Well two points:

- does your mom believe that your office encounter?If yes, beckon her to forgive those family members.

- are you willing to enjoy Buhari's CHANGE? If no, then advance your career abroad at any cost.

Ask your mum bro

LegendDrogba:
All they need is for my mom to forgive them, and let them have access to me when they want and also be a part of their family cause that was the promise they made to my dad a year after his demise. My mom's family has also joined them in pleading with my mom, my mom has sworn not to forgive any of them for what they did to her when she was a teenager. All of this happened (my mom's ill treatment happened in my mom's village back then before she relocated to Lagos and remarried. Now my mom has threatened to disown me and lay a curse on me if I dare accept them as my uncles or aunts or have anything to do with them. They are stinkingly rich cause my dad's immediate brother is into oil business and he has promised to sponsor my siblings (step-siblings) to university level, my step-dad has declined this offer, telling them he could take care of his family and he does not need anybody's help.He (step-dad) has refused to say anything concerning my dilemma, he told me i was a grown man now and should take responsibility for my life and make the best decisions I feel suitable.

Fellow nairalanders am at a cross road here, am confused and don't know what to do, presently am in with an uncle (mom's brother) my career has been haulted, am just confused and need your advises. What should I do? My mom is on my neck, sane with dad's family members. From the numerous family meetings, I got to know that am the only grand child in the family, non of my dad's siblings has given birth despite some of them being married for up to 10years now. They are six in numbers and four are married with no kids... Am the only hope(for now) of sustaining the family name.

The above are the keys to your dilemma.
Your BIOLOGICAL father's family needs to find out WHATEVER way and WHOEVER it will take to make your mom forgive them.
Meanwhile you tell your biological dad's family that you would like to return to them but you cannot UNTIL your mom agrees to it. Thus you increase the pressure on them to sort out with your mum first and quickly.
Cheers.

Hmm. It's well with you

keepingmum:
It takes more than semen to be a father. It takes more than blood to be family. Are you swayed simply because your biological father's family are well off? If they were rural farmers/herbalists/drug dealers/touts would the decision still have being difficult?

Where was your uncle who stood with your dad/mum when your mum was going through the trauma? No where!!!

If your dad's biological family all had kids/grandkids would they have come looking for you?

Its only when Nigerian families (the men especially) learn that you CANNOT abandon a child with their mother UNDER ANY circumstance and assume that "well she will suffer with the child and when the child grows, he/she will come looking for me".

If your stepdad hadnt trained you and shown you love as though you were his biological child, would you have thrived healthily, academically and mentally to the point of graduating and qualifying to work in an oil coy?

I find it insulting that your biological family think money answers all. Its even more insulting to your stepdad that they are saying they would train his children. Why didnt they train you? Why didnt they come looking for you all these years? At least they knew your mother and her family.

It would be very disappointing after all the heartache your mother went through, after all the sacrifices your DAD (the person you call step -dad had earned the right in every aspect to be called and respected as your dad) for you to throw all that away because of money.

When you were sick, who stood up all night supporting your mum emotionally whilst footing your bills - the man you call step dad

I suggest you go back to work. Tell your biological family that you need time and would appreciate they give you space/

Your dad has already given you the perfect answer, you are now a man. Choose wisely

Well said. Op, he has said it all and I think you should subscribe to what he said. You mentioned that none of your uncles have a child of their own. That might probably be the reason why they're coming for you. Forget the fact that they are rich or well connected, your mum doesn't want you to go back to them and to an extent I understand her plight. You should tell them you need time and space, talk to your mum or send people she respect to talk to her. She might probably change her mind. It's not a decision you can rush into. You really need to take your time. All the best.

You asked who owns you I'm coming from a biblical perspective, the seed comes from a man, women are just incubators, so biologically your relations is your dad's
immediate brother,your uncle, you share the same dna with him, you even said he looks like you, now in regards to your mum disowning you, its just a threat, she'll come back around.Tell her if she doesn't forgive the Creator also would not forgive her.You should also remember that everything(good and evil) works for the good of his people, so it might be the whole plan is to get you to go abroad,I share a similar fate with you.this might hit you the wrong way but your mum might be the obstacle in the way, damn what she says or the curses,you didnt offend her

Keneking:
Well two points:

- does your mom believe that your office encounter?If yes, beckon her to forgive those family members.

- are you willing to enjoy Buhari's CHANGE? If no, then advance your career abroad at any cost.

Hmmm, funny keneking. She has no reason not to believe since everything is now in the open and several family meetings have been called based on this.
I wished this offer had come from another source, would have embraced it and Jet out.

Eleyi gidi gan!
[size=20]This one is strong!!![/size]

Truth is they all have a stake in you and there's no decision you make right now that won't leave at least one party disappointed! So arrange an impromptu meeting with all the concerned parties together in one location and go on your knees and plead that you're being pulled apart and you need them all to forgive and reconcile for your sake! Chikena!

LegendDrogba:
This is MY REAL LIFE STORY not some nollywood movie, pls help me out. lalasticlala pls help.

Very emotional. I will say congrats to you. I feel this is God's doing.

Your mother is hurt but u need to speak with her. But u are now an adult and cannot be re adopted. Since you work for your uncle, whatever help he can offer you, let it be made official as if it's the company supporting you.
Blood is thicker than water. We should learn to forgive. But then again your step fathet has always been there for you. He is still your father. My question is, "whose surname do you bear?".

LegendDrogba:
I am not a writer and I don't intend being one, so please just pay attention and you will definitely understand this my life story. My life is playing out before me like a nollywood movie and am so confused right now.
I finished service late last year and got a job early this year in an oil&gas marketing firm in Port Harcourt. Everything were going fine until July this year, my immediate boss called me to his office one good day and informed me that chairman(owner of the firm) would like to see me the next day, he asked me to be in the office as early as possible. Now prior to this time, I had been opportuned to see the chairman once, can't really remember what necessitated our meeting but immediately he saw me I could see surprises written over his face. He stared at me for a while, it was as if he saw a ghost. The day we were to meet came, dressed like never before and I made sure I was smelling nice, got to the office and discovered he was already in the office. 30mins after my arrival, I was sent a message that the chairman was ready to see me,got to his office, do I need to tell you that I was scared as hell. He asked me to sit, then after staring at me for about 10 seconds, he asked me of my full name, told him, by now my armpits were already getting wet. I became apprehensive when he started asking me about my personal family background, my state of origin,local govt, grand parents and even went as far as asking me if my dad was alive. I was surprised though but in all honesty I told him everything about me. I could see a smile in his face after hearing me, he then asked me to leave that he would call me again when he needs me. 2 days later, my boss called again that Chairman was around and he wants me in his office immediately, got to his office, he was with somebody, the person sitting in his front meaning the person was backing me. I greeted him, not even minding who was with him, was probably scared of what Mr chairman wanted this time around. In a split of seconds, I saw my chairman telling the other person sitting.. "Austin see your lost brother" fellow nairalanders, immediately this man turned to me, sitting in front of me was an advance or should I say a matured version of my humble self,though he was chubby and keeps afro, unlike myself that was still growing and also keeps low cut. He was an exact replica of me, he called me by my tribal name, now nobody aside my mom calls me by that name. He asked me to come closer, he hugged me,within a twinkling of an eye, he was shedding tears. He asked me of my mom, where have I been and all sorts of questions I can't really remember now. I could not even answer any one of the questions, you sure know how I was feeling now, didn't even know what waproduct on. He thanked our chairman, with the way they were joking and talking, it was obvious they were childhood friends... I was asked to sit and I immediately turned to one sort of a new born baby the way this man was talking to me, holding my hands,rubbing my hair and telling me how grandma would be so happy to see me. Didn't even know what brought my boldness back, I immediately asked him, who are you sir and whats going on here? He paused and looked at me and told me was my late dad's brother, he was my uncle. I stood up immediately and freed myself from his grip, dashed out of the office and headed to my house immediately without even carrying my back pack from my office since my phone was in my pocket. Called my mom and explained everything to her, she ordered that I take the next available flight back to Lagos. Was getting ready when i heard a knock on my door, my colleague in the office walked in, followed by our chairman and the 'sudden uncle'.

MY CHILDHOOD STORY.
Let me quickly take you back to my story, I was a product of teenage pregnancy, mom was rejected by my dad's family, she was only supported by my dad and his immediate brother, others were against my dad accepting his responsibility, even my mom's family rejected her with the excuse that she has brought shame to the family. In all of this, my dad and his immediate brother stood by my mom, rented an apartment for her and visits her often. Long story cut short, my mom gave birth to me and her family accepted her back. According to my mom, my dad was a comfortable young man then in the early 1990s cause he was a tanker driver. Tragedy struck when I was 2months old, my dad died in an accident. My mom was left to cater for me alone, though she was being assisted by my dad's brother. In all of this, my dad's other siblings and parents did not one day pay my mom a visit or even asked of me. All of this was explained to me after my mom was embarrassed by my dad(step-dad) younger ones after a disagreement they had with my step-dad. I was 18 before I knew that the man I grew up with to know as my dad was not really my Dad, my siblings were surprised to also know that we don't share the same father. My step-dad was such a nice man that I didn't lack anything, prior to his fight with his siblings, I was regarded as the first born, he was responsible for my schooling from nursery to university level, we were nine in the family and also a one big united and happy family. Even after the fight with his siblings, nothing changed at all, aside my surname that my mom advised me to change. I started bearing my dad's family name.

BACK TO PRESENT
now fellow nairalanders, here's the problem, my uncle (my dad immediate brother)has suddenly found me through my office and chairman, several family meeting has been held, they(my dad's family) want me back, they said they wants me to further my academic career abroad, take full responsibility of what they didn't do when I was kid. All they need is for my mom to forgive them, and let them have access to me when they want and also be a part of their family cause that was the promise they made to my dad a year after his demise. My mom's family has also joined them in pleading with my mom, my mom has sworn not to forgive any of them for what they did to her when she was a teenager. All of this happened (my mom's ill treatment happened in my mom's village back then before she relocated to Lagos and remarried. Now my mom has threatened to disown me and lay a curse on me if I dare accept them as my uncles or aunts or have anything to do with them. They are stinkingly rich cause my dad's immediate brother is into oil business and he has promised to sponsor my siblings (step-siblings) to university level, my step-dad has declined this offer, telling them he could take care of his family and he does not need anybody's help.He (step-dad) has refused to say anything concerning my dilemma, he told me i was a grown man now and should take responsibility for my life and make the best decisions I feel suitable.
Fellow nairalanders am at a cross road here, am confused and don't know what to do, presently am in with an uncle (mom's brother) my career has been haulted, am just confused and need your advises. What should I do? My mom is on my neck, sane with dad's family members. From the numerous family meetings, I got to know that am the only grand child in the family, non of my dad's siblings has given birth despite some of them being married for up to 10years now. They are six in numbers and four are married with no kids... Am the only hope(for now) of sustaining the family name.


I just need your input, how do I come out of this?
Am a very popular commenter here, especially in politics section, just created this moniker to get unbiased public opinions so this place won't turn to a place of hearing the word zombie or wailer. Am in my mid twenties.



Pls help me.

I can understand how your mother feels. she is nursing a wounded heart. she needs time to heal up. just give her time and approach her to give reasons why the reunion shouldn't be. She may have more to say but that will not stop from still being the bona-fide grandchild to your father's family. God is making you the only hope for your father's family to have grandchildren. Please be of help to them. It is their right to take care of you and not a privilege on your part. Consult widely with your step-father to be sure he won't feel betrayed and shower him more love than before. bless you

Biko, your mom should forgive o. God actually took care of you two using others. God is all about forgiveness. Appeal to her conscience... It is well.

tough 1

vislabraye:



Very emotional. I will say congrats to you. I feel this is God's doing.

Your mother is hurt but u need to speak with her. But u are now an adult and cannot be re adopted. Since you work for your uncle, whatever help he can offer you, let it be made official as if it's the company supporting you.
Blood is thicker than water. We should learn to forgive. But then again your step fathet has always been there for you. He is still your father. My question is, "whose surname do you bear?".

Thanks for your advise, I bear my biological dad's name (The family name)

LegendDrogba:
Don't just view, pls help out with your advice.

Why are you so desperate for advice from total strangers?

Just follow your heart and do your thing. It's life, there's no owners manual.

No wa for..... do them weitin Buhari dey do Tinubu now and weitin OBJ do IBB.... use them take achieve and abandon them......u nor won soft

Hmmm this is difficult, I'm coming...

Koreans movie... Season 5...


Wey my sister... Dat one like Korean movies like bread and butter... Come see ooo.... See another Korean movie oo


Lols

If your mum is the religious type get her through her leaders to forgive and try to forget the past for you and your dad's sake. After all your dad did not reject you.Your step father and your mum have done their part in your journey.It is only you that can pay them back.

I wish I could talk to u

I will be right back.......

xpressTrade:
sometin tells me the op is tonye barcanister

.....tonye doesnt write like that...i guess is hungerbad

Handsomecole:
I would advice you try and talk to your mum to accept them back, and like someone commented, even if you can accept them back but be very careful with them, don't hangout or spend much time with them. In summary stand with your mother, she took pains to bring you up to this level and you have to respect that. What if something bad had happened to you along the line of brining you up, what would they have said or done.

You may have prayed for God to change your life for better.... Brother here comes the answer. Just go and posses your possession

i suspect this post is by hungerbad...

i can see from your write up that u are swayed by the money from your fathers side...young man in all ur decision make sure your mum is 100% in support...beg her real good biko

LegendDrogba:
This is MY REAL LIFE STORY not some nollywood movie, pls help me out. lalasticlala pls help.

There must be people your mum listens to and respects their opinion.

She needs to understand that your father's family is your biological lineage. No matter what happened in the past is for the past especially when your father and his younger brother accepted and supported her while raising you.

If your father was alive, will your mum take the same stand as she's taking now? I very much doubt so. Why should his absence make much difference in this matter then?

Get respected elders to talk to her to reason so you can unite with your biological family.

And if every effort to make her accept the family fails, then something else is involved beyond what you/we know.

Whose name are you answering presently?

Since your mum advised you to use your biological family name then it is better you strike a meaningful balance by being part of both families.

It should be a gradual process in which you have to let both families know you are willing to remain a paet of their l8ves while not giving anyone exclusive influence over your future

Your mum will come around too with time if you handle it properly

xpressTrade:
sometin tells me the op is tonye barcanister

Taa Tonyebarcanista isn't in his 20' o.He's got an msc in management and quite mature

@OP ..
Whether you like it or not,you will sooner or later have to forgive them and come to them. The earlier you convince mum,the better

For your dad's sake, ensure your mum reconcile with your dad's family. There is no gain in unforgiveness and enmity. To your father's tent go ye....

@drogda look for a respected man of GOD that will listen to ur mum. Because if sh refuse to forgive them and let go of the offence she will b hold herself , if possible the whole family will be involve. Come rain come sun your father family will always be your father family. So beg your mum with a respect man of GOD and i believe she will listen... Remain blessed.

Your story is heart aching, I stop reading comment and called the family of the lady that gave birth to my younger brother boy right away since my last contact in March, my own life story is similar, just that my father family ain't rich as yours, I don't relate with them that much cos they even need help. They have begged me to associate with them severally but nothing is enticing around then at all. So I just kept them in their place. If there anything that require their attention, I tell them. Since they have nothing to offer. My mum don't even care cos she know I won't go close to dirtyness which I see around them. Maybe you should see from the angle of what ur feelings would be if they ain't attractive. Overall, make sure you grow up a man of yourself, don't suddenly answer sir to people who never care about ur whereabouts because all those affections are cosmetic. If you follow them into their closet to verify what they utter about you or your mum, you will see that there's something to it. If I were you, I will relocate back to mum, spend some time with her, ask those family to stay away for now that you will contact them when necessary. Let your mum feel possessive of you. In fact if you have a girlfriend, start planning a wedding, invite your father's people as guest while step dad sit as Dad which he is really. Your mum have to experience the public humiliation look on there face irrespective of their affluence status. Then after the matrimony is concluded, that night carry your wife to your mum and present her to her and her husband while you father family are nearby to come and appeal again, this show of humility will melt your mum heart and her husband will also encourage her to tender mercy. But your mum first p, even if those people say you should stop using their name if your mum insist not to forgive them. Ur case simple pass my own, I don't even know which side to belong since my mum sef no share general surname in her family, so me just create another surname for my children and wife to be in 22 days time. I feel your confusion, it's normal as we are all human to be tempted. Take smart advantage of the situation and may I remind you not to settle in Nigeria after wedding, go to Canada with their money and start a fresh and make your own doh yourself. That what make you a man of yourself. I am open to give you step by step advice base on situation status. It is well Bro. God punish poverty.

if I give the advice in my mind you won't like it cos we are like same i'e almost same story,, but lemme give the advice in my head.
Beg your step Dad to help you talk to your Mum to forgive them...

Accept them, ur mother will understand later and regret her decision

LegendDrogba:
This is MY REAL LIFE STORY not some nollywood movie, pls help me out. lalasticlala pls help.

you and I share the same story, mine is even worse , your story just reminded me of mine... Can't say much about myself cos I am using my real moniker but Angelahnie knows part of my story...