I am a African American woman dating a Nigerian guy. Let me tell you a brief story. Since he has been in America he has dated many white girl. He has been married twice both to black women. One from Africa and the other from America, so he has his paper. He told me that he doesn't want to marry a woman from his country because they are not romance. It's hard for me to believe that, but I guess anything is possible. He keep mentioning if I could marry a man like him. He is also trying to mold me into whatever he likes. First, I don't understand why he doesn't want to marry someone from his own country and I am wondering why he is trying to mold me and why he keeps talking about marriage. Is that part of a game he is playing?

other than his being nigerian that excuses your posting this on this site,
i honestly cannot make head or tail of your issue
if you think he's got issues why don't u ask him?

A man that has been married twice. . .what does it say about him?

mi2009:

I am a African American woman dating a Nigerian guy. Let me tell you a brief story. Since he has been in America he has dated many white girl. He has been married twice both to black women. One from Africa and the other from America, so he has his paper. He told me that he doesn't want to marry a woman from his country because they are not romance. It's hard for me to believe that, but I guess anything is possible. He keep mentioning if I could marry a man like him. He is also trying to mold me into whatever he likes.  First, I don't understand why he doesn't want to marry someone from his own country and I am wondering why he is trying to mold me and why he keeps talking about marriage. Is that part of a game he is playing? 

There are two things that bother me. First, that he has been married twice already. Second, it sounds like he is trying to rush marriage. If I understand correctly, you don't know him very long? The thing about him trying to mold you does bother me too, but not as much as the other things. I would be cautious if I were you.

Most of his life was spent in Africa, but he's dated mostly white woman. He been married  to two black woman, and it seems like he is trying to mold me. I am trying to figure out what is his purpose. Of course, I could just ask him the question. Why is he trying to make me different than I am. But I am trying to see if that is part of his culture. To shape your women into house wives.

Also we have been dating for 8 months. And to bluespice, I might not know what part of Africa my family comes from, but I am still black. And it the blacks in America that fought for the rights of other black people to be able to achieve many great things. so that gives me the right to post.

mi2009:

Most of his life was spent in Africa, but he's dated mostly white woman. He been married  to two black woman, and it seems like he is trying to mold me. I am trying to figure out what is his purpose. Of course, I could just ask him the question. Why is he trying to make me different than I am. But I am trying to see if that is part of his culture. To shape your women into house wives.

His dating white women seems to be an issue in your mind. It might be relevant, but I don't know what to make of that. What do you know about the African American woman he married and how long did that last?

One was from his homeland. She left and want to England. When she didn't return, he divorced her. The other woman is from America. He recently divorced her. He said that they only marry so that he could get his papers. But I thought that he should have waited and found a woman that he loved and stayed married. I know that he like me. However, he has very traditional ways. Yet, I am not traditional and it seems like he is trying to mold me. I keep telling him that I am not the housewife type, but he keeps mentioning that when I get marry that there are certain things I must do for my husband. He always puts himself in the picture and I am wondering is that the Nigerian culture.

I only know minor details about his wives.

Not again! Not again!!

How do NLders have the power to dissect a personality and intentions of a person they don't know? You guys beat me to this game for real.

I mean, a man with a history of failed marriages is a no go area. You've been with him for 8 months you say, haven't you seen enough handwritings on the wall that will help you make up your mind on this man?
You don't sound like you want marriage or you don't want to be a house wife. Why don't you tell him that and leave the r/ship since that's all he wants- a house wife? Trust me, if he's traditional like you say he's just gonna remain that way. Them kinda people hardly change. So, the earlier you decide, the better.

Besides, he's free to marry from any country and not obliged to marry from his own country. He already told you that Nigerian women are not romantic. Well, that's his reason and doesn't mean bad of him anyway. People and their choices.

Radiant:

Not again! Not again!!

How do NLders have the power to dissect a personality and intentions of a person they don't know? You guys beat me to this game for real.

I mean, a man with a history of failed marriages is a no go area. You've been with him for 8 months you say, haven't you seen enough handwritings on the wall that will help you make up your mind on this man?
You don't sound like you want marriage or you don't want to be a house wife. Why don't you tell him that and leave the r/ship since that's all he wants- a house wife? Trust me, if he's traditional like you say he's just gonna remain that way. Them kinda people hardly change. So, the earlier you decide, the better.

Besides, he's free to marry from any country and not obliged to marry from his own country. He already told you that Nigerian women are not romantic. Well, that's his reason and doesn't mean bad of him anyway. People and their choices.

I think you should take Radiant's advice.

Radiant:

Not again! Not again!!

How do NLders have the power to dissect a personality and intentions of a person they don't know? You guys beat me to this game for real.

I mean, a man with a history of failed marriages is a no go area. You've been with him for 8 months you say, haven't you seen enough handwritings on the wall that will help you make up your mind on this man?
You don't sound like you want marriage or you don't want to be a house wife. Why don't you tell him that and leave the r/ship since that's all he wants- a house wife? Trust me, if he's traditional like you say he's just gonna remain that way. Them kinda people hardly change. So, the earlier you decide, the better.

Besides, he's free to marry from any country and not obliged to marry from his own country. He already told you that Nigerian women are not romantic. Well, that's his reason and doesn't mean bad of him anyway. People and their choices.

My sentiments exactly!!!my sentiments exactly!!!

Some people are just the cause of their own predicaments. . .watch in a few years after she's married this dude. . .she'll still be the same person who'll come running here talking about how bad he treats her!

Every relationship with a Nigerian will not turn out bad. If it does, it's just a learning experience. That can happen with any relationship from anyplace. I can read books. I can ask him questions, but it's better when you ask questions from people who are part of the culture.

mi2009:

Every relationship with a Nigerian will not turn out bad. If it does, it's just a learning experience. That can happen with any relationship from anyplace. I can read books. I can ask him questions, but it's better when you ask questions from people who are part of the culture.

It's not a Nigerian thing to have bad relationships. People have their different cultures and some hold firmly to their traditions that nobody can separate them from it. It's not a Nigerian thing. It's everywhere.

Or what exactly are you asking?

mi2009:

Every relationship with a Nigerian will not turn out bad. If it does, it's just a learning experience. That can happen with any relationship from anyplace. I can read books. I can ask him questions, but it's better when you ask questions from people who are part of the culture.

My dear you don't get do you? Its not about the man being a Nigerian, but the character of the man himself. . .

A man who's been married not once but twice? says a lot about him!

What happened to these marriages, why didn't they work out? You can't tell me its the two women. . .

Also the man tryna make you into what he wants. . . is another pointer. . .what of if you fail to be made into this person he wants you to be. . .what happens then?

Girl be wise in your choices. . .

I agreed Radiant. I was commenting on one of the comments made. Radiant, why are some so negative on this site?

mi2009:

I agreed Radiant. I was commenting on one of the comments made. Radiant, why are some so negative on this site?

Well, we've got all sorts of characters on board. Good, bad, positive, encouragers,haters    Don't take it to heart though. It could get worse than you're just seeing. Just relax 

I don't fault him for the first wife because she left him, according to him. But we all know that there is two side to a story. The second wife I think he should have not married her for papers. I think that was very wrong of him. Could he be a good man involved in two fail marriages, possible. Could he be a bad man using people for his own selfish pleasure, possible. Sometimes he can be very sweet and at other times there's a selfish side of him. I know that no relationship is perfect and being hurt is part of life. My thought is a sit back and observe him more. I am going to spend time away from until I see what he is really after, if he is even after something.

mi2009:

I don't fault him for the first wife because she left him, according to him. But we all know that there is two side to a story. The second wife I think he should have not married her for papers. I think that was very wrong of him. Could he be a good man involved in two fail marriages, possible. Could he be a bad man using people for his own selfish pleasure, possible. Sometimes he can be very sweet and at other times there's a selfish side of him. I know that no relationship is perfect and being hurt is part of life. My thought is a sit back and observe him more. I am going to spend time away from until I see what he is really after, if he is even after something.

We women often make excuses for men. I really don't know why it's so. We see a spade but we can't call it a spade. Dear, our gut instincts are never to be ignored. If it doesn't feel right it almost always don't turn out right but we hardly harken to our inner voice.

I guess your plan is good enough. Just make sure you make the right decision at the end of the day.

^^^Please she is not making excuse for him. She simply mentioned the reasons the guy gave.


@ mi2009

Even though I don’t like divorce. I also don’t believe the guy is that terrible. (I know many worse men). I can understand and appreciate the reasons he gave for the divorces. All I will say is, if you love him marry him.

yes Nigerian men indeed African men are very traditional especially when it comes to issue of marriage. In as much as he is not enforcing these values on you, I think it is cool.

mi2009:

Could he be a good man involved in two fail marriages, possible. Could he be a bad man using people for his own selfish pleasure, possible. Sometimes he can be very sweet and at other times there's a selfish side of him. I know that no relationship is perfect and being hurt is part of life.

These to me are excuses. How would you describe the above?

OAM4J:


All I will say is, if you love him marry him.

In as much as he is not enforcing these values on you, I think it is cool.

It's not all about "if you love him marry him". She has a problem with him "enforcing" housewife values on her. Did you read her posts well?

Sometimes I do see a selfish side, but that selfish side surrounds every once in a while. However, I see a softest too. We rarely argue. He loves when I am romantic. We can talk about anything. When I say things, I know he is listening and if I tell him something. He does it. He includes god and family in most of his conversation. However, I take marriage very seriously. I understood why he married for the second time. In his mind, he thought he could have a better life in America, but was it right in the eyes of God. You see I don't know what the future holds. We might not be together next week. I just funny it interesting that he want me to become domestic. Sometimes I find him staring at me, like he is deep in thought. He has done that more than once. I have very experienced that.  I need to back off and sit on the side line and be a observer.

mi2009:

Sometimes I find him staring at me, like he is deep in thought. He has done that more than once.

I'm sure in his mind he's like what the heck is this woman doing! Doesn't she get the point!

@mi2009, you said you take marriage seriously. It's obvious he doesn't do the same. He sounds like he thinks marriage is a pair of socks you discard after wearing. I don't advise you to let him change you into what you're not in the name of "marriage". But you can consider it over time, very carefully.

mi2009:

I am a African American woman dating a Nigerian guy. Let me tell you a brief story. Since he has been in America he has dated many white girl. He has been married twice both to black women. One from Africa and the other from America, so he has his paper. He told me that he doesn't want to marry a woman from his country because they are not romance. It's hard for me to believe that, but I guess anything is possible. He keep mentioning if I could marry a man like him. He is also trying to mold me into whatever he likes.  First, I don't understand why he doesn't want to marry someone from his own country and I am wondering why he is trying to mold me and why he keeps talking about marriage. Is that part of a game he is playing? 

from your english, i can see why he chose u as his next victim; see u soon on the murray's show

To na2day. I should have read my text before sending. Unlike some, I know how to express myself. I am educated. However, if you can't say something positive than don't say anything at all. I am ignorant not stupid. If you are so educated, you should know the difference.  Next time, choose who to attack with your insults wisely. Otherwise, you have a nice day.

mi2009:

To na2day. I should have read my text before sending. Unlike some, I know how to express myself. I am educated. However, if you can't say something positive than don't say anything at all. I am ignorant not stupid. If you are so educated, you should know the difference.  Next time, choose who to attack with your insults wisely. Otherwise, you have a nice day.

from your post it's surely a thin line between ignorant(of your level) and stupidity. by the way, your education didn't seem to help u much in life and i don't have to be educated to know when sum1 is making a fool of him/herself

To Na2day CEASE COMMUNICATION

You know nothing about my life nor my educational background, so whatever point you are trying to establish is useless. Read the question and stick to the point!  If you don't understand my query, fine. Then ask me to elaborate, no problem.  However, discussing other issues is futile, so take your negativity and post your nugatory comments in another post. I have no tolerance to continue to argue with you over pointless assumptions. In addition, your negative view points are a waste of my time and because I am responding to your text, my energy, so our conversations is at an end. If you continue to post insulting comments, I will not respond. Furthermore, I will consider you to be an unstable person since you cannot follow my directions to CEASE FURTHER COMMUNICATION!

Enjoy your day.

.

mi2009:

To Na2day CEASE COMMUNICATION

You know nothing about my life nor my educational background, so whatever point you are trying to establish is useless. Read the question and stick to the point!  If you don't understand my query, fine. Then ask me to elaborate, no problem.  However, discussing other issues is futile, so take your negativity and post your nugatory comments in another post. I have no tolerance to continue to argue with you over pointless assumptions. In addition, your negative view points are a waste of my time and because I am responding to your text, my energy, so our conversations is at an end. If you continue to post insulting comments, I will not respond. Furthermore, I will consider you to be an unstable person since you cannot follow my directions to CEASE FURTHER COMMUNICATION!

Enjoy your day.

so how many dictionaries did u have to read to pull this one outta ya sorry azz?