You’re tired of investing time and energy in the wrong men, only to end up frustrated, hurt, and empty-handed again and again. You’ve worked hard to finally find peace and a sense of happiness in your life. And there’s no way you’re going to let someone come into your life and mess it all up.

And yet … you don’t want to give up on LOVE.

You want to meet the RIGHT man — someone who makes you feel challenged, inspired and adored. But you’re scared.

 

Here are 9 things you can do to make sure it’s safe to open your heart when you’re dating:

1. DEFEND AND ADVOCATE FOR THEMSELVES: If something is bothering you, tell him. If he dismisses your feelings or gets defensive, that’s a red flag. Only date someone who’s able to assess his own behaviour and make changes when necessary. Date a man who owns up to his mistakes and who values your feelings (and do the same for him).

 

2. THEY DELAY SEX: Sex is awesome, and I’m all for it. But when you’re serious about finding “the one”, it’s a good idea to wait. Waiting until you’re in a relationship gives the two of you time to create emotional intimacy first, which is a smart strategy. If the man you’re dating is genuinely interested in you, he’ll wait until you’re ready. If he’s more concerned about sex and not you, then he doesn’t respect that boundary.

 



3. THEY MAKE SURE HE’S INTO THEM: If a man’s into you, he’ll make you a priority. He’ll ask to spend time with you consistently, and he’ll tell you what he likes about you. You won’t have to wonder how he feels or wait anxiously for his call. Bottom line — if he’s into you, you’ll know it. And if he’s not, go find someone who is.

 

4. THEY PAY ATTENTION TO HIS WORDS AND NOT ACTIONS: His actions show that he cares about you, more so than his words. Does he make time for you and stay connected when he’s not with you? Does he make promises and then follow through? A boyfriend who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind will someday be a husband who’s thoughtful, caring, generous, consistent, and kind.

 

5. THEY DON’T ACCEPT THE CRAP HE DOES: Think about the behaviours that hurt you in past relationships, and write them down. Was your ex passive-aggressive, negative, critical, non-communicative, or cold? If your current beau is repeating some of the same behaviours, ask him to stop. If he can’t (or won’t), move on. You deserve to be treated beautifully.

 

6. THEY DON’T GO FOR GUYS WITH A LOW SELF ESTEEM: If he doesn’t love and value himself, he probably can’t love and value you in a healthy way. Find someone with high self-esteem. This is so important.

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