Huston1:

She doesnt cook food everyday. When she knows she isngoing to make a meal that wont take much of her time, then she will not start early at all. Even when i remind her that it is getting late, she will tell me something like "Is it not just to make eba" but when she eventually gets into the kitchen she starts doing other things. Maybe that is when she will realise the kids will not eat eba and start frying plantain for them, or she will tell me she checked the soup and found there is no "Kpomo" or fish again because I dont like beef. Then she will start making jollof rice or something. She actually does a lot of things to make me happy. The timing is what I am not comfortable with. I have told her many a time she doesnt have respect for time. Anytime we have to get ready together and go out, I will tell her to start getting ready 2hrs before the time. She doesnt even make up. But we will still get to the place late. I go angry to church every sunday because even if she wakes up by 6am for a service of 9:30am, we still get to church late. I dont know what to do anymore. Whenever i talk to her, she makes adjustment for only few days and she is back to her old self. In the area of food, I feel I will make her feel bad if I start eating out but I dont know how to remedy this I am in. I will not forget to mention that she is a very nice wife and mother and very respectful. My family and friends like her. But this shortcoming of not respecting time is what I dont like. And you should all know that a woman who doesnt have respect for time is very untidy. And of course she is. I actually knew all these before I married her but I thought I can work on her and change these about her. Is this a cross I have to bear for the rest of my life because she doesnt compliment me the area of tideness and being timely. She scores Zero in being clean and timely. I employed someone who comes to clean my house everyday and wash too. I will not fail to mention that I still love her and she loves me with her life. She is very LOYAL, Caring, pretty, kindhearted and receptive. Family and friends enjoy her company. If she is not around, they misses her. I wish she can make little adjustment in these two areas of respecting time and being clean. There is nothing to write home about her in these two areas. I am always angry.

Huston1:
Please Nairalanders I need help because I am loosing my patience.
I have been married to my wife for 6years and I have never had dinner before 9PM. Sometimes I'm served dinner past 11pm. My wife doesn't have any job yet. I wake early every day because I have to bath and dress our two kids up in the morning while she makes their breakfast and prepare something for the lunch boxes. I drop the kids at school and go to work from there. I return home before 6pm and dinner is never ready. I have complained and complained and she makes adjustments for two days each time I complain. I got angry at a point and told her I will not eat her food after 7pm. That week, she acted on my instruction and I really ate at 7pm or just before 7:30pm. That is the only week I enjoyed dinner early. I have even developed pot belle due to eating late.
I got home early today and she started picking vegetables to make soup at about 3:30pm. This is 8pm and I still haven't eaten. I am so angry. I really see her busy working in kitchen but I don't know why it takes so long for the food to be ready. Not that she attends to the kids. I assist the kids in their homework and prepare them for bed. I'm very angry. Please advise.

Huston1:

She is good at putting off the cooker or reduce it in the process of cooking. I don't know why. Sometimes I walk into the kitchen and increase it. I have visited her family house and this is the same thing there. Breakfast is 11am in her family house. The annoying part is that you see her mom busy in the kitchen but the food is never out. The few times I slept in her family house, her mom wakes me up at night to say dinner is ready and she apologies for being late. I have watched my wife's mother cook. Sometimes I see her put off the cooker too. Washes plates and clean the kitchen up to 5 times before she finishes cooking. I don't really know how to work on my wife. This whole thing is affecting my kids too because they have to stay awake to eat before they go to bed. The worse part is that myself and my wife don't eat together most times because at the time she dishes my food, she goes back to kitchen to clean up. Sometimes when I wake up by 12 midnight or past twice, I see her in the parlor eating and watching Nigeria movie. Many times I force her to bed because she can actually stay awake till 1am

Ujoan:


Old habits die hard . . . Time management is actually a skill, not everyone possess that skill. You can see she's also coming from a place where time is not valued. Plus she doesn't need to wake up early to get ready for work so she doesn't see the need to sleep early . . .

I think you need to put in a lot of effort to 'change' her, if her attitude is really getting to you.

Also, you may need to set an ultimatum for her, and mean it. Anytime you get home and dinner is not ready in 30mins, reject the food. Let her know it's a no deal for you.

It's also a very bad habit to instill in your children. Time is money.

Huston1:

She is good at putting off the cooker or reduce it in the process of cooking. I don't know why. Sometimes I walk into the kitchen and increase it. I have visited her family house and this is the same thing there. Breakfast is 11am in her family house. The annoying part is that you see her mom busy in the kitchen but the food is never out. The few times I slept in her family house, her mom wakes me up at night to say dinner is ready and she apologies for being late. I have watched my wife's mother cook. Sometimes I see her put off the cooker too. Washes plates and clean the kitchen up to 5 times before she finishes cooking. I don't really know how to work on my wife. This whole thing is affecting my kids too because they have to stay awake to eat before they go to bed. The worse part is that myself and my wife don't eat together most times because at the time she dishes my food, she goes back to kitchen to clean up. Sometimes when I wake up by 12 midnight or past twice, I see her in the parlor eating and watching Nigeria movie. Many times I force her to bed because she can actually stay awake till 1am

Bisjosh:
Zee world at work o

Onegai:



Aww man. I thought about it, it is a family thing. Habits die hard but this can be changed. But it is wrong for the kids to be eating so late and they should have an early bedtime. You have to force her to see it's affecting her productivity as a Hot lady, a Wife and a Mother. She's not spending time with you. And if she's going to bed so late, your sexx life will be out of sync. Do 3 weeks of takeout food for you and the children. If you really want to look for trouble and make things change faster, get your mother to come stay for the 3 weeks and instruct your mother to please enter the kitchen and prepare food for you and the children once mealtimes are here and she's taking her time . Be prepared for the fight that ensues but calmly and lovingly maintain your ground: Meals must be prepared on time. This can be changed, sit her down and insist she draws up a timetable (tell her you love her too much to allow her continue like this) of daily activities. Also, give her stuff to do, make sure she knows it's important. Nothing will fire up a change more than one personally admitting to themself "I'm failing and it seems to be my fault". When she can't make deadlines because of it, it will help not make you look like the bad guy. Give her positive reinforcement for meals on time ("Nice! Delicious dinner at 7pm, alright! High five!" )

Huston1:

She is good at putting off the cooker or reduce it in the process of cooking. I don't know why. Sometimes I walk into the kitchen and increase it. I have visited her family house and this is the same thing there. Breakfast is 11am in her family house. The annoying part is that you see her mom busy in the kitchen but the food is never out. The few times I slept in her family house, her mom wakes me up at night to say dinner is ready and she apologies for being late. I have watched my wife's mother cook. Sometimes I see her put off the cooker too. Washes plates and clean the kitchen up to 5 times before she finishes cooking. I don't really know how to work on my wife. This whole thing is affecting my kids too because they have to stay awake to eat before they go to bed. The worse part is that myself and my wife don't eat together most times because at the time she dishes my food, she goes back to kitchen to clean up. Sometimes when I wake up by 12 midnight or past twice, I see her in the parlor eating and watching Nigeria movie. Many times I force her to bed because she can actually stay awake till 1am

yorhmienerd:
The last time I visited a relatives place, it was the day Barca vs Bayern played last, I came back around 11pm expecting to meet food setup and the kids sleeping but was suprised to see the kids watching telemundo while the father is suggestin they cook BEANS, that day I slept around 1am

yorhmienerd:
The last time I visited a relatives place, it was the day Barca vs Bayern played last, I came back around 11pm expecting to meet food setup and the kids sleeping but was suprised to see the kids watching telemundo while the father is suggestin they cook BEANS, that day I slept around 1am

Berbierklaus:
This is one thing I keep hammering to my female friends,How can You not have food ready for a man that went all day to work especially when You are at home,its preposterous,I can't even wrap my head around it... I had some roomates then and when I look at them I just pity their future husband.


well Op,I saw You mentioned that You know all these before marriage right? keep trying to change her,but i'd advice You to use practical examples not word of mouth or anger alone,like my boyfriend told me,correct me with a solution not with what You say.
Huston1 correct your wife with a solution to the problem and watch her adjust.

SAMBARRY:
it's not really the wife's fault persay.its the lifestyle her mother trained her with and I'm suspecting that what causes food delay is that she probably wasted 2hours watching home video before cooking. I'm sure she's fat

Berbierklaus:

Lol @ fat,You don't know that most Nigerians see fatness as a sign of good living?


Yeah,probably that was how she grew up,she needs to adjust

SAMBARRY:
it's not really the wife's fault persay.its the lifestyle her mother trained her with and I'm suspecting that what causes food delay is that she probably wasted 2hours watching home video before cooking. I'm sure she's fat

Ujoan:


What has been 'fat' got to do with anything here?

What's with the obsession with weight these days? fat-shaming is becoming so common that I actually feel pity for over-weight people. The way people mock and ridicule them is appalling.

Honestly Sam, you should be ashamed of yourself for that comment. . . . . SMH!

SAMBARRY:
miss uju take it or leave it a person's weight is a reflection of their diet lifestyle. When I see an overweight person I see someone who lacks self control, discipline, cannot control his or her hunger cravings,doesn't know what to eat and when to is,sloppy, lazy and indolent. Lazy to exercise or do basic domestic chores himself or herself but will rather turn eating to a 24hr habit. Their mouths are continually moving and when there's no food around you need to see how uncomfortable and edgy they get.let them see food,the smile on their face is equivalent to the smile on the face of a mother that just found her missing child.

Apart from Their external outlook health wise they're more prone to sicknessesses

If you're fat you better slim down.I'm not saying you should be anorexic but have a moderate healthy stature for your frame and your intrest. Call it anything you want e no consain me

Ujoan:


Do you know a person can be all the things to mentioned and still be slim? Or someone can be a direct opposite and yet be fat?

A simple generalization is not only myopic but also judgemental.

And no, I'm not FAT, never been fat in my life . . . not even when I was 37-weeks pregnant with my second baby. But does that give me the right to judge those who are Fat? No sir . . . I've seen people work through weight issues, and trust me it isn't pretty. Adding to their troubles by judging them is so not cool!