Hmmm.... girls will never kill me with their tricky ways...

I could remeber the big time Bleep up a girl fix me in, at the previous Valentine as of february14  this year. Chai..! there is God.

all the blood you girls are sharing!... there is God o! (Nothing de happen, patient jonathan, you cannot catch me)

Ok nah... moving forward. A day before valentine, i got a call from my babe. The conversation was based on the valentine day, asking me to take her out to have fun....

oboi..! me wey no get bar... how i go take run this package now... and this babe nah my new signing... dis babe set die...eyan mercy johnson...

i need to impress the babe nah... make fuckup no com de o. And no one to borrow me money.

So i decide to hustle for the money... chai...! i mumu die... i went straight to a site where i can hustle for daily payment like carrying of blocks, fetching of water, mixing of cement and so on... because of babe o....

Omo see hustle... i hustle like wizkid Ojuelegba... i carried kponkon of cement on my head (only yoruba guyz will know kponkpon means pan).

Mix cement, transfer blocks and at the end of the day, i was paid 1500naira... upon all my wahala, wait sef... this babe nyash nah Gold? wey be say i won kill my sef untop her matter...but shaa... i need am.

I went straight to mama labake's canteen with my dirty cement body, bought ewa 50naira and bread 50naira with 10naira sachet water...(abeg wetin be sachet water, pure water, ibile lawon eleyi).

See how people were starring at me... for their mind, they go de say, how this pig take escape from zoo.

While eating mama labake's ewa ati buredi (yoruba niggaz know i mean beans and bread), my phone rang and it was the babe.

She said i should send her airtime that she want to call her Uncle... uncle keh! Abi ori're' buru (abi she wants to be unfortunate) how much remain for my hand. Shaa...

i need to send it not to fall my hands... i bought etisalat 200naira and sent to her... i for buy 100naira own abi, but e too de poor nah... make the babe no con de reason me local.

After all the expenses, money at hand was 1090naira... omo..! Wetin this money go buy 2moro now... God dey....

i went straight home, took my bath and lye down on my mat...(make wuna no reason am o... i don buy bed now, new one no be tokunbo. Concord for dat matta).

Something surprised me throughout that night, this girl didn't call to thank me for the airtime... wait o.. abi she de mad.

So i picked my phone and call her... she picked and rushly said "plz call me back, i am with my uncle" in low tone that sound like moan... mogbe..! abi there is a mechanic working on her engine?... so nah my airtime this babe take call this bastard... chai..!  God dey... (sad)

I couldn't sleep that night, i was just wondering how that bastard will be running her package... how he is taking my position illegally. chai..! that place go don de hot like bakery... chai..! my hard earn girlfriend... God dey...(cry)

Finally i slept off on my mat with my hands inside my boxers rubbing my kporon (this is the last time i will tell you kporon means anaconda)...

dreaming on how i was with the babe in a tight lungu and kolobiing her.... omo see smooching for dream... i even cum for my boxers... if nah you nko, you no go cum... i need to cum because this babe too hot... i know your kporon have started rising, the guyz....

oya start singing frank edward song mama eh! in your mind and it will settle down... trust me, that is the trick to make it settle down....

It was morning already and i woked up very late... removed my hands from my boxers and found dry akamu on my body...

so i really had sex in my nightmare with this babe... babe wey i never kiss before, wey i never shake hands with, even hug sef.... but she sweet for dream shaa...definitely she go sweet for real life... **winks**

So i stood up, went straight into my bathroom, took my toothbrush and paste and did the right thing....i know say some of wuna no de brush in the morning...especially you wey de read this post now... no mind me, nah joke o, i just de hustle to pay school fees...

I washed up the dry akamu, put on my shirt and headed for Auwalu's house... my only baddest guy ever liveth... the only guy wey dey give me the lstest code to unlock some kind babes.

When i got to auwalu's house, i entered into his room and was welcomed by a brutal smell...

he was pooing in his toilet...  huuuh! Kai!... nah auwalu shit de smell reach like this.. only God knows what this nigga ate the previous night...

I waited outside before the smell will make me suffocate.... it is better to die by boko haram than to die by auwalu's atomic bomb...

After waiting for about 20minutes... auwalu still didn't come out of the toilet o... abi auwalu de born inside toilet? i asked myself as i continue waiting anxiously...

Finally auwalu is out of the toilet, sweating as if there was a girl with him in the toilet... wuna go say ola i don spoil abi...

Howfar nah guy! u de born inside toilet.... i don de wait here since for about 40minutes... (even if i didn't wait up to that time...i need to exaggerate). I asked.

Baba i just de purge since yesterday o... i no even fit sleep, i don run toilet like 10times... he replied.

Before i say anything, he hurriedly ran into the toilet to drop another album...
eeyaa... truely, this guy is purging brutally... make this guy no com die today wey be valentine... chai..! Him babe go cry tire today, who go carry her comot go flex...

I have to leave before him will transfer the diarrhea to me... i no won use my small money wey i won use flex my babe buy drugs...

To cut the long story short, i later met him during the day, borrowed some baffups (oya lie say u never borrow baffup before) from him and 1k, in order to add to the my money so as so flex the babe well to her satisfaction.... for my mind shaa... imagine, i won use 2k flex babe...

At exactly 3pm, i move straight to a cheap and affordable Mr biggs nearby... ordered one bottle of Coke... so as to save some money for the babe to flex with....

I called her on phone to meet me there... omo see fine boy... if you see me, you go think say i be wizkid... auwalu baffup fit me die... i know some of you will say "borrow borrow make poor man rich"... dah wan dey...

I continue sipping my bottle of Coke gently so that it can last till she comes... dah kind tin nah...

Finally she walked in.... Jisas!!!! Mogbe!!! Gbese re o!!!.... (my hands on my head)

Ask me what happened..... chai...! this babe wicked o.....

Do you know what really happened?..... bibankeeeeh! bomi bansho... fimisile! (soundtrack by asa)

This girl is so heartless, she will never make heaven... chai...! if i start to talk (tiwasavage)

moku! mogbe! modaran!... Could you believe that this babe came with four of her friends... Fat fat once... awon alajewuru (gluttons)... click this link to continue reading this post... abeg no vex www.247humor..co.ke/2016/10/valentine-day-Bleep-up.html?m=1