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A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by amicable212(f): 6:36pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
This is my first post and i need your encouragement. You are free to criticize my work. Warning: This story should not be reproduce in anyway without the author consent. Disclaimer: This story line is fictious together with the name of the characters. Please great writers like bibijay, classcaptain, Audreytimms and other great writers, I will love to see your comments. Chapter one There is always a lovely beginning in ones life. They say that life has its up and down but some of these issues remain unresolved. We humans are fond of saying life is not fair forgetting the fact that we are the architect of our misfortunes. Is it a crime to fall in love ?Why should love bring disaster to ones life?I know you are wondering the voice behind these words. Well, I am a human and also a wife. I am like every human. There is no need for the introduction of my name for you will know in the course of time. You say life is not fair but i bet you, it has gone worst. I regret that fateful day that turned everything around. That fateful day had begun a blissful one. The early morning breeze made the rose flowers in the compound dangle in excitment. The cloudy weather helped in making the day cool. I had decided to visit my friend Thelma since saturday was my work free day, only to receive a sweet and lovely message from the love of my life- Daniel. I was captivated by the well written message;it was as if he was standing in front of me uttering the words. I could not take my mind from the last line of the message: “Lets meet today by 6:00pm at fireservice.” Smiles beamed my face as i imagined his cute little face. Daniel had been my boyfriend for two years and those two years were my happiest moment. I was treated like a queen, we hardly had issues but few ones were quickly resolved. 5 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by amicable212(f): 7:31pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
Daniel worked as the public relations manager to Chantel motel, one of the biggest motorist hotel in Enugu state. He graduated from the prestigious university of Nigeria, Nsukka where he was awarded a first class degree honour. The day we met had been coincidental and i felt i had met the right one for me. I can vividly remember that sunny day, i had stepped out of my apartment to get some groceries in the supermarket. The sun was extending it smile to mother earth making the earth too hot. I was sweating profusely like one who had just ran marathon race. I bow my head low as i detest sweating uncontrollably coupled with the fact that i left my handkerchief at home. I strolled a little to WAEC bus-stop to board a bus going to Nkponkiti when a red Toyota Camry car screenched to a halt in front of me. The motorist wind down the glass saying something that i could not hear clearly. I moved away from the car a little as i detest motorists who feel they are too rich to come down from their cars. Luckily for me, a commercial bus came by and i boarded the bus. I came down at Nkponkiti bus-stop walking towards my destination when the same red Toyota Camry car stopped an inch near me, but this time the driver came down. I was captivated by his looks, he was light skinned with stubble on his chin. Wearing a red shirt on a white trouser and a sneaker, he was looking indeed responsible. I pretended to walk away when he called out to me. I turned instantly at the sound of his husky voice. 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by amicable212(f): 8:06pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
“Hello angel.” He said coming closer. “Hello. How may I be of help to you?” I said, my heart racing fast. God!what's wrong with me. “i saw you at the other bus-stop but it seemed you were in a hurry.” He replied. “Yes. I will like to take my leave now.” “eeh!Easy girl. My name is Daniel and what's the beautiful name?” He said flashing his 32 white bold teeth. “Am Gabriella.” I said.(ooooooo!Wait a minute, you have heard my name. Well, you are one step ahead. Lets get back to business). “Wow!what a beautiful name. Am sorry for taking much of your time but can i get your number?” Daniel said bringing out his Samsung phone. “Sorry to disappiont you but i dont give my number to strangers. Maybe next time, i will take my leave.” “hhheeeee!” Daniel said holding my arm, “let's not behave like kids. Just your number, i promise not to be a burden to you.” “Okay. 080............” I said walking away. “Thank you” He said. That was one unforgetful day. We became close friends from that day on and before i could fathom what was going on, we became intimate. He was just so sweet, every sunday we were always together either spending our time together at home or in eateries. It was in one of those outings that he brought up the question. We were both eating fried rice in Xstaxee eatery when his stare changed. He became still suddenly, looking at me. I felt his gaze on me while i broke the silence. “Daniel, what is wrong?” I asked. “Nothing” He said staring at the open air. I reached for his hand interlocking it with mine. “There is no harm in sharing.” Daniel raised his eyes toward me. “Ella, you know we have been friends for two months now. I also know that you are aware of the fact that i love you and i will want you to be my.woman. Please accept my heart.” 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by amicable212(f): 8:15pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
I bow my head timidly. I had expected this proposal and now the awaited moment had come. What a pleasant day!I struggled to look at him eyeball to eyeball. “I understand and i just want to say that you are more than a friend to me. My answer is yes.” I said smiling. Daniel jumped as though he was hit by a thunderclap, he carried me up not minding the fact that we had attracted attention from others. That day opened the second phase in my life. The third phase in my life that actually led to my defeat is what i am going to narrate. That third phase led to my road to hell. Chapter two continues tommorrow.......... Find out how the yes answer led to her defeat . please, i still need to see your comment. Thank you as you read on. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by Petraman(m): 8:30pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
Let me book my space here, cos am sure this gonna hit FP |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by amicable212(f): 10:12pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
Petraman: Thank you. I know you will not be disappionted at the end of the story. |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by bibijay123(f): 10:47pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
Ride on girl! Loving it! Veekid hubby ve u seen this? Jay542 Girl360 Peachyp Mhiz Anugod Johnwizey 4 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by Girl360(f): 11:57pm On Oct 04, 2016 |
bibijay123:Aye let me follow it for now I'll definitely check it out later.... |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by Anugod(f): 4:09am On Oct 05, 2016 |
bibijay123:Thanks for calling me girl, coming right away! ![]() |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by veekid(m): 6:08am On Oct 05, 2016 |
bibijay123: Just seeing it now; I lld create time to read later in the day |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by stardomberry: 6:35am On Oct 05, 2016 |
d story looks interesting....i don' t want to get my hope to high....keeping my finger cross. |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by johnwizey: 7:19am On Oct 05, 2016 |
bibijay123:Thanks for the mention. OP we hope u wont be stingy with updates. Ride on miss |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by amicable212(f): 8:51am On Oct 05, 2016 |
Am back again. Chapter two starts immediately. Relax and read on as the story unfold. Chapter Two The word “Yes” can result to different things. When I received the text message on my phone from Daniel, I hurriedly called him to hear him say the words. My face glowed in excitment as i put an end to the call. I changed into my short blue gown matching it with a black heel shoe and purse. My newly braided hair was shining as i parked it into a bond. Thelma house was a little bit far from mine. We both work in the same office and became friends on our interview scheduled date which was the first time we met. Thelma apartment was locked when i got in. I was told by the gateman that she had just escorted a friend- i guess her boyfriend. I reached out for her key as our intimacy had made us to share things together. It was no surprise that i knew where she kept her keys since we trust each other. Thelma apartment was far more better than mine. The lemon colour apartment was sparkling from the outside to the inside. The sitting room was well lit with a lemon colour curtain and an LCD television. I walked straight to the table top refrigerator, opened it and brought out a five alive juice. Thelma was lucky as her boyfriend could be describe as one in a million. He had bought her this house on her 28th birthday. That day was one of the happiest moment in her life. Her boyfriend, Jude works in Shell oil company and hardly has time for leisure. He comes to visit once in a while but yet their love was still growing stronger day by day. Thelma came back not too long and we talked about her boyfriend who she said had promised to take her to his hometown to visit his parents. Her face was filled with smiles as we believed that was one step ahead to getting a marriage proposal from her man. I quickly shared the joyous message i received from Daniel with her and we both argued on what i should wear for the outing. I tried talking her into wearing a simple gown while she insisted on giving me a classic look. Thelma had always been a fashionista and had been rewarded three times as the most well dressed staff. She always stands out in the crowd as her combination of colours were unique. At times i wonder why she did not study fashion designing instead of accounting. We finally concluded on what i would wear to the evening outing which Thelma termed “special night outing”. I stayed at her place till 4:00pm since we were gisting about office work and other unconcerned matters. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by frankcris(m): 9:00am On Oct 05, 2016 |
following... improve on ur spacing. |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by amicable212(f): 9:44am On Oct 05, 2016 |
* * * * I boarded a bus going to Fireservice around 6:00pm to meet Daniel. I deliberately took my time since i still didn't want to be too forward in terms of throwing myself at him. Daniel was already waiting for me in his car and he drove with me in the car straight to the Barcelos. The place was properly lit with bright lights and had a neat scenery. Daniel came down from the driver seat coming towards the right side of the car. He opened the door ushering me out of the car, I smiled on coming down from the car. My blue long gown properly brought out my figure 8 shape coupled with the fact that my heels perfectly enhanced my height. We both entered together arm in arm. The security man smiled welcomed us inside. That was my first time being there and i must say that the place was “WOW!” He took me to the private section where we occupied one round table. Daniel ordered for the menu while we sat down chatting and having good memories together. The waiter came with the food menu while we placed our order. I felt so special as though the evening outing would be different from others. We ate and talked looking intimately at each other. Suddenly, Daniel decided we go to the bar at the back of the eatery to get fresh air. I was surprised at the scenery which was decorated with candle lights and well cut flowers at the four edge. I knew something was wrong the moment i saw Thelma, her boyfriend and few of Daniel close friends. I was about uttering a word when Daniel took me in his arm moving forward to the guests. It was as though he knew i was confused and speechless. Thelma was busy flashing her 32 teeth looking fabulous on a Jean top and trouser. The look on her face showed she was part of the game which i knew nothing about. I gave her the i-will-kill-you stare for leaving me clueless. Their faces were unpredictale. Immediately, two waiters came in with a big pink and white cake. My nervousness increased as i closed my eyes wondering whose birthday party he brought me too. On opening my eyes, I saw Daniel on his knee with an open engagement ring case with a silver ring in it. I was dumbfounded by his next action- “Will you be the only woman in my life?” I felt as if i was about to collapse, i turned to look at Thelma who gave me the accept-the-ring stare. I inhaled, i was placed in a position to either say Yes and go into marriagehood or say no and remain single. I looked at Daniel, his expression showed he was already worried due to the delay. At 29, I realized that this kind of opportunity don't come often. Tears of joy rolled down my face and this made them confused. I was yet to say Yes but i was crying and this made everyone curious as to if the tears was that of joy or sorrow. Daniel got up and cleaned my tears with his finger. It was so romantic as i said my “Yes”. Our guests applauded in delight. The silver colour ring was placed in my finger. That day was delightful as we ate and danced in merriment. This third phase which opened a new dimension in my life changed everything entirely. 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by amicable212(f): 9:47am On Oct 05, 2016 |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by amicable212(f): 10:44am On Oct 05, 2016 |
Chapter Three The wedding day is not all that matters but what comes out of it. My wedding day was a unique one as i was showered with lot of love. Daniel had earlier on taken me to meet his family who were so friendly. They lived in a nice cozy duplex. Daniel dad, an old retired soldier was more friendly even though he had the type of face that can make one scared of coming close to him. Daniel mum was a beauty to behold. She is light skin and has an average height which blended well with her beauty. Mrs Flora, Daniel's mum has a big supermarket along Ogui road which she used in supporting the family. Daniel has two sisters and a brother. I was graced with a surprise welcome, we all talked about my family and theirs while they fixed a date to visit my family. It was as though we had known each other for years. I wont forget the superb hospitality i received from them. My family was happy when i broke the news of my engagement. My dad and brothers were beyond excited by the fact that Daniel is from a rich home. My mum was happy but not to my expectation as she felt i should have worked a little before getting married. To cut things short, the both families met and a bond of friendship was created. My mother and Mrs Flora became close confidant as she made it a priority to visit us often. Well, I do know this is how things should go, from family meetings to wedding arrangement, so let me not bore you with that and go straight to the D-day. Our wedding venue was fixed at St. Brigid catholic church, Enugu together with the reception party. Thelma was my chief bride maid while Leonard, Daniel best friend was his best man. The dark skin priest blessed our union while we got to the kiss-your-bride stage. That was one of my most memorable day as Daniel interlocked his lower lip with mine ravishing it with his sweet sexy tongue as though my lips were not about to be his. The invited guests all roared in laughter clapping in delight. We all dispatched to the reception hall where everything went on as usual. By the end of everything, I was tired but at the same time happy to be married to the love of my life. Daniel saw his friends off and after that, we drove to our apartment to spend our wedding night alone. My wedding night was filled with sweet memories. A night without worries or shame but a delightful night of love. We laid on the four size bed cuddled in each other arm and whispering sweet words about our undying love. The moon shone it brightness on us through the transparent blue curtain. We both slept in each others arms. Now a wife, what could i ever wished for at 29. Most of my mates were probably single but here i was in my own matrimonial home. My marriage was going smoothly but a certain day changed everything. A day that has kept me in reminder of saying the “Yes” word that led to my defeat. My advice for you is to tread well for you never know who is watching you. 5 Likes 4 Shares |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by amicable212(f): 10:49am On Oct 05, 2016 |
Chapter four and five will come up later. Please i need your criticism and comments. |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by Nobody: 11:22am On Oct 05, 2016 |
Interesting story, somebody commented on the spacing and paragraphing and i think you should take note of that. Thats what i think sha |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by PeachyP(f): 12:35pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
bibijay123:Thanks for the call ![]() Op, the story is interesting though I think the chapters are too short. |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by Nobody: 1:42pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
I know it's a short story, but it seems rushed. And you should mind your tenses, I saw lots of errors. But the story line seems cool ![]() ![]() |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by amicable212(f): 2:09pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
Chapter Five The devil at times could be around you. The day that made everything awkard started as a wonderful one at first. I had gone to the hospital to receive my pregnancy test result from the lab. I started nauseating two months after our wedding and the hospital was the perfect route to know what's wrong with me. I smiled on hearing the news from the lab attendant that i was pregnant. It was actually a joyous news getting pregnant two months after our wedding. I was daydreaming inside the car about our lives as parents, how the baby will look like and the other things that will take place. Daniel had been promoted in his place of work and his salary increased. He had been a loving husband observing his husband duties. His friend Leonard who got married to his wife Mary two weeks after our wedding lived next door to our house. This made me and Mary close friends as we began to relate with each other. I called Daniel while in the car but his phone was switched off. I decided to go to his office since i could not wait to disclose the good news. Chantel motel was filled with motorists as usual lodging into various rooms for their comfort. I walked straight to the administration block where Daniel was given and office. Luckily for me, i saw Cynthia, Daniel's secretary coming out from the admin block with files in her hands. Cynthia on seeing me smiled as she had become familiar with my face and the fact that i am Daniel wife. “Mrs Gabriella. How are you?” She said. “I am fine. I hope everything is going well?” “Yes ma” She said giving me a nod of approval. “Please, is Daniel in?” I said “No ma. He left not quite long and i can't say for sure his destination.” “Okay. Thank you” I said disappionted. * * * * When I got home, i was told by the gateman that Daniel came back home earlier. I climbed the stairs to meet him, my face beamed with smiles until i got to our matrimonial bedroom. The room which was properly arranged by me that morning had been turned upside down by God knows who. My box for clothes was open with the content poured out, the clothes in the shelf were thrown to the floor littering everywhere. The worst of it all was not having any idea about the person behind this. I was scared at first that someone broke in, i turned to go downstairs in search of the gateman when i heard the sound of a broken object. I became scared the more as i picked up the mop beside me for defence. My aldrenaline level had gone high within few minutes, notwithstanding, i held the mop with my feeble hands the thief. I was thrown of balance when i heard another noise from the study room. The mop stick fell out of my hands in shock while i ran to save my life. 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by Anugod(f): 2:13pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
Lol, OP, you keep talking about the day that changed everything. Makes me curious to see the next episode and know what happened, but it ends up going smoothly. Chai, this op sef Anyways, like Mhiz said, it seems to be a cool storyline, but seems somehow rushed. Maybe if you could settle down to work on your descriptive and narrative skills, you would make a masterpiece. Anyways what do I know? I'm not a writer like Bibijay123 and Skarlett, but I know you can do better dear. Kudos ![]() ![]() Modified: Oops, a new update just came in. First to comment ![]() ![]() Lemme goan readit ![]() 4 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by bibijay123(f): 2:18pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
mhiz: ![]() 1 Like |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by Anugod(f): 2:21pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
![]() ![]() ![]() OP what happened? Who broke in? ![]() Hope Mr Daniel is not sick upstairs? Bikonu comman kill this suspense jor |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by Nobody: 2:39pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
I'll take this portion of land. Mind your tense liefie. Nice one hey 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by Jay542(m): 2:43pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
A very cool story Op. Just adhere to the observations of your readers. I hope say Oga Daniel no be psycho sha. |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by amicable212(f): 4:37pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
Please i will complete chapter four later. My battery is low. Thanks for understanding. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by jacy67(f): 4:38pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
You have to make the scenery alive to the imagination of your readers. For instance, you said Thelma's apartment was better than that of Gabriella but you ''showed'' us nothing about what the later's apartment looks like. And just as the others already pointed out, don't be in a hurry to write the next update. Things that directly or indirectly contributed to the regret should also be known, so that the story won't be like that of Nollywood. All the same, nice story line, but you can do better. |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by amicable212(f): 4:39pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
mhiz: I will take correction though am having problem with my keypad. Forgive me for any error so far. 2 Likes |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by amicable212(f): 4:41pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
jacy67: Noted 1 Like |
Re: A Heart Full Of Thorns (a Short Story) by amicable212(f): 7:28pm On Oct 05, 2016 |
Ahmed the gateman was sitting down outside listening to songs from the radio he was holding. I called his name Immediately gasping for breath. Ahmed was dumbfounded when i told him that someone must have entered the house in his abscence but he debunked it saying nobody came in except Daniel. To prove his point, he took a cutlass beside him. We climbed the stairs silently and I held his shirt praying that nothing goes wrong. I was surprise at what I saw. Daniel with his back facing us was busy ransacking the study room for God knows what. He turned around when i sighed and then continued with what he was doing. He pretended as though we were not there. I walked into the study room upset, the books were scattered while the study table drawers were all open. Daniel who was still busy ransacking turned slowly when i touched his shoulder. I asked him what he was after but he kept quiet. “Daniel, what is going on?” I asked the second time confused. “Can you just shut your mouth up?Let me think alone for once.” Daniel said giving me a stern look. I walked into our room worried. It was as though something bad happened in his place of work since Daniel had never behaved that way before. I arranged the room putting everything in order. I was stressed out by the time i was through with the arrangement. That day had not gone as I expected. I took my bath and then prepared lunch. I came down only to see Daniel on the couch with his face up and his expression blank. I stared at him for a while trying to figure out the best way to approach him. My heart beat was rising more than it usual pace as I could feel it. I walked up to him and sat down on the stool close to him. I was surprise by the kind of look i received from him. It was filled with hatred and murder;I decided to play the concerned wife role. “Baby,” I said soothingly trying to play cool. “Please, what went wrong today?You are not yourself.” “Just leave me alone, there is nothing wrong with me.” I knelt down with tears about to drop from my eyes. “Sweetie, please just tell me what`s wrong.” I said holding his right arm. “You bitch, take your hand away from me.” He said in anger. I was shocked by such name calling. Why will Daniel suddenly call me just because he was upset? “Daniel I won`t take this from you. You don`t have to insult everyone that cross your path because you are upset. You are not mad so don't behave like one.” “What!What did you just call me now?A mad man?” Daniel said coming closer to me. “That`s not what I mean. I did not call you a mad man. What I am mean is for you to ...........” Daniel slapped me so hard before I could finish my statement. “Are you insane Gabriella?So you have grown wings right?” He asked. “Daniel no!Am sorry.” I cried knowing that this is serious. Daniel brought me up calling me all sort of names. I was shocked by the outcome as I was sure that the man holding my arm was a monster and not my husband. Ahmed came into the house to check on us. “Ahmed!What`s your business here?” Daniel asked. “Oga. I dey hear noise outside, so I say make I come check if everything dey well.” Ahmed said in pidgin English. “Everything is okay. You can go.” Daniel said. I shouted Ahmed`s name as he was about to go begging him to help me. As I got up to run out, Daniel drew me back forcefully making my whole body hit the glass table. My head hit the head of the table so hard that I passed out of breath. All I could remember at that moment was Ahmed screaming with his hands on his head. 3 Likes 3 Shares |
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