Naija sef , People too dae blame my President Buhari "he's fool", " common naija ,e no fit rule" E no go win for 2019 " bla bla bla (I'm not saying he go win oo). But people wit small power like vigilantee dae go gaga wit dem own little power,,,,even lalasticlala dae do d same

Saturday Evening, my big aunty sent me for an errand say make I rush for market (Nkwo Enugwu-ukwu) bring something for her, she tell me say "nnaa ,Abeg go to mama chisom shop,I giv am money make she buy yam for US for Otuocha

I frowned my face small cos I was busy den wit my ps2 where Barca dae rape me . She come closer come romance my head small ,,,and said I go put eke okuko(Gizzard) for u ,,,d tin com make me smile small tho I still no dae happy ,,,wetin man go do,,afterall na my lovely and caring sis dae beg me.
So I rush go draw water for tank wit cup come use am wash my neymar-like hair wey I dae use do guy,,,after combing my hair ,,,,,I come beg my friend to escort me go there ,,,is like 6.53 pm.

Small

On our way as we carry wheel barrow wey we go use carry those yams ,,, we decide make we folo ebe orji route(playing ground) ,,,so as we dae go ,,,we found out DAT crowd park for the playing group ,,,I be like wetin dis people dae do here for dis nite,,,,,na so I kuku carry my barrow for head since dem block d part way and I no get strength to beg anybody.
Na so we reach nkwo, as expected, many marketers don go,,,,is like 7.10 ,,,,Dem don use rope tie around d market place and garage ,,,,young ladies that re selling akpu (fufu) banana and groundnut dae by d roadside of d market,,,so I drop d wheel barrow wey I carry for head rush for mama chisom shop(inside),,,she don go,,,,I was like "which kind woman b this,,,?? She come call my aunty make I come carry yam and she no get patience make I come b4 going,,,,,I put hand for pocket ,,bring out my phone to call my aunty to tell her what's up.
As I was about to call her ,,,mama Ngozi shouted bia!! Nwa aa,si ebe ahu puo,,ha ga- ejide kwa gi

Hearing dat statement,, I was surprised and confused ,,,, as I wan come outside ,,,na so a heavy flash light hit me for face jaaa!!!! and a sound Hey!!! Stop there, come here!!!

I don need a prophet to tell me I don commit but I Neva knw wetin b my sin ,,,,I slowly lower my phone wey I put for ear,,,,I walked up to the voice ,,,,na one vigilant man in early 30s, I be like mteeeew,,,,y u dae flash me But my Bp come rise when d man asked me with heavy voice Wetin u dae do here? As I wan explain ,,,he said gimme ur phone ,,,, I said "but bros wetin I do naa?? He said You dae ask me abi ?? Oya Jumb like nwa awo

Na then I knw say e don comot for joke,,,my legs begin dae shake ,,,,I look right,, I no see my friend wey follo me come,,,,,I look left,,,alas!!!! Padi dae wit one gal wey dae sell banana (toasting tins)

I no no wetin to do,,,,since I be good runner,,,,one tin come my mind,, but Egbon still hold my fone.
I many tins started coming into my brain on how I go handle d mater,,,,i come remember somtin wey i read sometime ago for dis nairaland(don't always beg a police man) Omo I summon liver ,,,as d guy said,,,Re u deaf? I said do frog jump,,,I started arguing wit him y should I ,,,as we re arguing, ,,,two of his colleagues come to knw wetin dae go sup,,,,my stupid friend still dae for banana joint,,,I still stand DAT I won't do frog jumb no matter wetin come happen,,,,

After like 10 minutes of Argument,,, d v.man come tell me DAT I dae pretend as I no knw d offence wey I commit,,,I tell him say,,,Oga I no knw ooo,,,he said there is a rule DAT forbids entering d market after 6.45 ,,,I tell am say I Neva hear am b4 oo( tho na den I com remember I av heard somtin like DAT & d fine is #5000 but on dis point,,,,no truth is need)....I still deny am,,

D guy said ,,,u say wat?? U Neva hear am?? Iffa blow dis ur mouth wey u dae take like u go call me bad person,,still I no knw still b my response .(rem. "Ignorance of d law no b xcuse ),,,d guy asked me how many years u don dae dis town?? ,,I tell am 3 and half years,,,

After much more,,,,he said "ka m gbaara gi Christmas, Easter,salah,new year,and everything
Next time,,,if u go against d rule of dis market,,,,u must dance any music wey I put for u and I be like, there will b no next time

He gave me back my phone ,,,,,and shake him hand ,,,,,as I dae leave him,,,my phone rang,,,na my sis,, ejike where u dae naa,,,,mama chisom said she dae wait for u @ d market bust stop ...I no even reply anytin,,,I cut d phone ,,, as head towards bus stop ,,, my stewpid friend come rush me,,,guy afar naa,,,where d yam ,,,bring am naa lets go , , I no knw wetin to tell him,,,,,I head straight to d said bus stop collect d bag of yam,,,put am for wheel barrow ,,,and start going home straight!!