In real life, it is very difficult to change any human being. Think how it often proves so difficult to change a young growing child, how much more an adult! It is very difficult to change a man in the relationship.

Many young ladies who had crush on a guy they have feelings for and were able to get to such guys’ front and win their heart often fails when it comes to winning the battle within the guy of which they knew nothing of before hand, and when it happens this way, the world of such ladies seems to go into accelerated confusion.


Now not willing to quit, they would say, “I’m going to change him, I’m going to make him become a different person altogether”. My pastor once said “you are neither God nor Holy Spirit.

It is only God who changes a man through the Holy Spirit, thinking you can change a man from how he use to be is an exercise in futility. So, how do you assume you can do it?”

Meanwhile it is so possible that a man will change. This use to happen in real time, a woman must not allow the man to know what is going on, you must not be a “change agent” but “the agent of change” there are differences in the two concepts in quote.

Change agent are task oriented and burdensome to those they want to change, they turn to all imaginable means to effect a change, sometimes to the detriment of the result they want to achieve.



HOW TO CHANGE HIM


Of course, a man will have two mothers in his life time.

One is the biological mother and then his wife, the mother by virtue of marriage.

Both will have a considerable effect upon the life of the man in question. He nevertheless have his ways most of the time, he has liberated himself from the first woman in his life at some point in time, and he eventually look to another on the course of romance.

If his experience has been tough with the first woman in life-his mother, he becomes a tough husband, trying to exert his pound of fresh on the second woman in his life unconsciously.

But if he has heartfelt relationship with his mother as a young man, chances are that he will hold his wife with great esteem.

But in spite of this, every woman would not be all lucky to fall in love with the man that will hold his wife with great esteem; some will be the bland man, the blunt man and the man who do not care when it’s clear you are burning inside with rage.

So how do you change him? The best answer is known to all. If you are in relationship with him, and you are really sure he loves you and you love him return, you might decide that it is best to give him what he wants.

There are great risks in life, not giving him might take his desire to contemplating other alternative that will accidentally ruin your best chance.

Sometimes you will hang on to your right decision believing that the erring partner will go somewhere then get his fingers burnt and then come rushing back to you in complete dejection and regrets over their action.

Sometimes most men won’t, that stereotype ‘Law of Karma consequences’ so to say only happens most often in films.

Do not fall for film tricks if he is the type that always want to prove his points, he may do the worst. We live in real life; we may turn out to be the one in pain over the unfortunate course of the relationship isn’t it? But the decision is yours to make anyway.

When this happen- and we boil at the end of a heartfelt relationship, and the erring partner refuses to come back, it only shows that we have lived a lie, we have invested great emotional capital only to become bankrupt suddenly.

A truly caring suitor should be able to tell us not what they love about us, but what they want us to change.

We may even require an honest, very honest appraisal from them from time, not because we are weak, really, but as avenue to send home in the most comfortable mood what we also want them to change about themselves too.

They will receive this with positive spirit and reflect without much rancor in their heart considering that we have not been biased, as we also owe them our promise of change.

Another way of changing his is just by being the change you want to see in him. If he is a quarrelsome man and you have the reason to quit the relationship, do not hesitate.

To quit will save you your right eye from future blow. But if you refuse to take a step on quitting, thinking that you will change him, and then prepare to endure more when you have a shower of blows.

He would not change from punching you because, your believe that you can change him has let loose a wild beast in him that makes him think you are stubborn, whereas every word he says that got you infuriated is so caustic you have to respond and receive the beating.

Men who beat their wives suddenly become remorseful after sometimes and tries to comfort them, and their next comfort ingredient is love making.

Some women therefore do not know how to draw the lines, if it is the beating, the consoling or the lovemaking that is the ecstasy.

They therefore live in perpetual conformity to this pain and relief till at last it now become a sort of déjà vu, seeing the past in the present. Instead of making a change they only warm up to any of the emotional outburst that might come their way.

HOW NOT TO CHANGE HIM

Never allow a man to pick wrong impression about you all in the name that you want to change him. Some women have the habit of calling a friend’s attention to the altitude of their husband that they do not like.

Such may backfire with time, as men often analyze in the closet of their mind different interpretations to whatever their female companion or woman says concerning them, and since they want to win all arguments, they also want their suspicion ( which you do not have any wind of ) to be the truth.

The best approach is still the best; let him be the one you first report his insensitivity to, before it gets out of the door.

Never compete with him in anything he derives pleasure in winning, so that you won’t inadvertently wound his ego.

You definitely have your own ego very intact somewhere else; as a result, do not engage him where he loves to appear in shinning amour.

He could forget everything, else; he may not easily or quickly forget this, and who knows where he would want to draw revenge or when? A woman that loves to nag his companion in relationship is only exposing her own weakness and insecurity.

She will soon disclose all her fears and provide the man the ample opportunity of taking full control of every fact of the relationship.

Never make picking on your man’s many mistakes a pastime.

If as a woman, you frequently spot your man’s mistake at every slight instance, that becomes a problem, the man will definitely start to think that living with you will be so tough that he has to be tough as well to cohabit with you, if he is also ready to keep reflecting on your weakness, you can easily guess what the experience will always be from time to time.


MISTAKE OF YOUR FRUSTRATION


It is a normal occurrence in love relationship to have a time of terrible gridlock. You feel completely fed up with the fellow and wish that both of you can just have a break.

This is the time that high emotion has reach their peak and it often happen because of so many wrongs that has been cover up in the course of the relationship, such time you will say what you know will just break up the relationship instantly, but a part of you however is yet to make clear-cut decision on the next line of action.

At this point in time, you wish an angel would just come from nowhere and drop the answer on your lap, the same story going on your relationship has even invaded your dream and afflicting your soul.

As said earlier, this is the stage you hated most in your relationship. But you have got here, just as said earlier, because of what you have done or cover up in the past.

More often than not, when we have encounter with people and ended up in affectionate relationship with them, we often do little to crosscheck certain emotional qualifications or expectations that are yet to be made known to us, time alone have the power to reveal this and when it does, certain things we never bargain foe will suddenly crop up in our heart, and all will become a pain upon our heart.

Like the case with derby, who was in relationship with kunle, a colleague with whom she first has a swing when she joined the company she now works with? Of course, kunle is a young accountant with smart outlook and promising career, he is the dream of any young woman of marriageable age.

As both young partners were progressing on life and career, the company, (being a multinational company) promoted Kunle and sends him out of the vicinity.

There was no way Derby could follow him to such place as the United Kingdom, so he decided to hold on the promise of when Kunle will return from his six month oversea training he went for.

Both lovebirds keep contacting one another for the first months, until it got to a time and Derby could no longer get across to Kunle’s phone.

Her frustration grew in the few weeks that followed to their maximal heights and when she cannot contain the silence any longer, she asks friends to advice her of what she must do.

The friends took her to their “prophetess” who claimed that Kunle, as she can see, is in another romance where he is now.

She claimed that Kunle left the country along with others who were shortlisted b the company and that Kunle had took advantage of the closeness he had with one of his colleagues to ask her out and the two are presently very fond of one another.

Derby was quick to claim she had been seeing the sign in her dreams these few weeks and that the prophetess only confirmed her fears.

Now what is the way forward? Of course, she is frustrated, she felt she has been betrayed by Kunle and she knew it that men are never trustworthy, left alone when they are absent, they can do and undo.

The young lady could not contain her annoyance, and she did not know when she gave in to the temptation of beeping her ex-boy friend who had been on her heels for sometimes.

he went to her ex’s place and intimacy grew between the two in no time.

Finally, Kunle who had been away for more than seven month reappear on Derby again.

He is now resuming at the head office and not the same branch where he had stayed in the past with derby. However, he came to pay Derby surprise visit the second weekend he arrived the country, but he was embarrassed when he met Derby and her ex-boy friend in a compromising position.

Derby was equally shocked to see Kunle out of the blue that day.

Kunle quickly excuse himself and get out of the place as fast as his legs could carry him.

He kept thinking, what on earth has come over Derby in such a short period of his absence? Derby was really shocked when she saw Kunle. He was the last person she hoped to see or have as visitor that weekend.

She became disconnected immediately and as she put her clothes together trying to run after kunle to the gate, the young man had zapped. Derby hated herself the very moment.

Her ex boyfriend who was also embarrassed by the same scenario dressed-up and leave at that same moment, the two men left the young woman to figure out her crisis.

Now Derby is on the part of losing both men. Remember the part that friends had played in Derby’s going back to her ex-boyfriend subtly. If you are a friend to Derby, what will you advice her to do in her present frustration?

Now to the question of the day, what advice do you have for Derby? What if what happens to derby happen to you, what will you do? Try to answer the question so that you can have a good idea of solving relationship problems.



HOW TO HANDLE YOUR FRUSTRATION


So many ladies are known to have messed-up their best chance at a right person for their lives though wrong handling of their frustration.

Derby in the story above is at a point of perfect confusion, but whatever she decides to do, right from the moment she come out of her relationship with both Kunle and her returnee ex-lover.

If she however refuse to address the problem, her heart will be as heavy as anything, and she would still be carrying her emotional wounds into another relationship or wherever she goes.

Derby would still want to confirm from kunle what the prophetess had told her as to his escapade back in the U.K, had things not went out of hand, more so, derby would start to nurse the idea of what Kunle would be thinking of her and anytime people talk about kunle wherever she is, fear would come upon her, and if she ever see Kunle , she would feel like her heart want to cut.

What a feeling. It is very important that before you also take decision on hearsay, exercise patent and make sure you ask your fiancée every detail of your suspicions to be on the saver side.

Taking decision rashly to suppress your disappointment in the other person is risky as it simply amount of judgment before the case is tried in the face of the law. It is better to be patience than to regret.

Frustration is always a difficult situation in relationship. If you have something against your fiancée that makes you want to quit the relationship, try and consider the view of that part of you that does not want to let go of the relationship to see if there is anything that can worth your stay with the man in question.

Of course, a man that value a woman would stick around long enough to beg and pet when he offends her, but a worthless man who do not deserve your love will just walk away when he had wrongly used you. It is better to determine if he is a user or that he is just an offender.

Quite often, offenders easily see their errors and beg to come back soon afterwards. But users are quick to step out with another future victim.

SOURCE: http://pediawap.com

its lengthy .....buh yeah trying to change a guy is wrong! u could make him worse... from experience tho