Wow, nice script.

If i predict right, SISI will fall for IRISI; besides, the age difference is not much.

And what's the lesson

Seun hey, wat happens next?
hope a part two is coming soon cos it mustn't end dis way.
awaiting the final part b4 i comment fully.

Seun hey, what happens next?
Hope a part two is coming soon because it mustn't end this way.

Alas, that's the end of the story. It's a very short story. I'm writing a longer story that owes a lot to this one.

Wow, nice script.
If i predict right, SISI will fall for IRISI; besides, the age difference is not much.

Thanks! Yes, Sisi and Irisi are going to have an affair, but no one knows whether the relationship will last.

And what's the lesson

The major lesson in this story is that certain illnesses - psychosomatic illnesses - originate from the mind.

When I get my production equipment, I'll probably produce and direct this script and put the movie on Youtube!

zPixel:

Wow, nice script.

If i predict right, SISI will fall for IRISI; besides, the age difference is not much.

And what's the lesson

If you predict right, the story is not worth reading, because that would be so improbable that it would take a world without gravity and flying pigs to make it happen.

Seun:

Thanks! [b]Yes, Sisi and Irisi are going to have an affair, but no one knows whether the relationship will last.[/b]The major lesson in this story is that certain illnesses - psychosomatic illnesses - originate from the mind.

When I get my production equipment, I'll probably produce and direct this script and put the movie on Youtube!

I see that pigs actually do fly. I stand corrected.

If you predict right, the story is not worth reading, because that would be so improbable that it would take a world without gravity and flying pigs to make it happen.

Interesting stories are based on unlikely events. Normal events are boring because they happen around us all the time. A story about pigs flying, if properly delivered, is far more interesting than a story about pigs that don't fly!! The burden is on me to convince you that such an unlikely event could happen under the circumstances of my story.

@ seun

I hope you'll post the rest of the story, i really want to see how they we both end up.

You can even start a series from here.

You're correct, unlikely events are more interesting than stuffs that we're use to. Check out this short clip about flying penguins
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EnlCz1P95WM

Seun:

Interesting stories are based on unlikely events. Normal events are boring because they happen around us all the time. A story about pigs flying, if properly delivered, is far more interesting than a story about pigs that don't fly!! The burden is on me to convince you that such an unlikely event could happen under the circumstances of my story.

Fair enough.

1. My intention is not to bash your effort, but rather to contribute constructively towards your attempt to develop a good script.

2. Rewind: Your story is quite interesting,  well-written and intriguing so far.

3. In my opinion, for the doctor to fall for the patient would be too predictable. From the story line, this is something you would expect to see in a Nollywood script or a children's play. It is immediately obvious who the giver and recipient of the attention are, respectively. One actually dares to hope for a different outcome than the expected man + woman = romance.

4. If the pigs must fly, at least you could try to make it believable. Pigs may fly in space and on the moon, but not on earth. Unless, of course, they are special pigs that have wings, etc. What I'm saying is, how probable is it that a successful young, attractive, female medical doctor will go weak at the knees from the attentions of an 18-year old male patient, as suggested in this story?

After Patience leaves, Sisi, still smiling,
         arranges her desk to create some space for the
         bouquet of flowers.  Then she preens her hair and
         applies some makeup after fetching a mirror from
         her purse. She cradles the card on her chest like
         a baby for a while, and lays it face up on her
         table.
         Finally, she gets up, still smiling. With both
         hands in the pockets of her overalls, she marches
         out of her office and locks the door after
         herself.  Still smiling.

         The message on the card sent by Doctor Sisi's
         secret admirer, left open on her able, reads,
         "Doctor, YOU are the girl in my visions.
                How about that?"

So, for this particular pig to fly, it must have wings or be specially endowed to do so. Why should there be a romance between the two of them, and HOW can the doctor be so easily influenced by him - it's not as though she's never seen a man before, is it?

Perhaps the latter instalments of the story will try to answer these questions.

Regards,
G.

Very good, hope it comes out good on screen

Without vision a people perish. I suppose the same can be said of a man or individual.
I am sure that in the recent past there was a "love" affair(heavily covered by the media) of a young boy 14yrs i believe, and a grown attractive woman who happened to be the boy's teacher.
I am no intellectual quack, so i do recognize that ANYTHING conceivable, is not outside the scope of reality. So my suggestion is to continue to pursue the storyline, who knows, it might be the next Nollywood blockbuster.

LOL. . . I hear you, Jammin. You dey quote bible?

That particular SQUEAL was delightful to my ears
now how do i get my target to now sprout wings?

Create the wings, simple! The problem is when your target is not a bird, a plane or a flying saucer - or indeed any known flying animal, and then you tell us that it flies without wings!

What's with the squeal? Is your target a SOW?

ha! a man of impeccable insight. that is why i like people of acute perception. They know when they are being STUCK

The feeling is[b] MUTUAL[/b].

I was wondering about the Inspiration for this Screenplay. Still not seeing the relation. however am not averse to being Directed.

The Director is in a better position to respond to your enquiry, sir.

Am sorry i cannot continue . My constant companion have been this massive headache . However i reserve the right to engage at time when am less taxed mentally.

My sympathies to you, Monsieur. I wish both of you a speedy recovery. Have a good evening!

[s]Actors Wanted:
Male actor who looks 18 to play the role of Irisi.
Strikingly attractive female actress to pay the role of the doctor.
Another female actress to play the role of sister Patience.
Payment: Refreshments and the opportunity for a mutually beneficial professional relaionship
Location: A hospital at Sango Ota, Ogun State.
email address: [/s]

So, for this particular pig to fly, it must have wings or be specially endowed to do so. Why should there be a romance between the two of them, and HOW can the doctor be so easily influenced by him - it's not as though she's never seen a man before, is it? Perhaps the latter instalments of the story will try to answer these questions.

You are right; it's a major plot hole.

I was wondering about the Inspiration for this Screenplay. Still not seeing the relation. however am not averse to being Directed.

This was meant to be the first act of a 70 page story, but I changed my mind and decided to release this as a short story instead of just throwing it away. I could use it to practice the art of movie production.

I actually found your story quite interesting, i just think it has some loose ends. This dude is said to be sick and the cause of hs sickness is the doctor, did he know her before he was admitted into the hospital or was he admited into the hospital and then he started to have the visions. Or did he have visions of her, develop an illness and then on being admitted into the hospital realise that the woman in his vsions is the doctor.

You also do realise that doctors are not allowed to date their patients, right? I guess they could have a relationship but only on the basis that the doctors job is on the line especially when there's a possibility of sister Patience suspecting something.(by the way who calls nurse sister, it's so unprofessional)

And then i do think sisi falls a little to quickly(you do know that girls front a lot, it's expected) and then even worse he's 18 i think she should restrain herself a little (in the circumstances a nigerian woman would not even bother with him check the romance section a woman in her 20's who still 'got it going on would definitely not fall so easily'
I know the title Funky is supposed to be catchy, but it sounds crude, cause of two reasons Irisi's(strange name by the way)character does not sound so interesting (he's a patient forgoodness sake) and a man with such un pronouncable illness does not sound Funky.

Wow, Damsal and Iice, I love the way you analyse stories. Keep it up, the industry needs insightful critics too!

seun come here u done start again shey no be wetin u do wey make them pursue u from actors guild be this stealing script and selling out na here u come dey post am mind u no magha here at all ur format no go work?lol wait oo have u gotten a director for the film i might just help u for security reasons cos one of my uncle a military man(uniformed gate man ) will be glad to help with arms and armunitions holla me okay

seun come here u done start again shey no be wetin u do wey make them pursue u from actors guild be this stealing script and selling out na here u come dey post am mind u no magha here at all your format no go work?

This is a joke, right? Some people won't understand the joke (I don't) so please spell it out.
I can confidently boast that this script bears no similarity to those sent to me. It's a unique concept.

wait oo have u gotten a director for the film i might just help u for security reasons because one of my uncle a military man(uniformed gate man ) will be glad to help with arms and armunitions holla me okay

I appreciate the offer, although I don't like the idea of using real guns for a movie. What if a live bullet finds itself in one of the guns? An actor could end up dead, which is not ok at all. Therefore I really prefer toy guns for movies!

@ seun,

I appreciate the offer, although I don't like the idea of using real guns for a movie. What if a live bullet finds itself in one of the guns? An actor could end up dead, which is not ok at all. Therefore I really prefer toy guns for movies!

Using toy guns in movies is not a professional idea. it's a sign of how low budget the movie is (well depends on your budget). It's also a big distraction to your audience. I only suggest using toy guns when making movies for 3yr old kids.

Noted. But, by "toy gun" I really meant realistic-looking toy guns. You won't notice the difference on screen.

Funky Patient is a serio-comic drama.
But not as good as the previous ones Seun has written.

Love makes strange bed fellows.

Here are pictures of a true love affair between a Nigerian man and a white woman.
Please, don't laugh.

guy u done high so u wan tell u say u no sabi say na joke i dey joke before guy u be real magha oo,as for the gun levels use real guns snhot anybody make we know haw many we remain for nigeria ciao

IRISI, SISI
confusing character names

I think the screenplay is good for what it is, by this I mean a few inconsistencies do not work particularly against it.

I also think it ended just right. No need to get into all the sorty details. The character names were indeed quite confusing but I get SISI for the doctor as a technique but IRISI

Also, it may be my overexposure to movies and sort but I knew SISI was his love interest from the time he started talking about Visions and I think she should have known too so her reaction was a bit unrealistic. Maybe you want to kinda put it in there for the sake of believability.

I particularly enjoyed the opening conversation, very entertaining and original. Shows the characters have a great sense of humor.

I would definately watch this short film.

Thanks. I'll shoot it once I can secure a hospital and costumes for the purpose (I'm so shy!)