The reality is that both of you have communication issues. She has ego and you have pride. I would say is that "you should also stop haboring things in your mind for your wife". You should be able to manage your "emotion" (anger) and stop pouring out on your wife.

I will recommend you take her out and spoil her alittle. You guys should go for a date. It can be a weekend date "very perfect time". Moving away from your comfort zone to a new environment; during this time, you can have a heart-to-heart talk. Trash issues out during this period and never ever let a third party come in between you.

However, what your wife told you after threaten not to eat her food is true. That thing you are running from may be what you can meet in front. So trash you issues out. These are marriage tiff and you can always sort things out. Goodluck

In marriage,especially wit gal of recent time u cant see 90percent wt u expected or want frm a lady,infact urs is nt a big deal to compare wit the one am hearin everyday as a marriage councilor. wt i will advice u to do is to ve a hrt to hrt talk wit her,then if she's persist involve third party one frm her side n vice versa. This platform isnt the appropriate place to solve it cuz u will get insulted,biase advice n jaguda anwsers.

kaboninc:


In as much as people do not apologise for their wrong even after acknowledging it should not make it the norm. That is not the norm. Society abhors it. Even the person who refuses to apologise, should the table be turned would expect an apology.

If your wife does not apologise simply because she wasn't brought up to do so, please let her know its wrong. Let her know she must change that attitude even if that was how she was brought up. And even if she doesn't wants to change, she should note that it still doesn't make it right.

And please do not train your kids in that way - making them think that apologizing is not a big deal. It is a big deal!

MY BEST OPINION ON THIS MATTER SO FAR! How can we adopt our imperfections with zero efforts to learn and improve in areas of "disaster" in our lives? Everyone in life has one thing or the other they need to adjust to, to strive towards a place/personality called "better". You strive for excellence in your career, worship, physical looks and all...why not in your character? there is no excuse for this please, not even the education, healthy career or exposure we make so much about. Even God demands remorse and repentance when we go astray, why should a mortal NEVER feel such a burden no matter the gravity of what they have committed? IT IS UTTERLY WRONG and is not justifiable by any "word acrobatics". Just show genuine remorse of wrong, however poorly transmitted, the offended will catch the message. why would it hurt?
I am in no position to advise on a marriage I am not privy to, nor do I value cyberspace as the rightful place to seek such advise. I have expunged the matter of apology and commented on same as a separate matter, applicable to everyone irrespective of tribe, religion, status, sex and any other classifications. I believe the world would be better if we said "I'm sorry" and "thank you" more, and mean it from our hearts.

samuelUMOH:
Your marriage is still very young and alot of compromise is needed from both parties .I appreciate your love for your wife ,however it is absolutely wrong to ask another woman to cook food for you when your wife is around .If you desire this plaintain and vegetable food you can follow online instructions and both of you prepare it and eat together in love .Better still go restaurant and eat if the meal is a must. Things like these are hurtful and insult to women talkless of a wonderful wife like yours .How will your friend and wife look at your wife ? Respect or disrespect ? Please drop the ego that " my wife disobeys me " Your wife is your partner not subordinate .Women are naturally submissive but when you want to enforce submission you will hit the rock .

1 million likes for this post

Tedassie:

@bolded...What is wrong in a husband wanting the best for his wife,in ensuring she reaches her God-given potential. Or is the role of a husband in being a leader as well as a motivator out of line
Cut him some lack,abeg.

He doesn't want the best for his wife, he wants the best for himself. He want her to live like him not minding that she is a full fledged adult that has her own opinion. You want food to be cooked the way you want it not minding her own preferences. He is selfish and can't compromise. And a fuc.king nag too.

deltateam:



I am a guy and I haven't cooked it before but I know that having had an idea of how to cook yam porridge it would be similar. The cut vegetables should be added at the end and stay for 10 - 15 minutes. Its as simple as that.

Maybe her mum failed to raise her well.

Will it be wrong for him to cookit and show her how it is done instead of salivating and comparing her with his neighbour? What a childish behavior.
Sometimes people lose it. We are talking about a young family...a wife... a husband....is this even an issue.?

blazer234:


It is clear you have no jot of understanding of the post. You just read it in a hurry, digested half of the content and use your impaired understanding, originating from improper statement digestion, to comment. Instead of making things better . You want to worsen things for the poor op with your confused mind.

You didn't bother to read the rest of his updates, did you? You are on the wrong here.

[quote author=metallisc post=49983120][/quote]You should learn how to read I details and check for updates before sounding like an I'd.iot.

forexbinary:


Sounds like U are d wife...

Sounds like U are d wife...

If I am we would've been separated the first month. What an overbearing louse of a man.

Generally when you have conflict with other people the best place to look for a solution is yourself. Start by changing yourself and see how easy that is before trying to change another person.
OP you seem to be an obsessional individual, i.e one of those individuals who have a need to control your environment and if unable to do so you feel anxious.Examine yourself.

The underlying premise of everything you have written is that YOU ARE RIGHT and SHE IS WRONG. This is 2016. If you want a long marriage you will need a new set of skills.Shouting and claiming head of the house will get you nowhere these days. You can try a more aggressive approach and see where that will end
The marriage institution is changing these days and that is why many end up in divorce. Men traditionally have dominated their wives but increasingly women are going to school and earning as much or more than men. It is money that makes women humble
This means that the role of a man as "head" of the house is undermined.There is no two ways about that. You have to be more mature and tolerant to manage today's women otherwise avoid marriage.
To my mind it seems you are quite petty to the extent of saying a particular food item should not be in the house because of YOUR needs. Even if your will prevails how will she feel? Most likely resentful. There is a Japanese saying; If you want me to obey you you must first obey me. Women may be submissive if the financial power is in your favour but as the marriage gets older and you have children and she feels stronger they will change then what? You marry another? They are all the same. Many women refuse to be controlled even in major things not to talk about Maggi things.It is your responsibility to think of a win win solution. You need to be clear what you want in your marriage a partnership or a boss/skivvy relationship. You need to be clear if your wife is signed up to that and if you are not on the same page then you have a major problem. Do you have any idea what kind of relationship her parents had?
Sometimes a sense of humour helps to ease tension and solve many problems. The only way you can be a lord and master these days is with MONEY and even that is not real.

the love is gone, you just have to manage her or win back her love which is almost impossible. My advice, as a good man is just carry your cross and pray.

cococandy:
'Obey' 'disobey'.

your wife is not a child to demand obedience from. I have a hunch her attitude is a last ditch effort to retain some dignity since you are already treating her like a child.

Change. Engage her like an adult. Talk to her like your mate not your subordinate. I believe you will see some compromise from her.

On point!!! Well said.

FOR WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER, LET NO NAIRALANDER PUT ASUNDER,
HUSBAND LOVE UR WIFE AS CHRIST LOVE THE CHURCH,
WIFE RESPECT AND ADORE UR HUSBAND FOR THIS IS RIGHT AND JUST,
LET THERE BE PEACE IN THE HEART OF MEN

You guys have a nascent and lovely home. Marriage is not about who is right or wrong but concerted efforts put into it by the two parties to make it work. I believe she would change cos all responsible people all do. Dont nag or make big issue out of it but constantly make her see reasons why she needs to stop. There is a way you tell people to go to hell and the person will be looking towards the journey. Constantly remind when both of you are in the best moods. Good luck bro

TheArchangel:
She added maggi.


You ate unripe plantain with vegetables from your neighbour and you are proud to say instead of buying the ingredients and showing your wife how it is done? Smh.


Whoever offended who should apologize and guy...should stop listening to neighbours.

Did you even read the post before you comment?

nnamdiosu:



First of all..I havent heard your wife's side of the story. So I won't totally blame her. In all matters I know there are always two sides to a coin.


Now from the little I have read I can see you and your wife are two honest loving people trying their best in this union. And that's the key to a lasting marriage.

1. First ensure you carefully filter the suggestions that people will give here (including mine). Be wise. Nl is full of sadistic and occultic folkes.

2. People are different. They also apologise in different ways. Now I don't know ur wife but you will be in the best shoe to know. Some of my friends outrightly apologise. Others come near me and indirectly apologise. Some eben indirectly blame me jokingly and tell me they've forgiven me! Even wen its clear to a blind man that they were annoyed. You have your own way. I have my own way. She has her own way.

Truth is an apology is not out of place. Maturity demands that one should apologise for a wrong act...but wisdom accepts that no two people are the same. Does she show an apology in some other way? If yes...then accept while still trying to show her why a spoken apology is more ideal. If no.....then it is well.

3. To be frank...it is very very wrong for a wife to disobey her husband. In that aspect she was 100 % wrong. Very wrong. But maturity and compromise is needed in marriage in all matters. Since you've talked to her and she doesn't want to listen. Call her and ask her y indeed she really disobeys and uses the product. If the reason isn't holding water....ask her if she will prefer cooking separate pots of food for u too. At least that will help solve the problem. She has her way..u have your way.

3. I admire your patience and love for her. I felt your pain. But now...put aside that pain....and pick understanding and love. Truth is, ideally in all ramifications, she is wrong. But let's forget about that. Try the steps I gave.. Esp the frank talk with her. Find that right time when she is in that emotional state of mind (after sex? Or buying her a gift), and tell/ ask her y she is disobeying u.
Lastly commit it into the hands of God. Only God can help u direct a woman. Because they are the last thing he created, very mysterious, very surprising yet very lovable and emotional.

And madam if and if I say (cos I know there are different sides to a story) what Oga said is true...then remember that only a foolish woman plucks her home down with her own hand. I've seen good marriages break down for issues less than this. Yours will not be so in Jesus name. Amen.

I admire your wisdom sir/ma.

Marriage, na wa o.

Imagine say I marry tomorrow and he says "don't cook with okpei" ha! Oga ekwekwa omume?

nnamdiosu:



First of all..I havent heard your wife's side of the story. So I won't totally blame her. In all matters I know there are always two sides to a coin.


Now from the little I have read I can see you and your wife are two honest loving people trying their best in this union. And that's the key to a lasting marriage.

1. First ensure you carefully filter the suggestions that people will give here (including mine). Be wise. Nl is full of sadistic and occultic folkes.

2. People are different. They also apologise in different ways. Now I don't know ur wife but you will be in the best shoe to know. Some of my friends outrightly apologise. Others come near me and indirectly apologise. Some eben indirectly blame me jokingly and tell me they've forgiven me! Even wen its clear to a blind man that they were annoyed. You have your own way. I have my own way. She has her own way.

Truth is an apology is not out of place. Maturity demands that one should apologise for a wrong act...but wisdom accepts that no two people are the same. Does she show an apology in some other way? If yes...then accept while still trying to show her why a spoken apology is more ideal. If no.....then it is well.

3. To be frank...it is very very wrong for a wife to disobey her husband. In that aspect she was 100 % wrong. Very wrong. But maturity and compromise is needed in marriage in all matters. Since you've talked to her and she doesn't want to listen. Call her and ask her y indeed she really disobeys and uses the product. If the reason isn't holding water....ask her if she will prefer cooking separate pots of food for u too. At least that will help solve the problem. She has her way..u have your way.

3. I admire your patience and love for her. I felt your pain. But now...put aside that pain....and pick understanding and love. Truth is, ideally in all ramifications, she is wrong. But let's forget about that. Try the steps I gave.. Esp the frank talk with her. Find that right time when she is in that emotional state of mind (after sex? Or buying her a gift), and tell/ ask her y she is disobeying u.
Lastly commit it into the hands of God. Only God can help u direct a woman. Because they are the last thing he created, very mysterious, very surprising yet very lovable and emotional.

And madam if and if I say (cos I know there are different sides to a story) what Oga said is true...then remember that only a foolish woman plucks her home down with her own hand. I've seen good marriages break down for issues less than this. Yours will not be so in Jesus name. Amen.

This idea of obedience is a funny one. Not everyone subscribes to that these days and many consider it old school. What exactly is obedience? Does man obey God ? Do children obey their parents . The answer is somewhere between sometimes and Never. No human is completely obedient to another even if they wish to

The issue these days is before people marry they do not clarify and negotiate but rather go in with blind assumptions. Obviously from your perspective women should obey husbands. There is nothing wrong with that if you marry a woman that shares that perspective but it would be very foolish to enter a marriage with that assumption without clarification on both sides. Even if the woman agrees to obey she may change and often they do. These days we see more and more Okonjo-Iwealas and other female achievers and the idea of telling such women not to keep Maggi in the house is an absurd one. If you want an obedient wife you must have a lot of money and marry a woman who is totally dependent on you? Many women don't even cook for their husbands then what? I wonder what you would say to Nigerian couple living abroad.
Women only obey fully when you are paying her bills fully
Let us not talk about what we wish for but what is the reality up and down Nigeria whether in Face me I face you,flats or Ikoyi.
That model of marriage you are talking about is not reality

How old is your wife?

Is she 26? If then, be prayerful.

At that age, they tend to act funny.

kbright14:
Did you even read the post before you comment?

Try to read well beyond the first post.

Estonto:
I admire your wisdom sir/ma.

Thank you esonto...really appreciate.
and its a sir

TheArchangel:
You should learn how to read I details and check for updates before sounding like an I'd.iot.

oh.. quite unlike you, i don't have a comprehension/understanding problem. I have looked through and seen i'm not the only one trying to guide you back to the essence of the OP's issue (seeing that one flew over the cuckoo's nest ). I know you want to contribute to the topic in an intelligent manner, but unfortunately for you, you can't give what you don't have in the first place.

try having an open mind towards issues and life for better understanding- you come off as a spiteful wan.ker full of resentment... i only pity the male that will get entangled with you - if you haven't snared one into your trap that is...

Maximus85:


And do you think she'll appreciate it that you took her case to the public? If you don't mind I have a proposal for you both. You will find a lasting solution to your marital issues. If you are interested, please let me know.

I don't mind getting your proposed solution.
As for the bolded. This is a faceless forum & no one knows us.

My dear, i have read through you write up and most of the responses given. I am a married woman and i must say at first i almost believed that i was reading from my husband because our issues are similar. Very little and minute issues lead to serious arguments and i was always the one feeling hurt and everything he did was always wrong and i would complain and nag at everything. So, just like you i thought my husband was not good enough for me as i always thought i was always right although we love ourselves.
My dear, i enjoy my home now and the man i always thought was a mistake is the best thing to happen to me because of this 'one thing'.
Before now, we would keep everything to ourselves and im one of those people who would tell you no third party! Then i got fed up one day and went straight to my aunt who was frank with me and after analyzing my complaint, she told me frankly how wrong i have been and that if i push him i will be the one to loose out.
Bottom-line is this;
Learn to trust your spouse
Love your spouse unconditionally
Never expect too much from your spouse
As a woman, be submissive (not the mumu type but with respect)
Learn to enjoy your home and be happy always
Make efforts to focus on the positives of your spouse and not the negatives.
Make out time to relax, play together and go out.
These were my aunt's words and i hope its helps.

TheArchangel:
If I am we would've been separated the first month. What an overbearing louse of a man.

A feminist on da loose, I can't imagine you and your egocentric and self - worshiping personality happily settling down with a man for a decade. I only hope you find reasons to change...

joe4christ:


A feminist on da loose, I can't imagine you and your egocentric and self - worshiping personality happily settling down with a man for a decade. I only hope you find reasons to change...

I have been in the institution for close to one and half decades.
Get in first before dishing out your "marital advice"

ItsQuinn:
She's just being childish, she should apologize and let peace rain in her home ....I wonder why it's so hard for some people to apologise. No need to get a 3rd party involved. Just ignore her childish act, it's because you're giving her too much attention that's why she's misbehaving, when you stop giving her attention, she will learn

@op.
First and formost you have accepted you nag.

which I don't agree with you. Hmmm dictionary may have different meaning to different words it now depend on what you actually wanted.

for my wife to tell me am nagging is a complete insult on my personality and shouldn't be accepted.

The problem we were having today in our marriages is because we are copping the europeans system otherwise a man suppose to be the head of the family.
Eg.
There re people who don't like salt in their meals either on doctors advice or personal issue best known to them.

Ok wait a minute does she want to kill? if she trully loves you why is she disobeying you on that area. Honestly am angry here.

Listen man it is time for you to get to work and stop campaining to her. you have done that when you re still dating each others. but now you should talk to her man to man. that's what mariage relationship entails. I have married for ten years or thereabout I think am talking from experience.

you re having two major issue here.

1: Disobedient.
2: She don't like appologising.

Hmmm that's a serious case if you ask me.

These are my own litle sugestions.

1 Talk to her about it and let her know how you feels about.

2 if there still no changes do have your own pot. Do you understand me?

3 if after this dia still no changes.

4 Stop eating her food. Case closed.

Do this and come and thank me latter.

metallisc:



oh.. quite unlike you, i don't have a comprehension/understanding problem. I have looked through and seen i'm not the only one trying to guide you back to the essence of the OP's issue (seeing that one flew over the cuckoo's nest ). I know you want to contribute to the topic in an intelligent manner, but unfortunately for you, you can't give what you don't have in the first place.

try having an open mind towards issues and life for better understanding- you come off as a spiteful self-servicer full of resentment... i only pity the male that will get entangled with you - if you haven't snared one into your trap that is...

I don't get you at all.

TheArchangel:
I don't get you at all.

exactly!

TheArchangel:
You didn't bother to read the rest of his updates, did you? You are on the wrong here.

Yes, Madame Michael, the Archangel!

Thanks

martyns303:


Reading through your post, I was like is this guy dating Rachael? My Fiancee is every bit of what you've described, down to the last detail.

You respect her opinions, you take her advice, you guys do things that are favourable to her, but she won't give u same coutesy.

I get running stomach if more than 2 cubes of seasoning cubes are used to cook a meal, it took forever before she adjusted, I simply bought Imodium instant and was taking it. I love unripe plantain, she prefers using alum to make it soft, which is not healthy. When I complained she said she won't be able to eat plantain without it. Nothing has made her change her mind.

Brother! Your wife loves you, trust me I know, she just have a problem with authority, she likes doing things her way and if you complain she will see it as you pushing her around. I know as a man you will see it as disrespect, just try to manage the ones you can. Beside this attributes, she's every inch a good person.

And if you are a soft and gentle guy like me, you will start thinking maybe its because you are gentle that's why she's taking you for granted. Don't make the mistake of trying to be hard on her, or start shouting at her, she will run into her shell and you won't like it. Cheers man