly, the driver retreated into the jeep with the president. He was grinning widely. Henry could sense that he wouldn't be needed again and soon, they'd see to it that he was dead.

The driver said somethings into the jeeps drivers ears and then faced Henry. Henry could see the end now. He could see the president looking at him with eyes widened with pity and sadness. The driver released a bullet into Henry.

**************

''Damburuba!'' Shindara heard an Hausa man scream as he dodged the SUV before it drove into the wall.

Her aunt was gobsmacked and all she could do was gasp. No one was hurt. Probably the car and the wall though.

Shindara double-checked her aunt if she was okay then alighted from the car to see the magnitude of damage. Some people were already forming round the accident scene.

''Nna, sister, why you come destroy fine car like this na?'' An Igbo man among the crowd querried obviously more concerned about the welfare of the car than the occupants.

''I'm fine everybody. Thank you!'' Shindara tried to wave them off.

''What of me? I'm not fine!'' The man who almost got hit sreamed hysterically ''I'm not fine! At all! What were you thinking?''

''I'm sorry sir.'' Shindara apologised sincerely.

''Oga, we're sorry. Please take this as a compesation'' Shindara's aunt stretched out some clean one thousand naira notes to the man.

The man looked at the money then at aunt Teni's face then at the whole crowd. He scoffed unbelievebly and slapped the money away.

''walahitalai! You are mad!'' The angry man bellowed. ''I almost died due to your carelessness and you are offering me money. I'll kill both of you''

The man pulled out a dagger from under his garment. Everybody screamed and shifted backwards away from him including Shindara's aunt. He raised the dagger up to drill into Aunt Teni's chest. Shindara was quick to run up to him. She jumped into him and both of them fell. The man was still holding on to his dagger. He slashed furiously at Shindara's neck but She was quick to evade the cuts. She sent four girly punches straight at his face and bounced off him. He stood up almost immediately too and came at her harder. Shindara could find no opening to attack him. All she could so was dodge. She wasn't licensed to use guns outside the camp yet so the pistol she had unlawfully carried out of the camp was just useless under her trouser. The trainings she had goten as a recruit still beginning her training process was still very little. Big reason why all she could do was evade the Hausa man at all cost.

The Man slashed at her head again but she stupidly raised her hand up to block the attacked. She felt heat all over her arm and the presence of blood dripping down her elbow showed that she was deeply wounder. But the man wasn't settling down.

Some men who were picking up sticks to fight the enraged Hausa man were stopped by more hausa men who were around. Since the area was largely populated by notherners, the men decided not to fight. Afterall, the girl was a soldier so, let her defend herself.

The hausa man drove his knife straight at Shindara's tummy but a thunderclap punch from someone else slammed into the mans face and down he went. It was Danladi. Shindara was losing blood. Danladi ordered the men he came with to take Shindara and he Aunt to the military clicnic while he dealt with the man.

The dagger maniac was either brave or foolish to still attack Danladi. Danladi held his raised hand and sent shipwrecking punches into the mans chest. Danladi turned the mans hand in the opposite direction and the joints snapped. Danladi flagged a cab down, threw the hausa man into it and entered too.

''Take us to the NDA''[/b]

Wow... Nyc one op.. plz update more often am sure more ppl will cum in wen u do dat..

mattyboy007:
Wow... Nyc one op.. plz update more often am sure more ppl will cum in wen u do dat..

I was thinking about doing that. Thanks. Bruh

wow !!! speechless that's just how I fill right now

[b]

Episode 8.

Henry fell slowly to the ground holding his chest. During his downward fall, he reached for his pistol and shot at the jeeps driver. It was an Headshot and the driver was resting on the steering. He quickly rolled under the presidents car to block bullets coming from the Driver that held the president hostage. Henry jumped out from the other side, aimed at the driver who held the president close to him. Henry focused on his target and released the bullet from the gun.

The bullet was buried straight into the drivers head. Henry took cover from more shoal of bullets coming from the gunmen behind him. He joined the president in the jeep and pushed the dead bodies out. He stepped on the pedal and drove madly towards Abuja closely followed by soldiers who had taken over civilians cars.

**********

Shindara woke up to find herself in the hospital bed. Memories of the fight with the hausa man flooded into her head. She grimaced and looked around the room. Tony was seated beside her.

''You're awake. Thank God'' He rejoiced.

''Where am I?'' Shindara asked.

''In the clinic na. Bro Danladi brought you here.''

''what about my Aunt?''

''She just left. She'll be back soon''

'back soon? Excepts she comes to meet me in my quaters' Shindara thought. She sat up and tore the drip from her hand. She saw a bouquet of flowers by her bed.

''who brought this?''

''Bro Henry. He sent it. He said he would have come but he's really busy at the moment''

'when did the goat start caring?'

''He made it? As in, he survived the attack?'' She was happy as she was now squealing happily.

''Which attack?'' Tony looked at Shindara like she had lost some screws in her head. Shindara too wondered what kind of game this teenager was playing with her at this crucial moment.

''The men who attacked The president on his way to Bauchi. I heard that they attacked the presidents convoy. That was why I ran into the wall na.'' Shindara explained like her life depended on it.

Tony looked at her unbelievably for some seconds before bursting into laughter. He held his belly as his laughter shook his whole body. He fell from his seat and was trying his best to suppress his laughter.

''You..... You'' he went into another fit of laughter again. Shindara was still looking at him like he was running mad. ''Let me guess, and Aliens invaded earth after it?'' Tony started another round of laughter. ''ohhhh this is soo good!''

''Hey Hey! You this little twart! This is so importantm can't you see?'' Shindara smacked his head a little bit angry at Tony.

''I mean, you must have been dreaming. Nothing of that sort happened. Moreover, you're in here because your food was poisoned.!'' Tony said with a straight face and the retreated to the corner of the room to laugh.

Shindara looked around her, she looked at her hand and found no cut. She was not wounded anywhere.

'It was real. Wait. After Danladi got my number, everything happened na. But how come I was cut and now healed and wait o.... ' she realized something 'I was present throughout the time Henry was fighting those those men. Gee mehn! It was really a dream '

Shindara shook her head at herself. Tony was staring at her all the while and he was reading her face. He burst into laughter again. Shindara took a pillow and tossed it at him.

Suddenly, someone familiar entered the room, it was Oga's wife, Trina along with Henry. Trina rushed to Shindara who was looking at her perplexed.
'what's this oyinbo fowl doing here now?'

''Oh dear, are you okay now? We were worried about you!'' Trina gushed.

Shindara nodded a yes and looked over at Henry who was bold enough to wink at her this time.

'if sickness makes enemies become friends, God please, make me sick every month''

but deep down, Shindara was feeling a very bad aura oozing from Trina. Why was she feeling Trina was behind it all. She had to be careful around This white devil if she wanted to survive here. She has had this feeling once when something that almost claimed her life almost happened in the past. This feeling of DEJAVU she felt now was enough warning to stay clear of Trina and her man,Henry.
[/b]

Rex1:
wow !!! speechless that's just how I fill right now

I go soon delete that feeling now. How far na?

Eww what a dream, pity Shindara ride on Nevetslbot, enjoying the turn out of events. Trina such a wicked and jealous dam.

NevetsIbot:
I go soon delete that feeling now. How far na?

my oga I dey o all thanks to Papa God o, well about that feeling I had earlier n like I said, that was then because right now my mouth don loose onto say u don shock me with surprise by posting twice in one day. kudos for a work well done. N as for my other ogas them: skipedawson, jomagibs, darkid1, cdstar, solomonbrown64, ironkurtain abeg make unah ball in here come assess this story were my boss NevetsIbot the work on n besides, him talk say him need very strong critism n I belief say unah opinions go really go a long way to boosting the flow of this story.

[quote author=NevetsIbot post=49375817] [b]
NevetsIbot: But man! Very very constructive criticism you brought my way. Wasn't expecting it. Rex1, you go find trouble for me abi?

Rex1: well yes cos ur wish is my command so "Be careful what u wish for".

Rex1:

my oga I dey o all thanks to Papa God o, well about that feeling I had earlier n like I said, that was then because right now my mouth don loose onto say u don shock me with surprise by posting twice in one day. kudos for a work well done. N as for my other ogas them: skipedawson, jomagibs, darkid1, cdstar, solomonbrown64, ironkurtain abeg make unah ball in here come assess this story were my boss NevetsIbot the work on n besides, him talk say him need very strong critism n I belief say unah opinions go really go a long way to boosting the flow of this story.

see me see this guy. You still dey call them. Nwa. You wicked die

Missmossy:
Eww what a dream, pity Shindara ride on Nevetslbot, enjoying the turn out of events. Trina such a wicked and jealous dam.

abi? I don't like that lady too.

People 4rm The Western Part Of Nigeria Would Say; Ori E Wanbe... Am Sure U Knw What Dat Means.
Please Keep The Update Lengthy And Flowing... If I Cm Tommorow And I No See Any Downdates Enh... I Wouldn't Invite Bokoharams, But Niger Delta Avengers Instead...
Oya, Wa Gba Yi... Thumbs Up...

---

***INVITATION*** I, Mr.lemuel Of TEAMHERO cordinally invite the presence of the whole HERO TEAMATES,(tgold1, royh, theblessedman, smartestpopqueen) of nairaland to the reading of SNISTER AFFECTIONS by Nevetsibot, To Take Place Anytime You Guys Are Available.. Stories Would Be Updated Daily, Thank You As U Come.

I'm lost, pls op could you clarify me on your last update

This story is really captivating!


ride on boss!

Mrlemuel:
People 4rm The Western Part Of Nigeria Would Say; Ori E Wanbe... Am Sure U Knw What Dat Means.
Please Keep The Update Lengthy And Flowing... If I Cm Tommorow And I No See Any Downdates Enh... I Wouldn't Invite Bokoharams, But Niger Delta Avengers Instead...
Oya, Wa Gba Yi... Thumbs Up...

---

***INVITATION*** I, Mr.lemuel Of TEAMHERO cordinally invite the presence of the whole HERO TEAMATES,(tgold1, royh, theblessedman, smartestpopqueen) of nairaland to the reading of SNISTER AFFECTIONS by Nevetsibot, To Take Place Anytime You Guys Are Available.. Stories Would Be Updated Daily, Thank You As U Come.

lol.Omo Baba mi. thanks you o. Eyin le se ju! . No lele na. I ready to dey drop update everday starting from today

Countrygirl:
This story is really captivating!
ride on boss!

The bosslady herself. Thank you

Niwdog:
I'm lost, pls op could you clarify me on your last update

Which area do you need an explanation for? The dream part? If yes, the whole part where the presidents entourage was attacked along with shindara's fight with the fulani man was a dream Shindara was having

Marvel1206:


it's a yoruba name... Full name: Oluwashindara. Meaning: God is still doing wonders

.I Really Like D Name

fire on....nothing do you

what a wonderful stories..a military story on their love life but not their embedded nature keep it up i BOW. boss lady

Ralupresh:
fire on....nothing do you

Thank you

zesh:
what a wonderful stories..a military story on their love life but not their embedded nature keep it up i BOW. boss lady

bOss.. Thank you o... Buh I'm a guy sha o

[b]
Episode 8.

''so Shindara, How are you feeling now?'' Henry asked and he dragged the chair he was seating on closer to Shindara's bed.
Trina had gone out along with Tony to do somethings no one cared about. She had tried to make Henry go with her but he stayed all the same.

''I am .....'' Shindara realised how hard it was for her to reply him. His presence was choking her. On a normal day, she would have said over ten words.

''Do be careful what you eat next time. Don't get us worried too much'' Henry said with a concerned look on his face.

Shindara watched him for some seconds. Why was he all emotional now. She wouldn't be fooled though. He might see her the next day at the training ground and ask her to do sixty push-ups when the others are doing just thirty. But damn! His eyes were so dream and it was enchanting her. He looked so delicate despite his manly figure. His inner-child was trying to get through the manly barrier he put up. Henry was trying desperately to be happy again and his first step was trying to talk to Shindara. He was open this time around without stiffening his posture.

''Okay. I will.'' Shindara replied turning her head away from his gaze.

He was doing too much eye contact and she wasn't comfortable with it. Henry was failing.
' Henry, You don't stare into a ladies eyes like you wanna pick her pupils out na.' Henry was talking to himself. He was doing exactly the opposite of what he read on a dating site.

''How was the presidents visit to Bauchi?'' She asked trying not to seem disrespectful if she didn't ask anything about him.
''It went great. Just as planned, there were no hitches anywhere. And the president was recieved quite warmly although I was thinking mobs would stone him'' Henry said with a slight chuckle. Shindara chuckled too.
While the duo chuckled while looking into eachothers eyes, Aunt Teni walked straight into the room. She caught them staring and immediately ran into the conclusion that they had something going. Shindara saw her aunt come in but henry hadn't. Aunt Teni grinned and threw her hands up in jubilation.
'Finally, Someone is after her!' Aunt Teni thought.
Shindara rolled her eyes In digust of her Aunts behaviour.

''Ohh. I hope I wasn't disturbing you two'' Aunt Teni chorused while walking gingerly with a big smile on her face to the other side of Shindara's bed.
''Oh no madam. I was just about going'' Henry stood up to go. He then recognised Aunt Teni. ''Madam, are you not Mrs. Bashorun Teni, the owner of WOOL?'' His eyes widened.

''Oh yes I am.'' Aunt Teni replied with a smile.

'St+pid boy, sit down and keep talking to Shindara, I'll leave for you'

''I'm a huge fan ma'' Henry grinned as he shook Aunt Teni's hand over Shindara's head.

''Thank you dear. You two can continue. I just came to drop somethings and I'll be on my way'' Aunt Teni tried her best to sway him into staying.

''No ma, work calls. Bye ma. Bye Shindara, take care of yourself'' Henry brushed his hand on Shindara's head. Aunt Teni's eyes widened in amazement further.

''Henry Dear, shouldn't we be on our way now?'' Trina had poked her head in through the door to sound her presence and to plant seeds of discord among them all.

Shindara felt the intense urge to catapult a stone straight to Trina's head. Even If she had a catapult, she didn't know how to use one
Henry walked out of the room tight-fisted. He wondered why Trina had to butt in just when he was trying to make a good impression for himself. He wondered how best he could make Trina lose interest in him.
*************
Aunt Teni looked dissapointed in Shindara. She folded her arms and sat down.
''So, another womans man is after you and you're entertaining him'' Aunt Teni was biting her lips trying to control the urge to land a slap on Shindara's face.
If she hated anything the most, It was cheating. And what she just saw seemed like cheating. If the man wanted to cheat on his girl, he could do it but not with Shindara. She couldn't even reason why Shindara would keep entertaining him when she knows he's taken.

Shindara knew she had to explain quick if not she'd get chided seriously. She knew her aunt very well, she could turn from an angel to a monster once she hears the word cheating. Big reason why her husband had not cheated. Or perhaps, maybe he was cheating but he was so good at covering up his tracks because If his wife should find out, His escape from being six feet in the ground would be futile. Shindara remembered a time when Aunt Teni had pounced on a relative when she was caught in a relationship with another man despite being married. The woman barely survived visiting the trauma centre in the hospital. Hell! If people didn't intervene, the woman would have been paralyzed.

''Aunty, its not what you think, They....'' Shindara was cut short by a hard slap from Aunt Teni. She wasn't surprised though, she was expecting the slap sooner or later.

''Shut up, the same excuses! I'm tired of hearing the same excuses. 'its not what you think', yet it is always what I think. Oluwashindara, steer clear of that man. I know, he might seem irresistible to you but I don't want to see you around him ever again. And warn him, If I see him around you, you both will see what I'll do. Okurin Oloriburuku (Unfortunate man). See! You know me and you know what I can do'' Aunt Teni waved her finger at Shindara ''Wo! Mo tin lo o, ounje ti mo mu wa fun e niyen. Odabo (Look, I'm going, that's the food I brough for you. Bye)'' Aunt Teni walked out.

Shindara massaged her cheek and watched her Aunt go. She didn't care. She wasn't into Henry. And Trina was just a drama queen.

**************

[/b]

I hv been turning blind eye to this story,wow I must confess I find the story very captivating. Pls mention me in ur nxt update

In project fame judges voice is say WELL DONE Nevets ibot can't wait to read ur next update. See u around

NevetsIbot:


The bosslady herself. Thank you



Which area do you need an explanation for? The dream part? If yes, the whole part where the presidents entourage was attacked along with shindara's fight with the fulani man was a dream Shindara was having

OK, thanks

NevetsIbot:
lol.Omo Baba mi. thanks you o. Eyin le se ju! . No lele na. I ready to dey drop update everday starting from today

hmm, [size=50pt]#TEAM_HERO NAANI[/size]

Yaagaa, i Don Land Like Person Way Get WARAPA

Mrlemuel:
People 4rm The Western Part Of Nigeria Would Say; Ori E Wanbe... Am Sure U Knw What Dat Means.
Please Keep The Update Lengthy And Flowing... If I Cm Tommorow And I No See Any Downdates Enh... I Wouldn't Invite Bokoharams, But Niger Delta Avengers Instead...
Oya, Wa Gba Yi... Thumbs Up...

---

***INVITATION*** I, Mr.lemuel Of TEAMHERO cordinally invite the presence of the whole HERO TEAMATES,(tgold1, royh, theblessedman, smartestpopqueen) of nairaland to the reading of SNISTER AFFECTIONS by Nevetsibot, To Take Place Anytime You Guys Are Available.. Stories Would Be Updated Daily, Thank You As U Come.

here am i, been invited by mrlemuel of hero team gan gan, hehehe, na Cartel of nitefury i been glue my eyes dey read since and d reading still continue, walahi,if dix tori no sweet like dat cartel, i go ....


Mrlemuel, thanks 4 d invitation, my humble self is been honoured ,lemme call beebeeoh come ...

I be buster of TH Oh

ROYH:
Yaagaa, i Don Land Like Person Way Get WARAPA :Dhere am i, been invited by mrlemuel of hero team gan gan, hehehe, na Cartel of nitefury i been glue my eyes dey read since and d reading still continue, walahi,if dix tori no sweet like dat cartel, i go ....


Mrlemuel, thanks 4 d invitation, my humble self is been honoured ,lemme call beebeeoh come ...

I be buster of TH Oh

Lol, BustaMan Of Hero! I See U O Jare... No Worry U Go Gbadun Diz Ride Too.
Fasten Ur Seat Belts Please.

Great piece bro.



Following.

Mrlemuel:

Lol, BustaMan Of Hero! I See U O Jare... No Worry U Go Gbadun Diz Ride Too.
Fasten Ur Seat Belts Please.

cleavo!!! , op, Oya Ride On

jomagibs:


So I got a call from Rex1
"Nevetslbot is writing another creative work "

Bro I love the story. But then do research before you push actions.


You are writing this story like oyibo Army.
Naija Army differ in many aspect. Try and visit the barracks or make friends with kids or even a soldiers,
Imagination won't solidify it all.

Note:
1 No president will travel from Abuja to bauchi on road
They is an airport in Bauchi.

2. punch scene ( Shindara n Dan ) not possible for people that just met

3. The dream Episode. you shouldn't have introduced her name there cause earlier you where using pronouns.

Good write up .
just take note of your Actions and scenes

my mind too, with that, its easy and straight forward,so plain..
Nevetsibot, abeg package am well, i mean d tori