DRUNK! DRUNKER!! DRUNKEST!!! By ScotFree
​So, i decided to write about being drunk; the funny and crazy things we do when we ‘successfully’ empty the whole ‘thing’ into into our stomach.





Saturday Afternoon 12:45pm

Now i didn’t wake up saying “today, I’m going to get some drink and drink myself to stupor. But it happened; the stupor. I had gone out to watch a football match with my cousin and his flatmate. It was a local bar and they had this rule in operation there. You had to buy at least a bottle of drink to be allowed to sit and watch the match in peace. Being the peace lover that i am, and not liking to be embarrased, i said i would take only one bottle of stout. Soon it arrived very chilled, frost on the bottle. I sat back watching the game, and sipping slowly, letting the cold liquid work it’s magic as it travelled down my throat to cool my stomach. Forty minutes later and my team was leading, my buddies were on their third bottles each, i was still on my first.Not because i had come to love the small, fine and portable bottle so much that i didn’t want to leave it ( though i had come to like how it made me feel cool ) but because i had a resolution that it was going to be one bottle and nothing more. I was strongly holding on to my personal quote that said ‘He is wise; the one who knows his alcohol limit and abides by it’.

‘He is wise; the one who knows his alcohol limit and abides by it’.

Well, that didn’t hold for long. My cousin and his friend kept making jest of me. Not that the jokes bothered me, No, it was actually the alcohol itself that did. Slowly and stealthily, the potent liquid seeped into my blood stream, turned up in my cells, my brain cells and whispered some reasonable stuff to my mind (stuff like: the advantages of one more bottle, how it wouldn’t hurt rather make me feel better than i was feeling already, how another bottle would make my cousin and his friend shut up, how i could finally claim a bragging right….) And after some minutes of debabting with it, the alcohol won.



How powerful these things can be, just a tiny bottle with 5% alcohol volume. [ Now some seasoned veteran drunks reading this are thinking, what brand of stout is he talking about, what brand has 5% in it’s smaller bottle… Haha. Well, that’s your assignment and here is a hint: location is Lagos, Nigeria. Type: Stout]

Now my mind is back to my surrounding, and my cousin and his friend are saying ‘iyke, you really should take another bottle’, ‘you dey fall our hand for here’, ‘even babes for here dey shack pass you’. I told them to call the waiter, i was going to have another. Stupid me, i should have stopped right then, but nah, i had to go and open my mouth to brag! I told them it wasn’t as if i don’t drink or don’t have the head for it, but rather i was just trying to help them cut cost ( they were paying ). I went on to say i could take more alcohol than both of them could put together. That was all i said, but to them it was a call to action. They instantly took me up on it and soon there were three packs of Don Simon ( Vino Tinto ) on the table and we were about to find out the truth.

Drunk! Drunker!! Drunkest!!!

Together we laid down rules guiding the contest.

1. The drinks must be consumed within 10 minutes. Failure to finish within that time meant disqualification.

2. The pack must be completely empty for it to count. When you are done, simply turn the pack upside down so other can see there’s nothing remaining inside.

3. We had to each place a bet of 2,000 Naira each.

4. Only one winner will emerge, last man standing takes all.

5. In a situation where we all successfully consume our drinks within 10 minutes, the winner would be decided by our friends at home. [We were to leave the bar just as soon as we finished, get home and remain sober]. The only sober person wins. [If no sober person remains, our friends will give the prize to
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