After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a Cardinal, and I'd really like to drive today." "I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning. "Who's going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope with a smile. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 195 kph (Remember, he's a German Pope.) "Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh dear God, I'm gunna lose my license – and my job!" moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and ninety five. "So bust him," says the Chief. "I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,” said the cop. The Chief exclaimed "All the more reason!" "No, I mean really important," said the cop with a bit of persistence. The Chief than asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?" Cop: "Bigger" Chief: "The Governor?" Cop "Bigger" Chief: "The President?" Cop: "Bigger" "Well," said the Chief "Who is it?" Cop: "I think it's God!" The Chief is even more puzzled and curious "What makes you think it's God?" Cop: " well . . . . "He's got the Pope as a Chauffeur!!!!"

HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A FLY

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

OOPS!!

Because Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or

playing basketball at the gym, his wife thinks he is pushing himself too

hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser."

"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi, Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real doozy this time, Dave!"

SPIKED HAIR

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up and and sat down next to him . He had spiked hair in different colors: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared at him. The young man turned to him & said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?" Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Yahooze, dis damn cool. I almost laugh my heart out wit d German pope.