The Bible is full of many fascinating tales – many good, and some bizarre – here are the top bizarre tales from the Bible.
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1. You asked for 100 foreskins? Here are 200, hope that’s OK.
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Before Byron, before Casanova, there was David. Young and in love, David desperately wants to marry Saul’s daughter Michal and offers Saul anything he wants to let him marry her. What could Saul possibly want? Money? A vow of love? No. Saul wants foreskins. 100 to be exact. Why? Who cares. If you want my daughter, you’re going to have to find 100 foreskins by tomorrow. David finds this odd, but then again this girl is hot, so he goes out and kills 200 men, and collects their foreskins. It’s only then he remembers that he only needs 100 foreskins. Oops. Oh well, maybe if he hands over twice as many foreskins, Saul will be doubly as impressed. Indeed he is and duly hands over his daughter to David.
The moral of this story? Never be ashamed to do crazy things for love.

Found in: 1 Samuel 18:25-27

A lesson for those who dare mock male pattern baldness
Found in: 4 Kings 2:23-24
One of the more inspirational passages in the Bible tells the story of Elijah, a wise man, yet one cursed with male pattern baldness. One day he was minding his own business, making the long walk to Bethel, when he is attacked by a roving band of children who tease him with names like “bald head.” But Elijah was having none of this, he turns round and curses them in the name of the Lord, and instantly two female bears emerge from a nearby wood and maul all 42 children to death.
The moral of this story? Don’t make fun of bald people. Frankly, why this story isn’t included along with the Ten Commandments is anybody’s guess, but I think it would serve as an excellent lesson for children who think baldness is something to be made fun of.

Extremely bizarre tale

Within the Bible, one occasionally finds stories so horrible, one can wonder what their purpose is. Not only is this story utterly bizarre, but it is also absolutely disgusting. A man and his concubine are wandering the streets when they decide to seek shelter for the night, and find a man kind enough to let them stay. That night however, a group of men turn up at the door and demand to see the guest so that they may have sex with him. The owner is unwilling to let his male lodger be raped and so offers up his virgin daughter instead. However, this is still not good enough for the men, so the owner offers them his guest’s concubine and the men accept. The men brutally rape the woman and leave her on the doorstep where she bleeds to death. If that is not enough, when she is found by her husband, he chops her up into twelve pieces which he sends to each of the twelve tribes of Israel.
The moral of this story? I would hope none.

God says he doesn’t want any sacrifices from people with damaged testicles.
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God tells Moses that he is very particular about who can offer food at his temples. No one with a “defect” is allowed. That is, “no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed; no man with a crippled foot or hand, or who is a hunchback or a dwarf, or who has any eye defect, or who has festering or running sores, or damaged testicles”.
From Leviticus 21:17-24 .

Lie down on your side for one year, and eat bread baked with human poo!
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God tells Ezekiel that in memorial of the siege of Jerusalem, he needs to build a model of the city. Then he needs to lie down on his left side for 390 days, then his right side for 40 days. During this time he is only allowed to eat bread which he has baked over a fire of human shit.
Ezekiel protests at this last bit, so God lets him use cow shit instead.
From Ezekiel 1:1-16 .

Abram pretends his wife is his sister, so Egypt gets punished with the plague.
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Abram pretends his wife is his sister, so Egypt gets punished with the plague.
Abram’s wife Sarai is seriously good-looking, so Abram is worried that the Egyptians will kill him to steal her. He asks her to pretend that she’s his sister instead.
The Egyptians do indeed think she’s very good-looking, so they tell the Pharaoh, who gives Abram “sheep and cattle, male and female donkeys, male and female servants, and camels”, and takes Sarai into his household. But this annoys God, who punishes the Pharaoh’s family with “serious diseases”.
From Genesis 12:10-20 .

LOL, Nice one bro. And the pictures that accompany them are hilarious. Lots of morals we can learn from the bible.

Fancy a drink, Dad
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Lot and two daughters have fled Sodom, and are hiding in a cave. His daughters worry that there aren’t any men around. So they take it in turns to get their father drunk and have sex with him. They both get pregnant, and their sons each start great dynasties.
From Genesis 19:30-38 .

God decides not to kill Moses after seeing some foreskin blood on his feet.
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Continuing the Bible’s fascination with all things foreskin, we get the bizarre story of God trying to kill Moses because his son isn’t circumcised. God is about to obliterate Moses when his wife Zipporah takes out a flint and quickly cuts the foreskin of his son (ouch), throwing the bloody skin fragment at Moses’ feet. “You are a bloody husband to me!” squeals Zipporah, flint in one hand, child in other. God, clearly freaked out by this woman, backs off and Moses is saved.
The moral of this story? Never turn down a woman for being a psycho. Someday she may save your life.

Exodus 4.24-26

Jesus and the Fig Tree


So, Jesus is walking from Bethany and he’s feeling a bit peckish. He encounters a fig tree, but unfortunately it is barren as it’s the off season for figs. Annoyed, Jesus demands the fig tree bear him fruit, however the fig tree doesn’t respond (it’s a tree), so Jesus, in an act of uncharacteristic rashness, curses the fig tree to death. This story is bizarre for many reasons, but mainly for how little it means to the Jesus story and how Jesus seems to react so harshly. OK, so he’s hungry, and we all get a little cranky when hungry, but come on, the fig tree had done nothing wrong. This just seems like abuse of powers to me.
The moral of this story? I honestly can’t think of one. This story seems so unimportant and purposeless yet both Mark and Matthew mention it so it must have some importance. The best I can think of is: don’t disobey Jesus, even if you’re an inanimate tree.

If this make Frontpage, then am expecting third world war

Balaam and his talking donkey

Found in: Numbers 22:28-30
Balaam is just minding his own business, spanking his ass (donkey) when suddenly he hears a voice. It’s his donkey who is asking him why he is spanking him. Balaam doesn’t seem the least bit miffed that his donkey has starting talking in the same language as him and says, “Because thou hast mocked me.” The donkey then gets philosophical and explains the nature of their relationship and how his feelings have been hurt. Eventually they make peace. Oh yeah did I mention it was TALKING DONKEY?
The moral of this story? Don’t beat animals. If they could talk then they would probably tell you how upset they were.

This is hilarious, hope it makes front page.

Yahweh is very proud of his backside

Found in: Exodus 33:23
It’s a big day for Moses. He’s finally going to meet God face to face and is giddy with anticipation. Soon the time comes and Moses positions himself on a rock ready to see the divine creator himself. But God backs out at the last minute claiming that no man can see his face and live. However, he has a solution. He will let Moses have a peek at his backside, “And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.” Moses must be heartbroken. He was hoping to see God’s face not his bottom! Imagine explaining that to the wife: “Oh honey, did you see God’s face?” “Umm not quite…I got a great look at his ass though!” Moses most likely slept alone that night.
The moral of this story? God works in mysterious (and slightly gay) ways.

@ op get ready to take a one way trip to HELL, the religious fifo are coming for u

God gets beaten up by a guy with a dislocated hip.


Jacob is moving house. His wife and 11 sons have gone ahead of him. Suddenly, without any explanation, he’s wrestling with a man. The fight goes on all night. The man knows he’s losing, so he somehow magically wrenches Jacob’s hip out of place. Jacob says he won’t let go until the man blesses him, so the man does that, and then admits that, in fact, he’s God. “Therefore to this day,” says the Bible, “the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of Jacob’s hip was touched near the tendon.”

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From Genesis 32:22-31 .

source https://www.buzzfeed.com/tomchivers/call-me-bald-again-i-double-dare-you
http://listverse.com/2008/01/31/top-10-bizarre-biblical-tales/

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This is going to be interesting

ColdHardTruth:
Yahweh is very proud of his backside

Found in: Exodus 33:23
It’s a big day for Moses. He’s finally going to meet God face to face and is giddy with anticipation. Soon the time comes and Moses positions himself on a rock ready to see the divine creator himself. But God backs out at the last minute claiming that no man can see his face and live. However, he has a solution. He will let Moses have a peek at his backside, “And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.” Moses must be heartbroken. He was hoping to see God’s face not his bottom! Imagine explaining that to the wife: “Oh honey, did you see God’s face?” “Umm not quite…I got a great look at his ass though!” Moses most likely slept alone that night.
The moral of this story? God works in mysterious (and slightly gay) ways.

Ha! I have always known God is a cock sucking gay psychopath

ColdHardTruth:
Jesus and the Fig Tree


So, Jesus is walking from Bethany and he’s feeling a bit peckish. He encounters a fig tree, but unfortunately it is barren as it’s the off season for figs. Annoyed, Jesus demands the fig tree bear him fruit, however the fig tree doesn’t respond (it’s a tree), so Jesus, in an act of uncharacteristic rashness, curses the fig tree to death. This story is bizarre for many reasons, but mainly for how little it means to the Jesus story and how Jesus seems to react so harshly. OK, so he’s hungry, and we all get a little cranky when hungry, but come on, the fig tree had done nothing wrong. This just seems like abuse of powers to me.
The moral of this story? I honestly can’t think of one. This story seems so unimportant and purposeless yet both Mark and Matthew mention it so it must have some importance. The best I can think of is: don’t disobey Jesus, even if you’re an inanimate tree.

The moral of the story is "always carry food when travelling. Or at least have money to buy one. Do not be broke like Jesus"

ColdHardTruth:
God says he doesn’t want any sacrifices from people with damaged testicles.
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God tells Moses that he is very particular about who can offer food at his temples. No one with a “defect” is allowed. That is, “no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed; no man with a crippled foot or hand, or who is a hunchback or a dwarf, or who has any eye defect, or who has festering or running sores, or damaged testicles”.
From Leviticus 21:17-24 .

Moral of the story: god is all loving

ColdHardTruth:
Lie down on your side for one year, and eat bread baked with human poo!
.
God tells Ezekiel that in memorial of the siege of Jerusalem, he needs to build a model of the city. Then he needs to lie down on his left side for 390 days, then his right side for 40 days. During this time he is only allowed to eat bread which he has baked over a fire of human shit.
Ezekiel protests at this last bit, so God lets him use cow shit instead.
From Ezekiel 1:1-16 .

Moral of the story: Poo is good for bread making. Say no to flour!

ColdHardTruth:
Fancy a drink, Dad
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Lot and two daughters have fled Sodom, and are hiding in a cave. His daughters worry that there aren’t any men around. So they take it in turns to get their father drunk and have sex with him. They both get pregnant, and their sons each start great dynasties.
From Genesis 19:30-38 .

MOral of the story: Jehovah doesn't mind incest

hopefulLandlord:
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This STUPID COWARD will always continue to masquerade like a spirit and fooling himself on NL. Sorry bro, it's not your fault!

hahn:


The moral of the story is "always carry food when travelling. Or at least have money to buy one. Do not be broke like Jesus"

This story also shows us that God hates figs.

Lalasticlala

CoolUsername:


This story also shows us that God hates figs.

Then why create it?

hahn:


Then why create it?

Figs are not born that way, but once they allow the devil to take control of them, they start to seek carnal desires.

CoolUsername:


Figs are not born that way, but once they allow the devil to take control of them, they start to seek carnal desires.

Hahahahaha

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