Hi there,

I am just looking for some help really.
eight months ago I started talking to this Nigerian guy and at first it was just a friendship thing but then he started telling me all about how he had an arranged marriage and he was miserable. He has told a ridiculous amount of lies throughout this eight months and a few days ago he finally came clean about saving money to bring his wife over to England and that he does loves me but we can't be together?

But he said he still wants me in his life. Obviously my first thought is that he just wants someone to mess around with while he's waiting for his wife to come over here. This guy has lied to me every step of the way and me being stupid, I still fall for everything he says every time I see him.

Apparently when he went home to Nigeria recently he told his wife he had cheated on her and when he came back to England he told me he has to pay a fine now? Is this even true? I've never heard of something like that before.

Any help with this would be greatly appreciated. I just need some closure with all of this and I want to find out what is actually truth!

sss

This is a confusing case. I'd say that man does not know what he wants. You on the other hand, have a piece of something you're very much attracted to in that young man, otherwise the least and most important thing you would've done is to flee.

Kilonis:
This is a confusing case. I'd say that man does not know what he wants. You on the other hand, have a piece of something you're very much attracted to in that young man, otherwise the least and most important thing you would've done is to flee.

I am so confused, I can't seem to just walk away. I wish I could because my life would be a lot easier but I guess with all the promises he made I still can't get out of that mindset.

Also I really do want to know if you can actually get fined for adultery over there!

nicerichard05:
sss

?

Szerelem2290:


I am so confused, I can't seem to just walk away. I wish I could because my life would be a lot easier but I guess with all the promises he made I still can't get out of that mindset.

Also I really do want to know if you can actually get fined for adultery over there!

If there's a way to visit a psychologist, have talk sessions and know how to get over this guy, please do it. The way I look at it, he's not the best for you. I'm sorry for passing this judgement, but in my honest opinion, I think if you want to live the life you want, this guy is surplus to requirement or isn't even required. You should make a decision.

If he can cheat on his wife with you, chances are, he will do the same to you.


I don't think the Nigerian constitution says much about adultery, I don't know, but some tribes in Nigeria have those laws.

Ask yourself .....what you really want from this relationship....?

Like you said, he has been lying and he won't stop lying to you.

The "fine" story is lie!

Kilonis:
If there's a way to visit a psychologist, have talk sessions and know how to get over this guy, please do it. The way I look at it, he's not the best for you. I'm sorry for passing this judgement, but in my honest opinion, I think if you want to live the life you want, this guy is surplus to requirement or isn't even required. You should make a decision.

If he can cheat on his wife with you, chances are, he will do the same to you.


I don't think the Nigerian constitution says much about adultery, I don't know, but some tribes in Nigeria have those laws.

So some tribes will actually fine a person for this. I really just wanted to know if he was lying or not with that.


I do want to speak to other members of his family without causing a fuss because he told he me was leaving her and that he wanted to be with me, etc. Every person who I have told about this is just as confused as I am, the only thing they are sure of is that I should stay away from him but I guess it's stupidity that won't let me move on I guess.

I wasn't looking for a relationship or anything along those lines, I told him to stop speaking like that and stay with his wife in the beginning. I didn't mean for all of this to happen.

There is nothing worse than a confused man.When a man doesn't know what he wants he falls for every thing.
I will advice you to please leave this man,because his only using you and I know deep in your heart you know this but youir are just so inlove with him you over look all his lies.
Please please and please do not let this man waste your time let him go fast, you will definitly get someone else.
And seriously I just keep thinking how on earth would you even continue this relationship with him when you know his married to another?

Szerelem2290:


I am so confused, I can't seem to just walk away. I wish I could because my life would be a lot easier but I guess with all the promises he made I still can't get out of that mindset.

Also I really do want to know if you can actually get fined for adultery over there!

D man is married and he's only playing with ur emotions just leave him and move on

hmm

Szerelem2290:

Hi there,

I am just looking for some help really.
eight months ago I started talking to this Nigerian guy and at first it was just a friendship thing but then he started telling me all about how he had an arranged marriage and he was miserable. He has told a ridiculous amount of lies throughout this eight months and a few days ago he finally came clean about saving money to bring his wife over to England and that he does loves me but we can't be together?

But he said he still wants me in his life. Obviously my first thought is that he just wants someone to mess around with while he's waiting for his wife to come over here. This guy has lied to me every step of the way and me being stupid, I still fall for everything he says every time I see him.

Apparently when he went home to Nigeria recently he told his wife he had cheated on her and when he came back to England he told me he has to pay a fine now? Is this even true? I've never heard of something like that before.

Any help with this would be greatly appreciated. I just need some closure with all of this and I want to find out what is actually truth!

THE ONLY TRUTH HERE, IS FORE YOU TO LET GO OF HIM.
YOUR HAPPINESS IS ALL THAT MATTERS AND IS OBVIOUS HE CAN'T GIVE YOU THAT IN FUTURE.

He is fooling and using u,and deep down u know this
Pay a fine for cheating, in Nigeria.?... Hahahah, now he wants to dupe u before dumping u

grad2012:
There is nothing worse than a confused man.When a man doesn't know what he wants he falls for every thing.
I will advice you to please leave this man,because his only using you and I know deep in your heart you know this but youir are just so inlove with him you over look all his lies.
Please please and please do not let this man waste your time let him go fast, you will definitly get someone else.
And seriously I just keep thinking how on earth would you even continue this relationship with him when you know his married to another?

He has been telling a lot of people lies at work thay this was an arranged marriage and he was forced into it. He explained thag to me and he said he was divorcing her. He said he barely speaks to her, and that he only saw her when he travelled home which was once a year and he barely saw her then. I believed everything he said. He kept saying that I'm the one he really wants and he wishes he could get a divorce but he can't.

I have overlooked his lies and we sat down and spoke and he admitted what he had lied about. I forgave him because I am not a person who holds anger in my heart but I won't forget what he's done.

Now he's calling me and messaging me more... making more of an effort with me because he wants me to stay in his life. I assume it is until his wife comes over to this country.

When he told me about his wife I told him to stay with her and that I wasn't interested. I guess after months of him chasing me I finally gave in.

With me I don't tend to fall for people so easily and it's hard to just move on. Especially when he lives in the same small town as I do and he works in the same place I do.

yatch360:
He is fooling and using u,and deep down u know this
Pay a fine for cheating, in Nigeria.?... Hahahah, now he wants to dupe u before dumping u

Thank you, I knew he was lying about thay! I never heard of being fined in any country for that!!

Szerelem2290:

Hi there,
I am just looking for some help really.
eight months ago I started talking to this Nigerian guy and at first it was just a friendship thing but then he started telling me all about how he had an arranged marriage and he was miserable. He has told a ridiculous amount of lies throughout this eight months and a few days ago he finally came clean about saving money to bring his wife over to England and that he does loves me but we can't be together?
But he said he still wants me in his life. Obviously my first thought is that he just wants someone to mess around with while he's waiting for his wife to come over here. This guy has lied to me every step of the way and me being stupid, I still fall for everything he says every time I see him.
Apparently when he went home to Nigeria recently he told his wife he had cheated on her and when he came back to England he told me he has to pay a fine now? Is this even true? I've never heard of something like that before.
Any help with this would be greatly appreciated. I just need some closure with all of this and I want to find out what is actually truth!

Hello Dear,

First and foremost, I apologize on behave of this guy for leading you on and deceiving you. I was once in your shoes. I "fell in love" with a married man once. We met in school, and became really good friends. At first, our relationship was harmless, we just talked about things, but as time went on we grew on each other. we started talking about relationship, mainly his marriage. he complained all the time about his wife, he would say things like " I really like how studious you are, my wife doesn't care about school" "My wife is uncivilized" "my wife is dirty" "she doesn't know how to care for the kid" "my wife doesn't have the heart of a mother" etc. He even told me that he plans on divorcing on her for me. But the funny thing is that every time i run into them, they are always happy. The children love their mom and they seem well cared for. Eventually I snapped out of it and realize that I'm the "side-chic" and will remain the side-chi.

Right now, I am happily engaged. I pray for forgiveness and I hope no woman ever tempers with my husband.

I really think you need counselling because something in you deep down feels that this is all you're worth. You seem to be enjoying this pain and suffering and you need to understand why.

There's nothing you could love about him because everything he said was a lie. You know that so why are you hurting yourself like this? He will say whatever he wants to keep you because you serve a purpose for him.

What does he do for you that benefits you?


Waiting for him to leave his wife? Is that really what you're worth?

If you can't do it on your own then get some emotional help from counselling. Leave this job and find another and learn the important lesson of "never shiiitin where you eat." Move from the town or go on holiday. Avoid this man like the plague for the sake of your sanity.

So I found this site a few days ago. And this post prompted me to join. Having gone through the same situation I just wonder is it common for Nigerian men in other countries to claim they were forced or arranged to marry by family?